Megan Kupowiski: You're very good, but you've still got a problem.
CSI Gil Grissom: What's that?
Megan: No hard evidence. No fingerprints, no hairs you can stick in a machine that spits out the kind of truth juries lap up like a saucer of warm milk.
Jim Brass: How do you know we're not saving the best for the last act?
Megan: Are you? Because if you've got it, bring it on. Just as I thought. Bubkes. So you figure, "what the hell? Give it a shit." You cook up this weak gruel of spindly circumstances and wild conjecture just to see if you can rattle banana 2.0's cage, just to see what she gives up, but she's way too cool and in the end reveals nothing. She simply smiles and says, "gentlemen, if you'll excuse me, I have a 13-episode commitment from cbs to attend to." It's called Megan's family. And with that, she and her lover-slash-executive producer turn and make their grand exit. We'll be watching you.
CSI Gil Grissom: What's that?
Megan: No hard evidence. No fingerprints, no hairs you can stick in a machine that spits out the kind of truth juries lap up like a saucer of warm milk.
Jim Brass: How do you know we're not saving the best for the last act?
Megan: Are you? Because if you've got it, bring it on. Just as I thought. Bubkes. So you figure, "what the hell? Give it a shit." You cook up this weak gruel of spindly circumstances and wild conjecture just to see if you can rattle banana 2.0's cage, just to see what she gives up, but she's way too cool and in the end reveals nothing. She simply smiles and says, "gentlemen, if you'll excuse me, I have a 13-episode commitment from cbs to attend to." It's called Megan's family. And with that, she and her lover-slash-executive producer turn and make their grand exit. We'll be watching you.
— CSI, "Two and a Half Deaths"
The brilliant investigators and lab technicians of CSI-verse have faced countless criminals. The following are the most audacious and the few that can go to toe to toe with them.
All spoilers are unmarked. You Have Been Warned!
CSI
- "The Finger": After killing his mistress, Roy Logan sets about the perfect way to cover up a murder. Logan begins a complicated plan and has himself intentionally captured by the police before manipulating Catherine Willows into helping him give one million dollars in ransom to his lawyer who will then give it him, fooling him all the while into thinking his mistress is still alive. An expert liar with the ability to make himself seem meek and scared, Logan is able to read the CSI team to discover how much they know and plants evidence to put them off, making them think his wife and lawyer are the true murderers. Skipping out of town after everything falls into place, Logan comes within a hair's breadth of winning and proves himself one of the smartest foes to ever face the CSIs.
- "Two and a Half Deaths": Megan Kupowski is a talented theatrical actress who decides to kill her abusive costar Annabelle by plotting the perfect murder. Secretly learning about her habit of consuming mouthwash, Megan sets about spiking it with blood thinners and gaining the thinners (medication needed for her dog). This weakens Annabelle to the point that any injury will kill her thorough bleeding, with Megan playing the caring and despondent friend of the victim to shore up support. Confronted by the CSI's Grissom and Brass about the medication, Megan keeps her cool and expertly reveals a confession while masking it as a hypothetical that confuses them, before calling their bluff that they have nothing and leaving to become the networks new star.
- "The Gone Dead Train": Eric Tobin and Dr. Susan Williams are the grieving husband and mother of Sandra Willaims, who lost her life to rabies due to a medical error by Dr. Jack Shaw. Plotting payback on Shaw, Eric and Susan infiltrate his tattoo business and secretly infect the vilest of his customers to kill them. They then plant evidence to implicate Shaw as being the one responsible and manipulate the team into going after him. To cover their tracks, Eric infects himself to throw them off while Susan gives the invetigators fake evidence which will lead to Shaw's conviction. Coming dangerously close to beating the CSI team, they both take their defeat calmly and confess it was to avenge their loved one.
- "Working Stiffs": Paulie Krill is a meek, shy office worker, who becomes highly devious after snapping from being pushed around. Krill is a genius who discovers a method to rob the hidden safe near his workplace using water with explosives to stop the explosion from permanently closing the safe. After killing his abusive conspirator Jason Deveraux, Krill plays Jason's mother so he can get her son's security codes for the safe and cleverly, through sleight of hand, sends those same codes to a coworker being interviewed by the CSIs to divert attention. Krill comes dangerously close to succeeding, and even in death simply grins at the CSIs and dies saying that "I knew... it would work" in regards to the safe opening.
- "Sqweegel": The titular "Sqweegel", also known as "Ian Moone", is an enigmatic and dangerously intelligent killer who targets local heroes with dark secrets. Stalking his victims for an extended period of time before attacking them but leaving them alive in order to confess, he makes sure not to leave any traceable evidence through use of a full body rubber suit that he bought using a fake name. Attacking Margot Wilton for hiding her murder of her crippled son, Sqweegel leaves clues for the investigating officers pointing towards her secret, before later killing the unfaithful Carrie Jones and escaping without being detected, leaving her daughter untouched. Attacking Margot once more, Sqweegel spares her when she admits her crime and escapes, leaving the body of a corrupt paramedic in an identical rubber suit to distract the heroes, making sure to leave hidden letters revealing her deed for the authorities to find.
- "Crime After Crime": Detective Stanley Richardson is a soft-spoken, beloved Las Vegas police officer who, when he discovers he's dying, decides to set up the killings of murderers who've escaped justice before he dies. Recruiting his friend Detective Sam Vega, Richardson uses him to track down and then kill brutal murderers who've escaped justice in the same way they killed their victims while making sure everything goes smoothly. Upon the CSI's finding him, Richardson calmly confesses his crimes and tricks them into finding his lockbox with a knife which was used by Vega to kill an informant. Richardson was aware that Vega was dirty and so has secretly set him up to be killed by the police. Richardson dies in complete peace with his mission to punish the guilty complete and stands as one of CSI's most successful and courteous villains.
- "The House": Hank Dempsey is a charming, likeable thief who breaks out of prison to be with the love of his life. A playful trickster, Hank fools and runs circles around the wardens of his prison, carefully escaping from a seemingly inescapable prison twice. Defusing an attempt by another prisoner to kill him, Hank stages his own injuries in order to gain a way to make his final escape from the prison and be with his love. Utterly charming and with a knack for ingenuity, Hank is later able to safely escape justice and continues his days as a happy contended man with his wife.
