A Star Wars Insider short story that is officially set in the Legends continuity, although It doesn't contradict the new canon in any noticeable way. Ohnaka and his pirates encounter a hilarious series of obstacles while trying to kidnap some Upper Class Twits.
Tropes:
- Don't Explain the Joke: Downplayed. Hondo makes a joke about showing the Upper-Class Twit tourists the inside of a pirate base. While he does have to explain that by this, he means they'll kidnap the tourists, this is only because some of his men are too stupid to get the simplest of jokes.
- Firing in the Air a Lot: Hondo's subordinate Dagu Flask has a habit of shooting holes in the ceiling while celebrating good news.
- In Vino Veritas: A drunken Hondo tells a Spoiled Brat passenger that he wants to kidnap her and hold her for ransom. Fortunately for him, she thinks he's just flirting.
- Janitor Impersonation Infiltration: Turk Falso and Peg Leg Piit are happy when Hondo announces that they'll be joining him undercover on the cruise ship...at least until he reveals that the two of them will be acting as sanitation workers while Hondo gets to be a first class passenger.
- Mock Millionaire: One of the passengers Hondo successfully kidnaps is lying about how wealthy he is and can only afford to give eight cases of alcohol as a ransom.
- Percussive Maintenance: When one of Hondo's devices won't turn on, he hits it several times in anger before being told that it didn't turn on because he was hitting the off switch and not the on button.
- "Shaggy Dog" Story: Hondo and his gang spend a lot of credits and go through a lot of humiliation as part of their scheme to kidnap several wealthy cruise ship passengers. They only people they kidnap (and grudgingly have to release for a Comically Small Bribe of some alcohol) are a Defiant Captive who won't beg to be released for money, a Mock Millionaire, and a Spoiled Brat whose fiancee refuses to pay for her release. Hondo shrugs it off, but Turk Falco is quite disgruntled about the whole affair.
- You Are in Command Now: While Hondo is undercover assessing kidnapping victims, Goru, The Brute, is in charge of the remaining pirates. He has to repeatedly contact Hondo to ask for pointers and needs a script (which he loses several pages of) to issue an ultimatum to the cruise ship captain.
