- Carl whining about going to Transylvania.
Van Helsing: The Order tells you to keep me alive (throws his stuff at Carl) for as long as possible.
Carl: (terrified) But I'm not a field man! Van Helsing? I don't wanna go to Transylvania!
- After Frankenstein's Monster was forced outside and into a horse carriage:
Van Helsing: I warn you; don't stare at him.
* he opens the door, Frankenstein's Monster nearly growls*
Carl: (terrified) I'm staring at him. (quickly turns 180) Is that a man?!
Van Helsing: Actually, it's seven men - parts of them, anyway.
Frankenstein's Monster: By exposing me, you have condemned me! ME AND ALL OF HUMANITY!!! (Gabriel and Anna simply close the door on him)
- One of the brief conversations between Velkan and Dracula:
- A good portion of the fight scene between Van Helsing and Mr. Hyde. Y'know, when it wasn't Nightmare Fuel.
- Dracula and Igor after the werewolf returns and Igor starts attacking it with an electrified prong:
Igor: Yes, master?
Dracula: Why do you torment that thing so?
Igor: It's What I Do.
- After breaking into the castle:
Van Helsing: You are taking us to Dracula.
Igor: No. I'm not.
(Van Helsing slams him against a wall, hard)
Igor: Yes. I am.
Igor: Please don't kill me!
- Before this, when the heroes see Igor passing by, you can hear him complaining about his master — "Igor do this, Igor do that!"
- Even better is the exchange immediately after Van Helsing grabs Igor.
Van Helsing: Why not?
- A drive-by hilarious quote—after Carl tests the nitroglycerin, you can hear one of the priests in the background indignantly shouting: "What in the name of Allah is wrong with you?!"
Carl: The air around here is THICK with envy...
- Van Helsing ending his Sherlock Scan of what Frankenstein's Monster looks like with this exchange:
Van Helsing: (rattling off the monster's features) ...he has a bad gimp in his right leg and... three copper teeth. (reaches for his gun)
Anna: (confused) How do you know he has copper teeth? (As Frankenstein's monster is coming up behind her)
Van Helsing: (quickly) Because he's standing right behind you; MOVE!
- From the gag reel:
Dracula: I give you... VAN HALEN!
- From the animated prologue; the amazing holy water super soaker.
- After Van Helsing has been bitten by a werewolf and Carl explains they have 48 hours to find a solution:
Van Helsing: Sounds like I have nothing to worry about.Carl: Oh my God, you should be terrified!
- When the werewolf is loose...
Carl: Why does it smell like wet dog in here?
- When a bride tries to swoop down and snatch Van Helsing, he jumps and she grabs a cow instead. Poor Daisy gets thrown through a nearby roof with a surprised "MOOOOOOO!"
- More hilariously, the cow is alive and well on the porch of the building it was thrown through and giving Carl a look that seems to say "What the fuck just happened?" once the fight itself is over.
- In the animated prequel, one of the fights between Van Helsing and Hyde ends with Van Helsing on an out-of-control train. He gets it to stop just as it arrives at a station where Carl is waiting.
Carl: Van Helsing? How'd you get here?Van Helsing: I put on the brakes.