History Funny / TheXFiles

-->'''Scully: ''(exasperated)'' Mulder!\\

--->'''Fletcher:''' If you boys only new how many of your stories I dreamed up while sitting on the pot.

** "You two look [[IncrediblyLamePun pooped]]." The local law enforcement guy is not very subtle in his jokes.

-->'''Scully:''' Mulder, [[IncrediblyLamePun if you want to connect the dots here]], you should look at the facts.

** [[spoiler:The Cigarette-Smoking Man]] [[WhipItGood randomly whipping Mulder]] aboard a boat filled with hooded men singing Tom Waits' "Misery is the River of the World".

** Wrestling/JesseVentura and [[spoiler:Alex Trebek]] as [[TheMenInBlack Men in Black]].

*** The look on Mulder's face when he reads out the name seals it.

** The goofy UFO conspiracy theorist giving a somber, existentialist speech about what the future holds, concluding with a casual, offhand warning about "the lava men".

** Scully's line: "Mulder, the internet is not good for you."

* The entirety of "X-Cops". All of it.

-->'''Frohike: ''(to Langly)'' Me and the narc '''(Byers)''' have a proposition for you.\\

'''Frohike: ''(grudgingly)'' Your kung fu is the best.

[[folder: Season One]]

* "Shadows"

* In "E.B.E.," the scene in which Scully is introduced to The Lone Gunmen--Langly and Byers being paranoid, Frohike hitting on Scully. And the next scene:

'''Mulder:''' I think it’s remotely plausible that someone might think you’re hot.

--->'''Mulder:''' I don’t speak Japanese, but I think some businessman told me to stick a piece of sushi where the sun don’t shine.
* "Shapes"

'''Mulder:''' Anything strange, unexplainable, unlikely ... boyfriend?

[[folder: Season Two]]

--->'''Scully''': [[spoiler:Well, (Lenny's) body possesses some anatomical discrepancies... some offshoots of the esophagus and trachea that almost seem umbilical in nature and...]] I've never seen anything like it.\\
'''Blockhead''': And you never will again. Twenty-first century genetic engineering will not only eradicate the siamese twins and the alligator-skinned people, but you're going to be hard-pressed to find, uh, a slight overbite or a not-so-high cheek bone. You see, I've seen the future and the future looks just like him. ''(Points at Mulder in a CaptainMorganPose)'' Imagine going through your whole life looking like that. That's why it's left up to the self-made freaks like me and the Conundrum to remind people.\\
'''Scully''': Remind people of what?\\
'''Blockhead''': Nature abhors normality. It can't go very long without creating a mutant. Do you know why?\\
'''Scully''': No, why?\\
'''Blockhead''': I don't either, it's a mystery. Maybe some mysteries are never meant to be solved.\\
'''Mulder''': What's the matter with your friend?\\
'''Blockhead''': I don't know what his problem is. Maybe it's the Florida heat.\\
'''Scully''': Hope it's nothing serious.\\
'''Conundrum''': ''([[TheVoiceless only line in episode]])'' Probably something I ate.

-->'''Dr. Browning:''' (in response to something Mulder's said) You are really upsetting me... on several levels.

[[folder: Season Three]]
* "D.P.O"

--->'''Clyde Bruckman''': ''(holding a piece of fabric)'' I got it! This is yours. This is from your New York Knicks t-shirt!

** "... The entomologist's name is 'Bambi'?" Scully is amused.

---> '''Mulder:''' Scully, I never thought I'd say this, but you smell bad.

** Out-of-character, just ''picturing'' the show's makers snickering over the little "prank" they played on the audience [[spoiler: by making it look like a ''real'' cockroach was running across the TV screen]] is pretty amusing. Oh, to be a roach on the wall when ''that'' idea was first floated!

** "Sure. Fine. Whatever."

'''Scully (plainly):''' "Partial rat body part."

* "Jose Chung's 'From Outer Space.'"
** Wrestling/JesseVentura and [[spoiler: Alex Trebek]] as [[TheMenInBlack Men in Black]].

** The goofy UFO conspiracy theorist giving a somber, existentialist speech about what the future holds, concluding with a casual, offhand warning about "the lava men."

** Their boat having sunk during a late-night search for Big Blue, Mulder and Scully find themselves stranded on a rock in the middle of the lake. Suddenly, they hear something slowly approaching in the mist, and draw their guns... It turns out to be a duck. It's really just a standard CatScare, but the duck's quacks cutting through the tension makes it funnier, and then there's Mulder's deadpan quip "I'm still tempted to fire".

[[folder: Season Four]]

'''Deputy (exasperated):''' Pastor!

--> '''Mulder''': Oh no!

-->'''Cigarette-Smoking Man:''' "Life is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for. Unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So you're stuck with this undefinable whipped mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there's nothing else left to eat. Sure, once in a while there's a peanut butter cup or an English toffee. But they're gone too fast and the taste is... fleeting. So, you end up with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts. And if you're desperate enough to eat those, all you got left is an empty box filled with useless brown paper wrappers."

-->'''Mulder (teasing Scully about her new tattoo):''' I was thinking of having an NY tattooed on my ass to commemorate the Yankees' World Series victory.

--->'''Scully''': [[DeadpanSnarker Did he have a lightsaber]]?

-->'''Scully:''' Mulder, [[IncrediblyLamePun if you want to connect the dots here,]] you should look at the facts.

[[folder: Season Five]]

-->'''Frohike (to Langly):''' Me and the narc '''(Byers)''' have a proposition for you.\\

'''Frohike (grudgingly):''' Your kung fu is the best.

'''Kinsley:''' I couldn't believe how hard it was not to use the word "but”!\\

-->'''Mulder:''' Scully, do you think it’s too soon to get my own 1-900 number?\\

'''Bobby:''' Who’s Kennedy?

'''Scully:''' Oh, I don’t know. I think some things are better left unexplained.

-->'''Scully (to Mulder, who has taken a laptop from the crime scene):''' Mulder, that's evidence!\\

** Mulder's hallucination while being held hostage by the AI involves sexy nurses, but it quickly goes wrong. Who "saves" him? Scully, naturally, who busts through the door and starts kicking blonde bimbo butt.

* Most of "Bad Blood".

-->'''Scully''': Begin autopsy on white male, age sixty, who is arguably having a worse time in Texas than I am, though not by much. I'll begin with the Y-incision.\\

'''Scully''': Yee-haw.

-->'''Mulder''': Is this the Pepsi Challenge? How ’bout some, uh, fresh air, boys?\\
'''Terrorist''': ''(Takes hood off)'' Welcome, Agent Mulder... This is just a little method that we use to learn the truth. \\

* From "Folie à Deux," After Mulder's pulled his gun on the bad guy of the week (who is some kind of bug creature that only he can see) and been restrained by Skinner, we next see him in restraints in the psychiatric ward of a hospital.

* "The End," dramatic though it is, has its moments.
-->'''Gibson (who is about ten):''' They get all the good TV shows here. Out where I live, in the Philippines, all we get is ''Series/{{Baywatch}}''.\\

[[folder: Fight the Future]]

[[folder: Season Six]]

* "Agua Mala" makes a running gag of the phrase "All the nuts roll downhill to Florida."

* "Arcadia"

'''Scully:''' ''(gives him a look)’’\\

[[folder: Season Seven]]

-->'''Mulder''': I'm thinking it was a heart attack.\\
'''Scully''': What the '''hell''' happened here, Mulder?\\
'''Mulder''': Cause... and effect.\\
'''Scully''': Meaning...?\\
'''Mulder''': Okay, so... watch. ''[stands in front of the doorframe, matching actions to words]'' So Bellini kicks down the door — whaa gaa! — poised to kill Weems, right? And just as he's about to pull the trigger a noise startles him... the buzzer — when I buzzed to be let back in the apartment. So when he does pull the trigger, his aim is off, right? And he hits the lamp, which falls over and knocks over the ironing board, so as the bullet ricochets Weems dives over the sofa. Now, when Bellini goes for him he trips over the ironing board, bounces off the chair, flips end over end and his shoelace gets caught in the fan — QED. ''[Scully laughs. The shoelace suddenly breaks and the body falls to the floor]''

* The entirety of "X-Cops." All of it.

* From "En Ami": After Scully disappears with CSM, Mulder tries to find her. It leads him to question her landlord as he asks to unlock the apartment. The landlord has nothing but good things to say about Scully, including:

* "Hollywood A.D."

** Leoni (the actress portraying Scully) asks the real Scully to show her how to [[CombatStilettos run in heels]]. Later, while Mulder and Shandling are talking in the foreground, [[FunnyBackgroundEvent Scully can be seen running back and forth across the sound stage, while Leoni observes.]]

* In "Je Souhaite"...

[[folder: Season Eight]]

* From "Three Words" when the Lone Gunmen finally see Mulder after he comes back from the dead.

* From "Empedocles." Mulder shows up at Scully's apartment and is slightly miffed that she was expecting someone else.
-->'''Scully (exasperated):''' Mulder!\\
'''Mulder (startled):''' What?\\

'''Scully (confused):''' The pizza man?\\

'''Scully (deadpan):''' [[DoubleEntendre Nice package.]]\\
'''Mulder (bemused):''' Thank you.

-->'''Mulder (answering the door):''' Little Caesar, I presume? ''(Turns to squint suspiciously at Scully)’’\\

* At the end of "Alone," Leyla Harrison asks a question that the fandom wondered for years: how exactly did Mulder and Scully get back home from Antarctica in ''Fight the Future''? That answer? We never hear it, because Mulder and Scully are too busy bickering over what happened.

-->'''Mulder:''' Hey. Ready to roll? \\
'''Scully:''' Yeah, let me just get my keys. \\
'''Mulder:''' Hey, don't forget this. ''(holds up a pillow)'' Relax the back, breathe in, breathe out. \\
'''Scully:''' How do you know all these things, Mulder? \\
'''Mulder:''' I'm unemployed. I've got a lot of time on my hands.''(beat)'' Oprah, I watch a lot of Oprah.

[[folder: Season Nine]]

-->'''Rocky:''' "Women's dormitory syndrome." It's believed that pheromones are the reason that women who live together share the same menstrual cycle. \\

'''Scully:''' You know, Rocky ... I'm a mother. \\

-->'''Rocky:''' Dr. Scully? This is so exciting. I've never had a partner before. \\

'''Scully (annoyed):''' I got upstairs, you take down.

[[folder: Season Ten]]

--> '''Mulder:''' You don't like cats?

** Mulder engages in a classic Mulder-Scully debate regarding his possible explanations for a shape-changing monster and Scully's skeptical arguments against...by himself. Scully simply watches bemused and sometimes trying (and failing) to get a word in edgewise. By the end, she's nearly grinning watching the whole thing.
--> '''Scully:''' Yeah, this is how I like my Mulder.

** The nightclub sequence, which sees him dancing along to various country songs, doing a backflip, and [[spoiler: [[TheCameo spotting glimpses of the Lone Gunmen]].]] And, he was in a nightclub and left a bunch of "frightened Texans" in his wake.

** [[spoiler: The Cigarette-Smoking Man]] [[WhipItGood randomly whipping Mulder]] aboard a boat filled with hooded men singing Tom Waits' "Misery is the River of the World."

[[folder: Season Eleven]]

** And the fact he refers to this as "out Squatchin'"

-->'''Scully''': Maybe you're thinking of ''[[Series/TheOuterLimits1963 The Outer Limits]]''.
-->'''Mulder''': Mix up ''The Twilight Zone'' and ''The Outer Limits''? Do you ''know'' me?!

** Scully openly saying "what the hell was that?!" to various bits and can't believe she's wasting a day on this.

--> '''Reggie''': Guys, if this turns out to be killer cats, I'm going to be ''very'' disappointed.

** A pair of young FBI agents dismiss Mulder and Scully as over the hill and "now deep state." They walk off as Mulder yells "I'm Fox Mulder, punks!"

** An alien dramatically declares "greeting Earthlings!" as he comes down an escalator...slowly...and then steps at the bottom...and then takes a scooter to the trio...who are five feet away. The scooter even makes stock WesternAnimation/TheJetsons sound effects.

** Mulder just trying to ''be'' Morris Fletcher is pretty amusing.