Funny / The Tourist

• Frank's and Elise's first meeting on the train:
  Frank: My name's Frank.
  Elise: That's a terrible name.
  Frank: [Shrugs] It's the only one I've got.
  Elise: Perhaps we can find you a new one.

• Frank's attempts to invite Elise to dinner.
  Elise: Invite me to dinner, Frank?
  Frank: What?
  Elise: [Gives him a look]
  Frank: Would you like to have dinner?
  Elise: Women don't like questions.
  Frank: Join me for dinner.
  Elise: Too demanding.
  Frank: Join me for dinner?
  Elise: Another question.
  Frank: [Thinks for a moment] I'm having dinner, if you'd care to join me.
  Elise: [Smiles at him]

• When Frank sees Elise in her evening wear.
  Frank: Fuck.
  Elise: [Gives look].
  Frank: You're ravenous.
  Elise: Do you mean 'ravishing'?
  Frank: I do.
  Elise: You're ravenous.
  Frank: I am.

• When the two thugs are trying to break into Frank's hotel room and he calls the reception for help.
  Frank: [Into the phone] Hello? Please help!
  Concierge: [Answering phone] Buongiorno, signore.
  Frank: Buongiorno—I, I need help! There are two men trying to break down the door...
  Concierge: I see, what kind of problem do you have with the door, sir?
  Frank: No, no, no! There are two men with guns trying to break in! Dos hombres, con... con pistolas!
  Concierge: Your Spanish is excellent, sir.
  Frank: Thank you...
  [The thugs start to shoot out the door lock]
  Frank: Ah, I gotta go! [Frank drops the phone and exits through the window]
  Concierge: Sir? [Slams down the receiver] American!

• Frank's constant use of Spanish instead of Italian is pretty funny in just about every instance.
  Frank: Gracias.
  Policeman: [Beat] De nada.

• Fleeing his would-be assailants, Frank runs along rooftops, leaps across a gap to an awning, and dashes through a crowded marketplace... in his pajamas. The chase ends when he runs into a policeman (literally), and is promptly arrested. (Yes, the whole sequence is very reminiscent of Jack Sparrow.)

• After Frank narrowly escapes the two thugs.
  Policeman: You wish to report a murder.
  Frank: Attempted murder.
  Policeman: That's not so serious.
  Frank: Not when you downgrade it from murder. But when you upgrade it from room service, it's quite serious.

• Right after Shaw strangles an incompetent minion with a measuring tape.
  Shaw: [Checking new suit in mirror] Does it look all right?
  Bodyguard: [Nervous] Yes. Like always.
  Shaw: What's always?
  Bodyguard: Very good.
  Shaw: Yes, I think it looks all right.

• Shaw referring to Alexander's stealing millions of dollars from him.
  You know, Alexander was like a son to me. I loved him. That brilliant, playful, disrespectful young bastard. I even thought that he and I were two of a kind. Oh, I took great pleasure in never knowing what this man would do next. Until one day what he did next didn't give me any pleasure at all.

• At the end, as the two are escaping on a boat.
  Elise: Twenty million dollars worth of plastic surgery and that's the face you choose?
  Frank: You don't like it?
  Elise: (smiles) It will do.

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