Funny / The Losers

• Jensen, showing his ingenuity, by using whatever he could find in the middle of the Bolivian jungle...to make toy dinosaurs...and have them hump.
• "That's right, bitches! I got a crossbow!"
• "I'm the black MacGyver — BlaGyver!"
• "You call me Legless Pooch again, and you'll be Headless Jensen."
  • "I like Legless Pooch! It makes you sound like a pirate!"
• The scene in the van where Pooch makes Clay and Roque apologize to each other.
  Pooch: Don't you two feel so much better?
  Clay and Roque: No.
  Pooch: Well, I don't give a shit...cuz I do! Alright, I say we go watch Jensen get himself killed, yeah?
• Even Cougar gets his own sort of funny moment that's also a crowning moment of badass.
  Poocu: You know that if we do this, we're waging a war against the entire Central Intelligence Agency.
  Cougar: They started it.
• The entire scene involving Jensen infiltrating the office building.
  • With the crown jewel being this bit:
  Jensen: *pulls out finger guns* I'm warning you, I'm a lethal killing machine. It was a secret government experiment. They did stuff to me, spooky stuff...anal stuff. Turned me into a dangerous telekinetic. As the ancient Tibetan prophecy states..."Don't start none; won't be none."
  Security Guard: *reaches for his holster and pulls out a pair of handcuff* Telekinetic your way outta this.
  Jensen: Pow! Boom!! *with each noise, the security guards on either side get blasted off their feet, points his fingers at the last guard standing, does a Clint Eastwood impersonation* Face down, or I'll make your heart stop beatin' with my mind.
  • The funniest bit? It's set to Don't Stop Beliving. Made even funnier when it gets used again during the credits scene.
  • "Hi, Mr. Anderson, this is Richard Hertz from Internal Affairs..."
• Pooch and Jensen finding transportation to get them and the kids away from the impending explosion:
  Pooch: (finding a broken down yellow school bus in their search for an escape vehicle) Ah!
  Jensen: No!
  Pooch: Yeah!
  Jensen: Really?
  Pooch: Why not!
  Jensen: Can you?
  Pooch: Of course!
  Jensen: ...Okay.
• "Sssssssshit! She's got a gun...and it's pointed at my dick, Clay! It's pointed at my DICK, Clay!!!"
• Pretty much ANYTHING that comes out of Jensen's mouth is a hoot.
• The entirety of the mid-credits soccer scene. The highlight being Jensen getting into a fight with the coach.
  Jensen: THIS IS WORSE THAN THE NBA!!!
  • "YOU DON'T DESERVE TO WEAR THOSE STRIPES!!!"
• "Ready to take a giant step for...guys who steal stuff I guess."
• 'What the hell was that? That was a 'hit him in the face' nod, not a 'throw him off the roof' nod.' Max is an evil bastard, but damn if he isn't hilarious.

Max: Do you have any fours?

Scientist: Go fish?

Max (looks at his hand, revealing he has several fours): You actually have two fours...two. You don't know how to play this game, do you?

• Max getting mugged at the end. It makes it better just how nonchalantly he takes it.
• Jensen tries to flirt with Aisha before the truck heist. It goes...about as well can be expected for Jensen.
  Jensen: So...where ya from...originally?
  Aisha: I grew up in the wilds of northern Africa.
  Jensen: Wow, so...that must've been...*beat*...sandy. Do you have any hobbies?
  Aisha: When I was little, I collected human ears.
  Jensen: ...Good times.
• Pooch after getting shot in the leg gets asked twice if he can stand. His responses are as follows:
  Pooch, the first time he's asked: I've been shot...in BOTH my legs. What kind of dumbass question is that, really?!
  Pooch, the second time: Oh, oh, this is Stupid Question Day! This is Stupid Question Day, and nobody decided to tell me. Nah, it's cool. It's all good.
• This exchange during the final confrontation between Clay & Max:
  Max: "So, since you can't shoot me..."
  Clay: * shoots Max in the shoulder *
• Or this exchange:
  Roque: If anything smells like a trap, I get to put a bullet in your skull. Does that sound fair?
  Aisha: That sounds like fun.
  Jensen: Sounds like my parents.
• Max may be an arrogant, obnoxious, unlikable asshole...but he's a FUNNY, arrogant, obnoxious, unlikable asshole. And Wade plays off of him surprisingly well.
  Max: What do you believe in, Wade? I'm guessing shotguns and big titties.
  Wade: I also enjoy air shows and beer.

...

Max: What am I looking at here, Wade?

Wade: Clay and his unit.

Max: "Clay and his unit?" That sounds like a porno, Wade.

...

Max: You get me that 18-man firing squad I asked for?

Wade: Yeah.

Max: Okay. Change of plan. Kill 'em.

Wade: Kill my 18 guys?

Max: Or fire 'em. Whichever's easiest.

Wade: Honestly? Firing them.

Max: Okay. You give them intel on Clay's people?

Wade: Yeah...

Max: Aaaand we're back to killing them.

Wade: ...Fine. What're we doing instead?

Max: What's the matter? You related to them?

Wade: Actually, one of them, yeah.

Max: By blood?

Wade: A brother-in-law. I said I'd kill him. What're we doing?

• Clay seems to have some really...interesting lady problems.
  Roque: Think you're thinking clear on this? Huh? 'Cuz every time we mess up, it's because of a woman.
  Clay: Name one time that I...
  Roque: Amber.
  Clay: Amber wasn't the problem, Amber's husband was the problem.
  Pooch: Amber's husband wasn't the one who shot you.
  Clay: It was only in the leg.
  Jensen: What about Emma?
  Clay: Emma doesn't count. I didn't sleep with Emma.
  Roque: No, because she put a bomb in your car!
  Clay: All right, I admit...that did take a little of the romance out of the relationship.
• Roque's funny moments tend to be snarky one-liners.
  Roque: Really, bro? "Hi, what's your name"? "I have no legs, but I wanna take you on a date"?

...

Roque: Oh, gee, I sure hope nobody sees us in this bright, banana-yellow Pinto...

Clay: Are you ashamed to be seen in an American classic?

Roque: ...This is an American classic?

...

Roque: Yeah, no it's a helluva plan. Ya know what? Pooch can set up over there by the taco stand, and Jensen could set up communications right there by the hookers.