Funny / The Lincoln Lawyer

  • From the book, while Haller is being stretchered out of his apartment after Mary Alice Windsor shot him:
    Detective Lankford: Don't flatline on us now. If we end up giving a defense lawyer mouth-to-mouth, we'll never live it down.
  • The Running Gag joke:
    "What's the difference between a catfish and a defense attorney? One's a bottom-feeding scum sucker. The other's a fish."
  • Minton's cross-examination of Mr. Talbot, the first man who was in Reggie Campo's apartment that night (although Talbot's off-color comments come dangerously close to causing the judge to find him in contempt).
    Minton: Mr. Talbot, could you please describe the physical state Ms. Campo was in when you left her shortly before ten o'clock on the night of March sixth?
    Talbot: Completely satisfied.
    Minton: Mr. Talbot, I mean her physical state. Was she hurt or bleeding when you left her?
    Talbot: No, she was fine. She was okay. When I left her she was fit as a fiddle and I know because I had just played her.
  • From the film version of the same scene:
    Talbot: We made satisfying and consensual love. Isn't that what life's all about? ... And then I paid her.
  • Detective Booker's deadpan answer to this question by Haller while he was on the stand:
    Haller: Would any of the outfits you saw in the closet have been appropriate to sadomasochistic sexual activities?
    Booker: I wouldn't know that. I am not an expert in that field.
  • Judge Fullbright's outraged reaction to Minton dragging the jailhouse snitch onto the stand, the moment she gets counsel back in her chambers:
    Fullbright: Mr. Minton, what the fuck have you done to my trial?
  • When Minton returns with a motion to dismiss:
    Fullbright: In the matter of the state versus Louis Ross Roulet, I understand from my clerk that we have a motion.
    Minton: Yes, your Honor.
    Fullbright: Well, Mr. Minton, are you sending it to me telepathically?