Funny: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead
- Multiple characters looking around after hearing Guildenstern's outburst:
Guildenstern: You know what to do.Rosencrantz: What?Guildenstern: Are you stupid?Rosencrantz: Pardon?Guildenstern: Are you deaf?Rosencrantz: Did you speak?Guildenstern: (realizing what he's doing) Not now.Rosencrantz: Statement.Guildenstern: NOT NOW! (It echos and he and Rosencrantz both look around, as do all the players.)
- A brilliant little moment poking fun at the increasingly philosophical story:
Guildenstern: Death is the ultimate negative. Not-being. You can't not be on a boat.Rosencrantz: I've frequently not been on boats.Guildenstern: No, no, no...what you've been is not on boats.
- Rosencrantz and Guildenstern introduce themselves to the Players...or, try to, anyway.
Rosencrantz: My name is Guildenstern, and this is Rosencrantz. (Guildenstern whispers in his ear) I'm sorry – his name's Guildenstern, and I'm Rosencrantz.
- Guildenstern's long pause before telling Rosencrantz, "...I think I'm going to kill you."
- Rosencrantz dropping a leather ball and a feather.
Rosencrantz: You would think this would fall faster than this, wouldn't you? (drops them) ...And you'd be absolutely right.
- Rosencrantz finds a set of pots arranged like a Newton's Cradle. When he swings a pot back to demonstrate the effect to Guildenstern, they hit and shatter.
- Rosencrantz, wearing his sleep mask, moves to blow out the bedside candle and misses completely.
- Rosencrantz wakes up with the prow of a pirate's ship crashed through the wall. He's still groggy and mistakes the figurehead on it for a real woman. Just he tries to kiss it, the boat pulls back and carries her/it away.
- Rosencrantz builds a paper airplane and it flies around the castle before returning to him. When he next shows it to Guildenstern, it's an origami biplane. Guildenstern crumples it.
- Rosencrantz and his giant sandwich.
- Rosencrantz's outrage coming out of the "hawk from a handsaw" scene.
Guildenstern: He might've had the edge.
- Rosencrantz repeating Guildenstern as Guildenstern shouts at The Player that nobody can act death.
Guildenstern: Actors! What do you know about death? Mechanics of cheap melodrama!Rosencrantz: Cheap melodrama!Guildenstern: Doesn't bring death home to anyone.Rosencrantz: Not a home to anyone!Guildenstern (to Ros): Shut up.Rosencrantz: Shut up!
- Rosencrantz mimicking animal noises.
- Guildenstern's diapproving head shakes.
- Rosencrantz trying to introduce themselves to the English King:
English King: Who are you?Rosencrantz: We are Guildenstern and Rosencrantz.English King: Which is which?Rosencrantz: Well, I'm Guildenstern and—Guildenstern: He's Rosencrantz.Rosencrantz: Exactly.
- This exchange, after the Player has none too subtly hinted that the traveling company of actors supplement their income with prostitution:
Rosencrantz: You're not exclsuvisely players?The Player: We are inclusively players.