History Funny / RedVsBlue

-->'''Caboose:''' Then how did I lose all my fingers?[[labelnote:Explanation]]This later became the name of an achievement![[/labelnote]]

* In the [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wO6Q4IFmuCA "Unreal Estate"]] PSA, Sister is now a real estate agent, selling only the best homes on Earth... which has gone to shit thanks to climate change. Arizona is a LethalLavaLand, [[CallBack Florida is underwater]], the Pacific Northwest is a desolate wasteland, [[TheLastOfTheseIsNotLikeTheOthers and the Canadian forests are populated by white supremacists]].

** To stave off boredom, Simmons leads the Blues and Doc in playing [[TabletopGame/DungeonsAndDragons "Canyons and Cockbites."]] Kaikaina's character is a "[[AllWomenAreLustful hussy]]," Caboose is a Hvac Repair Technician ('''WHAT IS THIS GAME...!''' "Oh, it's really high in charisma."), Simmons is an "[[VideoGame/TheElderScrollsVSkyrim Dragonborn Orc]] [[NinjaPirateZombieRobot Barbarian Wizard]]," and Doc is [[TheLastOfTheseIsNotLikeTheOthers a dentist]].

--->'''Sarge:''' Stupid source of renewable energy! (punches the painting) ''Take that, you stupid star!''

--->'''Sarge:''' Stupid source of renewable energy! (punches the painting) ''Take that you stupid star!''

--->'''Simmons:''' And finally, when you get kicked out of the museum for violently punching one of the paintings, always make sure you have a backup plan for the rest of the day.

--->'''Donut:''' C'mon, Sarge. Let's get you a healthy dose of flashback-resolving ice cream!

--->'''Caboose:''' Ah. It was my backup school.

'''Doc:''' $12.99 for that Music/{{Creed}} CD, please!\\

** During the segment on shopping, the "Internet" portion sees Grif demand that Church give him a Music/{{Creed}} CD, and become upset he isn't getting it any faster.
--->'''Church:''' (confused) [[MemeticMutation Wait, that's illegal.]]
--->'''Grif:''' [[InsaneTrollLogic No, it isn't! I don't ''want'' it to be illegal! Therefore it ''isn't!'' That's the way it works!]]
--->'''Simmons:''' Creed sucks! I hate you! And I hate the bands you like![[note]]It's also worth noting that, as per WordOfGod, this line is one of Gus Sorola's (a.k.a. Simmons' [=VA=]) favorite lines of dialogue in the entire series[[/note]]
** In the segment on partying with friends, the "Internet" portion has Grif explaining to Church that there's no parties online [[TheInternetIsForPorn since everyone is too busy masturbating]].
** Discussing politics:
--->'''--REAL LIFE--'''\\
'''Church:''' (calmly) Look, that's just the way I feel about it.\\
'''Sarge:''' [[TemptingFate Well I disagree, but I respect your opinion.]]\\

* The prologue for ''Restoration'' implies that everything after Season 13 were simulations Church created to prepare his friends for some unknown threat... except for ''Zero''. Apparently, he threw that in because it "[[RuleOfCool looks cool]]".

* In episode 3 of [=QvsA=], Grif and Simmons interview Caboose and Carolina. [[CloudCuckoolander Caboose]] gets all the deep, interesting questions, while [[ActionGirl Carolina]] gets all the shallow, sexist questions. Somehow, Grif and Simmons expected this to go well.
* The prologue for the final season implies that everything after Season 13 were simulations Church created to prepare his friends for some unknown threat... except for ''Zero''. Apparently, he threw that in because it "[[RuleOfCool looks cool]]".

-->'''Raymond:''' Uh...so who's team is ''he'' on?\\

--> '''Simmons''': Greetings fellow web surfers! Be sure to subscribe before you go. It'll be just like we're friends! [[{{Tsundere}} Not that I...]] ''[[{{Tsundere}} need]]'' [[{{Tsundere}} friends...]] ''(nervous laughter)'' [[MoodSwinger Please don't go]].\\
'''Caboose:''' ...Where am I? (sees the SUBSCRIBE[=/=]WATCH NEXT EPISODE text) Well, that looks nice! ([[BreakingTheFourthWall turns to the viewer]]) ''Oh my god! A giant person!'' (ducks away in fear)

-->'''Caboose:''' ''(off-screen)'' Oh my God! There's isn't any child-proof locks on anything! I'm going to touch everything! ''(starts yelling "Touch!" over and over as crashes are heard)''\\

-->'''Front Desk Lady:''' Oh my God...is that-?\\

-->'''Grif:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Sounds like you're saying I'm immortal!]] That ''is'' good news!\\

-->'''Sarge:''' My God, son! How much is a man's soul worth?
-->'''Simmons:''' [[ComicallySmallBribe One hundred...]] ''(sniff)'' [[ComicallySmallBribe dollars.]]
-->'''Carolina:''' ({{Beat}}) [[DisappointedByTheMotive Oh, that is just]] ''sad...''
-->'''Tucker:''' Hold up, you promised ''me'' a hundred bucks to help you with this holiday B.S.
-->'''Sarge:''' You promised ''me'' a hundred smackers too!
-->'''Caboose:''' I get to keep the snakes!
-->'''Carolina:''' [[LetMeGetThisStraight So you're actually in the hole on this deal.]]
-->'''Simmons:''' I never said I was a master negotiator.

* And now we go into [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngG7VXVj4L8 "Diversity"]], starting with Grif's ImagineSpot;
-->'''Grif:''' Just imagine how lame it would be if everyone was the same!\\

-->'''Sister:''' It gives you the chance to grow your own food, [[TakeThat and the sense that you're better than everyone else for doing so!]]

-->'''Simmons:''' Huh... I think we just figured out how to start making the Earth a better place again.\\

-->'''Airport Security:''' Yep, that's a cavity search.\\

--->'''Caboose:''' Yeah, the universe sure is mysterious. But, you know, what if we did solve all the problems? What then? Would we just live on, forever, happy in our triumph over ignorance? Or is ignorance just a common enemy that, once destroyed, would leave our species without a reason to carry on? I guess it doesn't really matter what the answer is, because even if we could attain supreme knowledge, the thought of it just wouldn't keep us together. In the end, people will always look up at the sky, and just wonder why we're here. [[MoodWhiplash WATER BISON POWERS, ACTIVATE!]]

--> '''Sarge:''' ''(trying not to retaliate)'' Frowny emoticon...!
* During the PSA's released to announce ''[[VideoGame/Halo4 Halo 4's]]'' release date, Sarge and the Reds are trying to keep the release date secret from the Blues so they won't know to pre-order. The camera then cuts to Tucker and Church, who then casually reveal that they already knew the release date and have pre-ordered. Also, Sarge's song about the date so that they remember.

* The [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHQ74aleiCI "Match Breaking"]] PSA with Tucker and Simmons giving advice on how to get a date/to get laid. Funny overall, with a guest appearance of Sister, it ends with a Warthog driven by Carolina, with Grey and Kimball, running Tucker down.
-->'''Tucker:''' Lavernius Tucker, love doctor [[KilledMidSentence extraordinHURGWAAauh]]\\
'''Carolina:''' Nobody here had a problem with that, right?\\
'''Kimball:''' Not at all.\\
'''Dr. Grey:''' Nope!
** Prior to this, Simmons runs off after a date he'd stood up because she'd sent him a ;) emoticon, which was "getting too serious". She shows up again-- after having spent the night with Tucker working the rebound.
** Prior to that, Tucker approaches a woman at a club.

** Once Matt realizes [[TalkingToHimself Sarge will talk to Doc]], he repeatedly tries to make someone else take Sarge's part. Also, at the end of the 'call', 'Vic' ab libs that [[TalkingToHimself Sarge and Doc sound alike]]. 'Sarge' replies that they don't, but why doesn't he call up Church, or even Lopez.

* The [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0grFFAxySw "Real Life vs. The Internet"]] PSA. Just…this.

'''Male Donut:''' What? ‘Course I am!\\

'''Sarge:''' (from afar) WHO’S A GIRL?! I LIKE GIRLS!!\\

'''Sarge:''' I LOVE Creator/{{ANGELINA JOLIE}}! DOES ANYONE ELSE LIKE ANGELINA JOLIE?! SHE’S GOT ''ENORMOUS'' LIPS!

--->'''Simmons:''' Creed sucks! I hate you! And I hate the bands you like!

*** The best part of the above exchange is that the domain name "presidentialsluts.com" was actually registered for the longest time to Geoff Ramsey, Grif's voice actor.
** Church ends the video by claiming that people can prepare for the Internet by "going to your local middle school chess club and [[BlackComedy hand out crystal meth and guns]]."

** In the segment on partying with friends, the "Internet" portion has Grif explaining to Church that there's no parties online [[TheInternetIsForPorn since everyone is too busy]] [[ADateWithRosiePalms masturbating]].

* According to Sarge in [[https://youtu.be/BXAxp4jcCaY Beta Complex]], a "vital test of mission critical technology" involves Simmons [[BeatingADeadPlayer teabagging]] [[ButtMonkey Grif]] [[HumiliationConga repeatedly.]]

'''Simmons:''' It's my cellphone. Donut must have borrowed it. He's always overclocking the vibrate setting and [[{{ADateWithRosiePalms}} calling]] [[AssShove himself]].\\
'''Church:''' [[invoked]] [[{{Squick}} Gross...]]

->'''Wash:''' That was the worst throw...''ever]]''. Of all time.\\

->'''Wash:''' [[invoked]] [[MemeticMutation That was the worst throw...]] ''[[MemeticMutation ever]]''. [[CatchPhrase Of all time.]]\\
'''Caboose:''' [[NeverMyFault Not my fault.]] Someone put a wall in my way.

'''Doc:''' [[invoked]] ''Pacifists.'' Yeah, Sarge, I still am. You don't just turn it off when it's convenient. [[TakeThat It's not like being a]] [[AcceptableTargets vegan]].

'''Simmons:''' [[invoked]] [[TakeThat I VOTED FOR]] [[AcceptablePoliticalTargets NADER!]] I HATE EVERYONE!\\

-->'''Sarge:''' ''[to Carolina]'' And you kicked my ass. [[MakesUsEven I think we're even.]]

-->'''Lopez:''' (I am in Hell, and he is the Devil.)\\

-->'''Grif:''' He is the worst thing about my life.
-->'''Sarge:''' [[SarcasmBlind Why, thank you so much!]] But I didn't get you anything...
-->'''Grif:''' I wish him ''specific'' harm. Like a thousand years of ''Film/GroundhogDay'', but for a looping period of 20 seconds.
-->'''Sarge:''' Ha ha! Catch 22! Any Hell without ''you'' is a Heaven!
-->'''Grif:''' You know what? I give up. My eyes were bigger than my fucks on this one. (sighs) he won't change.

-->'''Caboose:''' ...Yes! We did! Even though no one believed in us! [[NoFourthWall I'd dance now, but our animation budget can't afford it!]]

** How does Washington fit into the diversity angle Grif and Simmons are talking about? [[CrossesTheLineTwice He's the angry white male.]]
--->'''Grif:''' [[NotSoDire LOOK OUT, HE'S GOT A GUN!]]
--->'''Wash:''' (motions to the gun he's holding) What, ''this?''
--->'''Simmons:''' (runs behind a rock) AH, DUCK AND COVER, [[GoingPostal HE'S GOING POSTAL!]]
--->'''Wash:''' Oh, ''come on'', [[LampshadeHanging everyone's got guns!]]
** And then, after briefly mistaking "diversity" for "adversity", Sarge accepts everyone... as equally viable targets to shoot at with a mounted turret.
-->'''Simmons:''' Way to go, sir! Technically that makes you one of the most open-minded people here!
-->'''Carolina:''' ''That's not how it works, you suck up!'' (starts firing at Sarge) ''EAT MY FEMINISTA AGENDA!!''

-->'''Carolina:''' ({{Beat}}) Oh, that is just ''sad...''

** Carolina then gives AnAesop about how holidays are not about buying things but spending time with family and friends, or honoring the achievements of great people throughout history.
-->'''Sarge:''' Unless you hate your family.
-->'''Carolina:''' Well, yes. In that case you stay far away.
-->'''Tucker:''' And not [[UsefulNotes/ChristopherColumbus Columbus]]. Because he [[TakeThat was a dick]].
-->'''Carolina:''' No, right. Screw that guy. He was the wooooorst!

* [[https://roosterteeth.com/watch/red-vs-blue-psa-2020-2-22 "Spice It Up!"]]. In which Sarge and Grif discuss how to keep their series interesting. There's when they suggest adding to the cast...

'''Simmons''': ''(bored)'' Uh, we're here you take your flag, you filthy Blue.\\
'''Red Zealot''': Yeah, you filthy Blues! Give us your flag!\\

'''Blue Zealot''': You'll never get our flag, filthy Reds!\\

'''Simmons''': Who ''are'' you people?!
* [[https://roosterteeth.com/watch/red-vs-blue-psa-2020-2-29 "The Price Wheel of Cash!"]], or [[TheDitz Caboose]] hosts a game show. [[ThroughTheEyesOfMadness It really must be seen to be believed.]]

** Sarge quickly suffers from EmptyNest once Grif, Simmons, and Lopez are gone.

'''Grif and Sarge''': Dibs!\\

* The '''entirety''' of the [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0grFFAxySw "Real Life vs. The Internet"]] PSA.

** During the segment on shopping, the "Internet" portion sees Grif demand that Church give him a Music/{{Creed}} CD, and become upset he isn't getting it any faster. This bit also contains Gus Sorola's (Simmons' voice actor) favorite quote of the series:

--->'''Grif:''' No, it isn't! I don't ''want'' it to be illegal! Therefore it ''isn't!'' [[InsaneTrollLogic That's the way it works!]]

'''Simmons:''' [[invoked]] [[TakeThat I VOTED FOR]] [[AcceptablePoliticalTargets NADER!]] [[TakeThat I HATE EVERYONE!]]\\

** How they explain Caboose's new voice and being different: he has a mullet.

* The Microplastics PSA, in which Sarge reveals he cooks and eats macroplastics, which causes Grif to lose his appetite.
* The first [=QvsA=], in which Grif and Simmons interview Caboose and Carolina. [[CloudCuckoolander Caboose]] gets all the deep, interesting questions, while [[ActionGirl Carolina]] gets all the shallow, sexist questions. Somehow, Grif and Simmons expected this to go well.