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Funny: Not the Nine O'Clock News
  • The 'Constable Savage' sketch.
    Police Chief: In short, Savage, in the space of one month you have brought one-hundred and seventeen ridiculous, trumped-up and ludicrous charges.
    Constable Savage: Yes sir.
    Police Chief: (Beat) Against the same man, Savage.
  • The Swedish Chemist's Shop.
  • The "Stout Life" sketch, especially when Rowan Atkinson's character ("This is Ron Miller of the extremist group F.L.A.B., 'Fat Louts Against Bikinis'!") begins heckling the panel:
    Ron Miller: Look at this slimming magazine... slimming magazine! This isn't a million miles from Adolf Hitler was trying to do! We demand a fat Prime Minister, more obesity in the media, the banning of the word 'ample', we want the force-feeding of skinnies!
    George Fletcher: Ron, you're doing the movement more harm than good! Now, sit down!
    Miller: Where was the Reverend Whiston at Notting Hill Gate in '79 during the worst flab riots this country's ever seen?
    Rev. Whiston: I hardly think that's...
    Miller: Organising plump discos, I expect!
  • The Question Time sketch, in which the panellists are informed that the Soviet Union has just launched 50,000 megatons of nuclear warheads against Britain, which will be arriving in approximately four and a half minutes. Highlights include:
    Lord Carrington: You see, Great Britian is not an island —
    Sir Robin Day: Actually, I'm afraid it is Peter.
    Lord Carrington: — And we have to weigh up the pros and cons and get them to balance, and I would say that on the balance, the world is about to be devastated... by nuclear... by nuclear... by nuclear... er...
    Sir Robin Day: Er, holocaust?
    Lord Carrington: Yes, er, holocaust you mentioned earlier. Now, some may think that's a bad thing, others might quite like the idea, I don't know. Don't come to me asking for a short answer to that one.
    Sir Robin Day: Yes, well I wish I never had.

    Rudolph Bead, MP: Help! Help, we're all going to die!
    Sir Robin Day: Yes, well, short and to the point as usual.

    Frances Morrell: Well, I'm amazed, we're sitting here talking about a nuclear holocaust, casually discussing the destruction of the entire planet, and ignoring the major issue, which is the appalling record of this Conservative government. The real tragedy here is that three million people will die... unemployed.

    Clive Jenkins: Robin, my members —
    Sir Robin Day: Yes, thank you very much, Clive —
    Clive Jenkins: No, I will have my say!
    Sir Robin Day: Yes, if you must.
    Clive Jenkins: At a moment like this I wonder what Nye Bevan would have done, and I'm pretty sure he would have shat in his pants.
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