Funny / Iznogoud

• At the beginning of Iznogoud's Birthday, Iznogoud is looking for a mysterious individual who just screamed about his ambition to be the Caliph. Cue this dialogue with a random guard:
  Iznogoud: Was that you who were screaming?
  Guard: I can't, Great Vizir; I am deaf and mute.
  Iznogoud: But... you just answered me!
  Guard (surprised): Did I? But.... then... (Beat) I AM CURED! YIPEEEEEEEEEE!
  Iznogoud: Oh, damn it, not with the crazies again!
• This exchange from Iznogoud Finally Caliph:
  Archivist: Hello, Grand Vizier; my name is Vhist, and I am...
  Iznogoud: I bet your first name is Archie!
  Archivist: ... Indeed. How did you guess?
  Iznogoud: I'm used to lame puns.
  Archivist: Vhist Archie? Nah, I don't see... well anyway, I am the Archiv... (Beat. The Archivist suddenly bursts in laughter) Ah ah ah! Archie Vhist! Hilarious! I have been Archivist for seventy years, and I never noticed!
• From Who Killed the Caliph:
  Iznogoud: And do you remember what your master wants to be?
  Dilat: Caliph instead of the Caliph, yes I know...
  Iznogoud: Good! Now get out of my sight! (Beat) Wait! Just to make up for it, do you happen to have an idea?
  Dilat: About what, boss?
  Iznogoud: (to the reader): Tell me he is kidding. (to Dilat) AN IDEA TO WIN THE LOTTERY, YOU DUMBASS!
  Dilat: Oh, then I do have an idea, boss! All we have to do is not play!
  Iznogoud: AN IDEA TO BE CALIPH INSTEAD OF THE CALIPH!
  Dilat: Well... we already know what we must not do: all we have to do is read all your previous books.
  • Later:
  Iznogoud: Dilat! Sooner, you said we could have an opportunity today with the day of great conquest. What were you thinking about?
  Dilat: Nothing, boss.
  Iznogoud: Nothing?!
  Dilat: I do not know what an opportunity is, I said that randomly.
  Iznogoud: ... It means a possibility.
  Dilat: Still nothing, boss.
  Iznogoud: An eventuality.
  Dilat: Nope, boss.
  Iznogoud: IT MEANS THAT WHEN YOU HAVE A COMPLETELY DUMBASS RIGHT HAND-MAN, YOU SHOULD IMMEDIATLY REPLACE HIM WITH... (Beat) replace! Of course! Dilat, remind me to reward you for your brillant idea!
  Dilat: But... I didn't have any idea, boss!
  Iznogoud: Mhm... True. Then REMIND ME TO PUNISH YOU FOR NOT HAVING ANY IDEA! And DON'T forget to remind me!
• In "Iznogoud Rockets to Stardom", the Caliph is excited at the idea of going to the sky but refuses to go to the marketplace because he's "not going that far".
  Iznogoud: YOU DON'T MIND GOING TO THE MOON, BUT YOU WON'T WALK AS FAR AS BAGHDAD MARKETPLACE??
  Caliph: That's right. I wouldn't be walking to the moon.
• In Iznogoud's Returns, the follow-up to "The Invisible Threat" involves Iznogoud and Wa'at being stuck invisible, and the only way to become visible again is to have a good laugh. While trying to find a solution, Wa'at suggests they try making funny faces at each other.