Funny / Iznogoud

  • At the beginning of Iznogoud's Birthday, Iznogoud is looking for a mysterious individual who just screamed about his ambition to be the Caliph. Cue this dialogue with a random guard:
    Iznogoud: Was that you who were screaming?
    Iznogoud: But... you just answered me!
    Guard (surprised): Did I? But.... then... (Beat) I AM CURED! YIPEEEEEEEEEE!
    Iznogoud: O, damn it, not with the crazies again!
  • This from Iznogoud Finally Caliph:
    Archivist: Hello, Grand Vizier; my name is Vhist, and I am...
    Archivist: Ew... Indeed. How did you guess?
    Archivist: Vhist Archie? Nah, I don't see... well anyway, I am the Archiv... (beat. The Archivist suddenly bursts in laughter) Ah ah ah! Archie Vhist! Hilarious! I have been Archivist for seventy years, and I never noticed!
  • From Who Killed the Caliph:
    Iznogoud: And do you remember what your master wants to be?
    Dilat: Caliph instead of the Caliph, yes I know...
    Iznogoud': Good! Now get out of my sight! (Beat) Wait! Just to make up for it, do you happen to have an idea?
    Dilat: About what, boss?
    Iznogoud: (to the reader): Tell me he is kidding. (to Dilat) AN IDEA TO WIN THE LOTTERY, YOU DUMBASS!
    Dilat: Oh, then I do have an idea, boss! All we have to do is not play!
    Dilat: Well... we already know what we must not do: all we have to do is read all your previous books.
    • Later:
    Iznogoud: Dilat! Sooner, you said we could have an opportunity today with the day of great conquest. What were you thinking about?
    Dilat: Nothing, boss.
    Iznogoud: Nothing?!
    Dilat: I do not know what an opportunity is, I said that randomly.
    Iznogoud: ... It means a possibility.
    Dilat: Still nothing, boss.
    Iznogoud: An eventuality.
    Dilat: Nope, boss.
    Iznogoud: IT MEANS THAT WHEN YOU HAVE A COMPLETELY DUMBASS RIGHT HAND-MAN, YOU SHOULD IMMEDIATLY REPLACE HIM WITH... (Beat) replace! Of course! Dilat, remind me to reward you for your brillant idea!
    Dilat: But... I didn't have any idea, boss!
    Iznogoud: Mhm... True. Then REMIND ME TO PUNISH YOU FOR NOT HAVING ANY IDEA! And DON'T forget to remind me!