- Several, as the show is actually pretty funny despite the reputation most DCOS have acquired for themselves.
- This little gem:
Mr. Piper: "You're crazier than your wife!"
Bob: "Hey! No one is crazier than my wife!"
Amy: "Yeah, no one's crazier than me!"
- In "Baby Comes Back", after the kids meet Captain Stretchy:
Gabe: Hey look, Captain Stretchy dropped his driver's license! *beat* Psh, "175 pounds" my butt. *flings license out car window*
- Teddy's lines in her heartbroken depression were hilarious.
Why won't the world just go away?
- In one episode, when Teddy is teaching Charlie opposites:
Teddy: What's the opposite of good?
- From "Something's Fishy":
Bob: I've just opened the phone bill. You are $90 over your texting limit! What do you have to say about that?
Teddy: I love you, Daddy?
- In "Hawaiian Vacation Part 2":
- During the ceremony for getting the family un-cursed, Manno makes Teddy, PJ and Bob run around Amy and say "Big and gross, big and gross, she's the one that's cursed the most" while Amy does the robot:
Hotel Manager: The sheet for the time share got ripped up, so we'll need your wife to sign again.
Bob: It's working, keep going!
Bob, Teddy and PJ: Big and gross, big and gross...
So you're saying that this is all because of a curse? Amy:
Yes. All of it. Me getting stuck in that elevator, the boys almost crashing in that helicopter, Teddy getting knocked out, you buying that shirt
You don't like this shirt? I lost the receipt. I can't take it back. Amy:
- PJ's list of things that scare him: "clowns, heights, falling, spiders, unicorns, trolls, ogres".
- The episode with Teddy & PJ's tree house.
- "Yeah, go get Mom, she doesn't scare us!" [To Teddy] "This is bad, he's getting Mom."
- "I'm in charge around here!" [Look from Amy] "When you're not here."
- In the episode where the Duncans go on vacation to a ski resort in the mountains:
Did you know that you have to pay for room service? PJ: Yeah, everyone knows that
. Did you know that I'm a terrible skier? Gabe:
Yeah, everyone knows that. PJ:
We should have talked earlier.
- "Why are you insulting me into a fork?"
- When Mr. Piper was assigning roles to the class for a mock trial:
Mr. Piper: Walter, you can be the judge.
Walter: I can already taste the power...
Mr. Piper: ...That might be a mistake...
- Speaking of the case, Walter allows unrelevant things to go on in the courtroom, with the justification that he wasn't invited to the party either.
- "Meet The Parents": P.J. is about to ask Skyler on a date and she loses her earring. He finds it and, on one knee, begins to ask her a question. Bob comes in and absolutely freaks out.
- In the crossover episode "Charlie Shakes It Up" after the real Duncan siblings show up Deuce says to leave everything to him, prompting Teddy to wonder whether she should be relieved or worried
Rocky and CeCe:
(In unison) Yes
- Also from that episode, in the Credits Gag, when CeCe, Rocky, and Flynn pop out of Teddy's luggage, we get this:
Okay, if that Deuce kid comes out of my purse, I'm gonna scream. Deuce: (from inside Teddy's bag)
Okay, then I'll just stay in here. (beat)
- Gabe's reaction when CeCe & Rocky pop out of the suitcase, an ecstatic "You brought me girls?!"
- Amy telling Teddy about Bob's bug conventions:
It's just a bunch of guys sitting around talking about poisonous gas ((beat))
it gets boring.
- Mrs. Dabney having no idea what the internet is. Says a lot when PJ of all people knows more about it than someone else.
- From "Name That Baby", these gems.
- Teddy's overstressed explanation to her parents.
Teddy: I don't have time for all these questions, I have a huge European History final tomorrow.
Amy: Ok, take it easy.
Teddy (stressed): Easy? (pauses) It's worth half of my grade. Plus it's second semester, Junior year, so these are the most important grades for college. If I don't get into a good college I won't have a good career, or a nice family, or a happy life! Everything's on the line here people!
Bob: Wow, I hope Hot Dog doesn't get this stressed out!
- Bob and Amy talk to Charlie about the new baby.
Bob: "You know we have a new baby on the way, right?"
Charlie: "Where is it?"
Amy: "It's in Mommy's tummy."
Charlie: "Did you eat it?"
- The poor family being subjected to the sight of George Washington and Ben Franklin kissing.
- The credits scene of the episode where the fifth Duncan is born. The new baby's name is Tobi wan Kenobi, and Bob somehow managed to crash his car into the eight floor of a hospital.
- Bob and Mrs. Dabney having a shared interest in Higgins and Zork. Mrs. Dabney even has a costume.
- The first Halloween episode, Teddy and Spencer are having a date when they interrupted by a clown-themed party next door. They make the mistake of pissing them off and the clowns take their revenge by finding their apartment and pretty much doing a raid on them. We don't see what happened but the way it plays out with the slow-motion as they charge into the room is hilarious. Especially since poor PJ (who has a fear of clowns) was in the room as well.
- Teddy asking Spencer if he's noticed that balloons always appear when they kiss, only for Spencer to be relieved as he thought he was imagining it.
- Charlie's dancing is cute and funny especially when she is smaller.
- Especially in Kwikki Chick, her dancing is funny but not quite as funny as the fact that Amy took singing and dancing in Charlie's "Mommy and Me" daycare very serious. To the point of being stern with Charlie and getting herself (but not Charlie) banned.
- This exchange is worth a chuckle:
Spencer: That would mean soccer, field hockey or la-cross.
Teddy: Which ones are outdoors?
Spencer (matter-of-factly): All of them are.
Teddy: Which ones have the cutest uniforms?
Spencer (same tone): None of them do
Teddy: *groans* Sports is so hard.