Funny: Fiddler on the Roof

  • Lazar Wolf's completely unintentionally awesome name. Whenever someone says the character's name, modern audiences think of Maximals. And/or The Kids Are All Right. Or Metal Gear Solid.
  • Many of Tevye's quotes:
    Tevye: You may ask, where do all of these traditions come from? I'll tell you... I don't know.
    Tevye: As Jacob said, "I am slow of speech and slow of tongue."'
    Mendel: That was also Moses!
    Tevye: For a man slow of tongue he talked a lot!
    Tevye: As the Good Book Says, "if a poor man eats a chicken, one of them is sick."
    Mendel: Where does the Book say that?
    Tevye: Well, it doesn't say exactly that, but somewhere it has something about a chicken!
    Tevye: On the other hand...
    • Tevye refusing to leave without seeing Motel's sewing machine.
    Tevye: I AM THE HEAD OF THIS FAMILY! AND I WANT TO SEE MOTEL'S MACHINE! (Peeks his head inside for literally one second then slams the door) Now let's go home!
    • His moment of Fridge Logic during one of his chats with God when, as usual, he begins to pontificate "As the good book says..." only to realise "why should I tell you what the good book says?!"
    • He has some strange ideas about the size of America:
    Lazar: I am going to Chicago, America.
    Tevye: We are going to New York, America. We'll be neighbors!
    • His and Lazar Wolf's conversation in the bar. Lazar Wolf is talking about his plans to marry Tevye's daughter. Tevye thinks he's talking about buying some cows. Hilarity Ensues.
    Tevye: Do you love me?
    Golde: You're a fool!
    Tevye: I know.
    Tevye: Do you love me?
    Golde: I am your wife!
    Tevye: Yes, I know! But do you love me?
  • Tzeitel's imitation of Yenta during the song "Matchmaker".
  • Perchik proposing to Hodel: "I personally am in favor of such a socioeconomic relationship."
  • "HORSE!" "MULE!" "HORSE!" "MULE!"
  • Perchik: Girls are people too! They can be taught!
    Random Rabbi's helper: He's a radical!
  • During the wedding, when Perchik breaks tradition and dances with Tevye's daughter, and Tevye decides to support him:
    Other Men: She is dancing with a man!
    Tevye: I can see she is dancing with a man!
    Other Men: And?
    Tevye:' (beat) And I'm going to dance with my wife!
  • Tevye straight after he gives permission for Motel and Tzeitel to get married.
    Motel: Thank you, Reb Tevye, you won't be sorry!
    Tevye: Sorry? I'm sorry already!
  • The rabbi has a good moment at the beginning.
    Leibesh: Rabbi, may I ask you a question?
    Rabbi: Certainly, Leibesh.
    Leibesh: Is there a proper blessing for the czar?
    Rabbi: A blessing for the czar? Of course! May God bless and keep the czar... far away from us!
  • After Tevye has given Hodel and Perchik permission to get married, he suddenly gets worried about what he is going to tell Golde. Perchik suggests that he tell her about the rich uncle Perchik will be staying with in Kiev. Tevye shouts that he doesn't need to be told how to handle his wife. However, as soon as Golde starts reacting badly to the news, Tevye immediately tells her about the rich uncle in Kiev.
  • This exchange after Tevye plays devil's advocate for Perchik and Morcha:
    Avram: (gestures at Perchik and Mordcha) He's right, and he's right? They can't both be right.
    Tevye: You know... you are also right.
  • Many of Yente's quotes:
    Yente: Ah, children, children, they are your blessing in your old age. But my Aaron, may he rest in peace, couldn't give me children. To tell you the truth, Golde, he hardly tried.

    Yente:: I'm losing my head. Someday it'll fall off altogether, and a horse will kick it in the mud and goodbye, Yente.
  • This exchange between Tzeitel and Golde:
    Tzeitel: But Mama, the men she finds. The last one was so old and he was bald. He had no hair.
    Golde: A poor girl without a dowry can't be so particular. You want hair, marry a monkey.
  • The whole scene at the wedding with Lazar Wolf telling Tevye he doesn't have to listen to his 'quotes' since he is not marrying his daughter, the subsequent fight (with Tevye pushing Motel down every time he stands up to intervene), culminating with Tevye calling Lazar's wedding gift chickens diseased and Lazar responding "You leave my chickens out of this!".
  • In the film, Tevye provokes a argument regarding the sale of a six-year-old or twelve-year-old horse, right after cheerfully saying that this issue had been resolved a while ago. The whole village then starts to join into the argument.