WARNING: Spoilers are unmarked.
The film:
- The first thing Barnabas sees after being released (and slaking his thirst)? A large golden symbol that quite resembles one he had found in a book about the Devil.Barnabas: Mephistopheles!
- When Elizabeth finds Barnabas talking with Carolyn and David and demands to know what's going on, Carolyn says "I'm pretty sure he called me a hooker."
- Barnabas then gives her a look of confusion.
- Barnabas and Angelique meeting again:Angelique: Barnabas, get over it.Barnabas: LOCKED IN A BOX! For 200 years!Angelique: Don't exaggerate. It was only 196.
- Pretty much any scene with Julia Hoffman, but one in particular:Hoffman: [to Barnabas] Do you know what doctor/patient confidentiality is? [descends crotch-wise]
- During the climax when Elizabeth realizes Carolyn is a werewolf, Carolyn gives her the most deadpan expression (at the camera) and says:Carolyn: I'm a werewolf, okay? Let's not make a big deal about it.[Beat]Carolyn: Woof!
- Barnabas seeing a television for the first time and trying to figure out how it works.Barnabas: What kind of sorcery is this? [rips an input cord out] Reveal yourself, tiny songstress!
- Later on, he's watching Scooby-Doo.Barnabas: This is a very silly play.
- Later on, he's watching Scooby-Doo.
- Until he gets a coffin to rest in, Barnabas has to make do with sleeping upside down on a bedpost, a refrigerator box, and a cabinet full of towels and blankets.
- When Angelique tries to make Barnabas take her back. Doubly funny because it makes Barnabas drop his Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness act:Angelique: What if I made you?Barnabas: With what, a spell? A little doll filled with pins? That is not love.Angelique: [rips her suit off] With THIS!Barnabas: Oh.
- "I-I-I must admit, they have not aged a day."
- Even before the bodice rip, Barnabas's facial reactions to Angelique taking his hand to fondle her with. He seems quite...content with it.
- Barnabas asking Carolyn for some love advice. It's impossible for that setup to not be hilarious.Barnabas: What is your age, if I may?Carolyn: Fifteen.Barnabas: Fifteen and no husband? You must put those birthing hips to use at once, lest your womb shrivel up and die!Carolyn: You're weird.
- The priceless moment when Barnabas recites The Steve Miller Band's "The Joker" as poetry! And then compares it favorably to Shakespeare! Heck, just listen to it.
- The priceless moment when Barnabas recites The Steve Miller Band's "The Joker" as poetry! And then compares it favorably to Shakespeare! Heck, just listen to it.
- Barnabas' scene with the hippies. Especially the end.
- The Running Gag of Barnabas thinking that Alice Cooper is a woman.Barnabas: [watching Cooper perform] Ugliest woman I've ever seen.
- At the party, the old cleaning woman is sitting right in front of a speaker just reading and not even being aware of the music coming from it.
- Barnabas's response to Angelique's proposal:Barnabas: I have prepared my counter-proposal, it reads thusly: you may strategically place your wonderful lips upon my posterior and kiss it repeatedly!
- When Barnabas is locked in a coffin for the second time.Barnabas: [hearing footsteps] I hear you! Come! Do not fear![The coffin lid opens]Barnabas: Oh, thank goodness! What year is it? How many decades have passed?David: It's been twenty minutes. [Beat] Why do you have ladies' underwear on your face?Barnabas: Never mind that!
- During the final battle:Angelique: "Command?" You make me sick! [projectile vomits]Barnabas: [dodges out of the way] Missed me.[Angelique vomits again and gets Barnabas in the face]
- The old cleaning woman even starts to wipe the venom off his face, but gives up when she sees the bugs in the mess.
- Behind-the-scenes example: When Denise Nickerson, who played both Amy Jennings/Nora Collins in the original series, and Violet Beauregarde in Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, noted Johnny Depp starring in both the Dark Shadows movie and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, she made jokes in interviews not long after about Depp being obsessed with her career.
