Funny / Bright

• One of Nick's first lines is matter-of-factly telling Ward that the high-priced manure he spread to encourage his lawn to grow is actually sewage.
  Ward: That's bullshit.
  Nick: Human shit.
• Ward spends a good chunk of the movie pissed at Nick for letting him got shot. Not because he thinks it was his fault, but just because he's annoyed Nick wasn't there.
  Ward: My problem is that while my ass was getting shot, you were getting a burrito.
  Nick: I was getting a burrito for you!
• The morning briefing, with Jakoby being noticeably Sarcasm-Blind. When Sgt. Ching declares that she doesn't want to see any of them for the rest of the day unless there's bad guys under the desks, he briefly glances down, as if to check.
• When Ward tries to get a different partner, his sergeant tells him not that no one else is willing to ride with Jakoby, but that nobody wants to ride with him. Just the fact that other officers dislike Ward more than they dislike Jakoby is a bit humorous.
• Ward and Nick respond to a report of a half-naked guy swinging around a sword in the middle of the street, with the demeanor of people who have seen this a million times. Ward makes Nick get on the PA to order the man down.
  Nick: Why do orcs always gotta be the bad guys?
  Rodriguez: Don't look at me, man. Mexicans still get shit for the fuckin' Alamo.
• While transporting Serling to the lockup, Ward comments on his hygiene.
  Ward: Sir, could you please lean back? You stink like shit.
• The dialog between Ward and Jakoby while under fire from a Shield of Light member. Nick, who mostly tries not to swear, mentions that he dislikes being shot at very much. Ward replies, "Yeah, it fuckin' sucks." Then, after another fusillade, Ward asks Jakoby if he has any holes. His response prompts an incredulous Ward to remark: "How the fuck can you make a shootout awkward?"
• Ward and Jakoby's Casual Danger Dialog during the car chase with Alta Mira, especially when Ward fumbles while trying to reload his shotgun. Jakoby calls him "butterfingers." After a brief Death Glare, Ward says "We were doing so good."
• Giving up on the shotgun, Ward resorts to tazing the Alta Mira driver through his open window. Jakoby seizes the opportunity to apply some Car Fu.
• Ward's declaration at the strip club:
  Ward: Fuck it! I wanna die! We gonna titty-bar-gunfight-die!
• When surrounded by orcs, Ward proceeds to insult them, and, not getting any reaction from them, ask Jakoby to translate for him. Jakoby immediately points out they do speak english, and asks them so. The orcs actually take the time to answer before getting hostile.
• After Jakoby is resurrected and the Fogteeth release them, Ward tries to convince Tikka to use her magic to get them out of trouble. When he offhandedly thanks her for saving Jakoby, Nick cuts him off with "I happen to think that's a pretty big deal!"
• When they return to where they found Tikka, Ward picks up a gun off the ground and hands it to Jakoby. Jakoby remarks, "Heh. I get the big gun." Ward looks at his gun, then the gun he just handed to Jakoby and he reaches out and takes it from Jakoby and hands him the other gun. Jakoby accepts it in stride, but snarks, "Ah. I didn't mind having the big gun."
• Jakoby's Gun Goes Click moment. He declares, "I can't. I'm out," in a tone that says "God hates me for some reason!"
• The moment right after the climax.
  Ward: [wearily] Hey, Nick...fuck magic.
  Jakoby: I dunno. I still think it's kinda cool.
  Ward: Hey, the firemen are here! Yo Nick! We shoulda been firemen!
• After waking up in a high-security hospital facility, Ward insists that Jakoby keep quiet and let him do the talking. Jakoby agrees, then promptly begins gushing excitedly about the whole thing to the FBI agents, especially when he describes Leilah as "Not a very nice lady. Very well-dressed—uh, like you—but, uh, terrible person!" Ward keeps trying to get a word in edgewise, saying, "Nick! Nick! Let the nice Federal Agents ask their questions!"
  • Throughout Jakoby's rambling, the camera keeps cutting back to the two feds just standing there listening silently as he goes on and on over Ward's efforts to rein him in. At one point Kandomere, the elven agent, appears to be sighing to himself.
• After a gangster tries to shoot through Ward's car window: "Bulletproof, dickhead!"