Funny / Basic Instructions

• How To Deal With Trick-or-Treaters: "There's no such thing as enough Mr. Pibb!"
• How To Fake a Smile: "Your hide will make a fine poncho!"
• How To Make A Decision: "That's why I suggest you split the difference by doing the right thing in the most evil manner possible."
• How To Avenge Your Brother's Murder: "arrange the scene so that he dies in your arms and you are smeared in his blood, for dramatic effect."
• How to Explain Your Tastes:
  Scott: Dr Pepper has NEVER contained prunes. If it did, it would say "made with real fruit" on the label.
• How to Greet People:
  "My pet ferret had a stroke.
  "Huh. It's gonna take me a while to process that."
  "Yeah, him, too."
  • "It's like aloha, only violent!"
• How to Give Directions: "There's only one KFC on 3rd. If you see a different KFC, you're on the wrong street."
• How to Face Your Fears: Scott's expression in he third panel. That is all.
  • And revisited in How to Overcome Your Fear.
  Scott: IT'S TASTING MY FEAR!
  Scott's Wife: Well I'm having fun.
  Scott: YOU'RE ENJOYING MY FEAR!
  Scott's Wife: True.
• How To Look beyond the Obvious may be the greatest pun in history.
• Bag wag sing.
• "How to deal with emotions. Panel three particularly.
  Rick: I looked frantically for a place to pull over before I got to the freeway. I didn't want the frog on my windshield to get hurt.
  Scott: It sounds like it really freaked you out.
  Rick: So much so that I forgot the intermittent wipers were on.
• How to Avoid Making Harmful Assumptions: in which Scott demonstrates his ability to say the wrong thing.
• The final step in How to Not Change People's Minds:
  Instead of shrill fighting, I prefer logical discussion, which also does not work.