Funny: Back to School

  • The entire dinner party sequence, early in the film.
  • "I know you! You're that guy from those obnoxious commercials! You're 'Tall & Fat'!" "Oh, yeah? Well, you're short and ugly. Gimme back that pen!"
  • The 'Tall & Fat' commercial shown at the beginning, mercilessly mocking the entire concept of body image. With Thornton closing "If you wanna look thin, you hang around fat people!"
    Thornton (turning off the ad): So whadda ya think, Lou?
    Lou: You could lose a few pounds.
    Thornton (shaking his head): I gotta hire bigger actors...
  • The One-Scene Wonder moment of Sam Kinison going nuclear as a whacked-out history professor, forcing Rodney to get as berserk as he is just to get out of the room alive.
    Thornton: Good teacher. He really seems to care. About what I have no idea.
  • Everybody gets at least one. Unlike many modern comedians, Dangerfield was more than willing to let other people be funny in his movies
  • "You're perfect!"
  • Thornton hires Kurt Vonnegut to write his paper on Vonnegut... and the paper gets an F. Also notable for an Offscreen Moment of Funny: "Fuck me? Well, fuck you!" That's right, Kurt Vonnegut dropped an F-bomb on Thornton over the phone, and it's a shame the audience never gets to hear it.
  • When Chas fakes a cramp in the climax:
    Chas: (to coach) I have got a really bad cramp. I've been having bad cramps all week.
    Jason: Maybe it's menstrual.
    Chas: Screw you, Melon!
  • In Professor Terguson's class, when Terguson chews out and screams at someone who answers his question about the Vietnam War:
    Thornton: Hey professor, take it easy, these kids, they were in grade school at the time! And me, heh, I'm not a fighter, I'm a lover!
    Terguson: Weeeeell, I didn't know you wanted to join the discussion, Mr. Helper! But since you want to help, maybe you can help me. You remember that thing we had about thirty years ago called the Korean conflict? And how we failed to achieve victory? How come we didn't cross the 38th parallel and push those rice-eaters back to the Great Wall of China? (rips a desk out) Then take the fucking wall apart brick by brick and nuke them back into the fucking stone age forever? Tell me why! How come? SAY IT! SAY IT!
    Thornton: All right. I'll say it. 'Cause Truman was too much of a pussy wimp to let MacArthur go in there and blow out those Commie bastards!
    Terguson: (creepy smile) Good answer. Good answer. I like the way you think. I'm gonna be watching you.
    Thornton: (chuckles) Good teacher. He really seems to care. About what, I have no idea.
  • "Why don't you call me some time when you have no class?"
  • "What's a bath without bubbles? Hey Bubbles, get over here!"
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