Funny / All the Wrong Questions

  • The Hemlock Tearoom and Stationary Shop serves food that is impossible to eat. The eggs in particular are even worse than those of the Museum of Bad Breakfast, “where visitors can learn just how badly eggs can be prepared”.
    • In fact, when a bystander asks Lemony why he's spending so long in the bathroom, he replies "the eggs". The bystander nods sympathetically.
    • Actually, the bystander washes his hands sympathetically... which is even funnier.
  • According to Lemony, the best way to ask for directions to the bathroom is “If I were a bathroom, where would I be?”
  • Theodora trying to “use a con”.
    “You don’t know me,” she said in a bright, false voice. “I’m a young woman and this [a twelve-year-old Lemony] is my husband and we’re on our honeymoon and we’re both crazy about lighthouses. Can we come in and talk to you for a minute?”
    • Later:
      “We love ink,” Theodora tried.
      “You told Mr. Mallahan you loved lighthouses.”
      “We love everything,” Theodora said with a desperate smile.
  • "There's an easy method for finding someone when you hear them scream. First get a clean sheet of paper and a sharp pencil. Then sketch out nine rows of fourteen squares each. Then throw the piece of paper away and find whoever is screaming so you can help them. It is no time to fiddle with paper." (As well as the Call-Back later.)
  • After Lemony falls into a tree and Ellington climbs a ladder to get to him:
    Ellington: That was quite a stunt. Where did you learn to fall into a tree like that?
    Lemony: I've had an unusual education.
    Ellington: Did they teach you how to get down?
    Lemony: The best way is to wait for someone with a ladder.
  • The implication that Theodora flipped Lemony off while they were trying to steal the statue.
  • In When Did You See Her Last? Lemony's getting a pudding-bowl haircut. He remarks that his one consolation is that he will never be illustrated with a bowl over his head. Guess what's on the next page?
  • When Lemony is arrested, he's put into a lineup alongside Stew and a filing cabinet. The fact that nobody bar Lemony finds this odd, and that it is referred to as "Number Star", is just icing on the cake.
  • And from Shouldn't You Be In School? we have this from Lemony.
    If you've never had buttermilk and are curious about what it tastes like, good for you and don't be.