Time to prepare for my British vacation. My only souvenir will be flaming vengeance.Bad fanfiction is no uncommon occurrence; it litters the fields of various devoted sites all across the internet. Some, however, are so horribly, laughably bad that they gain a degree of infamy within their respective fandoms. Harry Potter has My Immortal. Death Note has Light and Dark The Adventures of Dark Yagami. For the Garfield fandom, that fic is Garfield Royal Rescue (as well as all Garfield fanfics written by the author).Garfield Royal Rescue, written by ShakespeareHemingway, is a (rather short) tale in which - like with every other story the author has done so far - Garfield is retooled into a badass of epic proportions, fighting the evil...Prince William of England, to rescue his love interest, Kate Middleton. Yes, really.What ensues is a very beige adventure that involves Garfield delivering lots of one-liners, and relieving royal guards of duty. Violently.There is also a sequel, Garfield: Prince of Tragedy: Royal Rescue Part 2, where Prince Harry becomes the new Big Bad.
- Action Hero: Garfield is re-imagined as one of these, having almost nothing in common with his lazy, snarky, Fat and Proud canon self.
- Badass: Garfield again.
- Battle Cry: See Catch Phrase.
- Beige Prose
- But Now I Must Go: Garfield apparently does this to Kate in between stories, as he is too wild to be bound to a life of monogamy.
- Catch Phrase: Jon's "AMAKOOOOOOOO."
- Clock Tower: Big Ben. Which shoots lasers.
- Except Big Ben is the bell, not the clock tower.
- Distressed Damsel: Kate Middleton, and her sister Pippa in the sequel.
- Felony Misdemeanor: Garfield reacts badly when he sees that there's no "lausgna".
- Frickin' Laser Beams: Big Ben
- Full-Name Basis: Kate Middleton, Pippa Middleton and Sarah Ferguson are always referred to as such.
- Made of Explodium: British Royal Guards, apparently.
- Pre Ass Kicking One Liner: If Garfield isn't making one of these, he's probably either involved in IKEA-worthy debauchery, killing mooks, or you're simply not reading the story right.
- The Power of Rock: In the sequel, Garfield is on the ropes until Jon Arbuckle appears on a hilltop with a lasagna guitar (really) and Garfield is recharged by his shredding."The metal of your chains is no match for the metal in my veins." Garfield said with rock and roll.
- Real Person Fic: A crossover with the world of Garfield, but yes. In this case, Prince William goes through severe doses of Ron the Death Eater.
- Said Bookism: Every dialogue tag, without exception, is in the format of "Said/[other bookism] with X".
- Trademark Favorite Food: This fic takes Garfield's love of lasagna Up to Eleven; he drives a car with a lasagna license plate, smokes a lasagna cigar and has recorded a chart-topping hit single called "Love is Lasagna", which seems to be comparing sex to lasagna. Also, Jon has a lasagna guitar.
- Trollfic: Almost certainly.
- Weaponized Landmark: See Clock Tower above.