I don't know where exactly these come from. I know they're part of the whole Nintendo Comics System line, but I don't know where they fit. Were they bundled with other volumes in the line, because I'm pretty sure they only had five actual issues.
I do know one thing for certain: they both suck ass.
The Master Machine
The story starts with a 2/3rds page spread of Kevin and Lana looking at a computer. Lana says that it's in charge of the Palace's defenses now. Wait: the Palace has defenses? Since when? The computer states its Prime Directives, and Lana says that the Palace will be perfectly protected now that the Master Computer System (MCS, because MCP would have been theft) is online. Kevin says that he doesn't like having his life ruled by a machine and wonders why she needs it if she has him.
OK, you have a functioning brain. By this point, which describes just the action on the first page, you can pretty much guess what's going to happen. The computer will go rogue, shit will happen, and Kevin will have to destroy it, thus proving that the cold hand of technology will never replace a true Mary Sue. And it's not like this plot was new in the late 80s/early 90s; children of this era had already seen it plenty. So, will they execute this tired, hackney plot with subtlety, grace, or elegance?
Are you kidding?
We spend an entire page on a lightning bolt hitting the tower, passing through the wall, and hitting the computer. This reprograms it to switch Lana and Mother Brain's images around, so it thinks that Lana is Mother Brain, their enemy. Though the twist is that this isn't random lightning; it's actually controlled by Mother Brain.
Anyway, some of her very off-model goons start attacking. The MCS recognizes them as badguys and erects a shield against them. As Lana chastises Kevin for his Luddite way, she has the computer identify her to allow her entry. Well it thinks she's Mother Brain, so it snatches her, gasses her and then decides to kill her. Oh, but it waits 60 seconds so that Kevin can come up with a way to stop it.
Kevin remembers what Lana said about MCS being a game computer, as well as it saying that it doesn't make mistakes. So Kevin creates another error: he shoots the door, thus an identified ally is attacking; then he tries to Logic Bomb it by saying that it may have made an error with Lana. However, this isn't Star Trek: TOS and Kevin damn sure isn't James T. Kirk, so that doesn't work. MCS simply says that Mother Brain is a priority target.
Then Kevin says this, "But you captured the prisoner easily! What if your defenses can't stop me from reaching the central power core! Then I'd be the primary enemy, wouldn't I?" This... makes the computer stop. And it says, "Your statement is logical."
BULLSHIT! There isn't anything even remotely like logic happening here. What in the flying fuck does Kevin getting to her central power core have to do with killing Lana? Just because she's not the "primary enemy" doesn't mean she's not an enemy and therefore subject to extermination. Kevin didn't outsmart the machine; the writers simply failed to understand what they were doing.
And let's not forget that this is contrived to begin with. MCS's Directive #1 is "Serve the Allies of Justice." That's Kevin; if he says "don't kill her," then it shouldn't. To do otherwise would be to fail to serve.
But it's obvious I put more thought into this than the writers did. So we get a full-page montage of Kevin going through the Palace while MCS tries to stop him. And fails.
Meanwhile, Mother Brain shows up and "walks" through the forcefield, since she's "Lana" to the MCS. Then Kevin gets to the central core, realising that if he destroys the MCS, all its defenses will deactivate, allowing Mother Brain's hordes access. So he plugs his Zapper into the power core.
And then... this happens.
That has to be the single worst reference to that scene I have ever seen. Can this comic get worse?
... yes. Yes it can.
Kevin says that he didn't fire because he and Lana aren't enemies, and that the MCS is in error. Then Mother Brain snatches the pistol out of his hands. Of course, MCS recognizes her as Lana, so Kevin tries a new trick: have the MCS ask "Lana" to remove her weapons. So Mother Brain does so (pulling guns out of what I can only assume is her ass. Her brain ass), only to zap the MCS to dust with another metal lightning bolt, which means that all of the defense are now down and her horde can invade.
So Kevin presses pause. Yes, really. The writers have just had their Mary Sue resolve the plot by pulling hax.
See, while everything is paused, he plugs his Control Pad into the computer, somehow giving himself control over the Palace's defenses. Thus, the pause wears off and Mother Brain is quickly evicted.
Jesus Christ that was bad. It's not like it was breaking new territory with the plot, and the character was nonexistent. But the sheer lack of logic and reason, coupled with the bullshit plot resolution turned it from face-palming into truly dreadful. Just a Dog is still the worst episode thus far, but this is a close second.
All's Well that Ends Well
We begin with a full-page spread of Lana, Kevin, and Pit, fighting giant snakes in a jungle setting. This is Kongoland. We get some exposition that Kevin brought them all here without even bothering to tell them why first. Besides making Lana and Pit more useless than usual, it also sets up the theme for this episode. Well, in theory; in practice, it will mean nothing.
After getting to a safe spot, Kevin tells them that he found a scroll in the palace that speaks of an ultimate weapon at the bottom of the Well of Despair. He figures that this will be strong enough to take out Mother Brain. Lana's more concerned about what kind of damage such a weapon could do, but Kevin focuses on the whole "end the war" thing.
An empty suit of armor floats up and transforms into an armored snake ogre. But Kevin pulls hax on it and punches it while paused. Well, that non-tension was worth a full page.
They find the well of despair, which is very large and has a convenient circular staircase down. Kevin laments that he's run out of power to pull hax, and after a while, Pit starts wondering if they shouldn't just leave. After a longer while, monsters start pouring out of a hole in the wall. Kevin suggests backing away, but it turns out that the stairs behind them have been disappearing.
Kevin is concerned that shooting at the monsters might accidentally disintegrate some necessary stairs, so he asks Pit if he could be useful. You know, for a change. And it turns out he can; he uses "Arrows of Ambition," which caused them all to keep trying to climb higher. So they fell off the end of the stairs. Doesn't that make them more "Arrows of Lemmings" or "Arrows of We Fail at Comedy?"
Kevin has reconsidered this quest in light of the danger. But since there are no stairs leading up, Pit has to carry them out of the well one-by-one. He can do that, BTW; carry people. He takes Lana first, but they disappear before they get very far up the cavern.
Cut to Kevin and his dog walking deeper. It's been hours and there's no sign of the bottom. Kevin laments that things can't get worse, so a horribly off-model Mother Brain appears. Or at least, Mother Brain's face. She makes the stone ledge that Duke is on disappear. Oh no, please, not the dog.
Then Mother Brain says that there is no bottom, hence the well of despair thing. Kevin says that he won't give up, that he'll beat her if it takes forever.
And then he's teleported out of the well to where Lana, Pit, and Duke are. Oh, and a lizard guy appears to explain the plot. See, this was all a test; Kevin showed courage in the face of despair. So Kevin thinks the great weapon was courage. No Kevin, that would have made sense, as well as caused Link from their sister comic to teleport over and disembowel him with his magic sword. The great weapon was... patience.
Um... no it wasn't. In fact, his next line shows how it's not patience, "that persistence will triumph over despair." Persistence and patience ARE NOT THE SAME FUCKING THING! Persistence is moving forward despite the difficulties. Patience is all about waiting for something to happen on its own, typically while not actually trying to force it to happen yourself.
This is why the whole theme of patience thing they tried to set up failed. Kevin was impatient at the beginning; he wanted to force a victory by finding some particular weapon to defeat her. But patience never came up after that. This lizard guy says that it does, but Kevin never showed any patience in the well. He showed determination and persistence, not patience.
