So the second chapter of "The Girl Who Lived" is titled "The Letter & The Professor." It combines events from the canon chapters "The Letters From No One" and "The Keeper of the Keys."
Y'know, I notice that the chapters in this story are a lot less colorful than those in the book. I mean, "The Vanishing Glass" versus "The Snake." "The Letters From No One" and "The Keeper of the Keys" versus "The Letter & The Professor." I swear, I can almost feel the color and fun being drained from the story.
First sentence of the chapter, copied word for word with the exception of a single, unnecessary comma.
So the chapter, as in canon, starts with the stuff about how it's summer and stuff. In the original book, there's this exchange with Dudley.
"No, thanks," said Harry. "The poor toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it i it might be sick." Then he ran, before Dudley could work out what he'd said.
Nope! Not in this fanfic! Apart from that it's largely the same, though with a few changes. Like the bit where Harry sees Aunt Petunia dying a shirt grey, and he says "I didn't realise it had to be so wet." Slight tweak here.
So you feigned sarcasm? As in you sounded sarcastic but were totally sincere?
Also changed is this bit.
"Make Harry get it."
"Get the mail, Harry."
"Make Dudley get it."
"Poke him with your Smelting stick, Dudley."
Harry dodged the Smelting stick and went to get the mail.
Okay, I guess it's supposed to be "post" in the British version, I don't have the British version. Anyway, that's changed to...
“Make Rose get it.”
“Get the post, Rose.”
With a scowl I went to get the post.
Rose doesn't complain, no, she just goes off and does it. Because she has such great mental discipline and maturity. Apparently the author thought that a children's book being fun was stupid.
So Rose gets the post and finds that there's a letter for her. Now, you'll recall how this went in the book. Harry gets the letter, and the Dursleys take it from him. And we get that they're absolutely terrified of this letter. This leads to Harry getting moved to Dudley's second bedroom, and more letters come, but eerily the letters know where he is. We follow the week as more letters comes and Vernon Dursley goes to ridiculous lengths to keep Harry from getting the letters, including sleeping by the front door to catch the post. This culminates in a fantastic scene where letters stream into the house through the chimney. This also happened in the movie, and it was one of the few really visually fantastic moments in what was otherwise a fairly bland-looking film.
Buildup? Suspense? Mystery? Humor? Naaaaaaaaah, that's fucking stupid. In this fic Rose just manages to take her letter, breaking Vernon's arm in the process. The ten-year-old girl can break a middle-aged, heavy-set man's arm. Because she has super-strength. But it's okay, because he was fixing to tear off her shirt to get at the letter.
I was at the point of unfolding her letter, but with lightening quick reflexes shoved it down my shirt, before Uncle Vernon could snatch it out of my hand. I should have known that this would happen. That they would try to deprive me of the only letter I had ever gotten in my life; my only hope. It took one look to know that Uncle Vernon would not stop until he had the letter, his grubby sausage like hands were encroaching on my personal space, and I was sure he was not above ripping my baggy shirt off to get the letter, never mind that I didn’t even have a bra on underneath. [[quoteblock]]
Wherein the story basically just completely skips over the stuff about why the Dursleys want to take the letter away. In the original book is because Hogwarts freaked them out. In here it's just... because they're abusive.
Aaaaand then there's this.
[[quoteblock]]I instantly fell into a balanced stance with my side to Uncle Vernon, my arms tucked in and protecting my rib cage while my hands were ready around my face, ready to deflect, and strike back. With a surge of adrenaline, my mind slipped into Void. Void was a term my Sensei used to describe a state of awareness which was all encompassing, it allowed you to see everything that was happening around you all at once and time slowed to a snails pace, at least, it was that way for me.
So Rose doesn't just have super strength, she has fucking bullet time. Because Harry Potter needed special ninja powers. That adds a lot to the story, by taking away conflict.
You know, bullet time was neat in The Matrix, but Neo didn't start with all these superpowers. He was just a fairly normal dude who got caught up in something big and crazy. And yeah, he got superpowers, but he didn't have instant mastery of everything - take for example the part where he failed to make that big jump. And it wasn't until near the end that he had the climactic parts where he found himself able to take on the Agents successfully. While his gaining power levels can kinda be chalked up to Deus ex Machina, they were at least decently-paced throughout the story - he didn't just start with the ability to roflstomp Agents.
Maybe that's why people didn't like the sequels. Neo was already ridiculously powerful, leaving little else to go. I dunno. Maybe I'll have to actually watch the Matrix sequels. Fell asleep during the second one. The Zion Rave scene was stupid.
So while Vernon and Dudley are out of commission, she runs away to Mrs. Figg's house.
“That bastard!” exclaimed Mrs Figg. “Don’t worry Rose; you’re safe here, all right. I just need to go make a quick call.” Mrs Figg stood and got a mischievous smile on her face, something I had never seen before. “I suggest you read your letter though.” Mrs Figg disappeared into her basement where the cabbage smell constantly wafted from. With a curious frown on her face, I reached down my shirt and unfurled the now scrunched letter and read:
Note the swearing. This fic has a lot more swearing than the books. So Rose reads it and finds out that she's a witch.
I don't recall Mrs. Figg talking like this in the books. She was an old lady with a lot of cats. It'd be more in-character for her to something like "Quite a shock, isn't it?" or something.
So Figg tells Rose to sit nice and pretty while she rings someone up. Rose goes to meditate.
It startled me when I was interrupted out of my rolling green landscapes of solace, by my name being called. It seemed like it was coming from miles away, and then in a rush the world of my mind vanished and I fell to the floor on my rear. I snapped open my eyes in furious irritation and looked around for who had interrupted my peaceful world back to the harsh reality that contained the cruel Dursleys.
And then Hagrid arrives, with... what... it's not Hagrid? Then who is it? ...Professor McGonagall?
You're going to introduce your protagonist to the wonderful world of magic, and of all the characters to come along, you bring McGonagall?
Hagrid's introduction was a big part of the book. He was a huge, larger-than-life figure who knocked the door off its hinges. He had a scraggly beard, a big umbrella, and a memorable accent. He takes a gun and ties it into a knot with his bare hands.
Professor McGonagall, on the other hand, is by most outward appearances a fairly normal, conservative disciplinarian figure. The most fantastic element about her is that she can turn into a cat. It isn’t until later books that we start seeing her being really cool.
Of course, the good professor gives most of the exposition, taking away from most of Hagrid’s part, including the details about Voldemort and the deaths of her parents. The changes, however, are funny. Like, you know how Hagrid is outraged at how Harry was told his parents died in a car crash? Well, here, that line is given to Mrs Figg.
This despite Mrs Figg knowing Rose for years and not telling her anything about the magic stuff herself. Maybe I could buy that this is the first she’s specifically heard of the car crash thing, but man is this characterization inconsistent.
And now for other stuff.
I liked it in the book better. Hagrid doesn’t want to say it until Harry coaxes it out of him. It helps to build a mystique about the villain and make him more ominous. Not to mention the way they talked about Voldemort in the first chapter of the book, which was cut from this fanfic because the protagonist wasn’t the center of attention. Here it’s just a pause, and then she goes on to call him You-Know-Who. If you’re just gonna call him You-Know-Who the rest of the time, why call him Voldemort in the first place?
“That is a good question, Rose. He vanished. Disappeared. The same night as he tried to kill you. Professor Dumbledore is of the opinion that You-Know-Who’s powers were destroyed and his body as well, while his spirit is out there still, waiting. Some others say he died. Which I dispute, as I don’t believe You-Know-Who was human enough to die,” answered McGonagall.
“Some others say he died. Which I dispute, as I don’t believe You-Know-Who was human enough to die.”
Yes. This totally sounds like believable dialogue.
And there’s another change to this chapter - the characters do not speak kindly of Dumbledore.
In the original book, when Hagrid spoke about Dumbledore, he was fucking ‘’reverent’’. These details are important - the way a character is described before they appear is important because it sets an expectation for the audience. With the original book the expectation set is “wow, this is someone the characters deeply admire.” With this fanfic it’s “what a dumbass.”
So, at that point they decide to immediately head for Gringotts so that Rosey can get started on her school shopping.
“Indeed, a lot of Muggle (non-magic folk) fairy tales, you will find actually do exist in the wizarding world,” said Mrs Figg. Professor McGonagall huffed at the contents of the letter she received and Mrs Figg was glancing at the newspaper.
Parentheses in dialogue. Lovely. But wait! There’s more!
“You don’t know the half of it; I don’t know how Albus can stand having that incompetent buffoon pestering him for advice constantly,” said McGonagall.
“There’s a Ministry of Magic?” I asked in interest.
“Of course,” said McGongall, “they wanted Headmaster Dumbledore for Minister of course, but he’d never leave Hogwarts, so Cornelius Fudge got the job. An incompetent politician if there ever was one, so he pelts the Headmaster with owls every morning, asking for advice.”
Here’s another thread that occurs throughout the story - the Ministry of Magic sucks. Now, they weren’t exactly presented as being all great in the books, but there’s a difference: In the books, we didn’t even see anything about the Ministry until book three, and it wasn’t until book five that we started to see their really ugly side. And there it was actually handled pretty well - themes about meddling bureaucrats, the consequences of always having your head in the sand rather than willing to face your problems, and things like that.
Here it’s just “politicians are dumb.” Also note the way the thing with Dumbledore is framed. In the original book, it’s “Dumbledore is so admired that even the Minister of Magic seeks his advice.” Here it’s just “that stupid politician can’t do anything so he pesters Dumbledore.”
And so they head off to Gringotts. Oh boy.
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