This is it. After...fuck, how many chapters did I even cover? Well, after about an entire year of me covering their stuff and berating the everloving shit out of the entire series, this is the end. This time around, I'll cover three chapters each, so prepare for an extra-long liveblog than usual.
Previously, nothing that eventful happened. Except that Group #1 left Zia alive, and Ginny from Group #2 is about to be captured.
Let's continue with the madness, once again starting with Attack of the Sphinx, with...
This chapter...only covers a letter Ebony received. I am dead serious.
- "Honey, I'm just you, you cannot get my e-mail asking me, I said I want to send you e-mail, much of this laptop is a big waste to keep frozen. Anyway, what do you think? He deleted it and chats with me anymore, according to Anna Beth that knows me, but guess what but what was the good news is I imp two reasons that even now. Yeah, me and boyfriend three but I am broke and Where to go to match the imp? Law and orphans imp actually know there is. In addition, three relatives, but the song is too cold. I would say remember when, I think you're smart and wanted to rest for a car! Hard to go to China imp imply is father is still there you may want to be able to chat with me. Perhaps I can help you move more fertilizer. Yet you're online? But was not confusing but I'm here Imp orphans need someone for me in my city and better for their children like this a lot of talk about a few things, I just got so much more when you know you think about preparation time for me I am imp, a virgin. I love the outdoors and to socialize outside beverages, restaurants, movies, and I want to travel and Imp, Oh sir, the guru of gurus super excited, but they will not be accepted. You want to see the farmer and all that in mind. Love, sex, and more etches. No you do not want me, I hope, and do not forget the cold, but he's done already. Oh, I've got to find a job for me. You contact the company or do you know anyone renting? Skill in working from home right now, I wanted to meet people. Regards,
DolanI am Desjardins Michael."
All I can say is, WHAT THE FUCK? Really...about the only things I got out of that is that they say "imp" a hell of a lot, and this is completely more clusterfuckial than the chapter featuring Rika's gibberish battle.
...it's almost like any friggin' spam mail you'd normally see. Only made worse.
Naturally, Ebony, not recognizing the entire bullshit, thinks that Michael is heading to Egypt. Carter assures her that it's a trick by an owl master from when he followed the ways of the Egyptian gods. They have to warn William that he's following a trap...and they know where the next God is located: namely, in the Pyramids Myriads of Egypt. Also, it was created 3,000 years ago instead of...basically, again, Thomas fails at everything.
The chapter ends with Ebony going with Carter because she's weak and foolish. God, I can't wait to get done with this shit, because the sexism is just as ridiculous as everything fucking else.
Carter and Ebony head to the museum, where Zia tortures William. See, guys, I fucking told you that leaving her blind and (probably?) mute solves nothing. Also, we get a gross sequence that will not be liveblogged here.
William tells Carter that he's hurting and needs seducing. Wait, what? Regardless, the latter tells the former that he'll help him out, and he takes out a sword called "Sufferer". Oh, God, please don't tell me that he got it off of Homestuck...
Just that quick, Carter manages to behead Zia, but he doesn't like that type of carnage. So he stabs it with his sword and throws it out a window. Uh...
Suddenly, WILD ANUBIS APPEARED! He is ready to kill Carter, but he feels determined. He strangles Anubis and slits his throat, killing him easily once again. We end this chapter with him making a speech about how the evil God will go to Hell, and anyone who was misguided would be saved. And everyone bows down to Carter and worshipped Jesus.
...fuck you, Insta-Convert.
Chapter 9: Carter and William go to Syria. Where Are the Egyptian Gods, Then?
Carter decides that in order to spare their lives, they have to convert to the ways of Christianity. After all, Jesus died on the...corpse? Fucking seriously?
(facepalms)
The speech goes on with William saying that anyone who practices the Satanic arts will die. Needless to say, almost everyone's converted.
Except for a few. There are some people who just can't part ways with their spellbooks. Oh, wait, four people totally gave up their books, because until Ebony and William showed up, they didn't really decide. And said books were set on fire. Yay, book-burning!
The witches spout off typical evil bullshit that's the norm for the series, and then they're put to death. How? They're clubbed. And it goes on to say that had they given up their books, they'd follow the law. Which is pretty damn stupid, I mean...this makes the Prayer Warriors even more monstrous than they already are.
Then Grover shows up just in time to do the following: #1) reveal that the next Egyptian God is in Syria and #2) gets killed by a flying arrow. What was the point of that? The chapter and this part of the story ends with the group burying Grover, and they're going to head to Syria. Why? Because someone named Assed may be hiding an Egyptian God.
...I'm going to save my thoughts for later, for right now, here comes the three-part finale of The Titans Strike Back!
Chapter 7: The Saint Patrick's Day Episode, Because What's Saint Patrick's Day Without Murder?
And yes, for the record, when the chapter was first uploaded onto fanfiction.net, it was on a Saint Patrick's Day.
The chapter starts when Jesus sends Michael and Draco a message. Namely, they must go to Ireland. Why? To defeat all those Satanic beasts, of course! Draco says that they must go at once...in a demanding but manly voice. What.
So they head to Ireland, only to find no Satanic breasts beasts. Everyone's going to church. Michael thinks that Jesus is messing around with them, but Draco disagrees.
Some time later, someone tells them that Satan's there so the British can take control of Northern Ireland, and with the help of the IRA, they head over there. I actually feel incredibly uncomfortable liveblogging this segment because of so many problems with this scenario, but I must press on.
A demon shows up, and it turns out to be...Saint George. Who is a fake President only sent to enslave Ireland. Oh, and he supports the Church of England.
...oy. At this point, I'm not even going to bother doing some counter-research. I just need to survive through this...
After making their statements, Saint George dies very easily. By getting his head smashed into a wall. Really. Ireland becomes the United States' ally, and the chapter ends with the group rescuing Ginny from Harry Potter. Of course, he, too, manages to escape, but not before notifying them where another Titan's located.
...also, we get this bullshit.
- "GOD BLESS THE UNITED REPUBLIC OF THE ENTIRE IRELANDGOD BLESS SAINT PATRICK AND THE HOLY ALCOHOLIC CHURCHGOD BLESS THE HOLY UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!GOD BLESS US ALL AND FOR THE FUTURE REPUBLICAN PRESIDENT
Hey, Thomas, what was it again about swearing? Also, considering the "Holy Alcoholic Church" misspelling, I will need a fucking drink after everything's said and done.
Chapter 8: The Crows Leaves the Towers of the London. Don't You Mean "Tower of London"?
Back in Ireland, Ginny tells the group that they must go back to London. Weren't they there when they saved her? That would have been a hell of a lot easier.
She reveals that Lola, the Wind Titan, is hiding in the Tower of London, where—I shit you not—the false queen's Royal Jewels is located, and where she sends her prisoners (including heterosexuals, Catholics, and conservative men!) to be tortured.
Keep in mind that they're talking about what's now known as a tourist attraction. And as far as executions go, only seven people were executed there.
The group decides to save them, going on and on about how England should go back to its Catholic self. Which really adds nothing to the plot.
So even though Michael says that they'll get plane tickets...they use a train instead. Which makes no sense. I mean...how in the hell would they get from anywhere in Ireland to London, England?
Oh, and you want to know what they did in that magical train? Read the Bible. Because who needs silly things like iPods or computer games when you could read passages? Admittedly, there are a ton of stories that are badass, but then again, the reason why they read the Bible? To learn very good Christian messages.
I got nothing.
Draco and Ginny fall in love, and apparentally, the former kisses the latter's eyes.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!
Also, they don't do Wooden Ducks. As if it's worthy to be mentioned. Thomas, quit treating us like idiots.
And they're apparentally on a plane now. Okay...
When they arrive in London, Draco makes a speech, blah blah, he was a sinner but he's now good. Then Lola of the Wind shows up, telling them that they must be stopped. Draco takes out a heavy sword called Delirium and tries to slash Lola with it, but there's a problem. Namely, the blade goes through her since her domain is wind. And to tempt fate again, not even a prayer can stop her since she can use her powers to create a distraction.
DO THE WINDY THING DO THE WINDY THING DO THE WINDY THING—what was that? Sorry, had a...moment.
So Draco decides to pray, anyway, and his sword—I really am not making this shit up—is turned into a vacuum cleaner. The chapter ends with Lola sucked into the vacuum cleaner, and the holy air inside said vacuum kills her.
...okay, that is the weirdest death ever.
Chapter 9: The Screws Leave the Tower
The chapter begins with the crows leaving the Tower of London, which is seen as a good sign. Then again, if My Little Eye taught us anything, it's that crows can scent death. Maybe they're trying to find any dead Prayer Warriors/Titans?
In addition, the people are going to be happy. Why? Because soon, England will be freed from Queen Elizabeth's rule (unless if it's Elizabeth II, how on Earth did they revive her when she's dead years ago?). After all, we all know that she forced a Satanic religion on them and forced them to pay money for the Prince William/Kate wedding, otherwise they would be punished by death!
...hey, there's a wall that needs a new coat of red. (slams her head onto the wall several times)
(...several minutes later...)
Okay, now I'm better.
Draco makes a speech about how they must kill the Royal Family, and it's so many shades of fucked up. The entire plot to kill them is so many shades of fucked up. Who...thinks like that?
The townspeople, moved by his words, head to the royal palace and kill foul beasts along the way. They also manage to kill the Queen, but most of the Royal Family flees to France, and Prince William heads to Scotland. Did I mention that they've done nothing wrong and that all of the statements the Prayer Warriors make are lies?
So with the Queen dead, the people burn her body, denying a Christian burial. Everyone is free from the supposed Satanic control, but they still have to deal with Prince William. The entire story, and this stupid-ass saga, ends with Draco deciding to go to Scotland and kill the liberals.
FUCK. THAT. SHIT.
KAMEN RIDE: DIEND!
So those were The Prayer Warriors: Attack of the Sphinx and The Prayer Warriors: The Titans Strike Back. Really, there is literally nothing redeemable, and there is also literally nothing else I can say about it that hasn't been covered in other stories. It's just the same stupid-ass shit, with the stupid anti-everything-else agenda, the stupid sexism, and the stupid plots that go nowhere.
Okay, there is one, I suppose. The racism was extremely unnecessary and horrid. I mean...no human being thinks like that, that you have to have your skin changed.
I mean...this entire series cannot be a sick-ass troll series. Because not even the worst of trolls can think of this...right?!
Oh, hey, something from—
- "Dear friends, enemies and anyone willing to give a shit,You should all know me by now. I am the infamous troll that's 'worse than Jo Belle'. I still love that. I'm not going to make any apologies. I don't see why I should. I wound you up like a little clock and an alarm it got made me thrilled. Explaining why I troll would take way too much time so instead I will leave you with a parting gift. You're going to love this one.I've known that Benry, who you know better as Toby, was xxxmidnitegoffxxx for some time now. Vap confirmed it for me. Now I've known about this one little secret for a while that Benry has refused to reveal. Isn't about time to open Pandora's box and find out what little lie Benry forgot to reveal.When I worked out Benry's identity I knew I wouldn't buy it. Benry has told so many lies that it's hard to workout which is true and which is complete bullocks. So I decided to do some research. You wouldn't guess who I manage to track down. It was……………. The real Tara Gilesbie.Shocking isn't it. The person you have been worshiping the entire time was an imposter. Benry lied to you. As my friend once said, the worst thing that anyone can do is to take credit for some they had nothing to do with. Forget the racist comments of Jo Belle or my sexist remarks. We all have those rights to express those opinions no matter how extreme. But to take credit when you have not right to take credit; now that is the worse offense, I think.I would love to stay and chew your ears off but I'm off to think of the next light bulb, enough lightning to strike at you when your least expecting and annoy you some rotten. Don't bother trying work out who I am. Unlike our poor friend Benry, I was clever not to reveal anything. Idiosy was just a user name I once used. Nothing really special; but thanks to Benry, Suzy, Vap and the gang; it has taken a new meaning. Thank you for turning my name into a shutter of fear.With much regard and a few 'fuck you's', Idiosy signing off."
...Idiosy...I can officially say that your name truly has a good meaning. Because that fucking series was one of the worst I've ever read. If not the worst. I didn't particularly worship Benry, in fact, I placed him in the same boat as you—I thought that the both of you jeered Thomas on. In fact, by admitting who you really are...you're just as fucking bad as he is, because you lied as well.
And I find the racist, sexist, anti-every-fucking-thing else comments to be just as bad as lying. Why? Because there are some things you should never, ever say. Especially on the Internet. Especially when you're talking to someone. You'd never know whenever someone would do something bad to you. They'd harm you or otherwise.
Also, I can give two shits as to who Benry really is. Because by the end of the day, he's just a person. Yes, he may lie, but...look at my second paragraph.
Oh, and I would personally thank you, Idiosy, for creating this shitfest of a series. Because it taught me one thing: whenever there's beauty in the world, there's ugliness, and vice versa. In fact, I'm still going to hang onto my own philosophy about how everyone should love one another. Because I honestly believe that there is goodness in the world, and seeing all those hateful comments that ultimately served to be just jokes to you...all it did was strengthening my philosophy.
I can never be broken. Yes, I finally realized the Awful Truth about this: it was a fucking Troll Series. But you know what? Now everyone who reads it will know who I am, and I feel that I'm a bigger nightmare than you'd ever imagine. A nightmare with hope and lights at the end of tunnels, who thinks of other people and becomes tolerant of other beliefs, even when she disagrees, but still...you turned me from a nobody to a well-intentioned nightmare.
As for everyone else...don't give him nor "Ebony Brown" any attention. Yes, she turned out to be a troll as well. Go figure, huh? For those who I have doubted that it was a Troll Series...I am really sorry, and I hope that there are ways to make amends. I'm sorry that I offended you guys, and I wish that I can make it up for it; say the word.
...despite it all, my liveblogs will remain, as testimony that, yes, even some trolls can be sick in the head. This is a straight-up insult to all troll fics, and it makes most of them look like damn Shakespeare by comparison. But do I regret ever making the liveblogs, though? Hell no. Because even though I've had the message I've beaten you guys over the head with...it strengthened who I am. It makes me want to do better as a human being. To show that the world isn't all that bad.
...and that people can, indeed, love one another.
And that is what life is all about.
This has been Rika Liveblogs: The Prayer Warriors: Attack of the Sphinx/The Titans Strike Back. Until next time...see ya.
(walks off into the sunset)
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