... Do I really have to continue this? There’s a good chance this fanfic is gonna have Littlefoot derail the story again.
{We apologize for Psyga’s behaviour. It seems even with his Momentai dosage, he is still acting a little cranky-}
Yeah, shut up! I’m still pissed off at that Catdog fanfic. Alright, what’s the next shitty story? The Animal Spell
? Huh. Another Animorphism fic? Hm... Fuck it, I wanna see how they can screw this up.
So, what’s the opening sentence?
Ah, we’re going back to the Zira story. However, the way the narrator just spills the beans on Luja being the sister... It might have been better if that detail was hidden until later on, in which she reveals it. Like so: “You babies will pay for what happened to my sister!” “What did we do?” “You killed my sister, Zira!”
Instead, we go for the Randy Travis route and every little potential detail is revealed too early on and thus destroys the twist. I will give the author points for originality. Luja, as far as I’m concerned, isn’t some sort of ripoff from the Lion King.
... What? N.I.M.H? As in the National Institute of Mental Health? That N.I.M.H? It’s a research organization for mental illness. How the hell do you gain magic powers from a place that’s mostly dedicated to curing insanity?
{Suddenly, Wataru talks via intercom}
Wataru: I believe the narrator’s referring to The Secret Of NIMH.
... Oh. That movie. ... Let me level with you guys here, I have never seen the movie in its entirety. Mostly because of that Nightmare Fuel scene where the rats are being experimented upon. However, I am pretty sure you don’t gain magic from that place. All you gain is a massive intelligence boost. Magic was gained through different means, I think. I could be wrong.
AND NOW YOU’RE MIIIIIIIIINE! ... I apologize for that random burst of song. So we’re told that a year had passed (perhaps the events of the previous fanfics happened in the same year, assuming that all these fanfics have a connection) and Didi decides to go back to the bridge where they were almost attacked by wolves. Why? PLOT! Luja decides to hide in a bush that had grown (via magic sprinkle dust?) as the parents finally decide to bring Spike. About time, you useless adults. Well, for about an hour before Luja captures Spike offscreen. Well, the narration said that she captured him, but it’s like a sentence long. Also, she took Tommy’s sponsitility.
Let me explain, during the movie, Stu gives Tommy a pocket watch, saying it’s his responsibility to take care of Dil. In typical Rugrats fashion, Tommy thinks he’s actually talking about the watch and calling it his responsibility, or as he pronounces it, “sponsitility”. Also, he thinks it’s a compass.
So they look for Spike and they encounter a dog who is Luja in disguise. How do we know? She flat out tells them her name. To be fair, they don’t know who Luja is, but we know since the narrator blabbed at us about her. Anyways, she tells them that she can find Spike and Tommy’s sponsitility if they perform a spell... IT’S A TRAP! Anyways, Tommy goes to her and... Oh, she just tells them where Spike is. So much for that spell then.
"Okay," Tommy said.
He then told her, " Uh, I need my 'sponsitility to find him."
"Oh, really?", Luja said eagerly.
... SHE JUST POINTED OUT TO YOU WHERE SPIKE IS! HAVE HER ESCORT YOU TO THE CAVE! You know what, screw it, she decides to shake hands with Tommy, and-
What the hell?
Dr. Facilier: ARE YOU READY?!
ARE YOU READY?!
Oh God damn it!
Dr. Facilier: TRANSFORMATION CENTRAL!
TRANSFORMATION CENTRAL!
Okay. We get the joke.
{song stops}
Dr. Facilier: Party Pooper.
So yeah, like Dr. Facilier pointed out, Tommy turns into a dog after shaking a poor sinner’s hand. It’s a little more complicated than that however. The sponsitility wraps around Tommy’s neck and chokes him (!) and then... she has them find Spike... and then when they’re at the bridge, she finally decides to turn them into animals. It’s confusing as fuck. Seriously, this bitch has a Complexity Addiction. Just fucking claw them when they least expect it.
Alright, so what did the Rugrats become? Well, Tommy became a wolf (a nod to the Animorphs Fanfic?), Angelica became a lynx, Chuckie became a fox, Lil is an eagle... Alright, these are good choices so far... Phil is a... Oh fuck you. He’s a velociraptor. Alright. Take a shot. {chug} Oh, and Dil is an archaeopteryx. Suddenly, a dog comes who the narrator explains is named... Okay, seriously? Kiara? We went from Luja to Kiara? Thankfully she doesn’t rip off any lines from the Lion King version of Kiara, but she just derps by and gives advice on how to cure this transformation. Then she leaves and is never mentioned again. Okay, I’ll accept it so long as she doesn’t derp back and rip off some lines.
Dr. Facilier: Woah, woah, woah! Hold it! Ya can’t just accept that little dumpage of info! The bad guy just turned them all into animals and all of a sudden, this dog comes out of nowhere and tells them how to get cured! What was she even doing there to begin with and how does she know they’ve been transformed? In fact, how the hell does she even know about this cure? This is just contrived!
Uh... Thanks for that rant... Though you’re more than welcome to leave...
Dr. Facilier: Nah. I wanna see how stupid this gets...
Uh... Okay then... So anyways, the cure is to nibble on some plant. That’s it. The catch is that if you don’t eat the flower by sunset of the third day, you will stay an animal forever.
Dr. Facilier: Wait, sunset on the third day? That sounds familiar.
{Wataru comes in again via intercom}
Wataru: It’s a possible reference to The Little Mermaid.
Yeah. Possible. I’m not so sure that it is, though. It’s just coincidental.
Dr. Facilier: Oh, but having a dog make a pointless appearance and be named Kiara isn’t?
... You have a point. AND SO OUR HEROES GO OFF ON A VAST JOURNEY, SEEKING THE CURE FOR THEIR ANIMORPHISM! Suddenly Megaraptor. And yes, they do exist and it isn’t some stupid name the author came up with.
Dr. Facilier: It’s still stupid. Sounds like something The Asylum would make.
Yeah... {puts up a picket sign saying “DO IT, ASYLUM!”} So after being cornered by the Megaraptor, they all take turns fighting it. Though there’s not a lot to comment on. All I can say is that at least the fight lasts longer than a few sentences and doesn’t end with either side just leaving. So they finally find the cure, but Luja appears. After Stu!Chuckie grabs the flower from Luja, she presents a Sadistic Choice, having Chuckie choose between the flower or his friends, as she... is gigantic now apparently. Oh, but Stu!Chuckie just bites Luja’s paw. And OOOOOOH! Luja just chucked Chuckie across the room and knocked him out! He’ll be feeling that in the mornin’! Tommy grabs the flower and executes a plan that involves him... jumping off into a river... Uh... Not exactly sure where you’re going with this... But in the end, he’s human again, and he makes everyone else human. Everyone lives happily ever after.
KAMEN RIDE: DIEND!
This... This... It was kind of good...
Dr. Facilier: KIND OF GOOD? This story has “Idiot Plot” written all over it! The villain is a dumbass who has stupid magic powers that she gained from a place that doesn’t really do that! The heroes have some dimwitted plans and tactics! And most stupid of all, the entire story feels rushed!
Yes, while I do admit those flaws are present in the story, it still felt like an epic adventure of sorts. The fight with the megaraptor was sort of fun, as was the fight with Luja. Had some changes happen, like there being no rush or clearer explanations (I seriously didn’t get what the hell happened with the sponsitility), this would have turned out to be a fun adventure fanfic.
Dr. Facilier: Alright. I aughta go now. I gotta head back to my little voodoo shack.
Alright. Er... thanks for popping by?
Dr. Facilier: Yeah... Well, I hope you’re satisfied. But if you’re not, don’t blame me-
Yeah, yeah, I know, blame your friends.
Dr. Facilier: ... Right. Later.
{Dr. Facilier leaves}
Well, what’s in store for us next time? {looks at the next fanfic} JESUS CHRIST, you’re big! I’m saving you for later. Alright, what’s next... Pokemon? SIGN ME UP!
{Dr. Facilier walks across the hall and passes by a man in a black suit wearing blue-tinted sunglasses, who gives him a twenty}
Dr. Facilier: Huh? {checks the twenty} What’s this?
???: For your... appearance in this Liveblog. It wasn’t needed however.
Dr. Facilier: Easy for you to say. {pockets the twenty} I come for the joke, stay for the stupidity.
???: Just like everyone else that liveblogs with Psyga. You’re not the first, nor will you be the last.
Dr. Facilier: You have any idea why he’s doing this to himself?
???: ... What makes you think he is? {walks away}
Dr. Facilier: ... Tch. {leaves as well}
