AUTHOR'S NOTE: This chapter on, more than any other installment, will have a disclaimer. Namely, no celebrities were harmed in the writing of this liveblog. Thank you.
(Where we last left our All-Stars...)
Christopher: (looking at the oncoming tidal wave) Oh, fuck me.
Mao: Tori, any plans?
Tori: Yeah...(she tries creating a water route) Come on, guys!
(she creates a barrier of water to protect the vine-swinging group. Don't ask me how that's going to work. Regardless, the group makes it out of the tidal wave)
All right!
(eventually, because I'm frikkin' lazy, the group manages to escape through the maze)
Sean: Oh, God...that was amazing! (he laughs)
Ryota: It sure was! Okay, guys, let's go forth!
(the group heads off)
(meanwhile, in the main part of the base, Radiguet silently watches)
Radiguet: So the All-Stars are making it...let's see what else I can do. (he then looks at the scouts) Is it tempting to take them out, one by one, or just take them all out? Because they know a lot more information, it seems...
(he drinks his wine)
If there's one thing I've learned, any Red Ranger or Warrior is always the hero. It's good to take...him out. (points to Sean) Then I'll deal with the rest later. Much later...
(Akire is standing next to Radiguet)
Akire, prepare for battle.
Akire: Ready, bawss! (salutes)
(with Rika...)
Rika: Welcome back~
Previously...stupid, stupid, stupid shit happened. Also, there was a Flashman "tribute" somewhere in there. You know you're being outclassed when a dumbass subplot is the one thing that's focused more than you.
But we'll continue on with...
(click!)
Chapter 23: Earth Flash Attack
The chapter begins with Cole and Aka Red being defused. The latter tells the former that it's time to teach the Changemen on how to do a team attack. Meh.
Speaking of the Changemen, they and the Flashmen introduce themselves to one another. Mag, the Robot Buddy, finally shows up, telling us that, yes, they're here to get together to perform a deadly attack. Mai thinks that it's possible that such an attack can be formed. So you know what this means...
After a scene with Ibuki telling them what we already know, the groups gather in color-coded (okay, almost color-coded) groups of teams. As they go through the obstacle course, Marvelous gushes just how awesome Cole is, how he's such a superman...gag me.
Kai goes on and on about how the monster absorbs energy, but of course it has its limits. Luka likes the way he thinks, and he's showing interest to her. But, of course, not in a romantic way.
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! PRAYER WARRIORS FLASHBACKS! (she shakes it off)
The groups practice with the Super Sentai Ball, and yes, Marvelous gushes some more. Good God, dude...what's up with your love with Cole? In fact, what is up with everyone's love for Cole? And I say this because of, well...
After the Training Montage, Aya thinks about Cole, with the help of the Boukengers. Eiji explains to her about what happened with Aka Red, how he managed to gather Nanami, Asuka, Tsubasa, and Tetsu to save the others from a time warp. Satoru realizes that, yes, he does have the 34 Red Warrior powers, and he wonders why he has the power of Time Red, since the Timerangers disbanded across time.
Well, I do have a couple theories.
- Either, considering that the Timerangers changed history, Aka Red managed to sense the power in 2000 and find out about it.
- Or, considering that they can't find the Timerangers at all, perhaps their little trip across time and space pretty much fucked something up along the way...to the point where the Timerangers don't exist in the future, but perhaps in the past.
Yes, I know neither of those don't make any sense.
Aya is confused over how in the hell Cole managed to be more powerful than, pfft, fucking everyone. Answer: because it's Akizuki! HE DOESN'T NEED TO EXPLAIN SHIT! Oh, and we get this.
- Aya: "Even Tommy is not that powerful. Tommy gets stressed out switching in between his four forms but Cole does it with relative ease."
By the way. I need to point something out. To my memory, Akizuki once said that he did not prefer Jason David Frank. (Myself...I find him okay. Yes, he's overrated, but at the same time, not only has he made history as one of the longest-serving Rangers, but just the stuff he does for his fans, especially for the upcoming Super Megaforce...plus, the "footage" for "My Morphin' Life", as he called it, is pretty damn sweet so far!) And this part does not make any sense. Yes, we know that Tommy's switching his forms did take a toll on him (hello, Dino Thunder). But yeah, why the hell isn't Cole suffering from the same effects?
Oh, wait. I just answered my own fucking question.
Sakura decides that they must have him fit in with the group, and yes, she brought up the infamous entry. (Dammit, Aka Red.) And she's struggling with her feelings between Cole and Satoru. Gag me.
(Rika drinks)
(on the road, the All-Stars travel along until they find a sign)
Sean: That was not there before.
Mao: That's just weird! I wonder...
(she reads the sign)
"To the All-Stars, here's the next challenge. Surrender the Ranger of Lightspeed, and he will challenge his might against a dangerous enemy. Once you do, you can pass."
Sean: "Surrender the Ranger of Lightspeed"? What kind of faux-poetic bullcrap is that?!
(he is bursting out laughing until everyone just stares at him)
...and yes. I know. I was just saying, perhaps it would have been worded a little bit better.
...
Yeah, I think Radiguet's trying way too hard here. Perhaps if anyone else wants to come along—
Mao: "If you surrender anyone else along with the Ranger of Lightspeed, you cannot pass."
Sean: DAMN IT!
(Mako gives Sean a comforting hug)
Mako: ...b-be careful.
Christopher: Well, this is just getting fucked up by the minute. But why surrender one of us?
Sean: I have no idea.
(he sighs, and he gives Mako a bit of a hug back)
Well, guys...if I, uh...die...just know that the world's in good hands. And...once heroes, always heroes.
...
That's all I have to say.
(to Christopher) And no, you cannot have my stuff.
Christopher: I wasn't planning to, anyway. But...please make it, man!
(Sean nods solemnly, and he stands on a magic rune. He salutes to the group, who salute back)
Sean: ...Lightspeed. Eternally.
(then the rune charges up, and Sean's teleported away)
(as that happens, the gate opens up)
Ryota: ...he's...gone.
Brittany: Well, he'll make it! I'm sure he will...c-come on, guys!
(the group heads off)
(at another dimension—which is, somehow, still a part of Radiguet's base, Sean looks around)
Sean: ...where am I?
Akire (offscreen): So there's the Red Lightspeed Ranger!
Sean: Who are you? (prepares his Rescue Blaster)
Akire: One of the bawss's minions! (he appears) I am Akire, the Inferno Monsta!
Sean: So what do you want with me?
Akire: We know that yer a Red Ranger. And Red Rangers always hafta save the day. Also, yer a scout, so ya know more...it's best to take ya down!
Sean: ...you have got to be fucking kidding me. Let's get this over with so I can reunite with the others!
Akire: Who says yer gonna rejoin them immediately?
(he creates an army of fire demons—and it isn't just fire soldiers. There are several guards, several chariots, and field leaders. Sean is sporting a very "oh, shit!" expression)
If ya can beat my army, then I'll grant yer request. But it ain't gonna be easy...
Sean: <He's nuts! But I gotta...I gotta stay strong!>
(with a burst of energy, he twirls his Rescue Blaster, and he stomps one foot on the ground)
BRING IT ON!
Akire: Ya asked for it!
(and so, the battle begins, with Sean first facing off against the foot soldiers...)
(at the base...)
Rika: So, where were we?
Giluke, Ahames, Ley Wanda, and Ley Nefel are planning their next attack. Somehow, Ahames knows that the Changemen and Flashmen, with the help of Cole, will group together. (she shrugs) And so, they plan a "divide-and-conquer" strategy. Specifically, Giluke and Ahames will attack one part of the city, Ryuuwon and Pope Hat will attack any USSPRA members, and the others will go with Giraidon and attack another part of the city.
The mission, by the way? A success thus far, which has the heroes forcing to do a "divide-and-conquer" strategy of their own.
On one part, the Changemen faces Giluke's team. The guys fight against Giluke himself, the ladies against Ahames. It ends exactly what you'd think. Specifically, after the villains gloat, the Changemen weaken them (with the ladies doing the Mermaid Attack and Phoenix Attack, and then slashing Ahames with their swords; the guys using the Pegasus Inazuma Spark, Dragon Attack, Griffin Attack, and Pegasus Attack at Giluke), and they finish them off with the Change Bazooka.
Just like that.
Meanwhile, Marvelous and Tranza exchange pre-battle banter with one another. During it...
- Marvelous: "Maybe you should have perished back to where we came from. Or maybe we should have destroyed you back in 1991 on Earth."
...okay. I think it's time to mention what I completely skipped over. Namely, the new "story" of the Gokaigers. Apparentally, there was something about them going back in time, facing the enemies in the past and setting right what once went wrong. Which...is honestly a lot dumber than what really did happen in canon. And it doesn't make much sense (er, Akizuki, Aborted Arc aside, did these Gokaigers use the Ranger Keys?).
Regardless, the two have a swordfight. This will probably end up to be boring, isn't it?
Meanwhile, Kai's team faces Ryuuwon and Pope Hat. How does it end? Anticlimatically. Specifically, after some pre-fighting banter with Luka and Kai, and yes, Adam and Katherine, the former two use the wits and sword (respectively) to beat Ryuuwon, and the Zeo Rangers defeat Pope Hat from behind.
...isn't there a battle between Marvelous and Tranza that's supposed to be epic right about now—oh, wait, when we go over there, Marvelous defeats Tranza. And, somehow, he uses his Gokai Gun at the three enemies (I thought Tranza and Ryuuwon's team were separate?). Tranza, Pope Hat, and Ryuuwon flee. Well, that was underwhelming, too! What the hell?
(in the alternate dimension, Sean screams a battle cry, and he starts shooting at the soldiers. Some of them slash him, causing some burns to his skin)
Sean: <Holy shit...they're tough!>
(he shakes his head, and he then takes out the most unexpected item this man ever has...)
(a katana)
Akire: Katanas? How'd ya end up with that?!
Sean: Let's just say...I got it from a friend. I'll give you a hint: he's green, his character's element is Forest, and he flips a hell of a lot.
Akire: No matter. Army, destroy him!
(Sean continues to rush into battle. After beating the foot soldiers, he faces the tougher guards, armed with battleaxes and shields)
(during the battle, Sean tries to dual-wield the katana and the Rescue Blaster, but the guards block every single attack he tries to throw at them. One of them tries to swing the axe at him, and it manages to nick him on the arm, causing him to yell in pain)
(another guard tries to slash Sean, but he dodges, causing it to slash one of the other guards)
Sean: <This is serious...I must morph.>
(he prepares himself)
LIGHTSPEED! RESCUE!
(nothing happens)
What the hell?!
Akire: Ya are allowed one weapon from yer morphed form. As for morphing...this dimension makes it impossible for ya to do so.
Sean: ...just how many more rules are you gonna pull out of your ass?
(he tries to shoot at the guards, his adrenaline pumping...)
(with Rika...)
Rika: We get back to the Flashmen, and yes, they are struggling. As Lee watches Giraidon defeat the Flashmen, guess who ends up saving their asses. You guessed it, it's the Changemen!
...and Tranza's team shows up. As does Cole. Okay...okay. Tranza, you had your ass handed over to you. Why the hell would you show up in the other teams' territory here?
Tranza: I have no idea...(he holds his head)
Rika: Not you. Story!Tranza.
But anyway. Cole uses his energies to power up the Flashmen—seriously—as some more mooks show up. As the role call happens, the fight resumes, and Marvelous' team just watches. Yeah. Oh, and Tranza's team...disappears. Okay, so what the hell was the entire point of them showing up in this scene, again?
After the two teams beat the Mooks, Cole prepares the Super Sentai Ball. They pass it around until Hiryu and Jin kick it, knocking Giraidon down. Then the Changemen use the Change Bazooka and the Flashmen their Rolling Vulcan, and the combined attacks overload the monster. Again, U.A.O.E...stable monsters! Just why the hell do you guys, even the past villains, insist on making unstable fusions?!
The new U.A.O.E—clearly the dumbest fucking villains ever.
And...(sighs)...as that's done, Cole combines both projections to create a deadly weapon, killing Giraidon. I need a fucking drink. (drinks)
(in the dimension...)
Akire: I will congratulate ya on yer bravery, Red Lightspeed Ranger.
Sean: Please...call me "Sean". (he shoots one of the guards from behind)
Akire: How about a little formality before yer death? After all, the fun ain't over yet!
Chariots! TEAR HIM APART!
(the chariot-drivers rampage against Sean in lightning speed, and he tries to get out of the way, but one of the soldiers slash at him again. He's at half-strength...)
(Sean turns around and tries his best to defend himself with the katana. He's sweating a lot due to the intense heat, not just from the battle, but...yeah)
Sean: <If I can find a weak spot, that would do! Think, Sean, think!>
(he tries to find one as he tries to dodge against the attacks)
(at the road...the group finds a resting place)
Ryota: We may be down one Ranger actor, but we can't give up hope yet. We must recover and make a new plan.
Brittany: Agreed!
(they head to the place, and they relax. Christopher is deep into thought...)
Christopher: <Rika...Sean...please be okay.>
(at the base...)
Rika: So as Giraidon's enlarged, Marvelous is excited to taste battle. But, of course, Luka stops him, telling him that it's the others' fight. (Rika sighs) So what was the entire point of Marvelous' team appearing, again? When they were overshadowed by Cole?
(remembers the fight) Oh, yeah, that bullshit.
The Changemen get into their Change Robo, and the Flashmen their Flash King. Giraidon uses the deadly waves in the attempt to nullify the mecha, but...it ends with an uneventful curb-stomp battle. Specifically, the robots punch the monster, and they use their swords to perform the attacks, overfilling Giraidon with so much damn energy, it explodes.
...
............................
.......................................................................
It's almost tempting to shorten every single battle with "the past heroes get their asses handed to them, the newbies show them how it's done, and they end up beating the villains, THE END!". I am dead serious.
But I may be proven wrong.
So as Ra Deus is unhappy with the failures, guess who is just as unhappy? RINO! Also, Ahames and Giluke survive the attack. How? I have no fucking idea.
RINO thinks that he's making a mistake by getting a lot of villains, then he says this.
- RINO: "On the other hand, I have to think of more cruel plots that will be so so sick the good guys will vomit."
Just show them the Saw series as a marathon! That will make them vomit! But seriously...cruel plots? Where's the "it's all about me, dammit!" attitude? I mean, yeah, there were some cruel plots in Jetman, but...
As RINO punishes the allies, he thinks about destroying Ahames and Giluke. That is, until Trakeena and Buredoran step forward. They convince the Emperor to keep them, and he does. But not before shocking Ahames and Giluke. And yes, punishing Flurious for spilling wine. AGAIN. I swear to God, is the "spilling wine" thing replacing the "Bulk and Skull fall into some cake/a mess" gag?
Then we go to the "heroes", and they bid farewell to the Changemen and Flashmen. As they go on and on about protecting the Earth and stuff (and some possible ship teasing between Adam and Katherine?), Cole thinks about, you guessed it, Sakura. Then Aka Red tells him this.
- Aka Red: "Oh Cole, not's the time to think too much of Sakura. You still have more training to do."
(imitates Aka Red) Because in the end, you will be mine. (normal voice) Seriously...
Oh, and you'd think this is the end of the story. Nope! Because now...we watch the stupid-ass Detention Center bullshit!
(Rika drinks)
Takeru and Mako write characters for "rock" all over the place, and Spike is disturbed by it. Yes, this is his punishment. (Rika sighs) Oh, and Mako's excited to make him something. She even doubts that Takeru will ever accept him.
...yes, I do realize that this is the whole "I don't like how Samurai was going" thing. Trust me, this is not the only sign.
As Moune and Agri bring in more fucking rocks, making Spike scream out Big "NO!"s (the other half of the dialogue? Crying). Also, he's pinned down with a ball and chain. Which somehow nullifies henshin powers. Okay, first of all, Spike isn't even a Ranger. Secondly? I know that Eri and Natsuki had their Transformation Trinkets taken away, so why would a specialized ball and chain make things any different?
(Rika slams her head onto the desk)
And then...yes...Mako and Yukito bring in their horrible cooking. AGAIN! I mean...gah, seriously?! This isn't funny, Akizuki, this is just annoying as fuck, and not in any way helpful with character development!
And so, the chapter ends with Spike crying over his food, and Kaoru not paying attention to him. In the cafeteria, Mako and Takeru share their time together. That's literally about it!
...can it get any worse?
(she looks at the Maskman two-parter)
Oh, fuck, this is so gonna suck!
(in the dimension, Sean tries to shoot at the chariot-riders after he finds a weak spot, and he manages to stun them. He pants until the leaders shoot him with fireballs, knocking him backward)
Akire: So...the supposedly-badass Ranger will meet his end here! And soon, his friends will follow!
(Akire laughs as Sean tries to stand up, weakened but ready to fight...and then lightning bolts strike at the remaining enemies, defeating them?!)
Sean: ...the...the hell? (coughs)
Akire: Wha?
(then...enter Radiguet?!? He smiles as he turns towards Akire)
Radiguet: Now, now, Akire...we don't want to kill him yet. Because what fun would that be?
Akire: S-sorry, bawss!
Radiguet: "Sorry" doesn't mean anything! Now, Akire...prepare to be punished!
(Radiguet charges up a lightning bolt, and he strikes at Akire, defeating the monster and leaving a stone behind, which the Emperor himself picks up. Sean blinks, and he turns to Radiguet)
Sean: ...what was that all about?
Radiguet: Forgive my monster. He can be rather...testy.
(he stares)
So you're the legendary Sean Johnson.
Sean: How did you know my name?
Radiguet: I've heard about your exploits! You and your friends'! I had to rescue you, especially since Akire was being too out of control!
Sean: ...uh...I really don't know what to say about that. (he rubs his head, really not sure if he wants to even trust Radiguet)
But...thanks? I guess?
Radiguet: You're quite welcome. Now...(he opens up a portal) Rejoin your friends.
(Sean nods, and as he turns away, almost ready to head to the portal...)
<Fool.>
(Radiguet charges up another powerful thunderbolt, and he strikes it at Sean when the man least expects it, causing him to fall unconscious. He is just so close to the portal when he's stricken!)
(the Big Bad closes the portal, and he walks up to Sean)
You let your guard down. I thought that you, of all people, would know that. But...one down. Five to go. And then...we'll see what I can do to you!
(Radiguet grabs Sean, and he teleports out)
Who will be next in Radiguet's list of captured heroes? Will Sean survive the next ordeal? And what of Rika and the Maskman two-parter?
Emergency Signal; Now, Forward! To the next liveblogging of Super Sentai vs. Power Rangers!!
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