Computer problems and a late finish at work yesterday conspired to keep me from posting, which is why I'm giving a double helping today.
Chapter 54: Tyrion
Tyrion receives a letter from Varys informing him that Bran and Rickon are dead (A Aaahhhh no!). He shows it to Cersei, who initially doesn't give a damn, but gets scared when Tyrion points out that, even though Theon killed her sons, Catelyn might still decide to take revenge by killing Jaime, so they had better take good care of Sansa.
The two share a meal, Tyrion taking care to avoid poison, and we see that Cersei makes sure to eat well even during a famine. OK, Tyrion does a share of that as well, but he at least takes measures to try and ensure the peasants aren't actually reduced to cannibalism. The dinner isn't as culinarily pornographic as has been previously seen, given it is just a dinner for two and not a feast, but it still makes me wish it wasn't illegal to kill and eat swans.
They discuss matters over ham, and Tyrion says he's captured most of the Antler Men, though there are probably still a few at large. Tyrion wants to send Joffrey into the fighting where he will be seen by his men and earn their respect, but Cersei thinks this is a scheme to have him killed. We then get the following exchange:
Cersei: I hope you like blackberry tart.
Tyrion: I like all sorts of tarts.
Which leads into Cersei trying to get one over on Tommen. She says that she and Varys are so dangerous because they lack willies, and so think with their heads; other men, such as Tyrion, think with their penes. To prove this, she flaunts her assets a bit and has her mercenaries bring out Shae, which causes Tyrion to privately exult that he's beaten Cersei, because as we see a few paragraphs down, this is not Cersei, but Alayaya, one of the prostitutes from the brothel with the secret passage. Thus, we see that Cersei thinks she is an awesome manipulator, while Tyrion actually is.
Cerei says that she'll let Shae live as long as Joffrey lives. Tyrion agrees, but promises that everything that happens to Shae while in the care of Cersei, including beatings and rapes, will be dispensed on Tommen in retribution. He then promises that, one night when she least expects it, Tyrion will destroy all of Cersei's hopes and dreams.
Tyrion goes back to his own room and finds Shae there, having been taken through Varys' secret passage while blindfolded. Tyrion looks for the entrance, but finds nothing. They try to have sex, but recent events have taken away Tyrion's libido.
Once again, Tyrion is a magnificent bastard, while Cersei tries to do the same and fails miserably. Not much else to say.
Chapter 55: Catelyn
While the people of Riverrun celebrate their victory over the Lannisters and praise Edmure, even calling him lord, Catelyn and Brienne eat an angsty supper in the great hall. Catelyn has just heard about Bran and Rickon's deaths, and is feeling more upset and empty than ever.
The two discuss the events, and Catelyn tells Brienne to accompany her when she goes to see Jaime at midnight because down in the dungeons all the rooms look like midnight and midnight reflects her own pits of despair and WE GET IT CATELYN YOU'RE SAD! She goes to see Hoster and sits by him for a few hours, angsting.
Brienne arrives at midnight and they go down to see Jaime, who had received some wine from Catelyn earlier to get him good and drunk, but took none of it as he, quite sensibly, thought it was poison. He decides it isn't for whatever reason and agrees to answer any of Catelyn's questions provided she answers one for each one he answers.
Are you Joffrey's father? Yup. Are you Cersei's lover. Yup. Are my family still alive? Most of them. I meant Tywin, Cersei, and Tyrion. Oh, them. Yup. How did Bran die? I threw him out the window because he came across me shagging my sister. And then you tried to assassinate him! Wait what? Someone tried to assassinate you and Bran? No, I had nothing to do with that. But the dagger... Tyrion lost that to Littlefinger in a wager a couple of years ago, remember? Have Robert's brothers made their claims? Yup. More... Renly's dead, Stannis isn't.
The two then have a philosophical discussion on the nature of honour, cowardice, and vows, and Jaime decides to tell Catelyn the whole story behind the deaths of Brandon, Eddard's elder brother whom she was to marry, and his father, Rickard.
- Brandon was on his way to Riverrun for the wedding, but then he heard that his sister, Lyanna, who was bethrothed to Robert, had been killed by Rhaegar Targaryen. In a rage, Brandon and a few other lordlings marched south to King's Landing and demanded Rhaegar's head. Aerys took them captive and called their fathers in on charges of treason.
- Rickard demanded trial by combat, which Aerys accepted. Rickard put on all his armour and weapons and marched into the arena, only for two of Aerys' men to seize him and suspend him over a spit above a flame. Because fire was the champion of the Targaryens, Rickard would be freed if he could defeat the fire.
- They then brought Brandon in, his neck tied to the wall, and placed a sword just out of his reach. They told him that if he could free himself and his father, they would go free. End result, Brandon strangled himself, and Rickard was roasted alive in his own armour. Jaime was told his only duty was to protect the king, not to judge him.
Jaime claims that Rickard and Brandon meant nothing to him, though it's clear he was still disgusted by Aerys, and that's why he killed him.
Jaime is written very well here, and he gets a lot of good character moments. He's clearly been bent and twisted from his time in prison, yet he is still defiant, and retains some of the smarmy arrogance he possessed in book 1. He attempts to toy with Catelyn, and fails, but it's clear that in spite of his ordeal, he has not yet been broken.
He also has an interesting approach to honour. He claims it's no big deal that he broke his oath of celibacy, because the Kingsguard swear so many vows he was guaranteed to break one of them sooner or later. He also says he never shagged any woman other than Cersei, which makes him more faithful than Eddard was to Catelyn.
Then, at the end of the chapter, Catelyn gets frustrated with him and asks Brienne for her sword.
Chapter 56: Theon
Theon has a nightmare where he is running from gigantic wolves with the heads of Bran and Rickon. He is awoken by Reek, who tells him that Asha has arrived. Angry at Reek having seen him scared by his dream, he dresses and goes to see her.
Asha mocks him, and while she does admire him for capturing Winterfell so cleverly, she warns that there's no way he can keep it, as she only left him ten men. Deepwood Motte may not be a great fortress, but it's on the water, so she can always call in reinforcements if needed, can flee at a moment's notice, and also it keeps the Ironmen in their element, which is at sea. Winterfell, on the other hand, is far, far inland, and surrounded by hostile lords who know the land intimately, and are even now converging on it. She advises him to burn it down and return with her to Deepwood Motte. Theon refuses, so Asha leaves him to his fate.
Theon muses over how several of his own men had been murdered after he put Bran and Rickon's heads on spikes and burned the bodies. He also regrets that he can't get rid of Reek, since the man managed to become literate, and has written an account of what exactly transpired in the mill. Reek offers to recruit some mercenaries to defend the castle, and Theon sends him on his way, not thinking he'll be back.
He has a nightmare about attending a feast where everyone he ever knew is dead, and tries to take his mind off it by having angry, violent sex with a wench he likes, but nothing works. He realises that this is all Stark land, and he is just an intruder.
Then, in the last sentence of the chapter, we learn that Bran and Rickon aren't dead. Theon and Reek found a couple of boys in the mill who looked like them, put their heads in tar, clothes the bodies in clothes from the bag Reek had brought, and then burned them. Whew. Bran and Rickon aren't dead, only a couple of other young boys, but it's OK because I never knew them.
The bulk of this chapter is about Theon losing his marbles, but we already knew that was going on, so I didn't bother describing it.
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