We are told that the BellaDonna's song was ominous as the girls are ushered to the ZipZaps for THBC.
The girls act as their one-dimensional personalities require. Piper looks like she's doing math problems in her head. Dylan's straightening her hair and clothes. Shiraz is completely oblivious, still dancing and singing.
Tookie spots the girl with the SMIZE who had told her to quit standing around like an idiot. She goes over to the girl, who is wearing a Headbangor. A Headbangor appears to be a headband-shaped iPod that transmits music "directly to the wearer's brainwaves."
Tookie shyly asks if the girl is from Chakra. She is (of course). Her name is Kamalini Dara, and she'll be one of the good guys. How do I know? Well, she doesn't say that Tookie is "odd-looking" and compliments Tookie's name. The guide starts sending girls down the ZipZaps and Tookie and Kamalini say goodbye.
At the ZipZaps, there are four "nearly identical girls" in identical clothing. The only difference between them is which "pastel-hued" color their hair is.
"I'm HerLikee!" Green hair.
"I'm ILikee!" Pink hair.
"I'm MeLikee!" Purple.
How do these names keep getting worse? I think we've reached the point where they count as child abuse.
*twitch* Okay, twins finishing each other's sentences I can buy. (I've seen it happen in real life, albeit rarely.) But quadruplets? They better have some sort of telepathy or hive mind, or I'm calling BS.
Is this some stereotype of Icelandic people that I didn't know about? Or is Tyra Banks just trying to get me to hate this character? Because if she is, she's succeeding.
We then get one of the most disturbing things in the story so far. (Although not quite as bad as the implication that the girls traveled inside of Ci~L.) While jumping up and down, Angelîka is scrapping her head against one of the pull-tabs, leaving "bits of blood and hair" hanging from it. How dumb do you have to be to repeatedly do this?
Stalker Girl leaves after telling Tookie that she should be worried, and that there's strength in numbers. Real helpful, ZhenZhen.
Zarpessa continues to be insufferable, looking at Tookie's group and saying she's allergic to farm animals.
Ci~L's "words of wisdom" come back to Tookie: "The girl who is sucking your blood is hurting way more than you. Never stoop to her level."
Tookie goes to talk to Zarpessa, assuring her that she won't tell anyone that she was eating rotting food out of garbage cans. Zarpessa tells Tookie she needs a lesson on how to "shut the hell up," and goes down the ZipZap.
I imagine this book would be popular with the slash community.
They end up in a room lit by a single dim bulb. (Probably the same one that appeared over Tyra's head when she had the idea for Modelland.)
Piper yells.
Smart people do not talk like this!
People keep coming down the ZipZap, and Tookie gets buried underneath. Dylan helps get Tookie out of the pile.
"Uhhh," Tookie murmured, feeling a rush of pleasure.
O_O
ಠ_ಠ
What? So everything Lizzie has done for you isn't worth mentioning? Tookie, you're a horrible friend.
Angelîka is discovered unmoving, with a pool of blood forming around her head. Everybody freaks out, assuming that the fall killed her. Piper goes over and sees that Angelîka is breathing, so it's unlikely she's dead. She also points out that even small head wounds tend to bleed a lot.
Angelîka then springs up, causing everyone to scream like they're in a zombie movie. Shiraz rips the sleeve off of her shirt and gives it to Angelîka to help clean up the blood.
They are informed that they are in THBC (Thigh-High Boot Camp) by the "three-quarters man, one-quarter woman Guru." This is Gunnero Narzz, who should be addressed as Guru Gunnero. I snicker at his name because I'm immature. (His name looks like "nariz", the Spanish word for nose.)
Gunnero is second-in-command to the BellaDonna, and he introduces himself as the "head man".
Remember, kids, ugly people and people with scars are evil. Don't trust them.
He informs them that they are going to have — DUN DUN DUN! — a fashion show. What does this have to do with Thigh-High boots or boot camp? No clue.
"Sfilata" is Italian — I'm sorry Cappuccinian — for "march" or "parade."
The girls have the option of quitting at anytime by going out doors marked "HOME". If they go through the door, they have to leave Modelland. The fashion show will have five phases.
Phase 1: Measurements, aka Have We Mentioned Tookie Is Odd-Looking, Yet?
Mannecants come from everywhere with strange measuring devices. Instead of giving read-outs in inches or centimeters, the measuring devices comment on the girls.
Piper:
Tookie: Eyes "too far apart." Arms "proportionally too long." Neck "too ostrichy. Preferable fowl neck: swan." Hair "unfortunate condition. Both oily and dry, limp and frizzy, completely uncombable, uncurlable, and unstyleable."
I think Tookie's hair has more personality than most of the characters.
Gunnero says that all but four of them "have near-perfect degrees of beauty supremacy."
Part 2: Make-Up, aka Gunnero is an Ass
When phase 2 is announced, Zarpessa excitedly asks if this is the part with the thigh-high boots. (She heard from a friend of a friend that the boots are amazing.)
One: You said "ass" but you avoid saying "hell?"
Two: Gunnero, go screw yourself.
He then forces all the girls there to tell Zarpessa to shut up. So Gunnero humiliated a student simply because she was excited and asking questions. Any halfway decent teacher knows that you want your students to be excited about your class and asking questions. Gunnero is a horrible teacher.
Then chairs appear with the girls' names on them. They each sit in their own chair, and Mannecants come out to do the girls make-up. Among the many products are "false eyelashes made of deceased daddy long legs."
;_; Those poor daddy long legs. Killed so that others may look stupid.
Tookie notices that the Mannecant working on her has lines and wrinkles, which reminds her of her mother.
We get a long description of the makeover. I'm skipping most of it, since it's boring.
Tookie is lulled into a trance by the pampering.
I love bad puns, and I find that line painful. (If it was "Sky High Boot Camp" the pun might work, but being only "thigh high" sounds like you're feeling low and depressed.)
Tookie sees herself in the mirror and is amazed to see that she (almost) looks good. If I were her, I'd be too busy freaking out about the eyelashes made of daddy long legs to notice whether I looked good or not.
Tookie looks at her friends.
Wow. This book never quits with the Les Yay, does it?
Run away! Piper's a twi-pire!
Saints look like glowing, marble statues? I did not know that.
Then Tookie sees an older person, who she describes as an "it". Because she's a git.
Tookie then realizes that the "gruesome creature" is her.
I never knew that getting stuck in a B-movie horror flick was part of a fashion show. The chapter ends. At the current pacing of the book, we'll have two more chapters of Thigh-High Boot Camp. Joy.
Random Questions
Why are the Gurus male? (At least the Gurus with established genders.) Wouldn't it make more sense to have retired Intoxibellas teaching the classes instead of outsiders? Especially given the "boys are eye candy only" stance that the school seems to take.
Why are some of the Gurus not human? I have difficulty believing that someone who has an alligator or a hand for a head would adhere to the same standards of beauty as humans.
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