Duel 4: Jailbreak
(Domino City Jail)
Guard: So, somehow I was duped into bringing the prisoner outside the walls, taking off his restraints and handing him my gun. Good thing I'm dead, or this would look really bad on my performance review.
777 (No relation to the 1940s US comic book hero): My horoscope says I'll succeed at anything I try today. So far, I'm one for one!
PA System: Let's recap the last few panels, and reemphasize how dangerous 777 is.
(school)
Jonouchi: My brain doesn't work very well, but my belly talks just fine.
Yugi: Wanna go to the new Burger World? I am easy prey for fast food commercials.
Jonouchi: So am I!
Anzu: You can't go to Burger World! They've...uh...got Mad Cow Disease in their burgers! And their fries suck!
Yugi: Ohh-kay. So, we go to Calorie Burger instead?
Anzu: Sorry, but I have mucho work to do. And besides, there's an escaped killer on the loose.
Yugi: That's right. I'm so scared!
Jonouchi: Chicken. Bukbukbkaw!
Yugi: But the killer's got a gun! It's not as though I have mysterious powers that would allow me to overcome his weapon.
(Anzu leaves)
Jonouchi: Hey, Yugi, don't you think Anzu is acting a little oddly?
Yugi: She has been disappearing every day after school. Why?
Jonouchi: I bet she's been doing "compensated dating."
Yugi: Huh?
Jonouchi: It's where high school girls go out with older men in exchange for presents. Basically prostitution.
Yugi: Anzu's not that kind of girl!
Jonouchi: Face is red, Yugi. You know something I don't?
Yugi: Let's just say I have it on pretty good authority she's still a virgin. Technically.
(street)
Jonouchi: Only one way to settle this, we'll stalk Anzu! Right into the red light district!
Yugi: I have a bad feeling about this.
Anzu: Odd. I could have sworn I felt a disturbance in the Force.
Jonouchi: That was close, but I'm not giving up until I see the money shot!
Yugi: I think you've been watching too many porno videos.
Jonouchi: She's entering that shady-looking building, doubtless for an illicit liason—which is Burger World?!
Anzu: Welcome to—ah, FRAG! Now that those two know about my part-time work at Burger World, they'll tell everyone, and our school doesn't allow students to have legitimate jobs. (Though extortion and prostitution are apparently okay.)
(inside)
Jonouchi: No wonder Anzu didn't want us to come here. Now I know her darkest secret. Score!
Yugi: The Burger World uniform is a lot better looking than most fast-food outlets have. Especially on Anzu. Hubba-hubba.
Anzu: Here's your burgers, sodas and death threat.
Jonouchi: I didn't order the death threat. Must be Yugi's.
Anzu: I'm doing this to earn money so I can go to dance school in New York. You know, the one that was in "Fame."
Jonouchi: We won't tell on you, honest!
(outside)
777: About time the plot got back to me. I need booze and cigarettes. Hey, there's a burger joint! I can get those things there.
(inside)
Anzu: Welcome to Burger Wo—this just isn't my day, is it?
777: Hi, I've got a gun, and in an unarmed society like modern Japan, that means I'm invincible! You don't wanna see the girl get hurt, do you?
Customers: Eek, a gun! We're doomed!
777: Ah, quit yer whinin'. Soon as I'm full, I leave. But no one gets to leave before I do. Hostage girl, blindfold yourself so you'll be quieter. As a death row inmate, I know the execution laws in Japan.
Anzu: I'm too cute to die! And I never got to dance in Cats!
777: Now I need someone to play fetch for me. The short kid. Everyone else on the floor! Okay, now that I've got my underage hooker—
Anzu: Waitress!
777: In that outfit? Please. Anyhow, I need booze and smokes! Fetch, wuss!
Anzu: Wuss? Is he talking to Yugi? Stay back, Yugi!
777: Shuddup! (Slaps Anzu)
Millenium Puzzle: Choom! Hey, I got a different sound effect!
Yami: Here's what you ordered. Mm, cushy seats.
777: I didn't say you could join me.
Yami: Oh, come on. I just want to play a little game.
Anzu: That deep, manly voice. Couldn't be Yugi, could it?
777: (holds gun in right hand, pointing at Yugi, puts cigarette in mouth with left hand) What kind of game?
Yami: A game that ends in death, of course.
777: (picks up bottle with left hand, and starts slowly pouring drink) Let's hear the rules, sucker. As long as I have this gun, I'm invincible.
Fat Customer: I wonder if I can sue Burger World for food that's made me an unmissable target?
Jonouchi: The fact that I spend several pages staring at a man's butt does not in any way indicate that I'm gay. Really.
Yami: Listen carefully to the rules, as there will be a test later. Once the game begins, each of us can only move one finger. It can be any finger, but you can't change which one during the game.
777: (still pouring) I choose my trigger finger.
Yami: I choose my thumb! Remember, once the game begins, you can do anything with that one finger, but no others.
777: Yeah, yeah. I'm the one with the gun.
Yami: Begin!
(777 starts to pull the trigger, but sees that Yugi has used his thumb to move the cap off a lighter.)
777: D'oh! I've been in the joint so long I forgot that cigarettes have to be lit to work. Fix me up?
Yami: Sure.
(Yugi flicks the flame on, lights the cigarette, then places the lighter, still lit, on 777's pouring hand.)
Yami: Sucker. As you can see, your glass of 180 proof vodka is now spilling all over your lap. If you stop pouring, the lighter will fall into the flammable booze. If you pull the trigger on your gun, the recoil will cause the lighter to fall.
777: Oops.
Yami: (points his index finger at 777) See you in hell. C'mon, Anzu.
777: Hey, you moved another finger! I win! Uhh, except for the part where my lit cigarette falls out of my mouth and ignites the alcohol. Yaah!
(777 becomes a crispy entree)
Anzu: Hey, where's the really manly guy who saved me? I have the hots for him.
Jonouchi: That killer was such a maroon! Imagine, setting himself on fire! Health department's going to have a fit though.
Yugi: Dang, I never did get to eat my burger.
Comments
