History WarpThatAesop / Music

'''Music Round! Ready.... GO!'''

** If a "no trespassing" or "private property" sign doesn't have anything on the other side, that means it's totally fine and legal to trespass anyway!

* Music/AvrilLavigne: "Girlfriend". It's okay to dislike someone's girlfriend and to steal them away because she's ugly and dorky and the guy should be with you instead because you're the popular AlphaBitch. Also, the guy gets no input whatsoever in this matter. Girl power!

* Music/{{Genesis|Band}}' "The Musical Box": If you touch a dead person's belongings, their spirit will return to the material world and try to sexually assault you.
** For the same song: Children should not play croquet. Ever.

** Dave Gahan's ''Hourglass'': Life is bad but growing to old age has caused it to go FromBadToWorse.

* Music/ElectricLightOrchestra's "The Diary of Horace Wimp": If you're socially awkward, God will divinely intervene in your life to help you get married in a week.

** "You Can't Always Get What You Want": Your needs are SeriousBusiness and are much more important than that thing you've saved up money for. Who cares about freedom of choice and personal desire!

** "I Can't Get No Satisfaction": Do you have a miserable life and want out of it? Too bad, you'll never get out of it!
** "You Can't Always Get What You Want": '''''Never''''' pursue your dreams, ever.

** "Carry On Wayward Son": Going alone on a dangerous mission? Screw the necessary supplies, only moral guidance can help you stop evil!

* Music/TheLonelyIsland's "Dick in a Box": Sexually assaulting your girlfriend is a great gift idea for any occasion!
** "I Just Had Sex": When you engage in sexual intercourse, don't even think about whether or not your partner enjoys it, all that matters is that you get yours.

* "The Dope Show" by Music/MarilynManson: Drugs are awesome! Let's all do drugs!
** Basically the entirety of Music/AntichristSuperstar (and to a lesser extent [[Music/HolyWoodInTheShadowOfTheValleyOfDeath Holy Wood]]): Don't even bother trying to fight back against opressive governments since [[HeWhoFightsMonsters the new ones will be just as or even more assholish]].
* Music/{{Madonna}} "Four Minutes": Rather than actually doing something in a mission pressed for time, let us squander our time by singing!

** "All About That Bass" - You are ugly if you aren't curvy or chunky. After all, no man would want to grab bones!

** "Dear Future Husband" - The husband is at fault for every miscommunication in your relationship.

** "Rockstar"; The recipe for success is flaunting your drugs, women and wealth; not talent, contrary to popular belief. Alternately, the only reason one wants to be a rockstar is because of fortune and fame, not because you like making music or anything.

** "Dead Man's Party": Being dead is awesome! You should kill yourself so you can join in on the festivities!

* Music/PhilOchs: “Love Me, I’m a Liberal”: Everyone in favor of civil rights who isn’t a communist is a hypocrite only in it for their own benefit, and so is even worse the conservative reactionaries, since at least the latter [[AtLeastIAdmitIt admit to being utter bastards]].

* Music/Evanescence:

* Music/AvrilLavigne: "Girlfriend". It's okay to dislike someone's girlfriend and to steal them away because she's ugly and dorky and the guy should be with you instead because you're the popular AlphaBitch.
** Also, the guy gets no input whatsoever in this matter. Girl power!

* Timbaland's "Carry Out": Girls love it when you compare their bodies to pancake restaurants and restaurant chains that have the "supersize" option.
* Tom Jones' "Delilah": Homicidal maniacs with stalking tendencies have awesome singing voices.

* Music/TheWho's ''Music/{{Tommy}}'': Being a deaf, blind mute automatically exponentially increases your gaming prowess.

* Music/{{Yes}}' "Owner of a Lonely Heart": The old saying is wrong; it ''is'' better to have never loved at all than to have loved and lost.

** Unless it's ''Hot Space'', which you're not allowed to like.
*** Except for "Under Pressure".
*** NO! Nothing by Queen is bad. Nothing!
** Music sucked before The Beatles came along and magically invented rock out of nothing.
*** Well, that ''is'' what many Baby Boomers [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rockism_and_poptimism actually believe]], just replace "The Beatles" with Elvis.
* The song from Earthbound (and theme for the Sugar Wiki) Pollyanna is a woman saying she believes in you, but then again she also believes in all kinds of crazy shit.
** People who believe in other people are deluded, rose-glassed manchildren.

** The hobo life is a valid and exciting way of living.
** If a "no trespassing" or "private property" doesn't have anything on the other side, that means it's totally fine and legal to trespass anyway!

* Music/OneDirection's "Little Things": What's the sweetest, most romantic way you can sing yourself into a girl's heart? Negging her, of course!

* From ''Series/SesameStreet'', "Sing": Music is only for happy times. If you ever sing because you're feeling down about something, you're doing it wrong.
* Music/SimonAndGarfunkel's "Fakin' it" and "The Dangling Conversation": Staying in a dead-end relationship is much easier than saying anything about it, so just suck it up and move on with your life.

** Meta Example: If someone broke your heart, write a hateful song about them. Scratch that, write your ''diary'' through song.

* TheTemptations' "Ain't Too Proud to Beg": If someone tells you it's over, don't listen--make a pathetic show of yourself and the person will very likely take you back.

* Music/TwistedSister's "I Wanna Rock": Who cares about being considerate toward others? Play your music as loud as you want! Anyone who complains about the volume is just a rock hater.

*** It's totally not creepy to sing songs about first dates and MaleGaze views of girls, even when you're well into your fifties!
*** Unless you're [[Music/TheBeachBoys Mike Love]].

*** "I Want It All": AllTakeAndNoGive is a perfect mindset for a relationship

* Music/{{Kansas}}'s "Dust in the Wind": What's the point of doing anything at all if it's not gonna matter in the end?

* Music/PeterGabriel's "Big Time": Fed up with small-town life? Drop everything you're doing and move to the big city! You'll be an instant success and everyone there will love you!
* Music/PhilCollins' "I Don't Care Anymore": To show how little I care, I'm gonna take time to write a song about how I don't care.

* Music/OingoBoingo's "Only a Lad": We should reinstate the death penalty for minors. If we don't, we'll have an army of sociopathic {{Karma Houdini}}s who will wreak havoc because milquetoasts will get them off by [[SocietyIsToBlame blaming society]] and claiming they are [[ChildrenAreInnocent too young]] to know any better.

*** Isn't that [[HardTruthAesop the truth]]?

* Music/RickJames - "Give It to Me, Baby": I don't care how tired you are after a long day's work; I wanna fuck, dammit!
* Rick Springfield's Jessie's Girl - When you're in love with someone, you should refer to them as somebody else's possession rather than their actual name.