Line #33 WarpThatAesop/Music


1	'''''[[IncomingHam WELCOME]]''''', '''[[LadiesAndGerms ladies, gentlemen, and tropers]], to DarthWiki/DarthWiki's Favorite GameShow'''...
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3	'''''[[PowerEchoes WARP... THAT... AESOP!!!!!]]'''''
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5	'''Music Round! Ready.... GO!'''
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11	%%% NOTE: Put examples in ABC order, please!!!!
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15	!! Music in General
16	* Music/{{Abba}}, Music/TheBeatles, Music/{{Queen}} and Music/{{Beyonce}} are perfect in every way. Never criticize them.
17	* Music sucked before Music/TheBeatles came along and magically invented rock out of nothing.
18	* The song from Earthbound (and theme for the Sugar Wiki) Pollyanna is a woman saying she believes in you, but then again she also believes in all kinds of crazy shit. People who believe in other people are deluded, rose-glassed manchildren.
19	* Nobody ever liked NuMetal, no matter how many albums NuMetal bands sold in their heyday.
20	* People who like newer, younger groups/singers are fucktards who've [[NostalgiaFilter never heard the "good old stuff"]]. Ie, music should have died in the 90's
21	* Music is best heard when you're a teenager. After that, anything new sucks.
22	* Without a doubt, the best kind of music is [[ThreeChordsAndTheTruth as simple as possible]], to the point where any newcomer can easily play it, and has lyrics that anyone can relate to. Anyone who writes technically-complex songs with [[TrueArtIsIncomprehensible esoteric lyrics]] isn't being creative; they're instead being pretentious and thus deserve to be mocked.
23	** On the other hand, if your band already makes technically-complex songs, then you are in no way allowed to move a single inch towards the more simple style. If you do, that automatically makes you a [[ItsPopularNowItSucks sell-out]] who deserves to be mocked (even if you're legitimately doing it for yourself and not for the money).
24	* Did your favorite band replace one of their members? Well, now, you have to decide whether you like the previous member or the new member, and you must despise whichever member you didn't choose. You're not allowed to like both! (This goes double if the member being replaced is the lead singer.)
25	* The only decent music is those that [[ItsPopularNowItSucks only a few dozen people have heard of]].
26	* Even the most terrible song will be loved by the majority of people as long as you play it absolutely everywhere, all the time.
27	* Quite simply the new three taboos you shouldn't discuss in polite company are: politics, religion, and [[SeriousBusiness musical tastes]].
28	* Most rap music: The only things that matter in life are sex, drugs, money and da' club.
29	* Songs about body positivity: If you're overweight, you should be happy and comfortable with the body you have, because a beautiful, skinny woman told you so! This only applies to girls though; if you're a man who's overweight, you can promptly piss off and die.
30	* Most rap and R&B: See a girl you find attractive? Tell her how much you love her fat ass and what sex acts you want to do to her! It’ll totally swoon her over and won’t in any way cause her to pepper spray you in the face or call the cops on you.
31
32	!! Songs/Albums
33	* Music/AvrilLavigne:
34	** "Complicated": Couples counseling is useless!
35	** "Girlfriend": It's okay to dislike someone's girlfriend and to steal them away because she's ugly and dorky and the guy should be with you instead because you're the popular AlphaBitch.
36	* "Baby, It's Cold Outside": (Out of context) Date rape is a catchy, memorable subject for a Christmas song.
37	** (In context) A woman who insists that she should go home is really just playing coy to keep up appearances of being respectable, and really doesn't mean it when she says no. Even if she makes the request repeatedly.
38	* Bachelor Girl: "I'm Just a Girl" - Guys, girls are too emotionally complex for you. Don't even try to understand them, because you can't. Girls, you're hormonal drama queens, so you're excused when Y-chromosome bearers can't understand you.
39	* Music/BackstreetBoys:
40	** "As Long As You Love Me": You are a six-fingered man from Florin who killed my father. I don't care because you love me.
41	** The Call: Yeah, sure, he lied and he cheated. But he's not a bad guy. He feels bad now that his girlfriend found out he was cheating and broke up with him.
42	** "All I Have to Give": A boyfriend giving gifts to his girlfriend is a shallow prick; he should be willing to only give her love to show how much he cares. Also, it's okay to hit on someone else's girl if you feel entitled to have her.
43	* Band Aid's "Do They Know It's Christmas?": One of the concerns of people in an impoverished country (and therefore without good clothes, central heating or possibly even a roof over their heads) is the lack of snow!
44	** No matter how much your life sucks, if you know it's Christmas, you'll be fine!
45	** The entire continent of Africa is a giant hellhole that never rains. Be glad you don't live there!
46	** Who cares about the other religions on the continent and what they celebrate! They need to be taught about Christmas!
47	* BassHunter's "Love You More": If you really love her, say it with environmental destruction!
48	* Music/TheBeachBoys:
49	** Meta:
50	*** If you find a recipe for commercial success, milk it for all its worth and allow no room for experimentation, even when the pop music landscape is changing and you risk being seen as out of touch. Artistic growth? What's that?
51	*** And if you do try to adapt to the times only for an oldies record to outsell your latest, more experimental efforts, go back to your old sound and spend the rest of your career fruitlessly trying to recapture the success that made you famous in the first place, no matter how many times you fail.
52	*** Never let a [[UsefulNotes/CharlesManson crazy cult leader]] help write your records.
53	*** Singing sexually charged pop songs about women is creepy and wrong if you're a balding old man in his 60s with a beard and a creepy nasally voice. It's only acceptable if you're [[Music/{{Weezer}} a cute, glasses-wearing, dorky, endearingly shy nerd.]]
54	** "Fun, Fun, Fun": Lying to your dad and borrowing his Thunderbird under the pretense of "going to the library" only to take it on a joyride around town is awesome! And even if he catches you and bans you from using the car, a hot young man will invite you on another joyride!
55	** "I'm Waiting For the Day": If your crush goes over a bad breakup with her boyfriend, this is your chance to swoop in and take her!
56	** "Sloop John B.": Boating sucks. You'll get into bar fights, your first mate will get drunk and try to steal your stuff, and the ship's cook will throw away all of the food in a fit. Don't do it.
57	** Caroline, No: GrowingUpSucks.
58	** "Hey Little Tomboy": If someone's a tomboy, they don't know how to be a "real woman" and need a man to teach them.
59	* Music/TheBeatles' "Come Together": No matter what, everyone's the same in the middle of bukkake.
60	** "Maxwell's Silver Hammer": There's a psycho murdering people with a hammer out there? Just make sure you don't do anything about it until he kills a sizeable amount of people.
61	*** And even then, he'll probably just kill the judge anyway.
62	** "Please Please Me", "Day Tripper", "Norwegian Wood": If your girlfriend doesn't give into your sexual demands, she's not worth it.
63	*** "Norweigian Wood": So, this girl you just met refuses to have sex with you and decides to go to bed early since she has work in the morning? Burn her house down while she's gone!
64	** "Run for Your Life", "You Can't Do That": A good boyfriend is an abusive and controlling boyfriend.
65	** "Eleanor Rigby": The death of a lonely old lady is no big loss.
66	** "Yellow Submarine" (the song): A submersible vehicle is the perfect place to live.
67	** "Octopus' Garden": Octopi are the friendliest sea creatures around and will even invite you to tea if you let them.
68	** "I Saw Her Standing There": Seventeen year old girls will be always willing to have sex with you.
69	** "The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill": A MommasBoy who shoots unprovoked wild animals for no real reason other than bragging rights is a truly ideal human being to be looked up to.
70	** "Think For Yourself": There is no conceivable circumstance in which it would be advisable to consider another person's opinion.
71	** ''Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds'', ''Happiness is a Warm Gun'', ''Got to Get You into My Life'': Drugs made The Beatles into transcendent visionary messiahs, and they can do the same for you!
72	** "Hey Jude". three and a half minutes of "na na na" is inspiring.
73	* Music/{{Beyonce}}'s "Single Ladies": If a man likes you enough to dance with you in a club, he should be willing to marry you immediately. Never mind the fact that he likely wants you only for your body.
74	** Music/{{Beyonce}}'s "If I Were A Boy": Remember, only women are sensitve beings who are capable of having their hearts broken. If a man breaks up with you, it's because he's a self-centered jerk who doesn't care about your feelings!
75	** Music/{{Beyonce}}'s "Irreplacable": Women are special and unique. Men...[[MenAreTheExpendableGender not so much...]]
76	*** Don't date a famous person, because they'll definitely be able to replace you. Date a poor and ugly person, because then you're the best they can get and you can act like a Jerkass with no repercussions whatsoever.
77	* Music/BillyJoel:
78	** "We Didn't Start the Fire": The only historical events that matter are those that American Baby Boomers saw on TV news.
79	*** Don't blame the Baby Boomer generation for anything, after all, bad things were happening in the world before they were in charge of it too.
80	*** The failure of one of Ford's marketing campaigns and a few Major League Baseball franchises moving to the West Coast are events of the same importance to world history as the Belgian occupation of the Congo and the assassination of a president.
81	* Music/BizMarkie's "Just a Friend": Men and women can never be "just friends". If your girlfriend has any male friends whatsoever she's cheating on you with all of them.
82	* Music/BobDylan:
83	** "Blowin In The Wind" - Things are really bad. I haven't got a clue what to do about it.
84	* Music/BonJovi: "Bed of Roses" - You're the only one I love... but I'm still going to sleep around with a lot of different women.
85	* Music/BrunoMars:
86	** ''Grenade'': If a girl won't kill herself over you she doesn't love you.
87	*** If she's got her eyes open during your first kiss, she's evil. Of course, it doesn't matter if you've got ''your'' eyes open.
88	** "The Lazy Song": If you don't feel like doing something, then don't do it. I mean that every literally way possible; don't even call in for work telling them you're not coming. Just put aside all responsibility to be lazy; you're rich as hell anyway.
89	** "Billionaire": Being rich is awesome and not in any way shallow or non-fulfilling.
90	** "When I Was Your Man" - If you don't spend every single waking, breathing, living moment with your lover they're justified in breaking up with you.
91	* Music/{{BTS}}:
92	** "Blood, Sweat and Tears": Masochism is always fun and sexy.
93	** "No More Dream": All [[{{Adults are Useless}} adults]] prevent kids from following their dreams.
94	* From ''Theatre/ByeByeBirdie'', "Put on a Happy Face": Don't be a downer. If you are at all sad about anything, no matter what, just think of sunshine and rainbows and lollipops and stop moping around, lest you end up "a mean old thing."
95	* Music/CarrieUnderwood's "Before He Cheats": Have a nagging suspicion that your boyfriend's out at a bar with another girl? Best to [[DefenestrateAndBerate commit serious acts of vandalism on his expensive car]].
96	** And be sure to carve your name into the seats, so he can press charges.
97	* Music/{{Cascada}}'s "Miracle": My boyfriend cheated on me, but I still love him. I'm gonna beg him to get back together with me! Who cares that he might cheat again?
98	* Chris Brown's "Deuces": If you break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend, the best thing to do is to act like a total jerk towards him/her.
99	** Beat the living daylights out of your ex-girlfriend? It's ok! It was clearly ''her'' fault in the first place!
100	** If she ever tries to defend herself, it only further proves how she's the one in the wrong. Remember that time when Tina hit Ike?
101	* Music/ChuckBerry's "Roll Over Beethoven": Rock music is just better than classical music.
102	* Music/DepecheMode:
103	** General: Love is good and life is bad.
104	** ''Construction Time Again'':
105	*** "Love, In Itself": Love is bad, actually.
106	*** "Shame": War is bad, and it needs very graphic descriptions for why.
107	*** "Told You So": The CassandraTruth but about politics. Politicians also die a lot.
108	** ''Ultra'':
109	*** Love is bad and life is bad too...
110	*** "Insight": ...unless you're trying to rehabilitate yourself, in which case both are now good.
111	** ''Playing the Angel'':
112	*** "Precious": You should always write a song lamenting your recent divorce to release it as a single, there is nothing wrong with the implications of that course of action at all.
113	*** "I Want It All": AllTakeAndNoGive is a perfect mindset for a relationship.
114	** ''Sounds of the Universe'':
115	*** "Wrong": Being a CosmicPlaything sucks.
116	*** "In Sympathy": Be wary of womanizers if you have a loyal partner.
117	*** "Corrupt": Being a dominant partner is great.
118	** ''Spirit'':
119	*** HumansAreBastards and are also unable to change...
120	*** "Where's the Revolution": ...unless you revolt, which will not have any unforeseen consequences.
121	** Dave Gahan's ''Hourglass'': Life is bad but growing to old age has caused it to go FromBadToWorse.
122	* Music/{{Devo}}:
123	** General: HumansAreBastards and life as a whole is a crapshoot.
124	** "Beautiful World": Screw you, hope for the future!
125	** "Jimmy": Who cares if somebody is suffering, if they were an asshole, they deserved their pain!
126	** "Whip It": LeeroyJenkins was right!
127	* Diana King's "Shy Guy": Only shy guys are faithful to their significant other. If he's in any way a social butterfly he's a stinking cheater.
128	* Music/DollyParton's "Two Doors Down." Lonely? Go to a party you weren't invited to, bang the first guy you meet, and call him your new love.
129	* Don Henley's "The Boys of Summer": If you're a Music/GratefulDead fan, you're not allowed to buy Cadillacs, or vice versa. You may cause someone to have a minor existential crisis if you do.
130	* Music/DonMclean's "American Pie". Rock music was much better in the 50s when people wrote and sang simple three minute songs instead of now when people sing long, complex songs in varying tempos with heavily symbolic lyrics about how...er music was better in the 50s.
131	* Dream's "He Loves U Not": If you're together with someone who's crushed on by another girl, it's perfectly acceptable to rub it in her face.
132	* Ed Sheeran's "Shape of You": It's fine to completely objectify your lover and only be in love with their body. Minds are over-rated.
133	* Music/ElectricLightOrchestra:
134	** "The Diary of Horace Wimp": If you're socially awkward, God will divinely intervene in your life to help you get married in a week.
135	** "Do Ya": Nothing sets a woman's heart ablaze like telling her you'd like to save her for a rainy day.
136	** "Telephone Line": If someone doesn't answer the phone the one time you call the person, it's a clear sign that you mean nothing to that person.
137	* Music/{{Evanescence}}:
138	** "Breath No More": Bleeding to death is beautiful!
139	* ''5 Seconds of Summer'':
140	** "End Up Here": The right fashion choices will get you laid.
141	* From ''WesternAnimation/TheFlintstones'', "Open Up Your Heart and Let the Sun Shine In": Sad feelings are never valid. You should feel bursting with happiness at all times, or else you're in league with the devil.
142	* Music/FloggingMolly's "Between a Man and a Woman": Heterosexual love is the only acceptable form of love. Period.
143	* Fountains of Wayne's "Stacy's Mom": I'm so in love with this woman, even though I can't be bothered to call her by her actual name!
144	* Music/GarthBrooks's "That Summer": It's perfectly OK for a middle-aged woman to have sex with a teenage boy who works for her. Of course, we'd all be hollering kiddie rape if the genders were reversed, but as long as it's a teenage boy and a middle aged woman, there's no problem.
145	** The same thing shows up in "War is Hell On the Home Front Too" by T. G. Sheppard. A woman whose husband is overseas fighting gets lonely and seduces the teenage grocery delivery boy. Which is OK, because it's not a married man hitting up a teenage girl while his wife is out of town. Also, when a man is at war, his wife's biggest concern is going to be that she's not getting any lovin'.
146	* Music/{{Genesis\|Band}}:
147	** "The Musical Box":
148	*** If you touch a dead person's belongings, their spirit will return to the material world and try to sexually assault you.
149	*** Children should not play croquet. Ever.
150	** "I Know What I Like (In Your Wardrobe)": Striving for bigger and better things is for fools. If you take any sort of risk that could improve your life, you may end up failing, so it's not even worth trying.
151	** "Turn It On Again": Who needs real-life friends? All the social interaction you'll ever need, you can get from watching TV all the time and pretending to go on adventures with the characters!
152	* Music/HueyLewisAndTheNews:
153	** "I Want a New Drug": Love is a drug. [[{{Metaphorgotten}} It comes in pill form.]]
154	** "Hip to Be Square": Instead of being yourself you should base your identity on socially constructed norms of what's cool or not.
155	* Music/JohnLennon:
156	** "Imagine":
157	*** Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was absolutely nothing to do in the world and absolutely no reason to do anything ever?
158	*** Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was nothing and no-one in the world was worth risking your life for?
159	*** Imagine if there's no Heaven or Hell. Then the good and honest man [[NoGoodDeedGoesUnpunished who is never rewarded in this life]] would be met with the same CessationOfExistence as the KarmaHoudini. [[TheAntiNihilist The fairness of this must never be questioned]].
160	** "Crippled Inside": It is absolutely impossible to put on [[StepfordSmiler a facade of false happiness]]. Everyone sees right through it.
161	** "Instant Karma! (We All Shine On)": If you don't constantly do good, the world will hate you.
162	** "How Do You Sleep" My former partner was good looking and wrote one of the most popular songs in the world. What a bastard!
163	* John Mayer's "Waiting on the World to Change": Think the world has gone to crap? Don't bother trying to do anything about it yourself; just wait for someone else to fix it.
164	* Music/{{Kansas}}:
165	** "Dust in the Wind": What's the point of doing anything at all if it's not gonna matter in the end?
166	** "Carry On Wayward Son": Going alone on a dangerous mission? Screw the necessary supplies, only vague moral guidance can help you stop evil!
167	* Music/{{Kesha}}:
168	** "Tik-Tok": You have to be a member of Music/{{The Rolling Stones\|Band}} in order for a woman to like you. Also, whiskey makes great toothpaste.
169	** "Blow": You can't leave this club. YOU CAN NEVER LEAVE!!!
170	** "Blah Blah Blah": [[DoubleStandardRapeFemaleOnMale Rape Is Okay When It Is Female on Male]], not to mention [[StrawFeminist feminist]].
171	** "Cannibal": Flesh eating monsters are cool and sexy.
172	** "Die Young": Instead of doing something actually unique and huge, let's spend our last time on Earth getting drunk and having gangbangs.
173	* Music/LadyGaga:
174	** "Poker Face": Women are mysterious, and too good for you. And stuttering is good.
175	** "Paparazzi": [[StalkingIsFunnyIfItIsFemaleAfterMale Stalking is okay when it's female on male]]. (Coincidentally, the ComicBook/ArchieComics taught this exact same lesson with Ethel on Jughead vs. Reggie on Midge.)
176	** "Telephone": Leave your girlfriend alone! She's trying to forget you exist at a local club. Plus she doesn't have free weekend minutes.
177	** "Born This Way": You can never change yourself or choose your own destiny. Let your DNA rule over all of your decisions and feelings. There's no such thing as a bad impulse.
178	* Les Applegate:
179	** "Goodbye, My Coney Island Baby": Girls, you're deluding yourselves if you think any man ever wants to be in a committed relationship with you. Every man who ever lived, regardless of race or socioeconomic status, abhors marriage and will lie through their teeth to have an excuse to leave you forever.
180	* Music/LilWayne: Your girlfriend saying she wishes she could cut off your dick and take it everywhere she goes is cute and charming, not a sign that you're dating a dangerous psychopath.
181	* Music/LilyAllen:
182	** "Smile" - If your boyfriend cheats on you, it's perfectly excusable for you to pay a bunch of thugs to break into his house, wreck the place, scratch the records he uses for his gigs as a DJ and block up the toilet after slipping a packet of laxitives into his coffee. It's something to smile about.
183	** "Fuck You": If you disagree with someone it's alright to be rude to them.
184	* Music/TheLonelyIsland:
185	** "Dick in a Box": Sexually assaulting your girlfriend is a great gift idea for any occasion!
186	** "I Just Had Sex":
187	*** When you engage in sexual intercourse, don't even think about whether or not your partner enjoys it, all that matters is that you get yours.
188	*** Having sex with a girl is comparable to having sex with a pile of shit.
189	*** You should only marry someone based on their sexual prowess, not whether you actually love them or not.
190	*** Sex is something women only give to men as a favor. It's not like women ever want sex, because only guys get horny.
191	** "Like a Boss": Being a boss means you can do whatever you want without repercussions... unless it's sexual harassment, of course.
192	** "Jizz in My Pants": If you see a girl and ejaculate prematurely, then it's all her fault, even when she doesn't do anything provocative.
193	* Music/MarilynManson:
194	** "The Dope Show": Drugs are awesome! Let's all do drugs!
195	** Basically the entirety of Music/AntichristSuperstar (and to a lesser extent [[Music/HolyWoodInTheShadowOfTheValleyOfDeath Holy Wood]]): Don't even bother trying to fight back against oppressive governments since [[HeWhoFightsMonsters the new ones will be just as or even more assholish]].
196	* Music/{{Madonna}}:
197	** "Four Minutes": Rather than actually doing something in a mission pressed for time, let us squander our time by singing!
198	* From ''Film/MeetMeInStLouis'': “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”:
199	** The un-Bowdlerized version: You could die at any time, so enjoy your life while you can.
200	** The {{Bowdlerized}} version: Americans cannot handle any lyrics even the slightest bit melancholy.
201	* Music/MeghanTrainor:
202	** "All About That Bass"
203	*** You are ugly if you aren't curvy or chunky. After all, no man would want to grab bones!
204	*** A woman's self-confidence should hinge around whether or not men want to have sex with her.
205	*** The only way you can effectively prove a point is to insult the other side of the spectrum.
206	** "Dear Future Husband"
207	*** The husband is at fault for every miscommunication in your relationship.
208	*** If your husband apologizes after a fight, it's because he's horny, not because he's actually sorry or anything.
209	** "NO" - Every guy who's trying to talk to you is hitting on you. He asks for the time? OMG WHAT A HORNY SCUMBAG HOW DARE HE ASK YOU OUT!
210	** "Me Too" - Everyone who isn't me sucks and should look up to me ME ME ME!
211	* Metalite:
212	** "Paradise": People with mental issues will never make it into heaven.
213	** "Apocalypse": If the world is going to shit, just lay back and enjoy.
214	* Music/MrBig's "To Be With You": You're going through a rough break up and need some space? Get the hell over it, you whiny crybaby, and get with me instead.
215	* Music/{{Nickelback}}
216	** "If Everyone Cared": Being less of a dick will extend human life expectancy. Screw biomedical research, politeness is where it's at!
217	** "Rockstar": The recipe for success is flaunting your drugs, women and wealth; not talent, contrary to popular belief. Alternately, the only reason one wants to be a rockstar is because of fortune and fame, not because you like making music or anything.
218	* Music/NickiMinaj:
219	** Meta example: Men will want ''any'' fat butt. Even a butt being expanded through plastic surgery, like the singer's.
220	** "Anaconda" and "Super Bass": Men are only worth having if they are selling drugs to you.
221	** Grammar errors in your lyrics are cool! As well as swearing or using a vulgar word every five seconds!
222	* Music/NoDoubt: "Ex-Girlfriend": If you aren't compatible, it's only your boyfriend's fault for picking you and not the other way around or you being equally to blame.
223	* Music/OingoBoingo:
224	** "Only a Lad": We should reinstate the death penalty for minors. If we don't, we'll have an army of sociopathic {{Karma Houdini}}s who will wreak havoc because milquetoasts will get them off by [[SocietyIsToBlame blaming society]] and claiming they are [[ChildrenAreInnocent too young]] to know any better.
225	** "Dead Man's Party": Being dead is ''awesome''! You should kill yourself so you can join in on the festivities!
226	* Omnia - "I Don't Speak Human": Humans are a cancer that is destroying this planet, and we'd be better without them. Brought to you by a band of humans.
227	* Music/OneDirection
228	** "Little Things": What's the sweetest, most romantic way you can sing yourself into a girl's heart? Negging her, of course!
229	** "What Makes You Beautiful": The only way someone can be beautiful is if they're oblivious to it.
230	* Music/PaulaAbdul:
231	** "Opposites Attract": You should go out with someone you have nothing in common with, you'll be the perfect couple.
232	** "The Way That You Love Me": Don't waste money trying to impress a girl. You can be a penniless bum on the streets and still get a famous woman like Paula Abdul if you love them a certain way.
233	* Music/PeterGabriel:
234	** "Big Time": Fed up with small-town life? Drop everything you're doing and move to the big city! You'll be an instant success and everyone there will love you!
235	* Music/PhilCollins:
236	** "I Don't Care Anymore": To show how little I care, I'm gonna take time to write a song about how I don't care.
237	* Music/PhilOchs: “Love Me, I’m a Liberal”: Everyone in favor of civil rights who isn’t a communist is a hypocrite only in it for their own benefit, and so is even worse than the conservative reactionaries, since at least the latter [[AtLeastIAdmitIt admit to being utter bastards]].
238	* Music/{{Pink}}:
239	** "Fuckin' Perfect": Loving yourself means believing you have no problems whatsoever and don't need to strive for self-improvement at all. Don't listen to anything negative anyone says about you. They're all just haters. No criticism of you could possibly be valid.
240	** "Please Don't Leave Me" and "True Love": The best relationships are dysfunctional and painful. It's also okay to punch and/or verbally abuse your partner; it just shows how madly in love you are with them!
241	** "So What": When you're a musician, any slight against you is sufficient cause for violence.
242	* Music/PinkFloyd:
243	** "Money": The number one aim in life is to make as much money as possible.
244	** "Time": If you want to be a true Englishman, you should hang on in quiet desperation.
245	** "Another Brick in the Wall": Education is evil and akin to brainwashing. Let your kids do whatever they want and eat their dinner in any order they please.
246	** "The Trial": If you become a cold person, it's not because of your unfaithful wife, your abusive teachers, or because you father died in a war; it's ALL your fault.
247	** "The Wall"; Facing a psychopathic and genocidal dictator threatening to destroy all of Europe? Don't, whatever you do, try any sort of defence against him as the unavoidable casualties from your side risks a small boy growing up without a father and becoming a slightly mopey pop star.
248	** "Young Lust" and the immediately following songs (but only on the album, not the film): Ladies, if your husband cheats on you, you'd still better stay faithful to him, or else you're a bad person.
249	* Music/ThePogues
250	** "Fairytale of New York": Nothing says Christmas like listening to two homeless winos hurling abuse at each other. And if you ever go to chase your dreams with your partner, it'll all go to shit.
251	* Music/RKelly's "I'm a Flirt": If you see a woman in the club, be sure to steal her from her boyfriend.
252	* Music/RickJames:
253	** "Give It to Me, Baby": I don't care how tired you are after a long day's work; I wanna fuck, dammit!
254	* Rick Springfield:
255	** "Jessie's Girl": When you're in love with someone, you should refer to them as somebody else's possession rather than their actual name.
256	* Music/{{Rihanna}}:
257	** "Love The Way You Lie" (ft. Eminem) - It's okay that your boyfriend is an abusive asshat because his way to lie happens to be endearing to you.
258	** "Unfaithful" - It's only wrong to cheat on your partner if he knows about it. If not, cheat to your heart's content.
259	* "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer": Go ahead and be mean to people; if it turns out you actually need them, they'll be so grateful that they're being accepted now that they'll forget everything else.
260	* Robbie Riverra's "Let Me Sip My Drink": Functional alcoholism is a good reason to ignore anyone who tries to talk to you. Socializing? At a social function? Who does that?
261	* Music/TheRollingStones:
262	** "I Can't Get No Satisfaction": Do you have a miserable life and want out of it? Too bad, you're doomed to living that way forever, so just suck it up and move on with your life.
263	** "You Can't Always Get What You Want": Personal desire is a bunch of baloney!
264	* {{Music/Sabaton}}:
265	** In general: WarIsGlorious and a great experience for every young person to make.
266	** "The Final Solution": Hearing a stadium full of your fans singing along to a power ballad about Auschwitz is in no way creepy as hell, and won't freak out the band to the point of them never playing it live again.
267	** "Soldier of Three Armies": No, that Törni guy wasn't terribly twisted by his father's views. It is perfectly normal and even badass when killing (supposed) communists becomes the only thing that makes you happy.
268	** "Talvisota": Nationalist pride can save you from everything.
269	* ''WesternAnimation/SchoolhouseRock'':
270	** ''America Rock'': America never did anything wrong, ever.
271	*** Only white people live in the United States, and as such only they are or can become real Americans. Immigration is fine, but only because only people from other white countries immigrated and all immigration stopped when the 19th century ended. The settlers and colonists arrived on virgin soil that was [[WouldBeRudeToSayGenocide completely uninhabited by anyone before they showed up]].
272	*** “No More Kings”: England colonized the New World with the express understanding that the colonists would gain independence once they developed it enough. As such, King George III denying them such independence was an act of betrayal. And Parliament doesn’t exist.
273	*** “The Preamble”: Omit any part of the Constitution that doesn’t fit the meter.
274	*** “I’m Just a Bill”: Congress are murderers. Bills are living creatures and [[LiteralMetaphor actually die in committee]].
275	*** Congress never successfully overrides the President’s veto.
276	** ''Science Rock'':
277	*** “Interplanet Janet”: Pluto is still a planet [[IRejectYourReality regardless of]] what [[ScienceMarchesOn those pesky astronomers have to say about it]].
278	* ''Series/SesameStreet'':
279	** "Sing": Music is only for happy times. If you ever sing because you're feeling down about something, you're doing it wrong.
280	* Music/SimonAndGarfunkel:
281	** "Fakin' it" and "The Dangling Conversation": Staying in a dead-end relationship is much easier than saying anything about it, so just suck it up and move on with your life.
282	* Music/TaylorSwift:
283	** "Shake It Off" - Best way to tell the haters you don't care what they think about you is making a song which you put effort into doing.
284	** "Red" (the album): Unhealthy, "Treacherous" and dangerous relationships are something to embrace and mourn over/remember fondly once they inevitably end even as you know how unhealthy they are!
285	** "Bad Blood" and "Look What You Made Me Do": Nothing's ''ever'' my fault!!! Our relationship is failing only because my partner is being an asshole and nothing else!
286	** "You Belong With Me": I'm your childhood best friend, so [[{{Entitled to Have You}} I should always win when it comes to romance!]]
287	* TheTemptations:
288	** "Ain't Too Proud to Beg": If someone tells you it's over, don't listen--make a pathetic show of yourself and the person will very likely take you back.
289	* "This Land Is Your Land":
290	** The hobo life is a valid and exciting way of living with no danger or risk involved whatsoever.
291	** If a "no trespassing" or "private property" sign doesn't have anything on the other side, that means it's totally fine and legal to trespass anyway!
292	* Music/{{Timbaland}}:
293	** "Carry Out": Girls love it when you compare their bodies to pancake restaurants and restaurant chains that have the "supersize" option.
294	* Music/TomJones
295	** "Delilah": Homicidal maniacs with stalking tendencies have awesome singing voices.
296	* Tulisa's "Young": Being young is a good excuse to misbehave.
297	* Music/TwistedSister:
298	** "I Wanna Rock": Who cares about being considerate toward others? Play your music as loud as you want! Anyone who complains about the volume is just a rock hater.
299	* Music/{{Weezer}}:
300	** Meta:
301	*** It's totally not creepy to sing songs about first dates and MaleGaze views of girls, even when you're well into your fifties! (unless you're [[Music/TheBeachBoys Mike Love]])
302	*** If you're a cripplingly shy nerd who has trouble talking to girls, write an entire album about your girl troubles! And don't even dare try to write anything that isn't angsty afterwards, because [[TrueArtIsAngsty light-hearted songs about islands and Beverly Hills are stupid!]]
303	** "No Other One":
304	*** If your girlfriend has tattoos and two pet snakes, she's likely a bad partner who does drugs and lies a lot.
305	*** If you're in an unhappy relationship, it's better to stay than to be alone.
306	** "Why Bother?": If you see a girl you like, don't bother getting to know her. She'll just break your heart anyway. Instead, jack off to mental images of her, because you don't really like her, you only want her for her looks!
307	** "Across the Sea": If you're lonely to the point of sheer desperation, become a famous rock star so that a Japanese fan will send you fanmail for you to jack off to, then write a song about it so that years later, [[JustForFun/TVTropesWillRuinYourLife some pathetic loser wasting his life on some website that lists tropes for various forms of media]] will hear it, pull an unintended moral from it, and write an entry about it.
308	** "El Scorcho": It's totally okay to break into your crush's room and read their diary without them knowing.
309	** "Pink Triangle": If somebody is wearing a symbol of queer pride, fat chance dating them, straight person! That means they're gay!
310	** "Butterfly": If you catch a butterfly, [[ComicallyMissingThePoint make sure to poke air holes in the lid of your mamma's mason jar so your new fairy pet doesn't die of oxygen deprivation.]]
311	** ''The Green Album'': Your listeners hate complicated guitar solos, so make sure to have them exactly the same as the vocal melody!
312	** "Beverly Hills": The only way to live successfully and get girls is to become a movie star. Otherwise, you'll be a "beat-down fool" forever!
313	** "Back to the Shack": It's better to stick to what you know than experiment and try new things. Because once your music becomes too different, you've lost most of your fans and need to apologize to them to get them back.
314	*** Afterwards, go back on what you said and change your sound again for three more albums!
315	** "Buddy Holly": Buddy Holly and Mary Tyler Moore were ''totally'' a couple!
316	* Music/WeirdAlYankovic:
317	** "The Night Santa Went Crazy": Mass shootings are a perfectly legitimate topic for a Christmas song.
318	* Music/TheWho:
319	** ''Music/{{Tommy}}'': Being a deaf, blind mute automatically exponentially increases your gaming prowess.
320	** "Won't Get Fooled Again": Revolutions are pointless, since the new leader may end up [[MeetTheNewBoss just like]] [[FullCircleRevolution the old one]].
321	* Wale "Pretty Girls": Ugly girls shouldn't have any confidence. Only pretty girls should.
322	* Music/{{Yes}}:
323	** "Roundabout": Roundabouts transport you to strange magical realms.
324	** "Owner of a Lonely Heart": The old saying is wrong; it ''is'' better to have never loved at all than to have loved and lost.
325	* Music/{{Ween}}'s "Hey Fat Boy (Asshole)": If someone kills your mother, the most reasonable response is to kill them!

Context WarpThatAesop / Music