History Series / OneThousandWaysToDie

** "Suck Her Punched": A rapist attempts to rape a cross-dressing male boxer. The boxer instead punches him in self-defense.

** Remember those NSFW animations that show females [[{{Squick}} having sexual intercourse with horses]]? Well, "Dead Me Stallion" shows what would happen if it was attempted in real life. Namely, the female's uterus gets damaged by the horse's long... ''member'', causing internal bleeding and death from exsanguination. And now you know one of the reasons why beastality is illegal.

** "Rife-Ill" also tries to avert this, by stating that the Taliban assassin's WeaponOfChoice is a [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/McMillan_Tac-50 McMillan Tac-50]], but the actual weapon shown [[MisidentifiedWeapons is not one]] (rather, it's the more famous Barrett M82).

** "Scarf-Faced": A terrorist starved himself to escape his prison cell. When he meets up with his terrorist cell, he gorges himself on food, which is not a good idea after starving yourself for so long (The technical term is "refeeding syndrome").

* ObfuscatingDisability: "Handi-crapped" features a supervising accountant who pretends to have been paralyzed in an on-the-job injury so he can bilk millions out of the company he works for.

* SpaceWhaleAesop: Basically the whole show in general. Any wrong-doing you commit will kill you!

* StealingTheHandicappedSpot: "Handi-Crapped" begins with a JerkJock surfer parking his convertible in a handicapped space. When a disabled veteran gets out of his car to confront him about it, the surfer [[DirtyCoward tries to drive away]], but the surfboard in the backseat collides with the handicapped sign, pivots and strikes him in the neck, severing his spine.

** In "Handi-crapped", the Howie scream is heard when the victim pushes through the elevator door and falls to his death.
* StockingMask: Deconstructed in "Greased is the Word". The victim wore one of this when trying to rob a jewelry, but it blocked his vision and ended up in a gun shop instead.

** "Washed and Fried": 5 strippers pose as college cheerleaders doing charity car washes. While washing the van of a perverted widower, none of the women notice that the buffer they're using has a frayed wire that's dangerously close to a puddle. All five of them get shocked and drop dead.

-->'''Narrator:''' If you answerd yes, then you should change the channel and watch something on PBS.

* MadeOfPlasticine: This is where the show's [[invoked]]{{Critical Research Failure}}s stem from. Many ways to die ''are'' plausible enough, but the gory effects commonly depicted simply would not happen in many cases. So, for instance, impaling the back of your head on a high-pressure water spigot ''would'' be fatal, but it ''wouldn't'' make YourHeadASplode; the water would simply start exiting out through the path of least resistance, most likely back out from the entry wound itself.

** "Sh*t Faced": An alcoholic who can't ingest alcohol due to a recent throat operation persuades his wife to feed it to him through an enema bag. Because the alcohol wasn't ingested through the mouth, it bypasses his liver and goes straight into his bloodstream, bringing his BAC to a whopping 0.57 (0.4 is the usual threshold for coma/death), and later killing him from alcohol poisoning.

* BaitAndSwitch: Sometimes, there will be a twist on how a character will die:

* BackFromTheDead: In "Homie's Dead", a robber who seemingly beat to death one of the people in the house he had broken into gets a nasty surprise when the dead man suddenly revives due to the miraculous medical phenomenon of Lazarus Syndrome, in which blood circulation suddenly resumes minutes after stopping. The shock from this event caused the robber to fall over a balcony to his death below.

** "Phlegm Phatale": An Internet couple agree to meet in the real world. The man, a germophobe, uses a neti pot to cleanse his sinuses beforehand. However, because he either refused to or didn't have access to a source of distilled water, he decided to use tap water. Unfortunately, the bathroom sink is ''not'' a source of distilled water, and he ends up with a parasite that destroys his brain because he used contaminated water to clean his sinuses.

* ILoveNuclearPower: A pair of Yemeni terrorists try to construct a nuclear weapon by using tungsten rods to focus radiation from a plutonium core. One of the terrorists, however, accidentally touches one of the rods with the core, causing a massive burst of radiation to be unleashed, destroying their immune systems and killing them only a few days later. This is based on the first of the two "Demon Core" experiments that killed scientists in 1945 and 1946.

* ILoveNuclearPower: A pair of Yemeni terrorists try to construct a nuclear weapon by using tungsten rods to focus radiation from a plutonium core. One of the terrorists, however, accidentally touches one of the rods with the core, causing a massive burst of radiation to be unleashed, destroying their immune systems and killing them only a few days later. This is based on the "Demon Core" experiment that killed scientists in 1945 and 1946.

** Remember those NSFW animations that have females having sexual intercourse with a horse? Well, "Dead Me Stallion" shows what would happen if it was attempted in real life. Namely, the female's uterus gets damaged by the horse's long... ''member'', causing internal bleeding and death from exsanguination. And now you know one of the reasons why beastality is illegal.

** Remember those NSFW animations that have females having sexual intercourse with a horse? Well, "Dead Me Stallion" shows what would happen if it was attempted in real life. Namely, the female's uterus gets damaged by the horse's long... ''member'', causing internal bleeding and death from exsanguination.

* DeadlyPrank: "Smoked" has two guys who spend all day smoking cigarettes, one guy is sick of his friend mooching cigarettes off him so he loads them into a shotgun shell to fire them in his mouth thinking he'd just choke on them. He learns the hard way it's not the bullets that kill it's the velocity they're shot out at.

* CantHoldHisLiquor: UpToEleven. An Amish youth on ''rumspringa'' went to a Halloween party, and tried alcohol for the first time. He died because his body lacked an enzyme to ''digest it'' and got poisoned.

** Taken UpToEleven with the abusive football coach who died of sepsis after the star kicker of his team kicks him in the crotch -- with cleats that have lead insets in them (the force of which sent a bone fragment into his kidneys). Usually, when men get kicked in the groin, they wish they were dead. In this case, there was no wishing. Or there was and it got granted.

* DisproportionateRetribution:
** Yes, many of the people portrayed on the show were [[TooDumbToLive idiots]] and/or [[AssholeVictim assholes]], but in some of their cases, the horrible way they died was probably far in excess of what they deserved to have happened to them.

* HateSink: Many of the show's characters are some morally bankrupt, like con artists, petty thieves and gangsters, but then there's Max, a successful movie star who yells at everyone around him, is a flat-out racist, and tries to coerce oral sex from her before he has his insides sucked out of him through his ass by a jaccuzi's water intake.

** "Dead-dy Dearest": The narrator mentions at the end that the victim's daughter will have to go to therapy after seeing her father accidentally kill himself. Even if they were abusive, watching a family member die right in front of your eyes ''will'' traumatize you.

** "Dead-dy Dearest": An OverprotectiveDad scares his daughter's boyfriend by firing a blank revolver, then attempts to shoot himself in the head to prove that the gun doesn't have real bullets in it. The guy died from the pressure of the blast traveling down the barrel of the revolver and cracking him in the temple.