History Recap / FamilyGuy8E7JeromeIsTheNewBlack

-->'''Quagmire''': Ok, I'll tell ya. You are the worst person I know. [[Recap/FamilyGuyS2E4BrianInLove You constantly hit on]] [[Recap/FamilyGuyS6E10PlayItAgainBrian your best friend's wife]]. The man pays for your food and [[Recap/FamilyGuyS1E7BrianPortraitOfADog rescued you from certain death]] and this is how you repay him? And to add insult to injury, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS5E13BillAndPetersBogusJourney you defecate all over his yard.]] (getting angrier) And you're such a sponge. [[Recap/FamilyGuyS1E7BrianPortraitOfADog You pay for nothing.]] You always say, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS4E20PatriotGames "Ooh, I'll get you later,"]] but later never comes! And what really bothers me is you pretend that you're this deep guy that loves women for their souls, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS2E5WhistleWhileYourWifeWorks but all you do is date bimbos]]. [[AtLeastIAdmitIt Yeah, I date women for their bodies, but at least I'm honest about it!]] I don't buy them a copy of ''Literature/TheCatcherInTheRye'' and then lecture them with some seventh-grade interpretation about how Holden Caulfield is a profound intellectual. He wasn't! He was a ''spoiled brat!'' And that's why you like him so much: he's ''you!'' ''God'', you're pretentious! (brimming with indignation) And you ''delude'' yourself by [[Recap/FamilyGuy4E7BrianTheBachelor thinking you're a great writer]], even though you're terrible! You know, I shoulda known Cheryl Tiegs didn't write me that note. She woulda known there's no "A" in the word "definite!" And what I think I hate most about you is your textbook liberal agenda. How we should (mockingly) "[[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E12Episode420 Legalize Pot, man]]," how [[Recap/FamilyGuyS5E3HellComesToQuahog big business is crushing the underclass]]; how homelessness is the biggest tragedy in America! Well what have ''you'' done to help?! I work down at the soup kitchen, Brian! Never seen ''you'' down there! You wanna help? ''Grab a ladle!'' And by the way, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS4E1NorthByNorthQuahog driving a Prius]] doesn't make you Jesus Christ. Oh, wait! [[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E1LoveBlactually You don't]] ''[[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E1LoveBlactually believe]]'' [[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E1LoveBlactually in Jesus Christ]], [[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E11NotAllDogsGoToHeaven or]] ''[[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E11NotAllDogsGoToHeaven any]]'' [[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E11NotAllDogsGoToHeaven religion, for that matter]], because (mockingly) "religion is for idiots!" Well, who the hell are ''you'' to talk down to anyone?! [[Recap/FamilyGuyS2E19TheStoryOnPageOne You failed college]] [[Recap/FamilyGuyS4E15BrianGoesBackToCollege ''twice'']], which isn't nearly as bad as [[Recap/FamilyGuyS6E11TheFormerLifeOfBrian your failure as a father]] -- how's that son of yours you never see? But you know what? I could forgive all of that... all of it... if you weren't such a ''bore!'' That's the worst of it, Brian. You're just a big, sad, alcoholic '''''bore!''''' ''Sigh...'' [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere Well, see ya, Brian. Thanks for the fucking steak.]]

-->'''Quagmire''': Ok, I'll tell ya. You are the worst person I know. [[Recap/FamilyGuyS2E4BrianInLove You constantly hit on]] [[Recap/FamilyGuyS6E10PlayItAgainBrian your best friend's wife]]. The man pays for your food and [[Recap/FamilyGuyS1E7BrianPortraitOfADog rescued you from certain death]] and this is how you repay him? And to add insult to injury, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS5E13BillAndPetersBogusJourney you defecate all over his yard.]] (getting angrier) And you're such a sponge. [[Recap/FamilyGuyS1E7BrianPortraitOfADog You pay for nothing.]] You're always like. [[Recap/FamilyGuyS4E20PatriotGames "Ooh, I'll get you later,"]] but later never comes! And what really bothers me is you pretend that you're this deep guy that loves women for their souls, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS2E5WhistleWhileYourWifeWorks but all you do is date bimbos]]. [[AtLeastIAdmitIt Yeah, I date women for their bodies, but at least I'm honest about it!]] I don't buy them a copy of ''Literature/TheCatcherInTheRye'' and then lecture them with some seventh-grade interpretation about how Holden Caulfield is a profound intellectual. He wasn't! He was a ''spoiled brat!'' And that's why you like him so much: he's ''you!'' ''God'', you're pretentious! (brimming with indignation) And you ''delude'' yourself by [[Recap/FamilyGuy4E7BrianTheBachelor thinking you're a great writer]], even though you're terrible! You know, I shoulda known Cheryl Tiegs didn't write me that note. She woulda known there's no "A" in the word "definite!" And what I think I hate most about you is your textbook liberal agenda. How we should (mockingly) "[[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E12Episode420 Legalize Pot, man]]," how [[Recap/FamilyGuyS5E3HellComesToQuahog big business is crushing the underclass]]; how homelessness is the biggest tragedy in America! Well what have ''you'' done to help?! I work down at the soup kitchen, Brian! Never seen ''you'' down there! You wanna help? ''Grab a ladle!'' And by the way, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS4E1NorthByNorthQuahog driving a Prius]] doesn't make you Jesus Christ. Oh, wait! [[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E1LoveBlactually You don't]] ''[[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E1LoveBlactually believe]]'' [[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E1LoveBlactually in Jesus Christ]], [[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E11NotAllDogsGoToHeaven or]] ''[[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E11NotAllDogsGoToHeaven any]]'' [[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E11NotAllDogsGoToHeaven religion, for that matter]], because (mockingly) "religion is for idiots!" Well, who the hell are ''you'' to talk down to anyone?! [[Recap/FamilyGuyS2E19TheStoryOnPageOne You failed college]] [[Recap/FamilyGuyS4E15BrianGoesBackToCollege ''twice'']], which isn't nearly as bad as [[Recap/FamilyGuyS6E11TheFormerLifeOfBrian your failure as a father]] -- how's that son of yours you never see? But you know what? I could forgive all of that... all of it... if you weren't such a ''bore!'' That's the worst of it, Brian. You're just a big, sad, alcoholic '''''bore!''''' ''Sigh...'' [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere Well, see ya, Brian. Thanks for the fucking steak.]]

-->'''Quagmire''': Ok, I'll tell ya. You are the worst person I know. [[Recap/FamilyGuyS2E4BrianInLove You constantly hit on]] [[Recap/FamilyGuyS6E10PlayItAgainBrian your best friend's wife]]. The man pays for your food and [[Recap/FamilyGuyS1E7BrianPortraitOfADog rescued you from certain death]] and this is how you repay him? And to add insult to injury, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS5E13BillAndPetersBogusJourney you defecate all over his yard.]] (getting angrier) And you're such a sponge. [[Recap/FamilyGuyS1E7BrianPortraitOfADog You pay for nothing.]] You're always like. [[Recap/FamilyGuyS4E20PatriotGames "Ooh, I'll get you later,"]] but later never comes! And what really bothers me is you pretend that you're this deep guy that loves women for their souls, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS2E5WhistleWhileYourWifeWorks but all you do is date bimbos]]. [[AtLeastIAdmitIt Yeah, I date women for their bodies, but at least I'm honest about it!]] I don't buy them a copy of ''Literature/TheCatcherInTheRye'' and then lecture them with some seventh-grade interpretation about how Holden Caulfield is a profound intellectual. He wasn't! He was a ''spoiled brat!'' And that's why you like him so much: he's ''you!'' ''God'', you're pretentious! (brimming with indignation) And you ''delude'' yourself by [[Recap/FamilyGuy4E7BrianTheBachelor thinking you're a great writer]], even though you're terrible! You know, I shoulda known Cheryl Tiegs didn't write me that note. She woulda known there's no "A" in the word "definite!" And what I think I hate most about you is your textbook liberal agenda. How we should (mockingly) "[[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E12Episode420 Legalize Pot, man]]," how [[Recap/FamilyGuyS5E3HellComesToQuahog big business is crushing the underclass]]; how homelessness is the biggest tragedy in America! Well what have ''you'' done to help?! I work down at the soup kitchen, Brian! Never seen ''you'' down there! You wanna help? ''Grab a ladle!'' And by the way, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS4E1NorthByNorthQuahog driving a Prius]] doesn't make you Jesus Christ. Oh, wait! [[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E1LoveBlactually You don't]] ''[[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E1LoveBlactually believe]]'' [[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E1LoveBlactually in Jesus Christ]], [[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E11NotAllDogsGoToHeaven or]] ''[[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E11NotAllDogsGoToHeaven any]]'' [[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E11NotAllDogsGoToHeaven religion, for that matter]], because (mockingly) "religion is for idiots!" Well who the hell are ''you'' to talk down to anyone?! [[Recap/FamilyGuyS2E19TheStoryOnPageOne You failed college]] [[Recap/FamilyGuyS4E15BrianGoesBackToCollege ''twice'']], which isn't nearly as bad as [[Recap/FamilyGuyS6E11TheFormerLifeOfBrian your failure as a father]] -- how's that son of yours you never see? But you know what? I could forgive all of that... all of it... if you weren't such a ''bore!'' That's the worst of it, Brian. You're just a big, sad, alcoholic '''''bore!''''' ''Sigh...'' [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere Well, see ya, Brian. Thanks for the fucking steak.]]

-->'''Quagmire''': Ok, I'll tell ya. You are the worst person I know. [[Recap/FamilyGuyS2E4BrianInLove You constantly hit on]] [[Recap/FamilyGuyS6E10PlayItAgainBrian your best friend's wife]]. The man pays for your food and [[Recap/FamilyGuyS1E7BrianPortraitOfADog rescued you from certain death]] and this is how you repay him? And to add insult to injury, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS5E13BillAndPetersBogusJourney you defecate all over his yard.]] (getting angrier) And you're such a sponge. [[Recap/FamilyGuyS1E7BrianPortraitOfADog You pay for nothing.]] You're always like. [[Recap/FamilyGuyS4E20PatriotGames "Ooh, I'll get you later,"]] but later never comes! And what really bothers me is you pretend that you're this deep guy that loves women for their souls, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS2E5WhistleWhileYourWifeWorks but all you do is date bimbos]]. [[AtLeastIAdmitIt Yeah, I date women for their bodies, but at least I'm honest about it!]] I don't buy them a copy of ''Literature/TheCatcherInTheRye'' and then lecture them with some seventh-grade interpretation about how Holden Caulfield is a profound intellectual. He wasn't! He was a ''spoiled brat!'' And that's why you like him so much: he's ''you!'' ''God'', you're pretentious! (brimming with indignation) And you ''delude'' yourself by [[Recap/FamilyGuy4E7BrianTheBachelor thinking you're a great writer]], even though you're terrible! You know, I shoulda known Cheryl Tiegs didn't write me that note. She woulda known there's no "A" in the word "definite!" And what I think I hate most about you is your textbook liberal agenda. How we should (mockingly) "[[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E12Episode420 Legalize Pot, man]]," how [[Recap/FamilyGuyS5E3HellComesToQuahog big business is crushing the underclass]]; how homelessness is the biggest tragedy in America! Well what have ''you'' done to help?! I work down at the soup kitchen, Brian! Never seen ''you'' down there! You wanna help? ''Grab a ladle!'' And by the way, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS4E1NorthByNorthQuahog driving a Prius]] doesn't make you Jesus Christ. Oh, wait! [[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E1LoveBlactually You don't ''believe'' in Jesus Christ]], [[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E11NotAllDogsGoToHeaven or ''any'' religion for that matter]], because (mockingly) "religion is for idiots." Well who the hell are ''you'' to talk down to anyone?! [[Recap/FamilyGuyS2E19TheStoryOnPageOne You failed college]] [[Recap/FamilyGuyS4E15BrianGoesBackToCollege ''twice'']], which isn't nearly as bad as [[Recap/FamilyGuyS6E11TheFormerLifeOfBrian your failure as a father]] -- how's that son of yours you never see? But you know what? I could forgive all of that... all of it... if you weren't such a ''bore!'' That's the worst of it, Brian. You're just a big, sad, alcoholic '''''bore!''''' ''Sigh...'' [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere Well, see ya, Brian. Thanks for the fucking steak.]]

-->'''Quagmire''': Ok, I'll tell ya. You are the worst person I know. [[Recap/FamilyGuyS2E4BrianInLove You constantly hit on]] [[Recap/FamilyGuyS6E10PlayItAgainBrian your best friend's wife]]. The man pays for your food and [[Recap/FamilyGuyS1E7BrianPortraitOfADog rescued you from certain death]] and this is how you repay him? And to add insult to injury, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS5E13BillAndPetersBogusJourney you defecate all over his yard.]] (getting angrier) And you're such a sponge. [[Recap/FamilyGuyS1E7BrianPortraitOfADog You pay for nothing.]] You're always like. [[Recap/FamilyGuyS4E20PatriotGames "Ooh, I'll get you later,"]] but later never comes! And what really bothers me is you pretend that you're this deep guy that loves women for their souls, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS2E5WhistleWhileYourWifeWorks but all you do is date bimbos]]. [[AtLeastIAdmitIt Yeah, I date women for their bodies, but at least I'm honest about it!]] I don't buy them a copy of ''Literature/TheCatcherInTheRye'' and then lecture them with some seventh-grade interpretation about how Holden Caulfield is a profound intellectual. He wasn't! He was a ''spoiled brat!'' And that's why you like him so much: he's ''you!'' ''God'', you're pretentious! (brimming with indignation) And you ''delude'' yourself by [[Recap/FamilyGuy4E7BrianTheBachelor thinking you're a great writer]], even though you're terrible! You know, I shoulda known Cheryl Tiegs didn't write me that note. She woulda known there's no "A" in the word "definite!" And what I think I hate most about you is your textbook liberal agenda. How we should (mockingly) "[[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E12Episode420 Legalize Pot, man]]," how [[Recap/FamilyGuyS5E3HellComesToQuahog big business is crushing the underclass]]; how homelessness is the biggest tragedy in America! Well what have ''you'' done to help?! I work down at the soup kitchen, Brian! Never seen YOU down there! You wanna help? ''Grab a ladle!'' And by the way, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS4E1NorthByNorthQuahog driving a Prius]] doesn't make you Jesus Christ. Oh, wait! [[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E1LoveBlactually You don't ''believe'' in Jesus Christ]], [[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E11NotAllDogsGoToHeaven or ''any'' religion for that matter]], because (mockingly) "religion is for idiots." Well who the hell are ''you'' to talk down to anyone?! [[Recap/FamilyGuyS2E19TheStoryOnPageOne You failed college]] [[Recap/FamilyGuyS4E15BrianGoesBackToCollege ''twice'']], which isn't nearly as bad as [[Recap/FamilyGuyS6E11TheFormerLifeOfBrian your failure as a father]] -- how's that son of yours you never see? But you know what? I could forgive all of that... all of it... if you weren't such a ''bore!'' That's the worst of it, Brian. You're just a big, sad, alcoholic '''''bore!''''' ''Sigh...'' [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere Well, see ya, Brian. Thanks for the fucking steak.]]

-->'''Quagmire''': Ok, I'll tell ya. You are the worst person I know. [[Recap/FamilyGuyS2E4BrianInLove You constantly hit on]] [[Recap/FamilyGuyS6E10PlayItAgainBrian your best friend's wife]]. The man pays for your food and [[Recap/FamilyGuyS1E7BrianPortraitOfADog rescued you from certain death]] and this is how you repay him? And to add insult to injury, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS5E13BillAndPetersBogusJourney you defecate all over his yard.]] (getting angrier) And you're such a sponge. [[Recap/FamilyGuyS1E7BrianPortraitOfADog You pay for nothing.]] You're always like. [[Recap/FamilyGuyS4E20PatriotGames "Ooh, I'll get you later,"]] but later never comes! And what really bothers me is you pretend that you're this deep guy that loves women for their souls, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS2E5WhistleWhileYourWifeWorks but all you do is date bimbos]]. [[AtLeastIAdmitIt Yeah, I date women for their bodies, but at least I'm honest about it!]] I don't buy them a copy of ''Literature/TheCatcherInTheRye'' and then lecture them with some seventh-grade interpretation about how Holden Caulfield is a profound intellectual. He wasn't! He was a SPOILED BRAT! And that's why you like him so much: he's YOU! GOD, you're pretentious! (brimming with indignation) And you delude yourself by [[Recap/FamilyGuy4E7BrianTheBachelor thinking you're a great writer]], even though you're terrible. You know, I shoulda known Cheryl Tiegs didn't write me that note. She woulda known there's no "A" in the word "definite!" And what I think I hate most about you is your textbook liberal agenda. How we should (mockingly) "[[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E12Episode420 Legalize Pot, man]]," how [[Recap/FamilyGuyS5E3HellComesToQuahog big business is crushing the underclass]]; how homelessness is the biggest tragedy in America! Well what have YOU done to help?! I work down at the soup kitchen, Brian! Never seen YOU down there! You wanna help? GRAB A LADLE! And by the way, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS4E1NorthByNorthQuahog driving a Prius]] doesn't make you Jesus Christ. Oh, WAIT! [[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E1LoveBlactually You don't believe in Jesus Christ]], [[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E11NotAllDogsGoToHeaven or any religion for that matter]], because (mockingly) "religion is for idiots." Well who the HELL are YOU to talk down to anyone?! [[Recap/FamilyGuyS2E19TheStoryOnPageOne You failed college]] [[Recap/FamilyGuyS4E15BrianGoesBackToCollege TWICE]], which isn't nearly as bad as [[Recap/FamilyGuyS6E11TheFormerLifeOfBrian your failure as a father]] -- how's that son of yours you never see? But you know what? I could forgive all of that... all of it... if you weren't such a BORE! That's the worst of it, Brian. You're just a big, sad, alcoholic BORE! ''Sigh...'' [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere Well, see ya, Brian. Thanks for the fucking steak.]]

** When Stewie is talking to Brian about Creator/ChrisFarley, they are talking about the film ''Film/TommyBoy''. However, Stewie mentions tapping on the glass causing him to fall down the hill which happens in the film ''Film/BlackSheep'' which also stars Creator/DavidSpade and Chris Farley.

** Jerome and Quagmire quote jive from the film ''Film/{{Airplane}}.

** When Stewie is talking to Brian about Creator/ChrisFarley, they are talking about the film Tommy Boy. However, Stewie mentions tapping on the glass causing him to fall down the hill which happens in the film Black Sheep which also stars David Spade and Chris Farley.

** Jerome and Quagmire quote jive from the film Airplane!.
** Jerome uses Gary Coleman's catchphrase from Diff'rent Strokes "What 'chou talking about?", prompting a laugh from Peter who recognizes the reference.
** When Stewie is talking to Brian about Chris Farley, they are talking about the film Tommy Boy. However, Stewie mentions tapping on the glass causing him to fall down the hill which happens in the film Black Sheep which also stars David Spade and Chris Farley.

* SomebodyDoesntLoveRaymond: Brian tries to be friends with Quagmire and fails. And, unlike most "SomebodyDoesntLoveRaymond" plots, Quagmire has a very detailed reason about why he finds Brian so repugnant.

-->'''Quagmire''': Ok, I'll tell ya. You are the worst person I know. [[Recap/FamilyGuyS2E4BrianInLove You constantly hit on]] [[Recap/FamilyGuyS6E10PlayItAgainBrian your best friend's wife]]. The man pays for your food and [[Recap/FamilyGuyS1E7BrianPortraitOfADog rescued you from certain death]] and this is how you repay him? And to add insult to injury, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS5E13BillAndPetersBogusJourney you defecate all over his yard.]] (getting angrier) And you're such a sponge. [[Recap/FamilyGuyS1E7BrianPortraitOfADog You pay for nothing.]] You're always like. [[Recap/FamilyGuyS4E20PatriotGames "Ooh, I'll get you later,"]] but later never comes! And what really bothers me is you pretend that you're this deep guy that loves women for their souls, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS2E5WhistleWhileYourWifeWorks but all you do is date bimbos]]. [[AtLeastIAdmitIt Yeah, I date women for their bodies, but at least I'm honest about it!]] I don't buy them a copy of ''Literature/TheCatcherInTheRye'' and then lecture them with some seventh-grade interpretation about how Holden Caulfield is a profound intellectual. He wasn't! He was a SPOILED BRAT! And that's why you like him so much: he's YOU! GOD, you're pretentious! (brimming with indignation) And you delude yourself by [[Recap/FamilyGuy4E7BrianTheBachelor thinking you're a great writer]], even though you're terrible. You know, I shoulda known Cheryl Tiegs didn't write me that note. She woulda known there's no "A" in the word "definite!" And what I think I hate most about you is your textbook liberal agenda. How we should (mockingly) "[[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E12Episode420 Legalize Pot, man]]," how [[Recap/FamilyGuyS5E3HellComesToQuahog big business is crushing the underclass]]; how homelessness is the biggest tragedy in America! Well what have YOU done to help?! I work down at the soup kitchen, Brian! Never seen YOU down there! You wanna help? GRAB A LADLE! And by the way, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS4E1NorthByNorthQuahog driving a Prius]] doesn't make you Jesus Christ. Oh, WAIT! [[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E1LoveBlactually You don't believe in Jesus Christ]], [[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E11NotAllDogsGoToHeaven or any religion for that matter]], because (mockingly) "religion is for idiots." Well who the HELL are YOU to talk down to anyone?! [[Recap/FamilyGuyS2E19TheStoryOnPageOne You failed college]][[Recap/FamilyGuyS4E15BrianGoesBackToCollege TWICE]], which isn't nearly as bad as [[Recap/FamilyGuyS6E11TheFormerLifeOfBrian your failure as a father]] -- how's that son of yours you never see? But you know what? I could forgive all of that... all of it... if you weren't such a BORE! That's the worst of it, Brian. You're just a big, sad, alcoholic BORE! ''Sigh...'' [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere Well, see ya, Brian. Thanks for the fucking steak.]]

-->'''Quagmire''': Okay. I'll tell you. You are the worst person I know. [[Recap/FamilyGuyS2E4BrianInLove You constantly hit on your best friend's wife]]. The man pays for your food and [[Recap/FamilyGuyS1E7BrianPortraitOfADog rescued you from certain death]], and ''this'' is how you repay him? And to add insult to injury, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS5E13BillAndPetersBogusJourney you defecate all over his yard]]. And you're ''such a sponge''. You pay for ''nothing''. You always say [mocks Brian] "Ooh, I'll get you later", but later never comes. And what really bothers me, is you pretend that you're this deep guy that loves women for their souls, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS2E5WhistleWhileYourWifeWorks when all you do is date bimbos]]. Yeah, ''I'' date women for their bodies, but at least I'm honest about it. I don't buy them a copy of ''[[Literature/TheCatcherInTheRye Catcher in the Rye]]'' and then lecture them with some seventh-grade interpretation about how Holden Caulfield was some profound intellectual. He wasn't! He was a spoiled brat! And that's why you like him so much: He's you! God, you're pretentious! And you delude yourself by [[Recap/FamilyGuy4E7BrianTheBachelor thinking you're some great writer]], even though you're terrible. You know, I should've known Cheryl Tiegs didn't write me that note. She would've known there's no "a" in the word "definite". And what I think I hate most about you is your [[SoapboxSadie textbook liberal agenda]]. How we should [mocks again] "[[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E12Episode420 legalize pot, man]]", how [[Recap/FamilyGuyS5E3HellComesToQuahog big business is crushing the underclass]], how homelessness is the biggest tragedy in America. Well what have ''you'' done to help?! I work down at the soup kitchen, Brian! Never seen ''you'' down there! You wanna help? '''Grab a ladle!''' And by the way, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS4E1NorthByNorthQuahog driving a Prius]] doesn't make you Jesus Christ. Oh, wait! [[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E11NotAllDogsGoToHeaven You don't believe in Jesus Christ]], or any religion for that matter because [mocks again] "religion is for idiots". Well, who the ''hell'' are you to talk down to anyone?! [[Recap/FamilyGuyS4E15BrianGoesBackToCollege You failed college twice]], which isn't ''nearly'' as bad as [[Recap/FamilyGuyS6E11TheFormerLifeOfBrian your failure as a father]]. How's that son of yours you never see? But you know what? I could forgive all of that--all of it--if you ''weren't such a bore''. That's the worst of it, Brian. You're just a big, sad, alcoholic ''bore''! [sighs, puts his napkin on the table, and sets to leave] Well, see ya, Brian. Thanks for the [[PrecisionFStrike fucking]] steak.

-->'''Quagmire''': Okay. I'll tell you. You are the worst person I know. [[Recap/FamilyGuyS2E4BrianInLove You constantly hit on your best friend's wife]]. The man pays for your food and [[Recap/FamilyGuyS1E7BrianPortraitOfADog rescued you from certain death]], and ''this'' is how you repay him? And to add insult to injury, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS5E13BillAndPetersBogusJourney you defecate all over his yard]]. And you're ''such a sponge''. You pay for ''nothing''. You always say [mocks Brian] "Ooh, I'll get you later", but later never comes. And what really bothers me, is you pretend that you're this deep guy that loves women for their souls, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS2E5WhistleWhileYourWifeWorks when all you do is date bimbos]]. Yeah, ''I'' date women for their bodies, but at least I'm honest about it. I don't buy them a copy of ''[[Literature/TheCatcherInTheRye Catcher in the Rye]]'' and then lecture them with some seventh-grade interpretation about how Holden Caulfield was some profound intellectual. He wasn't! He was a spoiled brat! And that's why you like him so much: He's you! God, you're pretentious! And you delude yourself by [[Recap/FamilyGuy4E7BrianTheBachelor thinking you're some great writer]], even though you're terrible. You know, I should've known Cheryl Tiegs didn't write me that note. She would've known there's no "a" in the word "definite". And what I think I hate most about you is your [[SoapboxSadie textbook liberal agenda]]. How we should [mocks again] "[[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E12Episode420 legalize pot, man]]", how [[Recap/FamilyGuyS5E3HellComesToQuahog big business is crushing the underclass]], how homelessness is the biggest tragedy in America. Well what have ''you'' done to help?! I work down at the soup kitchen, Brian! Never seen ''you'' down there! You wanna help? '''Grab a ladle!''' And by the way, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS4E1NorthByNorthQuahog driving a Prius]] doesn't make you Jesus Christ. Oh, wait! [[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E1LoveBlactually You don't believe in Jesus Christ]], or any religion for that matter because [mocks again] "religion is for idiots". Well, who the ''hell'' are you to talk down to anyone?! [[Recap/FamilyGuyS4E15BrianGoesBackToCollege You failed college twice]], which isn't ''nearly'' as bad as [[Recap/FamilyGuyS6E11TheFormerLifeOfBrian your failure as a father]]. How's that son of yours you never see? But you know what? I could forgive all of that--all of it--if you ''weren't such a bore''. That's the worst of it, Brian. You're just a big, sad, alcoholic ''bore''! [sighs, puts his napkin on the table, and sets to leave] Well, see ya, Brian. Thanks for the [[PrecisionFStrike fucking]] steak.

-->'''Quagmire:''' Well, see you around, Brian. Thanks for the fucking steak.[[note]]bleeped out on TV, but not on DVD[[/note]]

-->'''Quagmire''': Okay. I'll tell you. You are the worst person I know. [[Recap/FamilyGuyS2E4BrianInLove You constantly hit on your best friend's wife]]. The man pays for your food and [[Recap/FamilyGuyS1E7BrianPortraitOfADog rescued you from certain death]], and ''this'' is how you repay him? And to add insult to injury, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS5E13BillAndPetersBogusJourney you defecate all over his yard]]. And you're ''such a sponge''. You pay for ''nothing''. You always say [mocks Brian] "Ooh, I'll get you later", but later never comes. And what really bothers me, is you pretend that you're this deep guy that loves women for their souls, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS2E5WhistleWhileYourWifeWorks when all you do is date bimbos]]. Yeah, ''I'' date women for their bodies, but at least I'm honest about it. I don't buy them a copy of ''[[Literature/TheCatcherInTheRye Catcher in the Rye]]'' and then lecture them with some seventh-grade interpretation about how Holden Caulfield was some profound intellectual. He wasn't! He was a spoiled brat! And that's why you like him so much: He's you! God, you're pretentious! And you delude yourself by [[Recap/FamilyGuy4E7BrianTheBachelor thinking you're some great writer]], even though you're terrible. You know, I should've known Cheryl Tiegs didn't write me that note. She would've known there's no "a" in the word "definite". And what I think I hate most about you is your [[SoapboxSadie textbook liberal agenda]]. How we should [mocks again] "[[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E12Episode420 legalize pot, man]]", how [[Recap/FamilyGuyS5E3HellComesToQuahog big business is crushing the underclass]], how homelessness is the biggest tragedy in America. Well what have ''you'' done to help?! I work down at the soup kitchen, Brian! Never seen ''you'' down there! You wanna help? '''Grab a ladle!''' And by the way, [[Recap/FamilyGuyS4E1NorthByNorthQuahog driving a Prius]] doesn't make you Jesus Christ. Oh, wait! [[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E1LoveBlactually You don't believe in Jesus Christ]], or any religion for that matter because [mocks again] "religion is for idiots". Well, who the ''hell'' are you to talk down to anyone?! [[Recap/FamilyGuyS4E15BrianGoesBackToCollege You failed college twice]], which isn't ''nearly'' as bad as [[Recap/FamilyGuyS6E11TheFormerLifeOfBrian your failure as a father]]. How's that son of yours you never see? But you know what? I could forgive all of that--all of it--if you ''weren't such a bore''. That's the worst of it, Brian. You're just a big, sad, alcoholic ''bore''! [sighs, puts his napkin on the table, and sets to leave] I'll see ya, Brian. Thanks for the [[PrecisionFStrike fucking]] steak.

-->'''Quagmire''': Okay. I'll tell you. You are the worst person I know. You constantly hit on your best friend's wife. The man pays for your food and rescued you from certain death, and ''this'' is how you repay him? And to add insult to injury, you defecate all over his yard. And you're ''such a sponge''. You pay for ''nothing''. You always say [mocks Brian] "Ooh, I'll get you later", but later never comes. And what really bothers me, is you pretend that you're this deep guy that loves women for their souls, when all you do is date bimbos. Yeah, I date women for their bodies, but at least I'm honest about it. I don't buy them a copy of Catcher in the Rye and then lecture them with some seventh-grade interpretation about how Holden Caulfield was some profound intellectual. He wasn't! He was a spoiled brat! And that's why you like him so much: He's you! God, you're pretentious! And you delude yourself by thinking you're some great writer, even though you're terrible. You know, I should've known Cheryl Tiegs didn't write me that note. She would've known there's no "a" in the word "definite". And what I think I hate most about you is your textbook liberal agenda. How we should [mocks again] "legalize pot, man", how big business is crushing the underclass, how homelessness is the biggest tragedy in America. Well what have ''you'' done to help?! I work down at the soup kitchen, Brian! Never seen ''you'' down there! You wanna help? '''Grab a ladle!''' And by the way, driving a Prius doesn't make you Jesus Christ. Oh, wait! You don't believe in Jesus Christ, or any religion for that matter because [mocks again] "religion is for idiots". Well, who the ''hell'' are you to talk down to anyone?! You failed college twice, which isn't ''nearly'' as bad as your failure as a father. How's that son of yours you never see? But you know what? I could forgive all of that--all of it--if you ''weren't such a bore''. That's the worst of it, Brian. You're just a big, sad, alcoholic ''bore''! [sighs, puts his napkin on the table, and sets to leave] I'll see ya, Brian. Thanks for the fucking steak.

** He mentions [[Recap/FamilyGuyS1E7BrianPortraitOfADog how Peter rescued Brian from certain death]], yet Brian [[Recap/FamilyGuyS2E4BrianInLove still tries to hit on Lois]], and [[Recap/FamilyGuyS5E13BillAndPetersBogusJourney defecates on the lawn]].

** Finally, he calls Brian an "[[Recap/FamilyGuyS4E19BrianSingsAndSwings alcoholic bore]]".

* {{Gasshole}}: Brian, after he gets in bed with Stewie

* {{Hypocrite}}: Three times against Quagmire during his TheReasonYouSuckSpeech to Brian:
** First, he calls him out for hitting on Lois when this is the same guy who's done the same thing to an equal if not higher degree and has gone as far as ''digging though the Griffins' trash'' for her toenail clippings.

** Quagmire states that Brian always hits on Lois. However, the early episodes showed that Quagmire hit on Lois too (though he stopped after "Blind Ambition" when he got in trouble for peeping on her while she was using the toilet...and started up again on "Big Man on Hippocampus" when Peter had amnesia and couldn't remember his family, though this was short-lived, as Quagmire immediately lost his erection when Lois told Quagmire why she wanted to have sex with Quagmire).

* [[LoveFatherLoveSon Love Mother, Love Daughter]]: Jerome previously dated Lois years ago when she was a party girl and at some point manages to have sex with her daughter Meg. Despite this, Peter obviously doesn't care about that last part.

** He brings up Brian's failures [[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E12Episode420 as a writer]], [[Recap/FamilyGuyS4E15BrianGoesBackToCollege at college]] and [[Recap/FamilyGuyS6E11TheFormerLifeOfBrian a father]].

* DomesticAbuse: This episode reveals that Quagmire has a sister who's being abused by her boyfriend, which gets touched on in more dramatic detail in season 10's "Screams of Silence: The Story of Brenda Q."

** He mentions [[Recap/FamilyGuyS1E7BrianPortraitOfADog how Peter rescued Brian from certain death]], yet Brian [[Recap/FamilyGuyS2E4BrianInLove still tries to hit on Lois]], and [[Recap/FamilyGuyS5E13BillAndPetersogusJourney defecates on the lawn]].

** He brings up Brian's failures [[Recap/FamilyGuyS7E12Episode420 as a writer]], [[RecapFamilyGuyS4E15BrianGoesBackToCollege at college]] and [[Recap/FamilyGuyS6E11TheFormerLifeOfBrian a father]].

* AtLeastIAdmitIt: Quagmire calls Brian out on only dating bimbos, then states that he does the same thing, but he at least doesn't pretend to be an intellectual to get in girl's pants (with Quagmire, it's either pick-up lines, emotional manipulation, drugging their drinks, and even machines that restrain any date who tries to leave, which isn't much better in RealLife, but somehow is in the ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'' world).

* CallBack: All of Quagmire's complaints about Brian are previous history about his life: Failed college twice ("Brian Goes Back to College") but still acts pretentious, hits on Peter's wife (almost every episode), defecates on the lawn ("Bill and Peter's Bogus Journey"), rescues him from death ("Brian: Portrait of a Dog"), never pays anyone back ("Patriot Games"), made a weed campaign ("420"), and is an atheist (shown in "Love, Blactually" and "Not All Dogs Go To Heaven"), dates dumb chicks (Jillian) but says he likes women for their minds, hates big businesses crushing the underclass ("Hell Comes to Quahog") but doesn't do anything about it, his novel (Faster Than the Speed of Love) which Quagmire says is terrible, and has a son he never sees (Dylan from "The Former Life of Brian").
** In this episode, Quagmire also reveals that Cheryl Tiegs is the love of his life, as later returns in "And Then There Were Fewer" and "Tiegs for Two".

** Quagmire mentions that he has a girl tied up in his basement, yet in "420" he mentions that he found James under his house, indicating that he has no basement.
* ContinuityNod: Jerome calls Lois by the nickname "Loose Lois", which was previously mentioned in "Road to Europe" (and was her nickname when she had sex with all four members of KISS). Also, Quagmire's unrelenting hatred for Brian is brought back up.
** Quagmire mentions in his speech some events from past episodes including "The Former Life of Brian" (the son that Brian doesn't care for or see, though Brian saw his son again on "Brian's a Bad Father"), "Play It Again Brian" (Brian betraying Peter by hitting on Lois), Brian being a bad writer ("Movin' Out [Brian's Song]," "Episode 420," and the next episode "Dog Gone")[[note]]even though Brian has written a dramatic TV show pilot that was actually good, despite being ruined by ExecutiveMeddling, and proved to be a great porno director who can actually give X-rated movies subtext and character motivation[[/note]], "Not All Dogs Go to Heaven" (pushing his {{Hollywood atheis|t}}m on others, which is how most fans felt about the episode. The writers do agree that the moral was a little heavy-handed, but don't outright hate the episode), and "Episode 420" (his failed campaign to legalize marijuana).
** Quagmire previously tolerated Brian sitting with him at the Clam in such episodes as "Meet the Quagmires" and "The Former Life of Brian". He even went as far as to allow Brian to move in with him during the New Brian debacle in "The Man with Two Brians".

* SeriesContinuityError: This episode features possibly the first instance of the series believing that Brian abandoned his biological son Dylan when in actuality the latter chose to leave Brian on his own account in order to take care of his mother/Brian's ex-girlfriend. Though Quagmire specifically called out how Brian never once visted his son after that. And later episodes showed he actively avoid contacting Dylan.

** First, he calls him out for hitting on Lois when this is the same guy whose done the same thing to an equal if not higher degree and has gone as far as ''digging though the Griffins' trash'' for her toenail clippings.

* {{Hypocrite}}: Four times against Quagmire during his TheReasonYouSuckSpeech to Brian:

** Although Quagmire says that Brian never takes action despite his liberal beliefs, Brian did start a campaign to legalize pot in "420", drove a tank[[note]]the tank that Peter foolishly bought for Meg when she was trying to get her own car[[/note]] to destroy Superstore, USA in "Hell Comes to Quahog", and held Mayor West hostage to legalize gay marriage in "You May Now Kiss the...Uh...Guy Who Receives".

* {{Hypocrite}}: Twice against Quagmire during his TheReasonYouSuckSpeech to Brian:

** Quagmire criticizes Brian for not being involved in Dylan's life. However Quagmire has at least four children that he knows of, all of whom he willingly abandoned.

* SeriesContinuityError: This episode features possibly the first instance of the series believing that Brian abandoned his biological son Dylan when in actuality the latter chose to leave Brian on his own account in order to take care of his mother/Brian's ex-girlfriend.

-->'''Brian''': How come you don't like me?