• Show Spoilers
• Night Vision

# History Quotes / WritersCannotDoMath

2nd Aug '17 4:38:33 AM StFan
Is there an issue? Send a Message

'''Picard''': Targeting wings? It needs fancy targeting wings to hit something bigger than an aircraft carrier from only 1 km away, dead ahead?\\
'''Crewman:''' Yup. And it needs to charge up for [[TickingClock 7 minutes]] too.\\
'''Picard''': Excellent. Just enough time for another contrived action scene. Hey, if it takes 7 minutes to charge up to kill 1000 people, how long would it take to kill 6 billion?\\
'''Crewman:''' I'd calculate about 80 years. Who the hell wrote this?\\
'''Picard''': Thank God I signed up for ''{{Film/X-Men}}.''

to:

'''Picard''': '''Picard:''' Targeting wings? It needs fancy targeting wings to hit something bigger than an aircraft carrier from only 1 km away, dead ahead?\\
'''Crewman:''' '''Crewman:''' Yup. And it needs to charge up for [[TickingClock 7 minutes]] too.\\
'''Picard''': '''Picard:''' Excellent. Just enough time for another contrived action scene. Hey, if it takes 7 minutes to charge up to kill 1000 people, how long would it take to kill 6 billion?\\
'''Crewman:''' '''Crewman:''' I'd calculate about 80 years. Who the hell wrote this?\\
'''Picard''': '''Picard:''' Thank God I signed up for ''{{Film/X-Men}}.''Film/XMen.''

->One episode’s big villain is an immortal who has figured out [[MadMathematician a mathematical algorithm]] that takes all the immortals in the world and tells him who he needs to kill and in what order to become the last one. Yeah…there’s a guy whose big schtick is that he plays the fantasy football version of immortality. Forget the fact that no one can calculate how a swordfight to the death is going to turn out due to all the variables involved.

to:

->One episode’s episode's big villain is an immortal who has figured out [[MadMathematician a mathematical algorithm]] that takes all the immortals in the world and tells him who he needs to kill and in what order to become the last one. Yeah…there’s a guy whose big schtick is that he plays the fantasy football version of immortality. Forget the fact that no one can calculate how a swordfight to the death is going to turn out due to all the variables involved.
11th Apr '16 1:01:54 AM aye_amber
Is there an issue? Send a Message

'''Chris:''' It’s seriously like one energy bar away from being a MegaMan weapon.\\

to:

'''Chris:''' It’s seriously like one energy bar away from being a MegaMan Franchise/MegaMan weapon.\\
10th Jun '15 10:29:18 PM johnnyfog
Is there an issue? Send a Message

->Zack lays down [[{{Poker}} four queens]], which is surely an unbeatable hand. Then Nerdstrom shows -- four kings. The odds of these two hands being played concurrently are astronomical -- 1 in 2.9 billion -- so Maxwell Nerdstrom truly is [[TheAce the most blessed of his kind.]]
-->--'''Stuart Millard''' on ''Series/SavedByTheBell'' ("House Party"), ''So Excited, So Scared''
10th Jun '15 10:23:58 PM johnnyfog
Is there an issue? Send a Message

->Ramirez goes into a tailor's and forks over one of his presumably valuable earrings for a suit. Apparently, we’re supposed to believe that the staff of this establishment would go into a swoon upon getting a look that this "solid gold" artifact. The problem is that the shop is apparently supposed to be an exclusive, Saville Row type of place. If so, then a bargain basement suit here might run \$10,000. Meanwhile, Ramirez’s earring, weighing perhaps an ounce, might have been worth, I don’t know, seven or eight hundred dollars.
-->--'''''Jabootu''''' [[http://www.jabootu.com/highlander2.htm on]] ''[[{{Franchise/Highlander}} Highlander II: The Quickening]]''
10th Jun '15 10:23:40 PM johnnyfog
Is there an issue? Send a Message

[[folder:fiction]]
->''"If it takes a millennium to boil you away,\\
That's .00083 percent in a day\\
And not that I'm now suggesting you try it,\\
But you lose pounds faster on the Atkin's Diet\\
You ''do'' get dissolved, that seems pretty plain,\\
But it happens too slowly to cause any pain\\
What was sold as [[ToThePain a torture unspeakably cruel]]\\
Becomes [[MaximumFunChamber a long dip in a big heated pool]]"''
-->-- '''Creator/BenCroshaw''', ''[[http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/jim-yahtzees-rhymedown-spectacular/7246-Stanza-Wars Sarlaac is Such Sweet Sorrow]]''

to:

[[folder:fiction]]
->''"If it takes a millennium to boil you away,\\
That's .00083 percent in a day\\
And not that I'm now suggesting you try it,\\
But you lose pounds faster on the Atkin's Diet\\
You ''do'' get dissolved, that seems pretty plain,\\
But it happens too slowly to cause any pain\\
What was sold as [[ToThePain a torture unspeakably cruel]]\\
Becomes [[MaximumFunChamber a long dip in a big heated pool]]"''
-->-- '''Creator/BenCroshaw''', ''[[http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/jim-yahtzees-rhymedown-spectacular/7246-Stanza-Wars Sarlaac is Such Sweet Sorrow]]''
[[folder:film -- live-action]]

[[/folder]]

[[folder:live-action tv]]

[[/folder]]

[[folder:magazines]]

[[folder:creators]]
->Oh dear, maths.
-->-- '''Creator/JKRowling'''

->I suck at math.
-->-- '''Creator/JossWhedon'''

->I’ve put hundreds of thousands if not millions of hours into my weapons training.
-->--'''Creator/StevenSeagal'''
[[/folder]]

[[folder:reviews]]

to:

[[folder:creators]]
->Oh dear, maths.
-->-- '''Creator/JKRowling'''

->I suck at math.
-->-- '''Creator/JossWhedon'''

->I’ve put hundreds of thousands if not millions of hours into my weapons training.
-->--'''Creator/StevenSeagal'''
[[/folder]]

[[folder:reviews]]
[[folder:web original]]

->[[AC:Mr. Dux still holds four world records:\\
Fastest Knockout – 3.2 seconds\\
Fastest Punch with a Knockout – .12 seconds\\
Fastest Kick with a Knockout – 72mph\\
Most Consecutive Knockouts in a Single Tournament – 56]]\\\
Yes, ''Bloodsport'' was [[VeryLooselyBasedOnATrueStory based on a true story]]...56 knockouts in a single tournament? Even if the Kumite was a round robin, that's at least 57 competitors. If not, then that means there were a minimum of 56 rounds. My maths is awful, but working on the principle that in each round, pairs of fighters square off with the winner advancing, I've worked that out as 72,057,594,037,927,936 competitors. 72 quadrillion plus. To put that in perspective, there were only 5,000,000,000 people on Earth the year that Bloodsport was released. That means that Dux was victorious in a field that contained fourteen and a half million times the entire population of the planet. What a guy.
-->--'''Stuart Millard''', ''Smoke & Mirrors and Steven Seagal''

->With earplugs firmly in place, Batman “[[ReverseThePolarity reverses the polarity]] on his communicator” in order to create an ear-piercing sound that would drive the tiger back into its cell. Now, you may be wondering how loud this sound is. Desmond Doomsday tells us, and when he provided the number, I went to look it up to see if there was any comparable sound. Just to give you an idea of what we’re working with here, most of the charts I could find topped out at around 160 decibels, which is roughly equivalent to standing next to a jet engine or shotgun going off right next to you. The loudest sound in recorded history, the explosion of Krakatoa in 1883, was measured at a staggering 170 db from a hundred kilometers away from the source, and it’s thought that it would’ve instantly deafened anyone within ten miles. It was heard three thousand miles away, and the sound of it actually traveled around the world four times before it finally dissipated, changing air pressure. From what I can gather, most people agree that it would’ve been over 320 db at the source. The launch of the Saturn V rocket was measured at 220 db, which, from what I’ve read, is loud enough to literally melt concrete.\\\

to:

->With earplugs firmly in place, Batman “[[ReverseThePolarity reverses the polarity]] on his communicator” in order to create an ear-piercing sound that would drive the tiger back into its cell. Now, you may be wondering how loud this sound is. Desmond Doomsday tells us, and when he provided the number, I went to look it up to see if there was any comparable sound. Just to give you an idea of what we’re working with here, most of the charts I could find topped out at around 160 decibels, which is roughly equivalent to standing next to a jet engine or shotgun going off right next to you. The loudest sound in recorded history, the explosion of Krakatoa in 1883, was measured at a staggering 170 db from a hundred kilometers away from the source, and it’s thought that it would’ve instantly deafened anyone within ten miles. It was heard three thousand miles away, and the sound of it actually traveled around the world four times before it finally dissipated, changing air pressure. From what I can gather, most people agree that it would’ve been over 320 db at the source. The ->The launch of the Saturn V rocket was measured at 220 db, which, from what I’ve read, is loud enough to literally melt concrete.\\\

->This dude, who was banished from The Triad club way back when, sends his minions to warn the Charmed Ones about the others. And wait-- why was there a ''fourth'' guy in The Triad? Wouldn't that make them The Quartet? Unless they just rotate members out; then of course there wouldn't be a way to 'vanquish' them. They're just three random shitters... That's like saying you 'can't vanquish' the Harlem Globetrotters.
-->--'''Creator/AllisonPregler''' on ''{{Series/Charmed}}'' Season Eight

->Zack lays down [[{{Poker}} four queens]], which is surely an unbeatable hand. Then Nerdstrom shows -- four kings. The odds of these two hands being played concurrently are astronomical -- 1 in 2.9 billion -- so Maxwell Nerdstrom truly is [[TheAce the most blessed of his kind.]]
-->--'''Stuart Millard''' on ''Series/SavedByTheBell'' ("House Party"), ''So Excited, So Scared''

[[folder:web video]]

->''"If it takes a millennium to boil you away,\\
That's .00083 percent in a day\\
And not that I'm now suggesting you try it,\\
But you lose pounds faster on the Atkin's Diet\\
You ''do'' get dissolved, that seems pretty plain,\\
But it happens too slowly to cause any pain\\
What was sold as [[ToThePain a torture unspeakably cruel]]\\
Becomes [[MaximumFunChamber a long dip in a big heated pool]]"''
-->-- '''Creator/BenCroshaw''', ''[[http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/jim-yahtzees-rhymedown-spectacular/7246-Stanza-Wars Sarlaac is Such Sweet Sorrow]]''

->This dude, who was banished from The Triad club way back when, sends his minions to warn the Charmed Ones about the others. And wait-- why was there a ''fourth'' guy in The Triad? Wouldn't that make them The Quartet? Unless they just rotate members out; then of course there wouldn't be a way to 'vanquish' them. They're just three random shitters... That's like saying you 'can't vanquish' the Harlem Globetrotters.
-->--'''Creator/AllisonPregler''' on ''{{Series/Charmed}}'' Season Eight

[[/folder]]

[[folder:real life]]

->Oh dear, maths.
-->-- '''Creator/JKRowling'''

->I suck at math.
-->-- '''Creator/JossWhedon'''

->I’ve put hundreds of thousands if not millions of hours into my weapons training.
-->--'''Creator/StevenSeagal'''

[[/folder]]
4th May '15 11:16:44 AM johnnyfog
Is there an issue? Send a Message

to:

->With earplugs firmly in place, Batman “[[ReverseThePolarity reverses the polarity]] on his communicator” in order to create an ear-piercing sound that would drive the tiger back into its cell. Now, you may be wondering how loud this sound is. Desmond Doomsday tells us, and when he provided the number, I went to look it up to see if there was any comparable sound. Just to give you an idea of what we’re working with here, most of the charts I could find topped out at around 160 decibels, which is roughly equivalent to standing next to a jet engine or shotgun going off right next to you. The loudest sound in recorded history, the explosion of Krakatoa in 1883, was measured at a staggering 170 db from a hundred kilometers away from the source, and it’s thought that it would’ve instantly deafened anyone within ten miles. It was heard three thousand miles away, and the sound of it actually traveled around the world four times before it finally dissipated, changing air pressure. From what I can gather, most people agree that it would’ve been over 320 db at the source. The launch of the Saturn V rocket was measured at 220 db, which, from what I’ve read, is loud enough to literally melt concrete.\\\
Batman’s sonic attack in this episode is, according to the narration, ''twenty thousand decibels''.\\\
Amazingly, this bit of overkill doesn’t completely obliterate Gotham City and/or the planet Earth, instead just driving the tiger back and leaving Batman himself completely unharmed. All things considered, it’s a pretty fantastic advertisement for Wayne Industries Brand Ear Plugs™.
-->--'''[[http://comicsalliance.com/the-batman-66-episode-guide-1x20-better-luck-next-time/ Chris Sims]]''' on ''{{Series/Batman}}'', "Better Luck Next Time"
22nd Feb '15 6:15:28 AM johnnyfog
Is there an issue? Send a Message

Yes, ''Bloodsport'' was [[VeryLooselyBasedOnATrueStory based on a true story]]...56 knockouts in a single tournament? Even if the Kumite was a round robin, that's at least 57 competitors. If not, then that means there were a minimum of 56 rounds. My maths is awful, but working on the principle that in each round, pairs of fighters square off with the winner advancing, I've worked that out as 72,057,594,037,927,936 competitors. 72 quadrillion plus. To put that in perspective, there were only 5,000,000,000 people on Earth the year that Bloodsport was released. That means that Dux was victorious in a field that contained fourteen and a half million times the entire population of the planet. What a guy.\\\
...Finally, I do love that secret underground fighting tournaments have a wind-speed device at ringside, measuring the mph of every punch, kick and headbutt like they're at Wimbledon.

to:

Yes, ''Bloodsport'' was [[VeryLooselyBasedOnATrueStory based on a true story]]...56 knockouts in a single tournament? Even if the Kumite was a round robin, that's at least 57 competitors. If not, then that means there were a minimum of 56 rounds. My maths is awful, but working on the principle that in each round, pairs of fighters square off with the winner advancing, I've worked that out as 72,057,594,037,927,936 competitors. 72 quadrillion plus. To put that in perspective, there were only 5,000,000,000 people on Earth the year that Bloodsport was released. That means that Dux was victorious in a field that contained fourteen and a half million times the entire population of the planet. What a guy.\\\
...Finally, I do love that secret underground fighting tournaments have a wind-speed device at ringside, measuring the mph of every punch, kick and headbutt like they're at Wimbledon.
22nd Feb '15 6:15:06 AM johnnyfog
Is there an issue? Send a Message

Yes, ''Bloodsport'' was [[VeryLooselyBasedOnATrueStory based on a true story]]...56 knockouts in a single tournament? Even if the Kumite was a round robin, that's at least 57 competitors. If not, then that means there were a minimum of 56 rounds. My maths is awful, but working on the principle that in each round, pairs of fighters square off with the winner advancing, I've worked that out as 72,057,594,037,927,936 competitors. 72 quadrillion plus. To put that in perspective, there were only 5,000,000,000 people on Earth the year that Bloodsport was released. That means that Dux was victorious in a field that contained fourteen and a half million times the entire population of the planet. What a guy...Finally, I do love that secret underground fighting tournaments have a wind-speed device at ringside, measuring the mph of every punch, kick and headbutt like they're at Wimbledon.

to:

Yes, ''Bloodsport'' was [[VeryLooselyBasedOnATrueStory based on a true story]]...56 knockouts in a single tournament? Even if the Kumite was a round robin, that's at least 57 competitors. If not, then that means there were a minimum of 56 rounds. My maths is awful, but working on the principle that in each round, pairs of fighters square off with the winner advancing, I've worked that out as 72,057,594,037,927,936 competitors. 72 quadrillion plus. To put that in perspective, there were only 5,000,000,000 people on Earth the year that Bloodsport was released. That means that Dux was victorious in a field that contained fourteen and a half million times the entire population of the planet. What a guy...guy.\\\
...
Finally, I do love that secret underground fighting tournaments have a wind-speed device at ringside, measuring the mph of every punch, kick and headbutt like they're at Wimbledon.
22nd Feb '15 6:14:58 AM johnnyfog
Is there an issue? Send a Message

->There's a reason why ''{{Film/Bloodsport}}'' feels like a film described to you by a schoolboy, who in turn had it described to him by another teenager who hadn't seen it either. As the credits begin, over a still of JCVD doing a pose, a series of captions come onscreen.\\\
[[AC:Mr. Dux still holds four world records:\\

to:

->There's a reason why ''{{Film/Bloodsport}}'' feels like a film described to you by a schoolboy, who in turn had it described to him by another teenager who hadn't seen it either. As the credits begin, over a still of JCVD doing a pose, a series of captions come onscreen.\\\
[[AC:Mr.
->[[AC:Mr. Dux still holds four world records:\\
21st Feb '15 4:11:26 PM johnnyfog
Is there an issue? Send a Message

Yes, ''Bloodsport'' was [[VeryLooselyBasedOnATrueStory based on a true story]]...56 knockouts in a single tournament? Even if the Kumite was a round robin, that's at least 57 competitors. If not, then that means there were a minimum of 56 rounds. My maths is awful, but working on the principle that in each round, pairs of fighters square off with the winner advancing, I've worked that out as 72,057,594,037,927,936 competitors. 72 quadrillion plus. To put that in perspective, there were only 5,000,000,000 people on Earth the year that Bloodsport was released. That means that Dux was victorious in a field that contained fourteen and a half million times the entire population of the planet. What a guy. That said, 56 doesn't divide evenly, so some of these quadrillions are getting a bye to the next round. Also, those 56 knockouts are only the ''consecutive'' [=KOs=]. Who's to say how many of the untold trillions he submitted or beat on points? If they ever release an uncut edition of ''Bloodsport'', with all the fights we missed, Amazon's delivery men are fucked.

to:

Yes, ''Bloodsport'' was [[VeryLooselyBasedOnATrueStory based on a true story]]...56 knockouts in a single tournament? Even if the Kumite was a round robin, that's at least 57 competitors. If not, then that means there were a minimum of 56 rounds. My maths is awful, but working on the principle that in each round, pairs of fighters square off with the winner advancing, I've worked that out as 72,057,594,037,927,936 competitors. 72 quadrillion plus. To put that in perspective, there were only 5,000,000,000 people on Earth the year that Bloodsport was released. That means that Dux was victorious in a field that contained fourteen and a half million times the entire population of the planet. What a guy. That said, 56 doesn't divide evenly, so some of these quadrillions are getting guy...Finally, I do love that secret underground fighting tournaments have a bye to wind-speed device at ringside, measuring the next round. Also, those 56 knockouts are only the ''consecutive'' [=KOs=]. Who's to say how many mph of the untold trillions he submitted or beat on points? If they ever release an uncut edition of ''Bloodsport'', with all the fights we missed, Amazon's delivery men are fucked.every punch, kick and headbutt like they're at Wimbledon.
This list shows the last 10 events of 33. Show all.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Quotes.WritersCannotDoMath