History Quotes / Technobabble

-->-- ''Rocketship Voyager''

->''You guys just put the word 'quantum' in front of anything, don't you?''
-->--'''Scott Lang''', in response to Tony Stark and Bruce Banner still doing this trope, ''Film/AvengersEndgame''

-->-- ''Plan 7 of 9 from Outer Space''

-->''Series/{{Torchwood}}'', "Day One"

[[folder:Film -- Live-action]]

[[folder:Live-action TV]]

->'''Character:''' Switch the system over to analog!\\
'''Mike:''' It has a warmer sound!
--> -- ''Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000'', [[RunningGag Repeatedly]]

->'''Doctor:''' Looks like a spatio-temporal hyperlink.\\

'''Doctor:''' No idea, just made it up. Didn't want to say "Magic Door."
-->-- ''Series/DoctorWho'', "The Girl in the Fireplace"

->It's my timey-wimey detector. It goes "ding" when there's stuff.
--> -- '''The Doctor''', ''Series/DoctorWho'', "Blink"

->'''Gwen:''' So what's that supposed to do?\\
'''Jack:''' I'm using satellite tracking data to determine the intra-trajectory of the meteorite.\\
'''Toshiko:''' He means he's trying to find out where it's come from.\\
'''Jack:''' Hey! Sometimes a little technobabble is good for the soul.
-->''Series/{{Torchwood}}'', "Day One"

->"One more word of technobabble out of you and I'm gonna cut out your tongue!"

->Still chasing your own tail? Picard and his lackeys would have solved all this techno-babble hours ago. No wonder ''you're'' not commanding a starship.

->'''Major Kira''': Perimeter sensors are picking up a subspace oszillation. [[LampshadeHanging ...The hell does that mean?]]
-->--''Series/StarTrekDeepSpaceNine'', "If Wishes Were Horses"

-->--''Series/StarTrekDeepSpaceNine'', "Little Green Men"

-->--''Series/StarTrekVoyager'', "Message In A Bottle" (starting its later-season habit of poking fun at its own cliches)

-->--''Series/StarTrekEnterprise'', "Shockwave, Part I" (in this case, TheEngineer is the one confused by the TechnoBabble that TheCaptain brings back from a time-traveler from their future)

-> '''Samantha Carter:''' For some reason, the warping of our space-time is in advance of the gravity field rather than as a result of it. It's probably a lensing effect of the stargate itself, but I can't be sure.\\
'''Colonel Cromwell:''' ''(to Jack O'Neill, who's nodding)'' [[LampshadeHanging Don't even pretend you understand that.]]
--> -- "A Matter of Time", ''Series/StargateSG1''

->No 'if'! I want a definitive answer, no more of your weaselly technobabble!
--> -- '''[[ColonelBadass Colonel Tigh]]''', ''Series/{{Battlestar Galactica|2003}}''

->'''Rayyan:''' Looks like a nasty sprain.\\
'''Fatima:''' You don't have to dumb it down for me. I came for your medical opinion.\\
'''Rayyan:''' You vitiated your anterior cruciate ligament.\\
'''Fatima:''' Oh no... What does that mean?\\
'''Rayyan:''' Looks like a nasty sprain.
--> -- ''Series/LittleMosqueOnThePrairie'', "Swimming Upstream"

->'''Number Five:''' In the end, I had to project my consciousness forward into a suspended quantum state version of myself that exists across every possible instance of time.
->'''Diego:''' That makes no sense.
->'''Number Five:''' [[InsufferableGenius Well, it would if you were smarter]].
-->--''Series/TheUmbrellaAcademy2019'', "We Only See Each Other At Weddings And Funerals"

->'''Leslie''': Hey, let me walk you through our Donnelly nut spacing and cracked system rim-riding grip configuration. Using a field of half-C sprats and brass-fitted nickel slits, our bracketed caps and splay-flexed brace columns vent dampers to dampening hatch depths of 1/2 meter from the damper crown to the spurv plinth. How? Well, we bolster 12 husk nuts to each girdle jerry, while flex-tandems press a task apparatus of ten vertically composited patch hamplers, then pin flam-fastened pan traps at both maiden apexes of the jimjoints.
-->--''Series/{{Patriot}}''

--> -- '''Music/{{Voltaire}}''', "The USS Make Shit Up"

->'''Doctor:''' Now, it looks like the proto-anodysing discorporators have short circuited the molecular quark overload.\\

'''Doctor:''' No, but it's very difficult to say!
-->--'''Creator/LennyHenry''' skit of ''Series/DoctorWho''

-->--The '''Technobabbler''' flaw, ''TabletopGame/MageTheAscension - Guide To The Technocracy''

--> -- '''Captain Bronok Zell''', ''VideoGame/StarTrekOnline'' Foundry mission [[Recap/StarTrekOnlineFoundryBaitAndSwitch "Bait and Switch"]]

--> -- ''Webcomic/EightBitTheater''

-->--''Webcomic/TheInexplicableAdventuresOfBob''

--> -- Description of the fictional Turboencabulator

->Okay, I didn't understand a word of it... so it must be scientifically accurate!
-->--'''Shinji Ikari''' ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRReOWI9Eyw Evangelion 01 Neon New Menace]]''

->'''Maya:''' ''(talking very fast)'' Hold on! I detect an exponential increase in photon energy levels!
->'''Misato:''' Say that again?
->'''Makoto:''' She said the photonic energy levels are rising.
->'''Misato:''' IN ENGLISH!
->'''Maya:''' WE'RE FUCKED!

-> Activate the supersonic deccelarating contrarotating turbines vertically, we're getting a little too close to the Sun. Depress the aerothermic thermoreceptors! Accelerate the isothermal axio tractor beam value of parametres! Invert the compressor radio ratio. Energize the tandem of elerons vertically while I turn up this interplanetary microphone.
--> -- '''[[ComicBook/TheJoker Joker]]''', ''Series/Batman1966'', though probably a {{Mondegreen}}

--> --''WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}}'', "Where No Fan Has Gone Before"

-->--''WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}}'', "Overclockwise"

-->--''WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}}'', "Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch"

-->--''WesternAnimation/JusticeLeagueCrisisOnTwoEarths''

->'''Lt. Regurge:''' If we manoeuvre around the Makular ship while firing simultaneous blasts of UV radiation and enhanced zeno-treknoan beams, we should take out the pustular emitters ''and'' disable their Disbelief Suspension field!
->''[Captain Pinchhard beckons Commander Piker closer]''
->'''Pinchhard:''' ''[quietly]'' I didn't understand a word of that.
->'''Piker:''' ''[enthusiastically]'' Sounds good to me!

->I was literally writing '[[BlahBlahBlah Science, science, science]]' in the dialogue and going back to fill in the proper wording later.

->I remember [[Creator/TerryNation Terry]] telling me in the bar one time, that whenever he got letters from people complaining about scientific inaccuracies, he would just send back this standard letter, which would say, “you will be aware of the formula XYZ to the power of 17...” He said it was all total bullshit and he didn't know what it meant, but he would just bung it off and they loved it!

-->--'''Bill Mumy''', ''Series/BabylonFive'' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftzgcfG7uHE#t=388s gag reel]]

->It might as well be Shakespeare. It's so highly stylized. To be able to spin that language out and make it accessible to the audience at large is a gift not a lot of actors have.
-->--'''Kate Mulgrew''', ''The Captains''

->It is hard to memorize lines that make you nauseous, but Pepto-Bismo really helped.
-->--'''[[http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/1zn4rq/iama_robert_beltran_aka_commander_chakotay_from Robert Beltran]]''' on his ''Series/StarTrekVoyager'' experience

->From the top down, you bring up this point, and everybody will say, ‘I am the biggest opponent of techno-babble. I hate technobabble. I am the one who is always saying, less technobabble.’ They all say that. None of them do it... The audience doesn’t sit there and go, "God damn, they know science. That is really cool. Look how they figured that out. Hey Edna! Come here. You want to see how Chakotay is going to figure this out. He’s onto this thing with the quantum tech particles; it’s really interesting. I don’t know how he is going to do it, but he is going to reroute something. Oh my God, ''he found the anti-protons!''" Who cares? Nobody watches ''Star Trek'' for those scenes. The actors hate those scenes; the directors hate those scenes; and the writers hate those scenes. But it’s the easiest card to go to.
-->--'''[[http://www.lcarscom.net/rdm1000118.htm Ronald D. Moore]]''' on ''Star Trek: Voyager''

->'''[[Film/CaptainAmerica Rogers]]:''' Does Loki need any particular kind of power source?\\

--> -- '''[[SelfDemonstrating/TheJoker Joker]]''', ''Series/{{Batman}}'', though probably a {{Mondegreen}}

->''"It's a ''VideoGame/KingdomHearts'' cutscene. You can say any words in any order. Darkness darkness light dark heart dark memories light dark friendship darkness. In fact, for the rest of this video let's replace the word "darkness" with "BEES", [[KudzuPlot and it'll make exactly as much sense.]]"''
-->-- ''[[WebAnimation/SoThisIsBasically So This is Basically Kingdom Hearts]]''

-->--''Series/StarTrekEnterprise'', "Shockwave, Part I"

-->''Series/StarTrekVoyager'', "Message In A Bottle" (starting its later-season habit of poking fun at its own cliches)

->'''EMH-II''': "The secondary gyrodyne relays of the propulsion field intermatrix have depolarized"!\\

'''EMH-II''': I am just reading what it says here!

->Not even Creator/PatrickStewart knows what's going on, and he's usually hip-deep in this bullshit.
-->--'''''{{Website/Cracked}}''''', [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-famous-filmmakers-whose-dream-projects-were-disasters/ on]] ''{{Film/Dune}}'' (1984)

->It's a kind of catalyst for a self-sustaining endothermic reaction...' is about as profound as the dialogue gets here. 'Although multi-dimensionality suggests infinite outcomes in an infinite number of universe each universe can produce only one outcome...' [[Creator/DavidDuchovny Duchovny]] can barely get that line out. You can see he’s thinking ''[='=]this is shit/this is shit/this is shit...[='=]''
-->--'''[[http://docohobigfinish.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/the-x-files-season-four_17.html Joe Ford]]''' on ''Series/TheXFiles'', "Synchrony"

->'''Chris:''' This episode is titled 'Scion,' and we’ve been … ''anticipating'' it for a few weeks. It features the introduction into the ''Smallville'' universe of Conner Kent, ComicBook/{{Superboy}}... we find out his name is Conner because he’s a “Cognitional Neuroplastic Replicant,” or [[FunWithAcronyms CNR]]. I don’t want to say that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard because we’re only 7 minutes into the episode, but it’s '''the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.'''\\
'''David''': That was admittedly insanely dumb. You couldn’t have come up with ANYTHING else? Because I’m pretty sure none of those are words that mean anything when put together in that order. Like, how is he neuroplastic?
-->-- Chris Sims and David Uzumeri [[http://comicsalliance.com/recap-smallville-episode-10-16-scion/ on]] ''Series/{{Smallville}}'' ("Scion")

->I would like to pause here and list, just as a casual bit of name-dropping, a brief list of authors that I have read at length and understood: Jacques Derrida, Aleister Crowley, Iain Sinclair, William Blake, Jacques Lacan, Gertrude Stein, Immanuel Kant, William Faulkner. I say all of this at the risk of sounding as though I am simply showing off my erudition for the sake of it because I would like to provide adequate context for this next claim. The sentence I am about to quote is one of the most spectacularly incoherent things I have ever read.\\\
''"Eternity and Infinity, as concepts, do not, by their very nature, allow for an absolute Authority - the Pyramidical Hierarchy stretches through Time and Space and can have no apex."''
-->--'''Dr. Phil Sandifer''' [[http://www.philipsandifer.com/2011/12/trickster-or-warrior-ribos-operation.html on]] the pitch for ''Series/DoctorWho''[='s=] [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS16E1TheRibosOperation}} "Key to Time"]] saga

->It's got [[AuthorAppeal a real fetish]] for acronyms and pseudo-scientific technobabble. Everyone has ''every''thing to say about ''any''thing. You can click on, just... a couch, and hear this meticulous explanation about it's this '''Super-Fancy-Chao-Space Couch with sleep sensors wired to the room and individually turned to the couch user--'''it's ridiculous.
-->--'''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8hyJnJzBU George Weidman]]''' on ''{{VideoGame/Policenauts}}''

->Gene Latimer is one of the central pushers of tachyon products and practices in the US. That’s right. Tachyon energy. According to his website, Tachyon energy products, Latimer has ''“clearly entered a new phase of accelerated healing and transformation, unlike any other so far... I attribute a major role to my incorporation of Tachyon-based products and practices into my life. I am now living in a radically different electromagnetic field environment that appears to be harmonizing the chaotic impact of electrical Alternating Current on the life forms in my house. I seem to be literally changing my body from the inside out, bringing my glands, organs, and skeletal structure to a whole new level of health and vitality. The Subtle Organizing Energy Field ([[FunWithAcronyms SOEF]]) of my body, as well as the smaller [=SOEFs=] of my internal systems, are being recharged, their energetic deficiencies replenished and balanced – which leads to the revitalization and balancing of my physical and energetic structures.”'' Anyone bet that he has the faintest clue what he’s talking about?...In the real world there is of course no evidence that tachyon energy exists, though woomeisters like Latimer, relying on the new age conception of energy are of course talking about good old vitalism, chi, and so on, by any other name.
-->--''[[http://americanloons.blogspot.com/2014/01/865-gene-latimer.html Encyclopedia of American Loons]]''

->([[DrowningMySorrows slurring]]) Oh, Eleanor. All these years, whenever you or Paul asked me, 'What's that?' or 'How do we get through this black hole?' or whatever, I just said the first thing that popped into my a head. 'A cloud of neutrino-charged ions', or 'we must synthrovert the station's gravitic stream stabilizers', or 'stick a ring of satellites around the moon'--it was all rubbish... I've barely been sober in twenty years. I can't remember the first thing about space science.
-->-- '''Prof. Ivor Fassbender''', ''AudioPlay/BigFinishDoctorWho'' (''Bang-Bang-A-Boom!'')

->'''Neeyala''': We were regaining dimensionality when our ships collided and must've been subjected to a massive burst of photonic distortion. Once the phaztillon generator is repaired, we'll dose ourselves and hope your living ship doesn't interfere with the non-thermal dimensional forces.\\
'''Aeryn''': Do you understand any of those words?\\
'''John''': : Yeah, I watched all kinds of Star Trek, it's just the order that they're in.
-->-- ''{{Series/Farscape}}'', "Could'a, Would'a, Should'a"

->'''Chief O'Brien''': Maybe there's a pointer fault in the holosuite's parameter file.\\
'''Cicci''': [to Frankie Eyes] What's a hollosweets?
-->--''Series/StarTrekDeepSpaceNine'', "Badda-Bing, Badda-Bang"

->Oh, [[SciFiNameBuzzwords Quantum, holy Quantum]]... You who watch over our plots and provide us with miracles on a semiregular basis, bless this plan; that you may somehow give us a duplicate ship with a duplicate crew that can wind up back in the past to create this settlement. I know this one is a doozy, but give us this blessing, and we'll celebrate with many [[PhlebotinumDuJour tachyons]] in your name. Amen.
-->--'''Website/SFDebris''' on ''Series/StarTrekDeepSpaceNine'', "Children of Time"

->Playing Doctor Who came as a great surprise to me. I had no idea that I would enjoy it so much. All that was required of me was to be able to [[FeigningIntelligence speak complete gobbledygook with conviction.]]
-->--'''Creator/TomBaker'''

-->-- '''William T. Riker''', bullshitting a member of an enemy boarding party, StarTrekTheNextGeneration: [[Recap/{{StarTrekTheNextGenerationS6E7Rascals}} "Rascals"]]