History Quotes / Technobabble

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[[folder:Film — Live-action]]

->''"This sonic transducer, it is I suppose some kind of audio-vibratory-physio-molecular transport device?"''
-->--'''Dr. Everett Scott''', ''Film/TheRockyHorrorPictureShow''

--> -- ''[[LightNovel/HaruhiSuzumiya The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya]]''

-->-- [[http://forums.spacebattles.com/posts/11805819/ Chibi-Reaper]], providing a possible explanation for why [[LightNovel/ACertainMagicalIndex a particularly nonsensical bit]] of TechnoBabble might be [[JustifiedTrope explicable in]] [[WatsonianVersusDoylist Watsonian terms]].

'''[[Film/TheIncredibleHulk Banner:]]''' He'd have to heat the cube to 120,000,000 Kelvin just to break through the Coulomb barrier.\\

-->-- '''[[ComicBook/TheJoker Joker]]''', ''Series/Batman1966'', though probably a {{Mondegreen}}

->'''Yuki Nagato:''' A localized, non-corrosive amalgamation of asynchronous space is independently occurring in restricted condition mode.\\
'''Kyon:''' It almost sounds like you're flipping through a dictionary, pulling out words at random.
-->-- ''LightNovel/HaruhiSuzumiya''

->"Oh, Eleanor. All these years, whenever you or Paul asked me, 'What's that?' or 'How do we get through this black hole?' or whatever, I just said the first thing that popped into my head. 'A cloud of neutrino-charged ions', or 'we must synthrovert the station's gravitic stream stabilizers', or 'stick a ring of satellites around the moon'--it was all rubbish... I've barely been sober in twenty years. I can't remember the first thing about space science."
-->-- '''Prof. Ivor Fassbender''', ''AudioPlay/BigFinishDoctorWho'' (''Bang-Bang-A-Boom!'')

->"Miss Paschelle, as you all know, is the inventor of the statiophonic, oxyogenetic, amplifier graphaphoner delaverberator. Hard to imagine the world before we had ''them''.”
-->--'''Rufus''', ''Film/BillAndTedsBogusJourney''

->'''Music/KidCudi''': So is this some kind of error in a holographic dual field? Or is it a Wilsonian loop causing a temporal singularity?\\
'''Billie''': Well, it seems to me your classic tautological causal circuit!\\
'''Kid Cudi''': I don't know. Seems like textbook entanglement to me.\\
'''Thea''': I must say, your understanding of our dire circumstances is most impressive.
-->--''Film/BillAndTedFaceTheMusic''

->'''Neeyala''': Once the phaztillon generator is repaired, we'll dose ourselves and hope your living ship doesn't interfere with the non-thermal dimensional forces.\\
'''Aeryn''': Do you understand any of those words?\\
'''John''': Yeah, I watched all kinds of ''Star Trek''. It's just the order that they're in.
-->-- ''{{Series/Farscape}}'', "Could'a, Would'a, Should'a"

[[folder:Music]]
->''Bounce the graviton particle beam off the main deflector dish\\
That's the way we do things lad, we're making shit up as we wish\\
The Klingons and the Romulans pose no threat to us\\
Because if we find we're in a bind, we'll just make some shit up''
-->-- '''Music/{{Voltaire}}''', "The USS Make Shit Up"
[[/folder]]

->''Not even Creator/PatrickStewart knows what's going on, and he's usually hip-deep in this bullshit.''
-->--'''''{{Website/Cracked}}''''', [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-famous-filmmakers-whose-dream-projects-were-disasters/ on]] ''Film/Dune1984''

->''It's a kind of catalyst for a self-sustaining endothermic reaction...' is about as profound as the dialogue gets here. 'Although multi-dimensionality suggests infinite outcomes in an infinite number of universe each universe can produce only one outcome...' [[Creator/DavidDuchovny Duchovny]] can barely get that line out. You can see he’s thinking ''[='=]this is shit/this is shit/this is shit...[='=]
-->--'''[[http://docohobigfinish.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/the-x-files-season-four_17.html Joe Ford]]''' on ''Series/TheXFiles'', "Synchrony"

->"Oh, [[SciFiNameBuzzwords Quantum, holy Quantum]]. You who watch over our plots and provide us with miracles on a semiregular basis, bless this plan; that you may somehow give us a duplicate ship with a duplicate crew that can wind up back in the past to create this settlement. I know this one is a doozy, but give us this blessing, and we'll celebrate with many [[PhlebotinumDuJour tachyons]] in your name. Amen."
-->--'''Website/SFDebris''' on ''Series/StarTrekDeepSpaceNine'', "Children of Time"

->"Playing Doctor Who came as a great surprise to me. I had no idea that I would enjoy it so much. All that was required of me was to be able to speak complete gobbledygook with conviction."
-->--'''Creator/TomBaker'''

->"It ''might as well'' be Shakespeare. It's so highly stylized. To be able to spin that language ''out'' and make it accessible to the audience at large is a gift--not a lot of actors have."
-->-- '''Creator/KateMulgrew''', ''The Captains''

->"It is hard to memorize lines that make you nauseous, but Pepto-Bismol really helped."
-->-- '''[[http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/1zn4rq/iama_robert_beltran_aka_commander_chakotay_from Robert Beltran]]''' on his ''Series/StarTrekVoyager'' experience

->''The audience doesn’t sit there and go, 'God damn, they know science. That is really cool. Look how they figured that out. Hey Edna! Come here. You want to see how Chakotay is going to figure this out. He’s onto this thing with the quantum tech particles; it’s really interesting. I don’t know how he is going to do it, but he is going to reroute something. Oh my God, ''he found the anti-protons!''[='=] Who cares? Nobody watches ''Star Trek'' for those scenes. The actors hate those scenes; the directors hate those scenes; and the writers hate those scenes. But it’s the easiest card to go to.''
-->-- '''[[http://www.lcarscom.net/rdm1000118.htm Ronald D. Moore]]''' on ''Star Trek: Voyager''

->''(ship shakes)'' "If we go any further, we may not be able to escape before the, uh...! Th-th-th...? We get ''all fucked up!''"
-->-- '''Bill Mumy''', ''Series/BabylonFive'' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftzgcfG7uHE#t=388s gag reel]]

->'''Kenneth:''' I won't bore you with the tech, but there is an array of attenuators in the primary power transfer system that channels the field bleed...\\
'''Gabby:''' Kenneth, you're boring the commander with tech.

-->--'''[=KeithInc=].''', ''[[https://fstdt.com/8JYSZW8367Q54#90985 Fundies Say the Darndest Things]''

-->-- Description of the fictional Turboencabulator

->"Oh, Eleanor. All these years, whenever you or Paul asked me, 'What's that?' or 'How do we get through this black hole?' or whatever, I just said the first thing that popped into my a head. 'A cloud of neutrino-charged ions', or 'we must synthrovert the station's gravitic stream stabilizers', or 'stick a ring of satellites around the moon'--it was all rubbish... I've barely been sober in twenty years. I can't remember the first thing about space science."

->"Yes, definitely held up by wantum superstrings," babbled Johnny. "I'd postulate a Handwavium Drive generating a Flangium Field of pure Gaffleblab suspended in Piller Filler, drawing its power from a cubic foot of Buzzwordium__"
->"You're just making that shit up, aren't you?" snapped Constance.
->"Err...yes."

-->-- '''Kate Mulgrew''', ''The Captains''

[[folder:Webcomics]]
->'''Nova''': You're a worthy adversary, Misho. But even you could not anticipate that I would invert the photon charge of the deflector array... ... AGAIN.\\
'''Misho''': SOL DAMNIT THAT SHOULDN'T DO ANYTHING EVEN IF IT IS POSSIBLE!!
-->-- ''Webcomic/KeychainOfCreation'' [[http://keychain.patternspider.net/archive/koc0148.html #148]]
[[/folder]]

->"Miss Paschelle, as you all know, is the inventor of the statiophonic, oxyogenetic, amplifier graphaphoner delaverberator. Hard to imagine the world before we had them.”

-->--'''''{{Website/Cracked}}''''', [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-famous-filmmakers-whose-dream-projects-were-disasters/ on]] ''{{Film/Dune}}'' (1984)

->''It is hard to memorize lines that make you nauseous, but Pepto-Bismol really helped.''

->''(ship shakes)'' "If we go any further, we may not be able to escape before the--! Th-th-th...? We get ''all fucked up!''"

->"Explain all that," said the Mock Turtle.\\
"No, no! the adventures first," said the Gryphon in an impatient tone; "explanations take such a dreadful time.

->Let's work with a stationary luxagen, [[BlatantLies to keep things simple]]. Then its energy-momentum vector points straight into our future. Suppose the luxagen field has a leftor of Up; its rightor will be the same, because Up divided by Up is Future. Suppose we rotate this luxagen in the horizontal plane: the North-East plane. Any such rotation will come from multiplying on the left and dividing on the right by a vector in the Future-Up plane—which will move our leftor and rightor from Up to some new position in the Future-Up plane. But the Future-Up plane is one we're treating as a single complex number, so if the luxagen field ''remains'' within that plane, it hasn't really undergone any physical change. And if you can rotate a luxagen in the horizontal plane without changing it, it must be vertically polarized.
-->-- '''Carla''', ''Literature/{{Orthogonal}}''

->'''Gauss:''' Here we are, she vanished from here did she not? Ah yes, the site of an earlier bombing, that is very important. It allows us to use recursive analysis you see, with an asymptotic expansion to truncate the series. Now, any real number is said to be computable when there is a computable sequence converges effectively to it. So, with the abduction taking place at the same point as the bombing, we have our convergence point. This is very fortunate for a coincidence of position between these two coordinates allows us to modulate any desired level of accuracy. You follow me so far?\\
'''Lemuel:''' ''[lying]'' I follow you, yes.\\
'''Gauss:''' Well, you will understand than that a recursive natural number has an inherent error function that indicates exactly how far through the sequence of data we must progress in order to guarantee that the sequence has converged with the desired level of precision. Now, all the bombings over the last few weeks give us an exemplary data set. I assume that you realize that any real number which happens to be rational is, on this definition, straightforwardly computable, but not every computable real number need be rational? And from this it follows naturally that by plotting the positions of the bombings, we can calculate the convergence point at which the command facility must be located.\\
'''Lemuel:''' ''[trying not to look dazed]'' Of course.\\
'''Gauss:''' Very well then. Intuitively, a real number is computable if it can be approximated to an arbitrary degree of accuracy by an algorithmic method. By doing so, we create a series of paralexic synchronizations that define the intersection of the calculus and geometry of the statistical universe. Within those amphibolic subluxations, the set of all computable real and definable locations are intimately related to a set of rational conclusions that are, of course only denumerably infinite, while the set of all real locations is uncountably infinite. Since all real locations are either computable or noncomputable, this means that 'most' locations are noncomputable and can therefore be discarded from the calculations. Thus, eliminating the noncomputable from the denumerably infinite, we are left with only the computably rational. In fact, as is always the case with such non-metachorindal data sets, there is only one possible location that fits both the statistical universe and the paralexic homeomorphism. The young angel must, mathematically, be here. ''*points to spot on map*''\\
'''Michael:''' Right, now we can get moving. Lemuel, go to the Headquarters of the League of Holy Court and assemble a strike team. ''*waits until Lemuel is gone*'' Johann, I've got to ask. How much of that little speech made any kind of sense?\\

->If you ask me how to shine in the science-fiction line as a pro of luster bright,\\

with a softly hopeful smile.

->''"I was literally writing '[[BlahBlahBlah Science, science, science]]' in the dialogue and going back to fill in the proper wording later."''
-->-- '''Creator/JossWhedon''', on making ''Film/{{The Avengers|2012}}''

->'''Jacobi:''' So... What do you do?\\
'''Maxwell:''' Oh, I uh... I do machine computational thought experiments and hyperconductive artificial nervous design.\\
''({{Beat}})''\\
'''Jacobi:''' ...I'm gonna ask you that again, and we're gonna try that one more time, okay?\\

->''"Activate the supersonic deccelarating contrarotating turbines vertically, we're getting a little too close to the Sun. Depress the aerothermic thermoreceptors! Accelerate the isothermal axio tractor beam value of parametres! Invert the compressor radio ratio. Energize the tandem of elerons vertically while I turn up this interplanetary microphone."''

->''"No 'if'! I want a definitive answer, no more of your weaselly technobabble!"''

->''"''This'' is my timey-wimey detector. Goes 'ding' when there's stuff."''

->''"One more word of technobabble out of you and I'm gonna cut out your tongue!"''
-->-- '''John Crichton''', ''{{Series/Farscape}}'', "Coup by Clam"

->''"Hey, let me walk you through our Donnelly nut spacing and cracked system rim-riding grip configuration. Using a field of half-C sprats and brass-fitted nickel slits, our bracketed caps and splay-flexed brace columns vent dampers to dampening hatch depths of 1/2 meter from the damper crown to the spurv plinth. How? Well, we bolster 12 husk nuts to each girdle jerry, while flex-tandems press a task apparatus of ten vertically composited patch hamplers, then pin flam-fastened pan traps at both maiden apexes of the jimjoints."''

->''"Still chasing your own tail? Picard and his lackeys would have solved all this techno-babble hours ago. No wonder ''you're'' not commanding a starship."''

->''"Perimeter sensors are picking up a subspace oscillation. [[LampshadeHanging ...The hell does that mean?]]"''

->'''EMH-II''': Doctor, some...thing just went off-line.\\

'''Doctor''': In '''''ENGLISH!'''''\\

->'''Archer:''' Take a look at the dispersal curve here and here. You'll have to isolate the sub-assembly tolerances from the emitter algorithms.\\
'''Trip:''' Whoa, hold on a minute. You're saying the assembly's independent of the emitters?\\
'''Archer:''' Exactly.\\
'''Trip:''' That's impossible.\\
'''Archer:''' Not if you generate a stable flux between the positron conductors. Then all you'll have to do is renormalize the tertiary wave functions.
-->-- ''Series/StarTrekEnterprise'', "Shockwave, Part I" (in this case, TheEngineer is the one confused by the TechnoBabble that TheCaptain brings back from a time-traveler from their future)

->'''Gwen:''' So what's that supposed to do?\\
'''Jack:''' I'm using satellite tracking data to determine the intra-trajectory of the meteorite.\\

->A minor but annoying personality quirk makes you incapable of carrying on a conversation without employing verbose and obtrusive discourse. No matter how simple the subject might be, you must fill it with [[SesquipedalianLoquaciousness compulsory metaphraseology, obfuscationatory terminology and counterintuitive newspeak]]. Jeez, learn to talk ''normal'' for cryin' out loud!

->I once saw one take out a squadron of Romulan warbirds by creating a subspace inversion field and then detonating a charged particle burst. Least, that was what my science officer said she did.

->See, regular knob goblin guards are lazy and slow, so they get fast zombies.\\
Zombie speed is the inverse of the original organism, due to release of stored potential energy in the muscle fibers.\\
Also zombie science is real easy because you can just say random words.

'''Thief:''' Not the tubes!\\
'''Fighter:''' They may as well be for decoration at this point.\\
'''Thief:''' Damn it all. Is that all?\\
'''Fighter:''' It's the best list I can work without running a level 3 diagnostic.\\

''(BeatPanel)''\\

[[folder:Web Original]]

-> ''"The early attempts to construct a sufficiently robust spiral decommutator failed largely because of lack of appreciation of the large quasi-pietic stresses in the gremlin studs; the latter were specially designed to hold the roffit bars to the spamshaft. When, however, it was discovered that wending could be prevented by the simple addition of teeth to socket, almost perfect running was secured.\\
The operating point is maintained as near as possible to the HF rem peak by constantly fromaging the bituminous spandrels. This is a distinct advance on the standard nivelsheave in that no drammock oil is required after the phase detractors have remissed."''
-->-- Description of the fictional Turboencabulator

->''"We call it explodium. Because that's what it does. Explode, I mean. It's, we don't know anything else about it, because we can't really study it. We don't know what combines to make it, the, um, the exact combination of atomic particles, or what chemical reactions would combine to create this, uh, the technical term is 'stuff', because we haven't exactly locked down, look it doesn't matter. The fact is it just doesn't occur naturally, and we can't really lock down how to create it artificially except, well, for the obvious. Um, we would, of course, would really like to study it except for... well, it explodes. I mentioned that before, right? It explodes. That's, um, that's all it does, and it does that in every potential situation we've tested for. It reacts with, well, with everything, we haven't managed to find anything it's neutral with at all, and of course that means it reacts to itself and, um, we uh, we're fairly sure that, based on the results of this one test where, yes, where it exploded like, like it always does.... even if it's just one atom of explodium contained in a vacuum with, um, with literally nothing at all to react with, it still reacts. Explosively. We're, um, we haven't determined, that is to say, whether it's reacting to 'nothing' or if what it's reacting to is 'the absence of something to react with', and, um, there's sort of a big argument going on currently about whether there's actually any difference between the two.\\
\\
What, um, what I'm trying to say sir is that... look, we're all aware that we're sort of under contract here to provide explanations to the public about, um, about how basically all of this works, and, well the thing is sir that we haven't got the slightest idea about how stuff turns into explodium. No idea sir. Just, it's an entire team of elite scientists, and we're sort of just left scratching our heads because we haven't found so much as a way to even.... what I'm saying, sir, is that we're going to have to hire a really good public speaker to work a particularly fat sack of bull feces into the official line, here. Yes, sir. Yes, I understand. Yes. 'Meltdowner', sir. No, I didn't pick the name, sir. I'm afraid I don't know who did, sir. Yes. Yes, thank you. Um, I'll get right on it, sir." ''
-->-- [[http://forums.spacebattles.com/posts/11805819/ Chibi-Reaper]], providing a possible explanation for why [[LightNovel/ACertainMagicalIndex a particularly nonsensical bit]] of TechnoBabble might be [[JustifiedTrope explicable in]] [[WatsonianVersusDoylist Watsonian terms]].

->''"Okay, I didn't understand a word of it... so it must be scientifically accurate!"''

->''"I was literally writing '[[BlahBlahBlah Science, science, science]]' in the dialogue and going back to fill in the proper wording later."''
-->-- '''Creator/JossWhedon''', on making ''Film/{{The Avengers|2012}}''

->''"I remember [[Creator/TerryNation Terry]] telling me in the bar one time, that whenever he got letters from people complaining about scientific inaccuracies, he would just send back this standard letter, which would say, 'you will be aware of the formula XYZ to the power of 17...' He said it was all total bullshit and he didn't know what it meant, but he would just bung it off and they loved it!"''

->''(ship shakes)'' If we go any further, we may not be able to escape before the--! Th-th-th...? ...We get '''''all fucked up!!'''''
-->-- '''Bill Mumy''', ''Series/BabylonFive'' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftzgcfG7uHE#t=388s gag reel]]

->''"It might as well be Shakespeare. It's so highly stylized. To be able to spin that language out and make it accessible to the audience at large is a gift not a lot of actors have."''

->''"It is hard to memorize lines that make you nauseous, but Pepto-Bismol really helped."''

->''"From the top down, you bring up this point, and everybody will say, ‘I am the biggest opponent of techno-babble. I hate technobabble. I am the one who is always saying, less technobabble.’ They all say that. None of them do it... The audience doesn’t sit there and go, 'God damn, they know science. That is really cool. Look how they figured that out. Hey Edna! Come here. You want to see how Chakotay is going to figure this out. He’s onto this thing with the quantum tech particles; it’s really interesting. I don’t know how he is going to do it, but he is going to reroute something. Oh my God, ''he found the anti-protons!''[='=] Who cares? Nobody watches ''Star Trek'' for those scenes. The actors hate those scenes; the directors hate those scenes; and the writers hate those scenes. But it’s the easiest card to go to."''