History Quotes / NeverMessWithGranny

->'''I told her that,' said Granny Weatherwax, who had walked nightly without fear in the bandit-haunted forests of the mountains all her life in the certain knowledge that the darkness held nothing more terrible than she was.''

->''And if you're wondering why Ultimate Nag didn't fear the PTA like Ms. Forehead did, it's because Ultimate Nag is a Japanese Obachan and they simply feel no fear nor pain of death. This is why you can't make a movie or anything featuring a little old Japanese lady in mortal danger, because it just doesn't work. You could have the monster from Aliens breathing it's hot, musty breath into the Japanese obasan's face, and then it would open its ferocious-toothed mouth and the little Alien head would emerge and also breathe it's hot, slimy breath on the obasan, and she'd just slap the shit outta both of them. And then she'd take the alien's seat on the train, cause that's how they roll.''
-->-- '''Azrael''', ''[[http://www.outpostnine.com/gaijin_smash/2006/10/chain-smoking.html Gaijin Smash]]''

->''"Ha! Not bad for a hunnert'n ninety-seven year-old blind lady!"''
-->-- '''Mama Odie''', ''WesternAnimation/ThePrincessAndTheFrog''

->''Alright, now, you boys listen up and listen good. Now, I am declaring Granny Law, and if you do not obey Granny Law, I will paint your back porch red.''
-->-- '''Lucy Bobby''', ''Film/TalladegaNightsTheBalladOfRickyBobby''

->'''(651):''' It happened again.\\
'''(612):''' What?\\
'''(651):''' I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
-->-- WebSite/TextsFromLastNight

->'''(973)''': You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".\\
'''(908)''': That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
-->-- WebSite/TextsFromLastNight

->''"If you boys had turned out to Nazis, Granny would've had to bust a cap in your ass!"''
-->--[[WebVideo/AtopTheFourthWall Linkara]], ''ComicBook/CaptainAmerica #1'' review.

-->--''The Traitor God,'' by Cameron Johnston

->''I’ll let you take the first swing, and if you don’t put me down I’ll beat the living shit out of you til my arthritis kicks in. And I just took my Humira.''
-->--'''Rose,''' WesternAnimation/TheVentureBros, "The Bellicose Proxy"

-->--''The Emperor's Old Bones,'' by Gemma Files

-->-- '''Mama Odie''', ''Disney/ThePrincessAndTheFrog''

->''"Don't ''screw'' with ''me'', Bert."''
-->-- '''Martha''', ''{{Film/Arthur}}''

->''"If she asked if you like her casserole, you better say yes!"''
-->-- '''WebVideo/RayWilliamJohnson''', Youtube (Kiss Ass Grandma)

-->-- ''Discworld/WitchesAbroad''

-->-- ''Discworld/CarpeJugulum''

-->-- ''Discworld/AHatFullOfSky''

->''"''I'll'' give you Sharkey, you dirty, thieving ruffians!"''
-->-- '''Lobella Sackville-Baggins''' (to a group of thugs twice her size right before attacking them with her umbrella), ''Literature/TheLordOfTheRings''

->''"[[HiveMind We]] [[EldritchAbomination rise]]."''
-->-- '''grandma''', ''VideoGame/CookieClicker''

->'''Sanko:''' Where did you get [[InfinityPlusOneSword that?]]\\
'''Octavia:''' My grandson, Diego. Said he [[DangerousForbiddenTechnique nearly killed himself using it]], so he thought I might like it as a birthday present. He is now my favorite grandson.

->My stomach lurched - my old flame Cillian. And then it dropped away into a black pit of dread as a withered old hag of a woman followed her out: [[TheDreaded Shadea Saverna]]. With [[CoolOldGuy Byzant]] gone, she was now the oldest magus in existence, an elder [[TheArchmage adept of most forms of magic]] and a member of the Inner Circle. She was the Arcanum's foremost expert on [[BloodMagic blood sorcery]] and [[TortureTechnician her interrogations were a gory legend]]. If I was scared of Cillian spotting me, then Shadea made me want to piss myself. If either caught sight of me, I was as doomed as a lame horse in a tannery. Spirit-bound blade or not, I wouldn't stand a chance. The more powerful the magus, the stronger the Gift, and the more their minds and bodies naturally resisted foreign magics. Shadea would be able to resist any mental attack long enough to burn me to ash with a flick of a finger.

-->-- ''[[{{Literature/Chalion}} Paladin of Souls]]''

'''Granny Weatherwax:''' Oh, yes. Lots\\

->''"We rise."''
-->-- '''The nice grandma who bakes more cookies''', ''VideoGame/CookieClicker''

-->-- '''RayWilliamJohnson''', Youtube (Kiss Ass Grandma)

----

'''Octavia:''' My grandson, Diego. Said he [[ArtifactOfDeath nearly killed himself using it]], so he thought I might like it as a birthday present. He is now my favorite grandson.

->'''Tiffany Aching:''' But aren't there trolls and wolves and things?\\
'''Granny Weatherwax:''' Oh, yes. Lots\\
'''Tiffany:''' And they don't try to attack you?\\
'''Granny (in a self-satisfied voice):''' Not anymore.
-->-- ''Discworld/AHatFullOfSky''

-->-- '''Mama Odie''', ''ThePrincessAndTheFrog''

-->-- '''Lucy Bobby''', ''TalladegaNights''

-->-- '''Lobella Sackville-Baggins''' (to a group of thugs twice her size right before attacking them with her umbrella), ''TheLordOfTheRings''

''"We rise."''

->''"We must punish that horrible monster rat Yakomaru. I promise you... I will kill him slowly, and he will die in more pain than any creature has ever suffered."''
-->--'''Tomiko Asahina''' (after [[spoiler:Yakomaru launched a devastating attack on Kamisu 66]]), ''Literature/FromTheNewWorld''

'''Self-satisfied voice in the dark:''' Not anymore.

->"But aren't there trolls and wolves and things?" [asked Tiffany]\\
"Oh, yes. Lots" [said Granny Weatherwax]\\
"And they don't try to attack you?"\\
"Not anymore," said a self-satisfied voice in the dark.

->And if you're wondering why Ultimate Nag didn't fear the PTA like Ms. Forehead did, it's because Ultimate Nag is a Japanese Obachan and they simply feel no fear nor pain of death. This is why you can't make a movie or anything featuring a little old Japanese lady in mortal danger, because it just doesn't work. You could have the monster from Aliens breathing it's hot, musty breath into the Japanese obasan's face, and then it would open its ferocious-toothed mouth and the little Alien head would emerge and also breathe it's hot, slimy breath on the obasan, and she'd just slap the shit outta both of them. And then she'd take the alien's seat on the train, cause that's how they roll.
-->Azrael, [[http://www.outpostnine.com/gaijin_smash/2006/10/chain-smoking.html Gaijin Smash]]

-> "''I'll'' give you Sharkey, you dirty, theiving ruffians!"
--> [[TheLordOfTheRings Lobella Sackville-Baggins]] to a group of thugs twice her size right before attacking them with her umbrella.

->Ha! Not bad for a hunnert'n ninety-seven year-old blind lady!
-->'''Mama Odie''', ThePrincessAndTheFrog

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