History Quotes / IncompetenceInc

-->--"Look At All Those Idiots", ''[[WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons The Simpsons Sing the Blues]]''

->'''Joker:''' [Mockingly] "Commander, this is Cerberus. We were studying some arachnid and they got loose and killed all our guys. Can you take care of that? It's one system over from where we hooked some guy up to the Geth... who then got loose and killed all our guys."

-->-- Creator/ShamusYoung [[https://shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=17605 discussing]] ''VideoGame/MassEffect3''.

'''Ken Cosgrove:''' Are you kidding me? it's the worst agency I've ever seen, the ''worst.'' My mother was a nurse at the state hospital in Vermont and that was the last time I saw so many retarded people in one building.

->'''Freeman:''' ''(reading off a company sign)'' "Work harder, not smarter." Yeah, that's us all right. We stay the course with stupid.
-->--''Machinima/FreemansMind''

->'''[[CloudCuckooLander White Beret Guy]]:''' Sales, any luck figuring out who our customers are?
-->--''Webcomic/{{XKCD}}'', "[[https://xkcd.com/1493/ Meeting]]"

->'''Ken Cosgrove:''' I've been floating along laterally, but I don't know that it's a love affair. It's better than [=McCann=].
->'''Pete Campbell:''' What was that like?
->'''Ken Cosgrove:''' Are you kidding me? it's the worst agency I've ever seen, the ''worst.'' My mother was a nurse at the state hospital in Vermont and that was the last time I saw so many retarded people in one building.

->'''Ken Cosgrove:''' I've been floating along laterally, but I don't know that it's a love affair. It's better than McCann.

-->--''{{ComicStrip/Dilbert}}''

->The marketing division of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation describes an android as "Your Plastic Pal Who's Fun to be With". The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy describes the marketing division of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation as "a bunch of mindless jerks who'll be the first against the wall when the Revolution comes. Curiously, an edition of the Encyclopaedia Galactica which had fallen through a wormhole in time from a thousand years into the future defined the marketing division of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation as "a bunch of mindless jerks who ''were'' the first against the wall when the Revolution came".

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[[folder:fiction]]

->"A lazy captain, who leaves his crew to die. A stoner geologist, with state of the art computer maps, radio communication, mapping balls, and GPS, who ''still'' gets lost. An inconsistent biologist, who is afraid of a 2000 year old dead body, but falls in love with a clearly dangerous alien snake. And an idiot woman who can only run in straight lines."
-->--''WebVideo/HonestTrailers'' describing the crew from ''Film/{{Prometheus}}''

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[[folder:Other]]
->''"Yeah, we can't get in to see ''Unplugged''. Why not? Well I asked one of the vice-presidents here -- and obviously I'm not allowed to say what his name is, so I'll just call him '[[BitingTheHandHumor Dirtbag]]' -- I said, 'Hey, Dirtbag, how come we can't get in to see ''Unplugged''?' And he gives me this whole rigmarole about how we can't get a load of tickets for you guys, and we only run the network, and we probably can't even count that high.
-->-- '''Michael Ian Black''', ''TheState'', complaining about {{MTV}} not allowing him and the other ten cast members to be in the ''MTV Unplugged'' studio audience

->Who could have seen this coming? Who could have known that cutting into the muscle and bone of a company and [[TheSocialDarwinist throwing your management team into a steel cage death match]] wouldn't result in a bright new day of soaring profits? Why, just about any of a store's minimum wage workers! If [[CaptainOblivious you'd bothered to ask, that is.]]
-->--'''[[http://crooksandliars.com/2014/10/how-ayn-rand-loving-ceo-tanked-sears Susie Madrak]]''' on [[{{UsefulNotes/Kmart}} Sears Holdings]]

->Can you believe [[BoxOfficeBomb they spent nearly 90 million dollars]] (adjusted for marketing) for this piece of sh*t. The original ''[[Film/TheMask Mask]]'' was only made for 18 million! Yeah, that was 10 years ago so there is some inflation, but not 70 million worth of inflation! I have long ago come to grips that nothing is sacrilege in Hollywood and any crackpot idea is a go... But this makes me appreciate Creator/RogerCorman so much more. Because he made crap but at least he was a shrewd businessman. He really didn’t care what piece of sh*t you made as long as you came in on/under budget and the movie at least paid for itself on sales.
-->--'''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Miles Antwiler]]''' [[http://moviemoses.wordpress.com/2010/01/27/son-of-the-mask-2005-lawrence-guterman/ on]] ''Film/SonOfTheMask''

->[[ContinuitySnarl Are the Kents alive? What's his relationship with all of these characters? Who exists?]] And [[Creator/DCComics DC]] couldn't give me answers. I said, Oh, my gosh. You're deciding all these things and you mean even you don't know what's going on in your own books?
-->-- '''George Perez'''

->We were working off our trip while also acting in a film we would have no profit from. If we questioned this, we would be told we didn't have to go and that was that. We did get a free copy of the movie for ourselves, if they remembered to send it to us. If you didn't get a copy of ''WebVideo/ToBoldlyFlee'', don't worry, neither did I... They're getting a lot of bad PR right now, which probably could be fixed if they hadn't [[NotHelpingYourCase fired their PR person the day after her surgery.]]\\\
The site has had many, MANY behind the scenes issues, and ANYONE who has said anything has been labeled a troublemaker. Also, anyone who has said anything is gone now. It is a site [[YesMan fueled by yes men and denial]], and many broken promises. They've referred to the other producers as "children" on more than one occasion, which is as patronizing as it sounds. The site has ALWAYS been about [[Creator/DougWalker Doug]], and they don't care about anyone else there.
-->-- '''Creator/AllisonPregler''' [[http://allisonpregler.tumblr.com/post/108008749157/bye-ca on]] leaving Website/ChannelAwesome

->{{Greed}}. Sort of a fitting name, since greed is one of the reasons the company finds itself in such a sad state.\\\
The men at the top of this company during its 1996-98 salad days suffered from greed. They hung onto their positions without caring much about the company -- their greed was for glory and power. And of course, for big, fat Ted Turner-financed paydays.\\\
These men didn't listen to what the fans were telling them, and many mistakes were made. Old guys were [[WagTheDirector kept on top too long]]. Young guys were held back or allowed to [[ItWillNeverCatchOn walk away to the competition]].\\\
And here we are now... at a point where Ted Turner can't protect the company anymore. The new mega corporation that Turner is a part of wants no part of a money-losing wrestling operation. [...] And when you don't listen to your fans, when you don't hang onto young talent... you can't survive. Not when Ted Turner isn't there to [[EccentricMillionaire issue blank checks]] anymore.
-->--'''[[http://www.ddtdigest.com/updates/2001033p.htm DDT]]''' on ''Wrestling/{{WCW}} Greed'', 3/18/01

->Before I even asked for my release, I said, 'I would like to know who's in charge. Could you draw out a chain of command for me?' And these people [[EpicFail could not do it]]. They had no clue. And I said 'This what I'm talking about. You can't even draw a chain of command for me, and it's a simple thing. It should kind of be '''in your bylaws'''.
-->--'''[[Wrestling/KiaStevens Awesome Kong]]''' on leaving Wrestling/{{TNA}}

->That's really TNA in a nutshell: so much crap going on that you need like six brains to try to handle it all. Or maybe no brains, as here’s a little known TNA fun fact for you: there have been very few people in this company that had the ability to move ratings at all. Believe it or not, for a period of time, an appearance by [[Wrestling/DaffneyUnger Daffney]] of all people did move the needle and get more viewers to tune in (or “pop a rating” as the kids used to say back in the ’90s). Those in charge of TNA knew this, and thus decided to [[TallPoppySyndrome stop booking her on television.]]
-->--'''''{{Website/Wrestlecrap}}''''', [[http://www.wrestlecrap.com/inductions/the-lockbox-challenge-daffney-strips-and-its-crap-welcome-to-tna/ "Daffney Strips...And It's Crap. Welcome to TNA!"]]

->Are you talented, but also in possession of the kind of [[BunnyEarsLawyer deficient personality]] that renders those talents irrelevant? DAN SNYDER HAS A PRIVATE JET RIDE WAITING FOR YOU... Can you name any other franchise in any sport that requires its own [[PropagandaMachine propaganda arm?]] The Redskins are a mad king who has locked himself inside a castle turret. It wouldn't shock me if everyone at Redskin Park turned out to be syphilitic.
-->--'''[[http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-washington-redskins-1629678313 Drew Magary]]'''

->The entire organization preaches this 'No excuses' mantra before immediately [[HypocriticalHumor making a bunch of excuses]] for why they lost yet another '[[NeverMyFault classic trap game']].\\\
The fans are as delusional, racist (Peyton Hillis could fumble 3 times in 4 possessions & fans & beat writers will still masturbate to how hard he plays) & moronic as any in the league but pride themselves on [[DamnedByFaintPraise not being as bad as Jets fans]]...\\\
Attending a live Giants home game still requires taking a trip to fucking New Jersey even though the team's owners could buy 2 stadiums in whatever borough of NYC they desired & still have plenty to [[ScrewTheRulesIHaveConnections support their daughters' acting careers.]]
-->--'''''Deadspin''''', [[http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-new-york-giants-1630014411 "Why Your Team Sucks 2014: New York Giants"]]

->Konami recently decided that they're going to take everything they've built over the years as a game developer, arrange it nicely in front of them, and then pick up a big hammer and smash and smash and smash and smash and smash! "Sorry we had to cancel ''Videogame/SilentHills,'' but we kind of lost our interest in it around the same time we lost our ''FUCKING MINDS!!!'' Here, have a pachinko machine instead! We like pachinko machines, because it's nice to have something around with some fucking balls! Also, fuck off, Creator/HideoKojima, you're too reliably bankable for our liking! We'd much rather stick our feet up our arse and bounce down the stairs making burbling noises with our lips!"
-->--'''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''' on ''Videogame/MetalGearSolidVThePhantomPain''
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->We were working off our trip while also acting in a film we would have no profit from. If we questioned this, we would be told we didn’t have to go and that was that. We did get a free copy of the movie for ourselves, if they remembered to send it to us. If you didn’t get a copy of ''WebVideo/ToBoldlyFlee'', don’t worry, neither did I...They’re getting a lot of bad PR right now, which probably could be fixed if they hadn’t [[NotHelpingYourCase fired their PR person the day after her surgery.]]\\\
The site has had many, MANY behind the scenes issues, and ANYONE who has said anything has been labeled a troublemaker. Also, anyone who has said anything is gone now. It is a site [[YesMan fueled by yes men and denial]], and many broken promises. They’ve referred to the other producers as “children” on more than one occasion, which is as patronizing as it sounds. The site has ALWAYS been about [[Creator/DougWalker Doug]], and they don’t care about anyone else there.
-->--'''Creator/AllisonPregler''' [[http://allisonpregler.tumblr.com/post/108008749157/bye-ca on]] leaving WebVideo/ChannelAwesome

->That’s really TNA in a nutshell: so much crap going on that you need like six brains to try to handle it all. Or maybe no brains, as here’s a little known TNA fun fact for you: there have been very few people in this company that had the ability to move ratings at all. Believe it or not, for a period of time, an appearance by [[Wrestling/DaffneyUnger Daffney]] of all people did move the needle and get more viewers to tune in (or “pop a rating” as the kids used to say back in the ’90s). Those in charge of TNA knew this, and thus decided to [[TallPoppySyndrome stop booking her on television.]]

-->--'''Creator/AllisonPregler''' [[http://obscuruslupa.tumblr.com/post/108008749157/bye-ca on]] leaving WebVideo/ChannelAwesome

->[[ContinuitySnarl Are the Kents alive? What's his relationship with all of these characters? Who exists?]] And [[DCComics DC]] couldn't give me answers. I said, Oh, my gosh. You're deciding all these things and you mean even you don't know what's going on in your own books?

-->--'''ZeroPunctuation''' on ''Videogame/MetalGearSolidVThePhantomPain''

->Konami recently decided that they're going to take everything they've built over the years as a game developer, arrange it nicely in front of them, and then pick up a big hammer and smash and smash and smash and smash and smash! "Sorry we had to cancel ''Videogame/SilentHills,'' but we kind of lost our interest in it around the same time we lost our ''FUCKING MINDS!!!'' Here, have a pachinko machine instead! We like pachinko machines, because it's nice to have something around with some fucking balls! Also, fuck off, Creator/HideoKojima, you're too reliably bankable for our liking! We'd much rather shove our feet up our arse and bounce down the stairs making burbling noises with our lips!"

-->--'''[[http://www.ddtdigest.com/updates/2001033p.htm DDT]]''' on ''WCW Greed'', 3/18/01

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[[folder:real life]]
->[[AC:C]]onstantly [[AC:H]]aving [[AC:E]]very [[AC:V]]ehicle [[AC:R]]ecalled [[AC:O]]ver [[AC:L]]ousy [[AC:E]]ngineering [[AC:T]]echniques
-->--''UrbanDictionary''

->''culture: ''Some bullshit that corporations like to throw around to pretend not to be either evil or incompetent. Either that or they are just blindly copying other corporations lead in {{newspeak}}...This culture Bullshit is brought to you by the same people that decided employees are associates.
-->--Also '''''Urban Dictionary'''''

->You must remember one thing about Hollywood. Even if ''Ishtar'' is a big bomb, Warren, Dustin, Elaine, and I will all work again … only next time [[KarmaHoudini at a higher fee!]]
-->--'''Paul Williams''', composer for ''{{Film/Ishtar}}''

->Vince Russo is a deer caught in the headlines as long as there's a wrestling match going. As long as he can make it [[SerialNumbersFiledOff a phony B-movie script]], or [[GimmickMatches an outhouse in the ring]], or [[WorkedShoot woman having miscarriages]]...so get the ''wrestling matches'' outta there, 'cause nobody wants to see that shit anyway. That's been proven over at Wrestling/{{WCW}}, where they don't even have wrestling matches anymore-- I watched ''Thunder'' the other night, because I happened to be stuck in a hotel room, and I saw Wrestling/LanceStorm stumbling around like a drunk man. When you make ''that'' guy uncoordinated, [[CharacterDerailment you can do it to anybody.]]
-->--'''Wrestling/JimCornette''' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMm0Alg0bvs on]] Wrestling/VinceRusso

->That’s really TNA in a nutshell: so much crap going on that you need like six brains to try to handle it all. Or maybe no brains, as here’s a little known TNA fun fact for you: there have been very few people in this company that had the ability to move ratings at all. Believe it or not, for a period of time, an appearance by [[Wrestling/DaffneyUnger Daffney]] of all people did move the needle and get more viewers to tune in (or “pop a rating” as the kids used to say back in the ’90s). Those in charge of TNA knew this, and thus [[TallPoppySyndrome decided to stop booking her on television.]]