History Quotes / HaveIMentionedIAmHeteroSexualToday

->Who the hell knows about Sherlock Holmes, but for the record — if anyone out YaoiFangirl still cares — ''I'm'' not actually gay.

->Okay, I'll make friends with him again just to tell him, but then I'll break up with him again. Not break up like we're going out or anything! I'm all man, I tellya!

->'''The Cat''': Wilson-- cover my back.\\
'''Deadpool''': ''You're'' letting me cover your back? Oh, this is so totally cool! Weasel's gonna fart-- oh wait, forgot I'm not friends with him anymore... Okay, I'll make friends with him again just to tell him, but then I'll break up with him again. Not break up like we're going out or anything! I'm all man, I tellya! C'mere-- you snake chicks and [[CloningGambit all twenty]] of you Rives and Makeshifts and I'll show all of you!
-->-- ''ComicBook/CableAndDeadpool''

->I'm so straight that when I bought my house, the first thing I did was brick up the back door! You know why? Because ''my'' asshole's JUST for shitting!
-->-- '''Straight Dave, aka Bruno''', ''{{Bruno}}''

->Yes, there's nothing like a good-smelling man," said John dreamily. Suddenly we were all very uncomfortable and there was a lot of throat-clearing and coughing and we all walked a few paces farther apart. (I haven't told you about John yet, have I?) Then John started to make a great and pathetic show of noticing the women as they passed. "Why, that little heifer would give a man some strong sons," John said in a booming and falsely masculine voice. "A man could surely plant some seed there, he could.

->''I AM STRAIGHT, DAMN IT!!!! I WILL NOT BE VEERED IN ANY OTHER [[UnfortunateImplications DISGUSTINGLY GROTESQUE]] DIRECTION!!!!''
-->-- [[{{Sonichu}} Christian Weston Chandler]]

->'''Jay:''' Lots of stories about shower-molesting. Supposedly happening to [[Wrestling/LondonAndKendrick Paul London (a lot), Brian Kendrick]], and the [[Wrestling/JeffHardy Hardy]] [[Wrestling/MattHardy Boyz]], too.\\
'''V1:''' So what you're saying is that he likes long-haired pretty boys. '''A LOTTA HOMOSEXUAL SPIRIT IN 'ERE MAGGLE!'''
-->--''WebVideo/OSWReview'' on Wrestling/JohnBradshawLayfield, Ep. 39

->'''family values:''' Code term for bible-thumping, self-loathing, closeted homosexuals who troll public restrooms for sex. Republican senators and congressmen appear to have an inordinate fondness for this expression.\\\
Ex: ''I'm going to the truck stop to [[IsThatWhatTheyreCallingItNow practice my family values.]]''
-->--'''''Website/UrbanDictionary'''''


->40 years ago, [[{{Florida}} this state]] passed a gay adoption ban. When it was recently, (and finally), challenged in Court, the only so-called "expert" the GOP politicians could find (and pay) to defend it turned out to be [[BoomerangBigot a self-hating, male hooker]]. Yes, that happened.
-->--''[[http://www.dailykos.com/story/2015/03/28/1374050/-FL-Legislator-s-Revenge-Bill-Goes-After-Children-Allowing-ALL-Discrimination-Take-That-Indiana?detail=facebook_sf My Stupid State]]'', "Take That, Indiana!"


->Some years later [[Creator/EddieMurphy Murphy]] would apologise for these jokes in his routine. And we all know the sterling work Murphy has since made in out-reach projects to the transgender community.
-->--''[[http://ukjarry.blogspot.com/2007/12/27-faggots-eddie-murphy.html Fifty Years of Comedy Faggots]]''

->Ted Haggard, who is not gay and known for saying that ''“evangelicals have [[FreudianSlip the best sex life of any group]]”'', is best known for being exposed as a methamphetamine user and a regular customer of Denver's male prostitutes ...After a month of, well, therapy, however, he was pronounced ''“[[TwentyPercentMoreAwesome 100% heterosexual]]”''
-->--'''''[[http://americanloons.blogspot.com/2011/03/164-ted-haggard.html Encyclopedia of American Loons]]'''''

->[[AC:Best in Russian police at find illegal homosexual dens. [[HiredToHuntYourself Almost strangely best]].]]
-->--'''{{Creator/Seanbaby}}''', [[http://www.break.com/article/new-from-sochi-russian-police-choir-trading-cards-2574736 "Russian Police Choir Trading Cards"]]

->We thought [[Creator/TomCruise Tom]] was the biggest bore on the face of the Earth...He was tense and made constant, constant unrelated homophobic comments. I mean, his lingo was larded with the most--There was no basis for it. It was like, 'It’s a nice day, I’m glad there are no gay people standing here.'
-->--'''Bronson Pinchot''' on the making of ''Film/RiskyBusiness''

->Racists never imagine what it's like to be like the person they hate, homophobes [[BoomerangBigot imagine it in graphic detail for hour upon hour.]]
-->--'''Bob Schooley'''

->The likelihood of a person harboring secret desires to engage in sexual and/or romantic activities with members of the same sex is directly proportional to the frequency and volume of said person's vocalized objections to homosexuality.
-->--'''Dennis [=DiClaudio=]''' on "Haggard's Law"

->[[Creator/EddieMurphy Murphy]] has a great youthful energy and charm, with rapport with his audience, and these jokes are a way of bringing everyone together: this is what we really think and laugh at, all the stuff that isn’t safe for TV. Of course, much of Murphy’s act is very externally focused rather then the personal anecdotes and interpretations of the likes of Bruce or Richard Pryor. A strange guttural hooting Creator/MrT and some only so-so impressions of ''Series/TheHoneymooners'' sodomising one another is not terribly advanced stuff...Some years later Murphy would apologise for these jokes in his routine. And we all know the sterling work Murphy has since made in out-reach projects to the transgender community.

->Ted Haggard, who is not gay and known for saying that ''“evangelicals have [[FreudianSlip the best sex life of any group]]”'', is best known for being exposed as a methamphetamine user and a regular customer of Denver's male prostitutes in 2007 ([[CorruptChurch of course not using money donated to his church by his flock]]). That does not make him a loon. What could perhaps make him a loon is the aftermath and rationalization. After a month of, well, therapy, however, he was pronounced ''“[[TwentyPercentMoreAwesome 100% heterosexual]]”'' (which he asserted the whole time anyway) ...Haggard was originally exposed [[TheDogBitesBack since his masseur got tired of Haggard’s hypocrisy]] (Haggard was simultaneously campaigning for a law to ban gay marriage).

->[Dominic] Keating has confessed that he played the character “[[WordOfGay so gay]]”, and there’s a fairly plausible reading of Malcolm Reed’s character that suggests he might be a closeted gay man over-compensating slightly....Searching the compound with Mayweather, he makes a big deal of how fascinated he is by the sexy alien lady dancers. He’s a little too interested, to the point where he is almost unprofessional. (Of course, given Reed’s later inability to distinguish between phaser fire and lightning, it is quite possible that [[HanlonsRazor he is just terrible at his job.]] There is also a case to be made in favour of that argument over the course of ''[[Series/StarTrekEnterprise Enterprise]]''.)
-->--'''[[http://them0vieblog.com/2015/01/01/star-trek-enterprise-broken-bow-review/ Darren Mooney]]''' on ''Star Trek: Enterprise'', "Broken Bow"

->Music/ChrisBrown and his bodyguard were hanging outside of the W Hotel when two women asked to take a picture with him. Right before the picture was about to be taken, two dudes, who don’t know Fist Brown, jumped in and that made Chris say to them, "''I’m not into this gay shit, I’m into boxing''," before punching one in the face. They brawled on the ground for a bit before the fight was broken up and the cops showed up...The Difficult Brown went on to say, "''You know, boxing. I like to get shirtless, get sweaty and fist other dudes.''"

->We thought [[Creator/TomCruise Tom]] was the biggest bore on the face of the Earth...He was tense and made constant, constant unrelated homophobic comments. I mean, his lingo was larded with the most--There was no basis for it. It was like, 'It’s a nice day, I’m glad there are no gay people standing here.' Very, very strange.

->Ted Haggard, who is not gay and known for saying that ''“evangelicals have [[SexSells the best sex life of any group]]”'', is best known for being exposed as a methamphetamine user and a regular customer of Denver's male prostitutes in 2007 ([[ImplausibleDeniability of course not using money donated to his church by his flock]]). That does not make him a loon. What could perhaps make him a loon is the aftermath and rationalization. After a month of, well, therapy, however, he was pronounced ''“[[TwentyPercentMoreAwesome 100% heterosexual]]”'' (which he asserted the whole time anyway) ...Haggard was originally exposed [[TheDogBitesBack since his masseur got tired of Haggard’s hypocrisy]] (Haggard was simultaneously campaigning for a law to ban gay marriage).

''Ex: I'm going to the truck stop to [[IsThatWhatTheyreCallingItNow practice my family values.]]''

->[[Creator/EddieMurphy Murphy]] has a great youthful energy and charm, with rapport with his audience, and these jokes are a way of bringing everyone together: this is what we really think and laugh at, all the stuff that isn’t safe for TV. Of course, much of Murphy’s act is very externally focused rather then the personal anecdotes and interpretations of the likes of Bruce or Richard Pryor. A strange guttural hooting Creator/MrT and some only so-so impressions of ''Series/TheHoneymooners'' sodomising one another is not terribly advanced stuff...Some years later Murphy would apologise for these jokes in his routine. And we all know the sterling work Murphy has since made in out-reach projects to the transgender community.
-->--''[[http://ukjarry.blogspot.com/2007/12/27-faggots-eddie-murphy.html Fifty Years of Comedy Faggots]]''

->Racists never imagine what it's like to be like the person they hate, homophobes imagine it in graphic detail for hour upon hour.

->Ted Haggard, who is not gay and known for saying that “evangelicals have the best sex life of any group”, is best known for being exposed as a methamphetamine user and a regular customer of Denver's male prostitutes in 2007 ([[ImplausibleDeniability of course not using money donated to his church by his flock]]). That does not make him a loon. What could perhaps make him a loon is the aftermath and rationalization. After a month of, well, therapy, however, he was pronounced “[[TwentyPercentMoreAwesome 100% heterosexual]]” (which he asserted the whole time anyway) ...Haggard was originally exposed [[TheDogBitesBack since his masseur got tired of Haggard’s hypocrisy]] (Haggard was simultaneously campaigning for a law to ban gay marriage).

[[folder:fiction]]
->''"Now I'm gonna make you dance, get your chance\\
Yeah, boy, shake that ass...\\
[[LastSecondWordSwap ...Oops! I mean, girl! Girl, girl, girl!]]\\
Girl, you know you're my world"''
-->-- '''Music/{{Eminem}}''', "Just Lose It"

->''"Our private parts remain very far away\\
'Cuz we're not gay\\
No we're not gay\\
No we're not gay\\
No we're not--''\\
[[NotThatTheresAnythingWrongWithThat No we're not saying there's anything wrong with that]]!''\\
But for that other team we simply do not bat''
-->-- '''Creator/QuintonFlynn and Jeff Nimoy''', The [[YaoiGenre Yaoi]] [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUZBY6fR6-Y Song]]

->'''Creator/HughLaurie''': You do, Kevin, you look absolutely fabulous. If I was homosexual, I'd want to buy you a drink at the very least. \\
'''Kevin [=McNally=]''': Thanks. If I was homosexual, I'd have a pint of lager.\\
'''Hugh''': As it is, I like birds.\\
'''Kevin''': Me too.
-->--''Series/ABitOfFryAndLaurie'', "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yOVRKNskcU#t=033 Fascion]]"

->'''Roku:''' Here I am, practicing fighting with Sozin!\\
'''Aang:''' Wow! You guys were friends?\\
'''Roku:''' Yes. Friends. Totally friends. In conclusion: friends. I liked a girl! See?\\
''(Later)''\\
'''Sozin:''' Right now, we have it all right here in the Fire Nation. We have lots of money, success, and privileges, and you now have a hot wife.\\
'''Roku:''' Once again proving that I am straight.\\
'''Sozin:''' Our undeniable heterosexuality aside...
-->-- WesternAnimation/AvatarTheLastAirbender [[http://community.livejournal.com/avatar_fans/1926928.html Condensed Episode 47]]

->"''I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, but you can't because [[GirlfriendInCanada she is in Canada.]]''"
-->--'''Rod''', ''Theatre/AvenueQ''

->''"We live across the hall. No! We don't live 'together'. I mean, we live together, but in separate heterosexual bedrooms."''
-->--'''Leonard''', introducing himself and Sheldon to Penny, ''Series/TheBigBangTheory''

->''I'm so straight that when I bought my house, the first thing I did was brick up the back door! You know why? Because ''my'' asshole's JUST for shitting!''
-->-- '''Straight Dave, aka Bruno''', ''{{Bruno}}''

->'''Jay:''' Yo, man, tell me something about me.\\
'''Rufus:''' You [[ADateWithRosiePalms masturbate more than anyone on the planet]].\\
'''Jay:''' Fuck, everyone knows that. Tell me something nobody knows.\\
'''Rufus:''' When you do it, you're thinking about guys. ''([[TheSilentBob Silent Bob]] gives Jay a surprised look)''\\
'''Jay:''' ... Dude, not all the time!
-->-- ''Film/{{Dogma}}''

->''Social Link, Go!''\\
'''Yosuke:''' Hey, let's go to your room. But, like, not in a gay way or anything.
-->-- '''Webcomic/{{Hiimdaisy}}''', parodying Yosuke's HaveIMentionedIAmHeterosexualToday attitude in ''VideoGame/{{Persona 4}}''

->'''Santana:''' All I know is, you blew me off. To be with Stubbles Mc-cripplepants. Fine. Your loss. Cause now, I get the chance to write an awesome heterosexual song about Sam that we're gonna sing at Regionals.\\
'''Brittany:''' Wait, you're still dating Sam? But you [[AnguishedDeclarationOfLove told me you were in love with me.]]\\
'''Santana:''' I honestly don't know what I was thinking...could you stop staring at me, I can't remember my locker combo.
-->-- ''Series/{{Glee}}'', "Original Song"

->''"I'M A SMOOOOOOOOOOTH PIMP WHO LOOOOOOOOOVES THA PUSSY!"''
-->-- '''Jay''', ''Film/JayAndSilentBobStrikeBack''

->''"Yes, there's nothing like a good-smelling man," said John dreamily. Suddenly we were all very uncomfortable and there was a lot of throat-clearing and coughing and we all walked a few paces farther apart. (I haven't told you about John yet, have I?) Then John started to make a great and pathetic show of noticing the women as they passed. "Why, that little heifer would give a man some strong sons," John said in a booming and falsely masculine voice. "A man could surely plant some seed there, he could."''
-->--''[[Literature/LambTheGospelAccordingToBiff Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal]]''

->- Straight married men have gay sex '''all the time'''!
-->-- ''Webcomic/MenageA3''

->''Yeah. Silent Bob, you're a rude motherfucker, you know that? But you're cute as hell. I could go down on you, suck you, line up three other guys, make like a circus seal.'' [Jay makes a rude head gesture; a car horn honks, which seems to snap him out of it]'' Ewww, you fucking faggot, I hate guys. I LOVE WOMEN!''

->''My name is Olaf Peterson. I am very good in bed.''
-->-- ''Series/RedDwarf''

->"Who the hell knows about [[CelibateHero Sherlock Holmes]], but for the record — [[FanPreferredPairing if anyone]] [[MistakenForGay out there]] [[YaoiFangirl still cares]] — I'm not actually gay."
-->--'''John Watson''', ''{{Series/Sherlock}}''

->''I AM STRAIGHT, DAMN IT!!!! I WILL NOT BE VEERED IN ANY OTHER [[UnfortunateImplications DISGUSTINGLY GROTESQUE]] DIRECTION!!!!''
-->-- [[{{Sonichu}} Christian Weston Chandler]]

->I like girls!
-->-- '''Tyler,''' WesternAnimation/TotalDramaIsland

->''[[BlatantLies I AM ONE HUNDRED PERCENT STRAIGHT!]]''
-->-- Marik, ''WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries''

->''Light's parents had made light's bed into a double bed (I know what your thinking sickos no theres no {{slash}}!)\\
Light and Dark were in bed together but only because there parents were to poor to get separate rooms its not like their gay or anything!\\
he loved Dark which maybe he did a little but not really cos Darks not gay!!!! SERIOUSLY\\
"I am not gay" Darksaid because the readers at home might think so other ways.\\
"Where did you get him he is very hansom!" dark said but only because he was a clone of him HES NOT GAY."''
-->--''Fanfic/LightAndDarkTheAdventuresOfDarkYagami''

[[foldercontrol]]

[[folder:real life]]
->'''family values:''' Code term for bible-thumping, self-loathing, closeted homosexuals who troll public restrooms for sex. Republican senators and congressmen appear to have an inordinate fondness for this expression.\\\
''Ex: I'm going to the truck stop to [[IsThatWhatTheyreCallingItNow practice my family values.]]''
-->--'''''Website/UrbanDictionary'''''

->Ted Haggard, who is not gay and known for saying that “evangelicals have the best sex life of any group”, is best known for being exposed as a methamphetamine user and a regular customer of Denver's male prostitutes in 2007 ([[ImplausibleDeniability of course not using money donated to his church by his flock]]). That does not make him a loon. What could perhaps make him a loon is the aftermath and rationalization. After a month of, well, therapy, however, he was pronounced “[[TwentyPercentMoreAwesome 100% heterosexual]]” (which he asserted the whole time anyway) ...Haggard was originally exposed [[TheDogBitesBack since his masseur got tired of Haggard’s hypocrisy]] (Haggard was simultaneously campaigning for a law to ban gay marriage).
-->--'''''[[http://americanloons.blogspot.com/2011/03/164-ted-haggard.html Encyclopedia of American Loons]]'''''

->[[AC:Best in Russian police at find illegal homosexual dens. [[HiredToHuntYourself Almost strangely best]].]]
-->--'''{{Creator/Seanbaby}}''', [[http://www.break.com/article/new-from-sochi-russian-police-choir-trading-cards-2574736 "Russian Police Choir Trading Cards"]]

->We thought Tom was the biggest bore on the face of the Earth...He was tense and made constant, constant unrelated homophobic comments. I mean, his lingo was larded with the most--There was no basis for it. It was like, 'It’s a nice day, I’m glad there are no gay people standing here.' Very, very strange.
-->--'''Bronson Pinchot''' on the making of ''Film/RiskyBusiness''

->[Dominic] Keating has confessed that he played the character “[[WordOfGay so gay]]”, and there’s a fairly plausible reading of Malcolm Reed’s character that suggests he might be a closeted gay man over-compensating slightly....Searching the compound with Mayweather, he makes a big deal of how fascinated he is by the sexy alien lady dancers. He’s a little too interested, to the point where he is almost unprofessional. (Of course, given Reed’s later inability to distinguish between phaser fire and lightning, it is quite possible that [[HanlonsRazor he is just terrible at his job.]] There is also a case to be made in favour of that argument over the course of ''[[Series/StarTrekEnterprise Enterprise]]''.)
-->--'''[[http://them0vieblog.com/2015/01/01/star-trek-enterprise-broken-bow-review/ Darren Mooney]]''' on ''Star Trek: Enterprise'', "Broken Bow"

->Music/ChrisBrown and his bodyguard were hanging outside of the W Hotel when two women asked to take a picture with him. Right before the picture was about to be taken, two dudes, who don’t know Fist Brown, jumped in and that made Chris say to them, "''I’m not into this gay shit, I’m into boxing''," before punching one in the face. They brawled on the ground for a bit before the fight was broken up and the cops showed up...The Difficult Brown went on to say, "''You know, boxing. I like to get shirtless, get sweaty and fist other dudes.''"
-->--'''[[http://dlisted.com/2013/10/27/the-difficult-brown-got-arrested-for-being-the-difficult-brown/ Michael K.]]''', "The Difficult Brown Got Arrested For Being The Difficult Brown"

->On the whole, though, it's just not as good as [[FreudianSlip tonguing another man's balls]] ''(beat)'' --I mean, as it used to be. ''(beat)'' I'm '''not''' gay!
-->-- '''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''''' on ''[[GuitarHero Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock]]''

->I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo heterosexual!
-->-- '''[[MST3K Tom Servo]]''', mocking Watney Smith in ''[[Literature/{{Gor}} Outlaw Of Gor]]''

->[Dominic] Keating has confessed that he played the character “[[WordOfGay so gay]]”, and there’s a fairly plausible reading of Malcolm Reed’s character that suggests he might be a closeted gay man over-compensating slightly....Indeed, Reed even appears to be somewhat over-compensating in Broken Bow. Searching the compound with Mayweather, he makes a big deal of how fascinated he is by the sexy alien lady dancers. He’s a little too interested, to the point where he is almost unprofessional. (Of course, given Reed’s later inability to distinguish between phaser fire and lightning, it is quite possible that [[HanlonsRazor he is just terrible at his job.]] There is also a case to be made in favour of that argument over the course of ''[[Series/StarTrekEnterprise Enterprise]]''.)
-->--'''[[http://them0vieblog.com/2015/01/01/star-trek-enterprise-broken-bow-review/ Darren Mooney]]'''

''[[NotThatTheresAnythingWrongWithThat No we're not saying there's anything wrong with that]]!''\\
''But for that other team we simply do not bat''

[[foldercontrol]]

[[folder:real life]]
->'''family values:''' Code term for bible-thumping, self-loathing, closeted homosexuals who troll public restrooms for sex. Republican senators and congressmen appear to have an inordinate fondness for this expression.\\\
''Ex: I'm going to the truck stop to [[IsThatWhatTheyreCallingItNow practice my family values.]]''
-->--'''''Website/UrbanDictionary'''''

->Ted Haggard, who is not gay and known for saying that “evangelicals have the best sex life of any group”, is best known for being exposed as a methamphetamine user and a regular customer of Denver's male prostitutes in 2007 ([[ImplausibleDeniability of course not using money donated to his church by his flock]]). That does not make him a loon. What could perhaps make him a loon is the aftermath and rationalization. After a month of, well, therapy, however, he was pronounced “[[TwentyPercentMoreAwesome 100% heterosexual]]” (which he asserted the whole time anyway) ...Haggard was originally exposed [[TheDogBitesBack since his masseur got tired of Haggard’s hypocrisy]] (Haggard was simultaneously campaigning for a law to ban gay marriage).
-->--'''''[[http://americanloons.blogspot.com/2011/03/164-ted-haggard.html Encyclopedia of American Loons]]'''''

->[[AC:Best in Russian police at find illegal homosexual dens. [[HiredToHuntYourself Almost strangely best]].]]
-->--'''{{Creator/Seanbaby}}''', [[http://www.break.com/article/new-from-sochi-russian-police-choir-trading-cards-2574736 "Russian Police Choir Trading Cards"]]

->We thought Tom was the biggest bore on the face of the Earth...He was tense and made constant, constant unrelated homophobic comments. I mean, his lingo was larded with the most--There was no basis for it. It was like, 'It’s a nice day, I’m glad there are no gay people standing here.' Very, very strange.
-->--'''Bronson Pinchot''' on the making of ''Film/RiskyBusiness''

->[Dominic] Keating has confessed that he played the character “[[WordOfGay so gay]]”, and there’s a fairly plausible reading of Malcolm Reed’s character that suggests he might be a closeted gay man over-compensating slightly....Indeed, Reed even appears to be somewhat over-compensating in Broken Bow. Searching the compound with Mayweather, he makes a big deal of how fascinated he is by the sexy alien lady dancers. He’s a little too interested, to the point where he is almost unprofessional. (Of course, given Reed’s later inability to distinguish between phaser fire and lightning, it is quite possible that [[HanlonsRazor he is just terrible at his job.]] There is also a case to be made in favour of that argument over the course of ''[[Series/StarTrekEnterprise Enterprise]]''.)
-->--'''[[http://them0vieblog.com/2015/01/01/star-trek-enterprise-broken-bow-review/ Darren Mooney]]'''

->Music/ChrisBrown and his bodyguard were hanging outside of the W Hotel when two women asked to take a picture with him. Right before the picture was about to be taken, two dudes, who don’t know Fist Brown, jumped in and that made Chris say to them, "''I’m not into this gay shit, I’m into boxing''," before punching one in the face. They brawled on the ground for a bit before the fight was broken up and the cops showed up...The Difficult Brown went on to say, "''You know, boxing. I like to get shirtless, get sweaty and fist other dudes.''"
-->--'''[[http://dlisted.com/2013/10/27/the-difficult-brown-got-arrested-for-being-the-difficult-brown/ Michael K.]]''', "The Difficult Brown Got Arrested For Being The Difficult Brown"

->On the whole, though, it's just not as good as [[FreudianSlip tonguing another man's balls]] ''(beat)'' --I mean, as it used to be. ''(beat)'' I'm '''not''' gay!
-->-- '''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''''' on ''[[GuitarHero Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock]]''

->I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo heterosexual!
-->-- '''[[MST3K Tom Servo]]''', mocking Watney Smith in ''[[Literature/{{Gor}} Outlaw Of Gor]]''
[[/folder]]

But for that other team we simply do not bat"''

->Ted Haggard, who is not gay and known for saying that “evangelicals have the best sex life of any group”, is best known for being exposed as a methamphetamine user and a regular customer of Denver's male prostitutes in 2007 ([[ImplausibleDeniability of course not using money donated to his church by his flock]]). That does not make him a loon. What could perhaps make him a loon is the aftermath and rationalization. After a month of, well, therapy, however, he was pronounced “[[TwentyPercentMoreAwesome 100% heterosexual]]” (which he asserted the whole time anyway) ...Haggard was originally exposed since his masseur got tired of Haggard’s hypocrisy (Haggard was simultaneously campaigning for a law to ban gay marriage).

->family values: ''Code term for bible-thumping, self-loathing, closeted homosexuals who troll public restrooms for sex. Republican senators and congressmen appear to have an inordinate fondness for this expression.''\\\
I'm going to the truck stop to [[IsThatWhatTheyreCallingItNow practice my family values.]]
-->--'''''UrbanDictionary'''''

->family values: ''Code term for bible-thumping, self-loathing, closeted homosexuals who troll public restrooms for sex. Republican senators and congressmen appear to have an inordinate fondness for this expression.''
->I'm going to the truck stop to [[IsThatWhatTheyreCallingItNow practice my family values.]]

->[[AC:Best in Russian police at find [[HeteronormativeCrusader illegal homosexual dens]]. Almost strangely best]].

->''"[[AC:Best in Russian police at find [[HeteronormativeCrusader illegal homosexual dens]]. Almost strangely best]]."''

->''"We thought Tom was the biggest bore on the face of the Earth...He was tense and made constant, constant unrelated homophobic comments. I mean, his lingo was larded with the most--There was no basis for it. It was like, 'It’s a nice day, I’m glad there are no gay people standing here.' Very, very strange."''

->''"On the whole, though, it's just not as good as [[FreudianSlip tonguing another man's balls]] ''(beat)'' --I mean, as it used to be. ''(beat)'' I'm '''not''' gay!"''

->''"I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo heterosexual!"''

->''"What I learned from that video is that Kirk Cameron has pretty much always been obsessed with gay sex and he’s more obsessed with gay sex than I am! That’s saying a lot, because my usual thought pattern looks like this: Gay sex, gay sex, gay sex, gay sex, straight sex, gay sex, Martika, ''{{Golden Girls}}'', kittens, In-N-Out, gay sex, weed, gay sex, gay, sex."''
-->--'''[[http://dlisted.com/2014/11/23/icymi-kirk-cameron-on-how-to-act-around-gay-people/#more-157228 Michael K.]]''',"Kirk Cameron on How to Talk to Gay People"

->'''Creator/HughLaurie''': You do, Kevin, you look absolutely fabulous. If I was homosexual, I'd want to buy you a drink at the very least.
->'''Kevin [=McNally=]''': Thanks. If I was homosexual, I'd have a pint of lager.
->'''Hugh''': As it is, I like birds.
->'''Kevin''': Me too.

->'''Roku:''' Here I am, practicing fighting with Sozin!
->'''Aang:''' Wow! You guys were friends?
->'''Roku:''' Yes. Friends. Totally friends. In conclusion: friends. I liked a girl! See?
->''(Later)''
->'''Sozin:''' Right now, we have it all right here in the Fire Nation. We have lots of money, success, and privileges, and you now have a hot wife.
->'''Roku:''' Once again proving that I am straight.
->'''Sozin:''' Our undeniable heterosexuality aside...

->'''The Cat''': Wilson-- cover my back.
->'''Deadpool''': ''You're'' letting me cover your back? Oh, this is so totally cool! Weasel's gonna fart-- oh wait, forgot I'm not friends with him anymore... Okay, I'll make friends with him again just to tell him, but then I'll break up with him again. Not break up like we're going out or anything! I'm all man, I tellya! C'mere-- you snake chicks and [[CloningGambit all twenty]] of you Rives and Makeshifts and I'll show all of you!

->'''Jay:''' Yo, man, tell me something about me.
->'''Rufus:''' You [[ADateWithRosiePalms masturbate more than anyone on the planet]].
->'''Jay:''' Fuck, everyone knows that. Tell me something nobody knows.
->'''Rufus:''' When you do it, you're thinking about guys. ''([[TheSilentBob Silent Bob]] gives Jay a surprised look)''
->'''Jay:''' ... Dude, not all the time!

->'''Santana:''' All I know is, you blew me off. To be with Stubbles Mc-cripplepants. Fine. Your loss. Cause now, I get the chance to write an awesome heterosexual song about Sam that we're gonna sing at Regionals.
->'''Brittany:''' Wait, you're still dating Sam? But you [[AnguishedDeclarationOfLove told me you were in love with me.]]
->'''Santana:''' I honestly don't know what I was thinking...could you stop staring at me, I can't remember my locker combo.

->''"I'm straight. I'm straight!"''
-->-- '''[[{{Sonichu}} Christian Weston Chandler]]''

-->--'''''[[http://dlisted.com/2014/11/23/icymi-kirk-cameron-on-how-to-act-around-gay-people/#more-157228 Michael K.]]''''',"Kirk Cameron on How to Talk to Gay People"

[[folder:real life]]
->family values: ''Code term for bible-thumping, self-loathing, closeted homosexuals who troll public restrooms for sex. Republican senators and congressmen appear to have an inordinate fondness for this expression.''
->I'm going to the truck stop to [[IsThatWhatTheyreCallingItNow practice my family values.]]
-->--'''''UrbanDictionary'''''

->''"[[AC:Best in Russian police at find [[HeteronormativeCrusader illegal homosexual dens]]. Almost strangely best]]."''
-->--'''{{Creator/Seanbaby}}''', [[http://www.break.com/article/new-from-sochi-russian-police-choir-trading-cards-2574736 "Russian Police Choir Trading Cards"]]

->''"We thought Tom was the biggest bore on the face of the Earth...He was tense and made constant, constant unrelated homophobic comments. I mean, his lingo was larded with the most--There was no basis for it. It was like, 'It’s a nice day, I’m glad there are no gay people standing here.' Very, very strange."''
-->--'''Bronson Pinchot''' on the making of ''Film/RiskyBusiness''

->''"What I learned from that video is that Kirk Cameron has pretty much always been obsessed with gay sex and he’s more obsessed with gay sex than I am! That’s saying a lot, because my usual thought pattern looks like this: Gay sex, gay sex, gay sex, gay sex, straight sex, gay sex, Martika, ''{{Golden Girls}}'', kittens, In-N-Out, gay sex, weed, gay sex, gay, sex."''
-->--'''''[[http://dlisted.com/2014/11/23/icymi-kirk-cameron-on-how-to-act-around-gay-people/#more-157228 Michael K.]]''''',"Kirk Cameron on How to Talk to Gay People"

->''"On the whole, though, it's just not as good as tonguing another man's balls... I mean, as it used to be... I'm not gay!"''
-->-- '''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''''' on ''[[GuitarHero Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock]]''

->''"I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo heterosexual!"''
-->-- '''[[MST3K Tom Servo]]''', mocking Watney Smith in ''[[Literature/{{Gor}} Outlaw Of Gor]]''

->''Light's parents had made light's bed into a double bed (I know what your thinking sickos no theres no {{slash}}!)\\
Light and Dark were in bed together but only because there parents were to poor to get separate rooms its not like their gay or anything!\\
he loved Dark which maybe he did a little but not really cos Darks not gay!!!! SERIOUSLY\\
"I am not gay" Darksaid because the readers at home might think so other ways.\\
"Where did you get him he is very hansom!" dark said but only because he was a clone of him HES NOT GAY."''
-->--''Fanfic/LightAndDarkTheAdventuresOfDarkYagami''

[[/folder]]

->''Now I'm gonna make you dance, get your chance\\

Girl, you know you're my world''

->''Our private parts remain very far away\\

''But for that other team we simply do not bat''

->''"[[AC:Best in Russian police at find [[HeteronormativeCrusader illegal homosexual dens]]. Almost strangely best]]."''
-->--'''{{Creator/Seanbaby}}''', [[http://www.break.com/article/new-from-sochi-russian-police-choir-trading-cards-2574736 "Russian Police Choir Trading Cards"]]

->''"What I learned from that video is that Kirk Cameron has pretty much always been obsessed with gay sex and he’s more obsessed with gay sex than I am! That’s saying a lot, because my usual thought pattern looks like this: Gay sex, gay sex, gay sex, gay sex, straight sex, gay sex, Martika, ''{{Golden Girls}}'', kittens, In-N-Out, gay sex, weed, gay sex, gay, sex."''
-->--'''''[[http://dlisted.com/2014/11/23/icymi-kirk-cameron-on-how-to-act-around-gay-people/#more-157228 DListed]]''''',"Kirk Cameron on How to Talk to Gay People"

-->-- '''Yahtzee''', ''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation'' review of ''[[GuitarHero Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock]]''

->''Social Link, Go!''\\
'''Yosuke:''' Hey, let's go to your room. But, like, not in a gay way or anything.
-->-- '''Webcomic/{{Hiimdaisy}}''', parodying Yosuke's HaveIMentionedIAmHeterosexualToday attitude in ''VideoGame/{{Persona 4}}''

->''"[[AC:Best in Russian police at find [[HeteronormativeCrusader illegal homosexual dens]]. Almost strangely best]].]]"''