History Quotes / GuideDangIt

-->-- '''The Omni Blade]]''', "[[Top 10 Worst Fire Emblem Maps]]"

->"When you get stuck, you're not sure if it's because you missed an item that you need, [[TalkToEveryone or because you need to talk to everyone in town again in case one yields a new dialogue option]], ''or'' because [[NPCScheduling you simply have to wait for it to get dark before anything can happen]]. I ended up just fruitlessly circling the town, reclicking all the same places I'd been before, talking to the same six people in the same order, and then going to sleep to make it change from day to night. It's like it's depression simulator!"

->''"When you get stuck, you're not sure if it's because you missed an item that you need, [[TalkToEveryone or because you need to talk to everyone in town again in case one yields a new dialogue option]], ''or'' because [[NPCScheduling you simply have to wait for it to get dark before anything can happen]]. I ended up just fruitlessly circling the town, reclicking all the same places I'd been before, talking to the same six people in the same order, and then going to sleep to make it change from day to night. It's like it's depression simulator!"''

->"The [[NonPlayerCharacter townspeople]] don't help that much. They might as well just say, ''[='=][[{{Tagline}} Get the Power! Nintendo Power!]][='=]''"

-->-- '''Levelengine''', reflecting on the 2012 version of O Ninja Negro in his [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvJ2DYQ36Qo list of worst Super Mario World hacks]].

->"However, after years of getting killed by that same Werewolf, I found out out you can actually kill it. What the hell? How was I supposed to know that you're actually meant to run into the Observatory, flip the circuit breaker outside, run back in, open the dome, lure it into the dome and crush it to death? How the hell was I supposed to know that? The answer is: I didn't! I had to look it up on [[https://vtmb.fandom.com/wiki/The_Enemy_of_My_Enemy the wiki]]!"

!!{{Music}}

!!{{Video Game}}s

!!WebOriginal
->'''Iolo''': Remind me again why we're doing any of this?\\
'''Steve''': Obviously, [[FetchQuest to get the jawbone so that we can teleport to Monk Isle and get me a spellbook.]]\\
'''Iolo''': But there's no way you would have ''known'' that Erstam had any such thing, or that it could get you there. You just arbitrarily decided we'd go look for the Mad Mage!
-->-- LetsPlay VideoGame/UltimaVIIPartII: "[[http://lparchive.org/Ultima-VII-Part-2-Serpent-Isle/Update%2026/ Moonshade]]"

!!WebAnimation

!!WebVideo

-->--'''''WebVideo/HonestTrailers''''' on ''Minecraft''

-->--'''WebVideo/ProJared''', [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CwSrRK39Uo review]] of ''VideoGame/MortalKombatMythologiesSubZero''

-->--'''Levelengine''', reflecting on the 2012 version of O Ninja Negro in his [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvJ2DYQ36Qo list of worst Super Mario World hacks]].

-->--''[[LetsPlay/HCBailly HC Bailly]]'', using one of his catch-phrases.

-->--'''[=LambHoot=]''' on ''VideoGame/SpongeBobSquarePantsRevengeOfTheFlyingDutchman''

-->--'''WebVideo/{{Caddicarus}}''' on ''VideoGame/CrashBandicoot4ItsAboutTime''


!!RealLife

->"They went absolutely loopy-loo, stuck in the loo with these boxes! The same applies to the hidden gems, where I managed to find 36 of them by myself, which I am proud of. But then I couldn't find the one on Shipping Error because that defies all common sense and doesn't give you a single hint about it, and [[ThatOneLevel Run It Bayou]]. Which doesn't only hide a switch crate ''there''[[note]]Behind a nondescript barrel that blends into the scenery[[/note]], of all places, but then expects you to go back and figure out that the new crates that you're supposed to stand on are over ''here''[[note]]so far off-screen that you have to slide/double jump at just the right angle to reach them[[/note]]! '''''How in the screw-shaped bums''''' did anyone figure that out without a guide?!

Or call the ''Nintendo Power Line'' number,\\

-->-- '''{{Music/Brentalfloss}}''', "[[VideoGame/DragonQuest Dragon Warrior]]'' WithLyrics"

-->--WebVideo/HonestTrailers on VideoGame/{{Minecraft}}.

->"The [[NonPlayerCharacter townspeople]] don't help that much. They might as well just say, ''[='=][[{{Tagline}} Get the power! Nintendo Power!]][='=]''"

->''"This is one game where there's officially no shame in looking up the FAQ."''

->''"To get anywhere in VideoGame/HuntDownTheFreeman you need both a walkthrough and [[ObviousBeta a list of glitches]] handy. It’s that broken and obtuse."''
-->-- '''[[WebVideo/{{Jimquisition}} Jim Sterling]]''', [[https://twitter.com/JimSterling/status/969428742589288448 Twitter]]

->''"A game should hold your hand a little bit to show you what the fuck you're supposed to do. Even VideoGame/DarkSouls does that!"''

->''"Maybe this all seems silly to you, like duh right? Of course you learn about a game by playing it long enough, that's like an inherent thing about games right? No. Think of the game like VideoGame/DrJekyllAndMrHyde for the UsefulNotes/{{NES}} for example, everybody should play this game if you want to get into game design. It's a perfect example of doing nothing to teach the player about its limits and goals, nothing in this game seems to make sense! Stuff happens at random, people hurt you, some people don't, you walk backwards as Mr. Hyde and I don't know. Of course the game itself have limits, it has rules but it doesn't teach you anything itself through the gameplay and on top of that the presentation is confusing cause all the clashing information you're being fed constantly, just play this game for two minutes and you will understand how poorly you can teach a player how to play your stupid game. In terms used a lot for this concept is conveyance and I think that's a fitting name, haven't you ever been playing a game and you're just like "WHAT DO I DO? WHERE DO I GO?" That's what I'm talking about, that's bad conveyance."''
-->-- '''[[WebVideo/GameGrumps Arin Hanson]]''', ''WebVideo/{{Sequelitis}}'' review of ''VideoGame/MegaManX''

->''"How are you supposed to know all that unless you read ''Magazine/NintendoPower''? The townspeople don't help that much; they might as well just say ''"Get the power! '''Nintendo Power'''!"'' Yeah, it's classic hidden cryptic Nintendo horseshit."''

->''"So, that's when you need the power. Nintendo Power! It's like: 'You want to know how to beat the game? Well, you gotta buy our magazine, you dumb little shits!' [...] ' ''VideoGame/MilonsSecretCastle'': Getting Started'? That's not a cheat! That's just how to play the fucking game! The basic rules of the game NEEDED Nintendo Power. '''That''' is some fuck!"''
-->-- '''WebVideo/TheAngryVideoGameNerd''' plays ''VideoGame/MilonsSecretCastle''

->''"...Space Quest IV will give you hours of frustration unless you have this hintbook. Want to know how to get the dog into the hanging basket? Want to find out how to attach the melon? Buy this hintbook and it all becomes obvious."''
-->-- ''VideoGame/SpaceQuest IV'', cheerfully [[LampshadeHanging hanging a lampshade]] on its own [[AdventureGame genre]] [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwYlF1Ft1lA&feature=player_detailpage#t=725s here.]]

->'''Iolo''': Remind me again why we're doing any of this?\\
'''[[GenderBlenderName Steve]]''': Obviously, to get the jawbone so that we can teleport to Monk Isle and get me a spellbook.\\
'''Iolo''': But there's no way you would have '''known''' that Erstam had any such thing, or that it could get you there. You just arbitrarily decided we'd go look for the Mad Mage!\\
'''Steve''': Hey. [[PlayerCharacter Avatar]]. Trust me on this.
-->-- LetsPlay VideoGame/UltimaVIIPartII: "[[http://lparchive.org/Ultima-VII-Part-2-Serpent-Isle/Update%2026/ Moonshade]]"

->''"What?! All I had to do was move up and down? '''UP... AND DOWN?!?''' What the [[CurseCutShort fu-]]" ''[[[KilledMidSentence Time Over]]]''''
-->-- '''[[Franchise/SonicTheHedgehog Sonic]]''' in ''WebAnimation/SonicShorts'', voicing the frustrations of ''many'' players at the barrels in Carnival Night Zone Act 2 of ''VideoGame/Sonic3AndKnuckles''

->''"Besides, everybody knows the way to save Senor Cardgage is to [[NoodleImplements cut a bunch of motor sports magazines in half and pour gravy on a defibrillator]]."''
-->-- '''Strong Bad''', ''WebAnimation/HomestarRunner'' ("A Decemberween Mackerel")

->''"Don’t be discouraged, just read Magazine/NintendoPower\\
Or call the Nintendo Power Line number,\\
Or just get the StrategyGuide!"''
-->-- '''{{Music/Brentalfloss}}''', ''[[VideoGame/DragonQuest Dragon Warrior]] WithLyrics''

->''"Now, I'd like to discuss what I consider to be ''VideoGame/YandereSimulator'''s biggest game design flaw. Most of the elimination methods currently available in the game require the player to have knowledge of exactly when and where they need to stand, what item they need to have equipped, and what skills they require, in order to pull off a certain execution. Presently, this information can ''only'' be obtained by watching my Website/YouTube videos. That's poor game design."''

->''But when you beat [Fujin], he does a super tornado thing. [[OneHitKill It instantly kills you.]] So when I beat him again, I naturally ran away from it... and I still died. I tried so many things to stop or survive his tornado thing, and none of them worked. Wanna know why? It's because you're supposed to run all the way to the end and crouch, and Sub Zero automatically grabs onto this ledge. There's nothing there to convey that you have to crouch at the end. No hints, no clues, nothing. That's cheap, and fuck this game for doing it.''

->''Now I don't know HOW you're supposed to figure this out...''

->''"Apparently, this is called a "GuideDangIt". It's where some critical piece of information is obscured or the game neglects to even provide to you in the first place. In this case, it was the jellyfishing contest considers your total jellyfish count, which is only accessible from the pause screen, rather than the current area jellyfish count that is a part of the game's GUI layer and only displays the number of jellyfish that you've caught in your current area. The detrimental effects of this issue were only amplified by the fact that the entire area of Jellyfish Fields only housed a grand total of '''84''' jellyfish, causing many people to get stumped believing they missed some sections of the map, you know. The logical thing to think when you've literally caught every jellyfish in a whole freaking area, but the counter always says 84 and the guy says he wants '''100''', and he's all the way back at the beginning of the level so you don't want to backtrack all the way there... for nothing! So you spend hours and hours and hours looking around, and then you either give up or get lost... and eventually you end up at the beginning anyways! So you finally talk to him, possibly accidentally because you pass by him, only to discover that you already completed the challenge and have won the contest, without knowing! Of course, only if you actually have 16 jellyfish in stock from some other previous levels of the game. If you haven't, then the game gives you literally no indication as to what you've done wrong!"''
-->--'''[=LambHoot=]''' on the jellyfishing contest sidequest in ''VideoGame/SpongeBobSquarePantsRevengeOfTheFlyingDutchman'' in his ''VideoGame/TheSpongebobMovieGame'' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MnJWWV5KS4s review]].

->''"Enter a magical world where the only limits are your imagination...and constant references to the wiki to figure out how everything works."''
-->--WebVideo/HonestTrailers on VideoGame/{{Minecraft}}.

->''"So, that's when you need the power. Nintendo Power! It's like: 'You want to know how to beat the game? Well, you gotta buy our magazine, you dumb little shits!' [...] ' ''VideoGame/MilonsSecretCastle'': Getting Started'? That's not a cheat! That's just how to play the fucking game! The basic rules of the game NEEDED Nintendo Power. That is some fuck!"''

->''"So, that's when you need the power. Nintendo Power! It's like: 'You want to know how to beat the game? Well, you gotta buy our magazine, you dumb little shits!' [...] ' ''VideoGame/MilonsSecretCastle'': Getting Started'? That's not a cheat! That's just how to play the fucking game! The basic rules of the game NEEDED Nintendo Power. ''That'' is some fuck!"''

->''"So, that's when you need the power. Nintendo Power! It's like: 'You want to know how to beat the game? Well, you gotta buy our magazine, you dumb little shits!' [...] ' ''VideoGame/MilonsSecretCastle'': Getting Started'? That's not a cheat! That's just how to play the fucking game! The basic rules of the game NEEDED Nintendo Power. That is some fuck!"''

->''Apparently, this is called a "GuideDangIt". It's where some critical piece of information is obscured or the game neglects to even provide to you in the first place. In this case, it was the jellyfishing contest considers your total jellyfish count, which is only accessible from the pause screen, rather than the current area jellyfish count that is a part of the game's GUI layer and only displays the number of jellyfish that you've caught in your current area. The detrimental effects of this issue were only amplified by the fact that the entire area of Jellyfish Fields only housed a grand total of '''84''' jellyfish, causing many people to get stumped believing they missed some sections of the map, you know. The logical thing to think when you've literally caught every jellyfish in a whole freaking area, but the counter always says 84 and the guy says he wants '''100''', and he's all the way back at the beginning of the level so you don't want to backtrack all the way there... for nothing! So you spend hours and hours and hours looking around, and then you either give up or get lost... and eventually you end up at the beginning anyways! So you finally talk to him, possibly accidentally because you pass by him, only to discover that you already completed the challenge and have won the contest, without knowing! Of course, only if you actually have 16 jellyfish in stock from some other previous levels of the game. If you haven't, then the game gives you literally no indication as to what you've done wrong!''

->''"It's not that hard. You just have to use abilities they won't discuss and techniques they haven't entirely taught you via controls they never quite explain."''
-->-- '''[[WebComic/PennyArcade Tycho]]''', ''[[http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2011/05/25/ Penny Arcade]]''

->''" [=FromSoftware=], are you getting backhanders from the Website/GameFAQs people?"''
-->-- '''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''''' on ''VideoGame/DarkSoulsII''

->''"It's not fair if you don't make all the rules clear. If I'm stuck in a puzzle game, I prefer it to be because I'm a big thick-y bobo who can't figure out where all the pieces go, not because one of the pieces ''was still in the box''. Forgive me if it didn't occur to me to near the bleeping explode-y death ball and repurpose it as a dessert trolley!"''
-->-- '''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''''' on ''VideoGame/TheTalosPrinciple''

->''"I don't mind having to intuit a few things, but I don't know how it makes any kind of sense that I can't access the Eastern lands until I've [[ARareSentence put on the mask of a dead ninja warrior, which is, for some reason, in the possession of two flamboyant German porn stars who run the race track.]]"''
-->-- '''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''''' on ''VideoGame/TheLegendOfZeldaMajorasMask''

->''"You have to consult walkthroughs and things to get through the ''tutorial'', because it's not made up of puzzles. It's made up of the developer saying, "Guess what I'm thinking."''
-->--'''[[WebVideo/{{Jimquisition}} Jim Sterling]]''', [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_O4K5HQtgo "Top Ten Shittiest Games of 2014"]]

->''"Finally! Holy ''crap!'' I don't know how '''anyone''' could have solved this one, because it was ''so unbelievably'' convoluted. --Well actually, human ingenuity of course could've solved it. A HUMAN MADE IT, A HUMAN CAN SOLVE IT."''
-->-- '''{{LetsPlay/Markiplier}}''' on ''VideoGame/FiveNightsAtFreddys3'' ({{Golden Ending}})

->''"[Akitoshi] Kawazu is the type of person who designs those [[VideoGame/KaizoMarioWorld sadistic Super Mario hacks]], only he happens to be an executive at one of the world's biggest and most influential video game companies."''
-->-- '''[[http://socksmakepeoplesexy.net/index.php?a=ff02 Pat R.]]''', "Clubbing Myself in the Head: The VideoGame/FinalFantasyII Experience"

->''"Besides, everybody knows the way to save Senor Cardgage is to cut a bunch of motor sports magazines in half and pour gravy on a defibrillator."''

->''"To get anywhere in Hunt Down the Freeman you need both a walkthrough and [[ObviousBeta a list of glitches]] handy. It’s that broken and obtuse."''