History Quotes / FridgeHorror

->...the object of ''{{BoardGame/Monopoly}}'' is to crush your opponents into bitter financial ruin amid the failure-stained alleyways and tenements of [[CrapsackWorld Depression-era Atlantic City.]] Essentially, it's a game about being Mr. Potter from ''[[Film/ItsAWonderfulLife It's a Wonderful Life]]'', except only one person gets to be Mr. Potter, and everyone else gets to be Jimmy Stewart on the verge of flinging his penniless ass into the swirling frigid waters beneath Pauper's Bridge. And a loss -- even an academic one that occurs within the game's first few minutes -- takes ''hours'' to play out. You can be thoroughly outmatched with absolutely no hope of victory and still end up moving your piece aimlessly around the board for three more hours, because whoever is winning ruthlessly refuses to let you quit. The game actually transforms you into a 1930s slumlord like some weird version of ''{{Jumanji}}'' cursed with a blood magic spell by J.D. Rockefeller.

->...the Doctor hits on a very sensible solution -- dump Susan off with the first man she's attracted to and [[StayInTheKitchen tell her to make babies]]...Admittedly at the time we expect Susan will grow old and die normally, but later developments in the series make it clear that Susan, as a Time Lord, will regenerate and live for ages, stuck, apparently, on Earth with no TARDIS and a lover who grew old and died as she stayed young forever. This is really, really, intensely not nice of the Doctor.
-->--'''Dr. Phil Sandifer''' on ''Series/DoctorWho'', [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS2E2TheDalekInvasionOfEarth}} "The Dalek Invasion of Earth"]]

->''"As I’ve found out to my own sleep deprivation, these are an absolutely monstrous cultural landscape to traverse, taking on all the catchphrases and quirks you remember as a kid, but with elements that only become apparent through adult eyes; like television’s worst ever [[MemeticPsychopath amoral sociopath]], [[CaptainErsatz plagiarised character traits]], unending attempts by the writers to [[AuthorTract bring down leftie feminism...]]"''
-->--'''[[http://franticplanet.wordpress.com/2014/08/19/so-excited-so-scared/ Stuart Millard]]''' on ''Series/SavedByTheBell'', ''So Excited, So Scared''

->We should probably drop the word ''[='=]Monster[='=]'' from the title since you usually just kill blameless wildlife that only attacks because you're invading its' territory or because you just pushed a sharpened stick through the ear of its' favourite child, But I guess calling it ''Hunter/Gatherer of Innocent Young Dinosaurs Pathetically Mewling Their Last as The Memory of Their Mother's Warmth Drifts away to Be Replaced by the Unforgiving Coldness of''-- Oh, fuck it. Let's just call it ''YouBastard''.

->'''David''': We cut to Paris, where LoisLane gets out of a cab telling the driver “[[AsLongAsItSoundsForeign Mercy, mercy.]]” It’s amazing how Lois Lane is portrayed as being such a great reporter, other than her lack of a) ability to spell and b) world knowledge and/or cultural sensitivity.\\
'''Chris''': Also her complete shock at the fact that it’s a hydrogen bomb. Did Perry just not tell her what she was going to France to cover? Because it would be kind of hilarious if he didn’t.\\\

“Oh, you’ll find out.”''

->So when they find that you gotta high midichlorian count in your bloodstream, I guess your parents give you up to the Jedi as a baby to be trained in this creepy, cultlike environment and you lose all your free will. I guess all those parents have no emotional attachment to their children, either. Y'see, none of those kids made a personal commitment to follow this rigid lifestlye; you can't make those kinda decisions when you're 2.

->The gang goes to visit Robbie at home, only to find that he's still a complete and utter nutbar and he's [[LostInCharacter referring to everybody by their character names]]... He strongly suspects that the people who live across the lake are harboring demons. Oh, THAT'S not creepy. Most horrifying of all is that they decide to feed his psychosis by playing along with his continuing fantasy and even play more ''Mazes & Monsters'' with him. Are you guys out of your minds? Robbie's going to take you out into the woods and hollow your skulls out like jack-o-lanterns!
-->--'''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Noah Antwiler]]''' [[http://www.spoonyexperiment.com/mazes-and-monsters/ on]] ''Film/MazesAndMonsters''

->That time child abuse victims & people who wanted to kill themselves were sent to get untrained advice from [[Series/SavedByTheBell Screech]].
-->--'''[[https://twitter.com/baysideforever/status/506840573912035328 Stuart Millard]]'''

->''I put [[WesternAnimation/TheFairlyOddParents It's a Wishful Life]] at number 9, but if I were to remake that list, I'd put it at number 3, above other famous blunders like [[SpongebobSquarepants One Coarse Meal and A Pal for Gary]], because this is the definition of [[UnfortunateImplications an episode that gets worse and worse the more you think about it.]]''

----

->''I put [[FairlyOddParents It's a Wishful Life]] at number 9, but if I were to remake that list, I'd put it at number 3, above other famous blunders like [[SpongebobSquarepants One Coarse Meal and A Pal for Gary]], because this is the definition of [[UnfortunateImplications an episode that gets worse and worse the more you think about it.]]''
->-- '''WebVideo/TheMysteriousMrEnter''', regarding the [[DudeWheresMyRespect most]] [[UsefulNotes/VictimBlaming infamous]] [[DrivenToSuicide episode]] of ''TheFairlyOddParents''

''Beauty and the Beastiality''"''

The {{stockholm syndrome}} story:\\

->I would sell one of my kids for the ability to fly, so a red nose is no big deal. Besides, the whole point of the Rudolph story is to take pride in the things that make you different...I bet it would fuck with my sleep, though. Like, if there's a big red light bulb between your eyes all night, your sleep cycle will probably be ruined. I might go cross-eyed and developed mania due to sleep deprivation. Eventually, I would go mad, flying around with a knife and breaking through stranger's windows, terrorizing them in the dead of night. And then I would probably be shot to death. Still worth it, though!
-->--'''[[http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/why-do-nba-teams-tank-so-damn-much-1674518898 Drew Magary]]'''

->''"The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either GoMadFromTheRevelation or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age."''

->''"I would sell one of my kids for the ability to fly, so a red nose is no big deal. Besides, the whole point of the Rudolph story is to take pride in the things that make you different...I bet it would fuck with my sleep, though. Like, if there's a big red light bulb between your eyes all night, your sleep cycle will probably be ruined. I might go cross-eyed and developed mania due to sleep deprivation. Eventually, I would go mad, flying around with a knife and breaking through stranger's windows, terrorizing them in the dead of night. And then I would probably be shot to death. Still worth it, though!"''

->''"...the object of ''{{BoardGame/Monopoly}}'' is to crush your opponents into bitter financial ruin amid the failure-stained alleyways and tenements of [[CrapsackWorld Depression-era Atlantic City.]] Essentially, it's a game about being Mr. Potter from ''[[Film/ItsAWonderfulLife It's a Wonderful Life]]'', except only one person gets to be Mr. Potter, and everyone else gets to be Jimmy Stewart on the verge of flinging his penniless ass into the swirling frigid waters beneath Pauper's Bridge. And a loss -- even an academic one that occurs within the game's first few minutes -- takes ''hours'' to play out. You can be thoroughly outmatched with absolutely no hope of victory and still end up moving your piece aimlessly around the board for three more hours, because whoever is winning ruthlessly refuses to let you quit. The game actually transforms you into a 1930s slumlord like some weird version of ''{{Jumanji}}'' cursed with a blood magic spell by J.D. Rockefeller."''

->''"...the Doctor hits on a very sensible solution -- dump Susan off with the first man she's attracted to and [[StayInTheKitchen tell her to make babies]]...Admittedly at the time we expect Susan will grow old and die normally, but later developments in the series make it clear that Susan, as a Time Lord, will regenerate and live for ages, stuck, apparently, on Earth with no TARDIS and a lover who grew old and died as she stayed young forever. This is really, really, intensely not nice of the Doctor."''
-->--'''Phil Sandifer''' on ''Series/DoctorWho'', [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS2E2TheDalekInvasionOfEarth}} "The Dalek Invasion of Earth"]]

->''"That time child abuse victims & people who wanted to kill themselves were sent to get untrained advice from [[Series/SavedByTheBell Screech]]."''

->''"Keep in mind that ''[[VideoGame/RedDeadRedemption Red Dead]]'' doesn't take place in some lawless land. [[IFoughtTheLawAndTheLawWon They come after you for everything in this game.]] I've had the sheriff open fire on me after a pedestrian wandered into my horse. The U.S. Marshals started hunting me for driving [[VideoGameCrueltyPotential one simple wagon of dynamite]] into a friendly conversation. So the fact that traffic accidents carry the death penalty yet you can legally blow holes in prostitutes means that [[HeManWomanHater some woman-hating programmer]] took a lot of time to make sure it worked that way."''

->''"We should probably drop the word ''[='=]Monster[='=]'' from the title since you usually just kill blameless wildlife that only attacks because you're invading its' territory or because you just pushed a sharpened stick through the ear of its' favourite child, But I guess calling it ''Hunter/Gatherer of Innocent Young Dinosaurs Pathetically Mewling Their Last as The Memory of Their Mother's Warmth Drifts away to Be Replaced by the Unforgiving Coldness of''-- Oh, fuck it. Let's just call it ''YouBastard''."''

->''"''{{Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 2}}''. I took my kid to see this movie and it's about a bunch of food that comes to life, like tacos and burgers and shit. And the weird thing is that, of course, most food starts out alive. The meat in the burger used to belong to a cow that was alive. But now the cow has been killed, slaughtered, formed into a patty, and that patty has been reanimated into a new life-form. That's mildly disturbing. Then again, HAW HAW LOOGIT THE WALKING BURGER THAT'S SO CRAY CRAY."''
-->--'''[[http://deadspin.com/greg-schiano-tom-coughlin-and-the-death-of-the-hardas-1443460297 Drew Magary]]'''

->''"Sarsgaard finally gives Braff his secret present, which is his dead mom's 'favorite necklace,' and is like PS, YOU'RE WELCOME, I ROBBED YOUR MOM'S GRAVE FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY. I DUG UP HER COFFIN AND UNBUTTONED HER BLOUSE AND LIFTED HER CORPSIFIED HEAD AND TENDERLY UNDID THE CLASP AND STOLE THIS NECKLACE AND NOW I'M GIVING IT TO YOU. SORRY ABOUT THE SMELL. AND THE CURSE.\\\
And Braff is, like, jazzed about it. Like that was a real solid thing to do."''

-->--'''''[=ComicsAlliance=]''''' on [[http://comicsalliance.com/superman-ii-review/ on]] ''Film/SupermanII''

->''"Obi-Wan seeks Yoda's help in finding Kamino 'cause it ain't in the records. He interrupts Yoda teachin' a class... it's like a crowded public school or somethin'. All the kids are wearing these stupid helmets and deflecting lasers shot at them by from a ball that Luke used in the original ''Star Wars''... But, like, they could easily ''cut one another'', right? I mean, why aren't you doing this [[NoOSHACompliance in a really large gym where everyone can spread out?]] And aren't they a little young to be handling ''lightsabers''? I mean, look how clumsy the kids are holding them, when Yoda's standing like two feet away!"''
-->--'''[[WebVideo/RedLetterMedia Mr. Plinkett]]''', "[[AttackOfTheClones George Lucas Ruins the Force and the Lightsaber All in One Scene]]"

->''"The gang goes to visit Robbie at home, only to find that he's still a complete and utter nutbar and he's [[LostInCharacter referring to everybody by their character names]]... He strongly suspects that the people who live across the lake are harboring demons. Oh, THAT'S not creepy. Most horrifying of all is that they decide to feed his psychosis by playing along with his continuing fantasy and even play more ''Mazes & Monsters'' with him. Are you guys out of your minds? Robbie's going to take you out into the woods and hollow your skulls out like jack-o-lanterns!"''

->''"''[T]''he Doctor hits on a very sensible solution -- dump Susan off with the first man she's attracted to and [[StayInTheKitchen tell her to make babies]]...Admittedly at the time we expect Susan will grow old and die normally, but later developments in the series make it clear that Susan, as a Time Lord, will regenerate and live for ages, stuck, apparently, on Earth with no TARDIS and a lover who grew old and died as she stayed young forever. This is really, really, intensely not nice of the Doctor."''

->''"Keep in mind that ''Red Dead'' doesn't take place in some lawless land. [[IFoughtTheLawAndTheLawWon They come after you for everything in this game.]] I've had the sheriff open fire on me after a pedestrian wandered into my horse. The U.S. Marshals started hunting me for driving [[VideoGameCrueltyPotential one simple wagon of dynamite]] into a friendly conversation. So the fact that traffic accidents carry the death penalty yet you can legally blow holes in prostitutes means that [[HeManWomanHater some woman-hating programmer]] took a lot of time to make sure it worked that way."''

->''"Keep in mind that ''Red Dead'' doesn't take place in some lawless land. [[IFoughtTheLawAndTheLawWon They come after you for everything in this game.]] I've had the sheriff open fire on me after a pedestrian wandered into my horse. The U.S. Marshals started hunting me for driving [[VideoGameCrueltyPotential one simple wagon of dynamite]] into a friendly conversation. So the fact that traffic accidents carry the death penalty yet you can legally blow holes in prostitutes means that [[HeManWomanHater some woman-hating programmer]] took a lot of time to make sure it worked that way."''\\

->''"[[Franchise/ArchieComics Archie]] had an immense talent for crushing girls' souls. He was the MichaelJordan and WiltChamberlain of emotional abuse. In fact, if we kept statistics on torturing women, Jordan and Wilt would technically be the ''Little Archies'' of basketball...This is supposed to be some cute story, but if you had a 10-year-old daughter with an alcoholic boyfriend, this is no different from the educational pamphlet her therapist would give her."''
-->--'''''{{Seanbaby}}''''', [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/8-bizarre-horrors-found-in-squarest-comic-book-ever/ "8 Bizarre Horrors Found n the Squarest Comic Book Ever"]]

->'''Chris''': The ring was meant to take Doomsday into the future, so clearly that’s what it does to Lois. She ends up in 3009, dropped right into the middle of a bunch of [[LegionOfSuperheroes Legionnaires]] who are waiting to destroy the ultimate killing machine as soon as it comes through the time portal. There’s a part of me that wants Lois to have been [[NoKillLikeOverkill set on fire, electrocuted, mind-blasted, karate chopped, brained with a chunk of iron and turned to stone]] [[DeaderThanDead that was then eaten]] just because Clark couldn’t be bothered to keep his super-hero stuff off the top of his desk at work. That’ll learn him.\\
'''David:''' Yeah, the fact that [[WhatAnIdiot it’s just on his desk]] is incredible. Did he not think anyone would touch it?
-->--'''Chris Sims''' and '''David Uzumeri''' [[http://comicsalliance.com/recap-smallville-episode-8-22-doomsday/ on]] ''{{Series/Smallville}}'' ("Doomsday")

->''"[[Franchise/ArchieComics Archie]] had an immense talent for crushing girls' souls. He was the MichaelJordan and WiltChamberlain of emotional abuse. In fact, if we kept statistics on torturing women, Jordan and Wilt would technically be the ''Little Archies'' of basketball...This is supposed to be some cute story, but if you had a 10-year-old daughter with an alcoholic boyfriend, this is no different from the educational pamphlet her therapist would give her."''\\

'''David:''' David: Yeah, the fact that it’s just on his desk is incredible. Did he not think anyone would touch it?

->''"''[T]''he Doctor hits on a very sensible solution - dump Susan off with the first man she's attracted to and [[StayInTheKitchen tell her to make babies]]...Carole Ann Ford hits it out of the park, showing the producers quite clearly how much [[ClassicallyTrainedExtra they wasted her talents]]. But Creator/WilliamHartnell, doing his part of the scene on the TARDIS set, feels like he's reading off a teleprompter. Which, to be fair, he probably was, since fusing two scenes together like this was actually a bit of a technical challenge, but it ends up looking like the Doctor [[ChildrenAreAWaste really is eager to get rid of Susan]].\\\
...Admittedly at the time we expect Susan will grow old and die normally, but later developments in the series make it clear that Susan, as a Time Lord, will regenerate and live for ages, stuck, apparently, on Earth with no TARDIS and a lover who grew old and died as she stayed young forever. This is really, really, intensely not nice of the Doctor."''

->''"What I want to stress, though, is that this remains enormously problematic. Not just in that the Doctor is basically forcing Susan to [[AcceptableFeminineGoalsAndTraits marry the first guy she kisses and have babies]]...Carole Ann Ford hits it out of the park, showing the producers quite clearly how much [[ClassicallyTrainedExtra they wasted her talents]]. But Creator/WilliamHartnell, doing his part of the scene on the TARDIS set, feels like he's reading off a teleprompter. Which, to be fair, he probably was, since fusing two scenes together like this was actually a bit of a technical challenge, but it ends up looking like the Doctor [[ChildrenAreAWaste really is eager to get rid of Susan]].\\\

-->'''Phil Sandifer''' on ''Series/DoctorWho'', [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS2E2TheDalekInvasionOfEarth}} "The Dalek Invasion of Earth"]]

->''"The temptation is to suggest that the feud [[FeudingFamilies exists between two families]] -- a re-enactment of the entire notion of international relations in the early days of human history when humans were organized in family-based bands. And in one or two instances -- most notably in the utterly classic Hatfield/[=McCoy=] episodes - this may have been the case. But by and large, the family feud is best understood as a matter of internal affairs. First of all, it is worth noting that an exceedingly small portion of the game is actually played as a head-to-head competition between the families, and even those are generally in fact a competition between two individuals in the family (generally defined in terms of their social role -- fathers, sons, etc)...Second, each individual family member is judged not only based on how normative they are, but on how well their gameplay meshes with the gestalt of the family. In other words, one must simultaneously display [[TallPoppySyndrome fealty to the default American consensus]] and to the idiosyncratic consensus of one's family, who implicitly [[WellDoneSonGuy judges each individual player's performance]] on the basis of how well it represents the family's private ideal."''
-->--'''Phil Sandifer''' [[http://projectnes.blogspot.com/2011/02/feudalism-family-feud_23.html on]] ''Series/FamilyFeud''

->''"The temptation is to suggest that the feud [[FeudingFamilies exists between two families]] -- a re-enactment of the entire notion of international relations in the early days of human history when humans were organized in family-based bands. And in one or two instances -- most notably in the utterly classic Hatfield/[=McCoy=] episodes - this may have been the case. But by and large, the family feud is best understood as a matter of internal affairs. First of all, it is worth noting that an exceedingly small portion of the game is actually played as a head-to-head competition between the families, and even those are generally in fact a competition between two individuals in the family (generally defined in terms of their social role -- fathers, sons, etc)...Second, each individual family member is judged not only based on how normative they are, but on how well their gameplay meshes with the gestalt of the family. In other words, one must simultaneously display [[TallPoppySyndrome fealty to the default American consensus]] and to the idiosyncratic consensus of one's family, who implicitly [[WellDoneSonGuy judges each individual player's performance]] on the basis of how well it represents the family's private ideal."''
-->--'''Phil Sandifer''' [[http://projectnes.blogspot.com/2011/02/feudalism-family-feud_23.html on]] ''Series/FamilyFeud''

->'''David''': Well, look, do Granny Goodness, Desaad and Glorious Godfrey [[WhatMeasureIsAMook really count as “people”]] at this point rather than aspects of {{Darkseid}}?\\
'''Chris:''' I’ll give you Granny and Desaad, but if you’ll remember, Godfrey’s just a dude who was possessed, just like Oliver was. But rather than trying to redeem him or help him out, Ollie cold shoots him in the chest with an arrow that makes him explode. And then, not five minutes later, Clark tells Darkseid that he believes [[BrokenAesop there’s still good in even the darkest soul.]]\\
'''David:''' But yeah, instead, Ollie just shoots all three of these guys and they explode...I assume Desaad and Granny were people once, too.\\
'''Chris''': If Granny’s been possessed, it’s been going on for at least 20 years, though. Godfrey was just some dude who didn’t think [Superman] was a good hero. So basically, what I’m saying here is that if Ollie can justify shooting him, who’s to say [[BewareTheSuperman WE’RE not next? ]]
-->--'''Chris Sims''' and '''David Uzumeri''' [[http://comicsalliance.com/recap-smallville-finale/ on]] ''{{Series/Smallville}}'' ("Finale")

->''"Fast-forward a few months. The gang goes to visit Robbie at home, only to find that he's still a complete and utter nutbar and he's [[LostInCharacter referring to everybody by their character names]]... He strongly suspects that the people who live across the lake are harboring demons. Oh, THAT'S not creepy. Most horrifying of all is that they decide to feed his psychosis by playing along with his continuing fantasy and even play more ''Mazes & Monsters'' with him. Are you guys out of your minds? Robbie's going to take you out into the woods and hollow your skulls out like jack-o-lanterns!"''

->''"For now, let's wrap this entry up with the traditional 'farewell to' portion for a departing companion. Because it's entirely possible that nobody has ever been screwed quite as thoroughly as Nicola Bryant got screwed... In [[AssPull the single trashiest and laziest retcon in the series history]] we get the pink-haze 'she's a warrior queen of King Ycranos.' To which the Doctor sighs happily and leaves her. Note that this is not a voluntary companion departure so far as we can tell... By all appearances the Doctor gets kidnapped and never goes back for her, leaving her to Ycranos. [[ShipsThatPassInTheNight With whom she never particularly got along]], and who is [[HeManWomanHater a raging misogynist with violent tendencies.]]\\\
Combined with [[TheChewToy her battered wife syndrome]] when it comes to the Doctor himself, this paints an astonishingly ugly picture, especially given the series' apparent approval of the pairing. Peri is a helpless woman who not only is constantly left to the at times openly sadistic devices of men, that is, apparently, all she ever wants to be. And the series backs off making any critique of this, instead treating it as a happy ending."''
-->--'''Phil Sandifer''' [[http://www.philipsandifer.com/2012/06/i-was-beginning-to-fear-you-had-lost.html on]] ''Series/DoctorWho'', [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS23E1TheMysteriousPlanet}} "The Mysterious Planet"]]