History Quotes / EpicFail

-->''RedVsBlue''

-->[[OzyAndMillie Llewellyn]], [[http://www.ozyandmillie.org/d/20000707.html on the UFO conspiracy]].

-->'''Adrian Monk''', referring to a ''submarine'' in ''Mr. {{Monk}} Is Underwater''

->Not that I'm complaining about it, but... ''[[color:red: HOW DO YOU '''MISS''' A VOLCANO?!]]''
-->--'''Thief''', ''EightBitTheater''

->''[...T]here are speedruns ''[of this game]'' on Youtube in ''[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DcCIgGF9_U under a minute.]]'' You call that good programming?''

-> '''Guy 1:''' He burnt my fries!/

->''Wow! That totally didn't work!''
--> ''[[HomestarRunner Strong Bad]]''

->'''CIA Superior''': What did we learn, Palmer?\\
'''CIA Officer''': I don't know, sir.\\
'''CIA Superior''': I don't fuckin' know either. I guess we learned not to do it again.\\
'''CIA Officer''': Yes, sir.\\
'''CIA Superior''': I'm fucked if I know what we did.
-->''BurnAfterReading''

->'''Native guide:''' [[ToiletHumor Bad guy falls in poop!]] [[LampshadeHanging Classic element of physical comedy!]] Now comes the part where we throw our heads back and laugh! Ready?\\
'''Other guides:''' Ready!\\
'''All:''' [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjjVUUO5NAI AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!]]
-->'''Film/GeorgeOfTheJungle'''

-->Kanji Tatsumiosuke Hanamura of ''{{Persona 4}}'' on [[LethalChef Yukiko]]'s omelet.

-->Yosuke Hanamura of ''{{Persona 4}}'' on [[LethalChef Yukiko]]'s omelet.

->'''Washington:''' ''That was the worst throw. Ever. Of all time.''
->'''Caboose:''' ''Not my fault. Someone put a wall in my way.''
-->--''RedVsBlue''

--> [[OzyAndMillie Llewellyn]], [[http://www.ozyandmillie.org/d/20000707.html on the UFO conspiracy]].

->-- '''Adrian Monk''', referring to a ''submarine'' in ''Mr. {{Monk}} Is Underwater''

->-- ''[[{{HomestarRunner}} Strong Bad]]''

->-- '''Jason''', ''{{FoxTrot}}''

->--ToddInTheShadows

-> ''[...T]here are speedruns ''[of this game]'' on Youtube in ''[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DcCIgGF9_U under a minute.]]'' You call that good programming?''

-> '''CIA Superior''': What did we learn, Palmer?
-> '''CIA Officer''': I don't know, sir.
-> '''CIA Superior''': I don't fuckin' know either. I guess we learned not to do it again.
-> '''CIA Officer''': Yes, sir.
-> '''CIA Superior''': I'm fucked if I know what we did.
->''BurnAfterReading''

-->--Yosuke Hanamura of ''{{Persona 4}}'' on [[LethalChef Yukiko]]'s omelet.

-->'''-Film/GeorgeOfTheJungle'''

-> ''It is pretty impressive that you managed to combine so many ingredients and it came out tasting like nothing.'' -->--Yosuke Hanamura of ''{{Persona 4}}'' on [[LethalChef Yukiko]]'s omelet.

->'''Native guide:''' [[ToiletHumor Bad guy falls in poop!]] [[LampshadeHanging Classic element of physical comedy!]] Now comes the part where we throw our heads back and laugh! Ready?

'''All:''' [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjjVUUO5NAI AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!]]\\

-> ''It is pretty impressive that you managed to combine so many ingredients and it came out tasting like nothing.'' - Yosuke Hanamura of ''{{Persona 4}}'' on [[LethalChef Yukiko]]'s omelet.

->'''Native guide:''' Now comes the part where we throw our heads back and laugh! Ready?
->'''Other guides:''' Ready!
->'''All:''' AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
->'''-Film/GeorgeOfTheJungle'''

->''Not that I'm complaining about it, but... ''[[color:red: HOW DO YOU '''MISS''' A VOLCANO?!]]''

->''I hate to criticize, but...HOW DO YOU MISS A VOLCANO?!?''

-> ''It is pretty impressive that you managed to combine so many ingredients and it came out tasting like nothing.'' - Yosuke Hanamura of ''Persona4'' on [[LethalChef Yukiko]]'s omelette.

-> ''[...T]here are speedruns [of this game] on Youtube in ''[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DcCIgGF9_U under a minute.]]'' You call that good programming?''

-> "And what does the main character have to defeat the forces of the Black Knight with? '''ROCKS'''. '''''FUCKING ROCKS!!''''' Okay, this could have been something cool and innovative, but the developers made it into a kind of torture in itself. To throw these rocks, you have to stand perfectly still, aim your arm in the direction in which you're throwing, which takes a few seconds to do it perfectly, and then ''fire and pray''. And of course, while you are doing this, '''''SOME OTHER FUCKING ENEMY HAS ALREADY KILLED YOU!!'''''"\\
"The collision detection in this game is ''piss''-poor. For example, take a look at this: ''<shows the player character getting killed by a bat about 7 pixels away>'' '''''THAT THING DIDN'T EVEN TOUCH ME!!''''' Oh '''THAT THING WASN'T EVEN CLOSE! AND THEN I STILL ''DIE'' BECAUSE OF IT!?'''"\\
"Where the hell's my key? Ohh, no, don't tell me I needed the key to lift up a ''wooden plank''!? Oh great, just what I needed to see, an '''ABSOLUTELY MEANINGLESS LEVEL!!'''"\\
"'''WHO THE FUCK DESIGNED THIS!? WHY CAN'T I GO DOWN A SMALL DECLINE WITHOUT FALLING ON MY ASS!?'''"\\
"WHO THE HELL PROGRAMMED THIS, JACK THOMPSON!? Did-did ''El Ambulance Chaser Extraordinaire'' program this as an effort to get kids outside!? 'Cause, if that was the case Mr. Thompson, ''mission accomplished'', but you probably got a few people killed in the process!" '''[GOLDSTEIN!]'''\\
''<notices a message in the background>'' "Oh wait a minute... 'Saddam was here'! ''Hehahahahahahahahahahaha''! Did you hear that kids? ''SADDAM WAS HERE''!"\\
"A plain-black text screen saying, 'CONGRATULATIONS YOU HAVE DEFEATED THE BLACK KNIGHT!' Or in more realistic terms, ''Congratulations'' '''''We have just jizzed on your face!'''''"\\
"And if you felt things couldn't get worse, here's the kicker... '''''YOU DON'T EVEN NEED THE SHIELD AND THE FIREBALL TO BEAT THE GAME!!''''' That's right; you don't need this to beat the game; that's why there are speedruns on Youtube in ''[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DcCIgGF9_U under a minute]]''. '''''YOU CALL THAT GOOD PROGRAMMING!?'''''"\\
"And I know what you're thinking: 'Worst game ever made,' right? '''WRONG'''. Far as in my book, games involve competence, happiness, people ''DANCING'' on the morning news. No, my friends... ''Dark Castle'' is no game. This ''IS AN OVERCONFIDENT AMERICAN PROGRAMMER BEATING OFF TO HENTAI, AND THEN'' '''SPLOOGING INTO A GODDAMN GAME CARTRIDGE!!'''"\\
"You know what, I can't take this anymore. I need to play something '''competent'''. ''<BatmanForever starts up>'' Oh GOD... '''''THANK YOOOUUUUU!!'''''"

->''BurnAfterReading'', after witnessing one

->'''Washington:''' ''That was the worst throw ever. Of all time.''

-->"You missed! '''With a cannon!'''"

--> '''CIA Superior''': What did we learn, Palmer?
--> '''CIA Officer''': I don't know, sir.
--> '''CIA Superior''': I don't fuckin' know either. I guess we learned not to do it again.
--> '''CIA Officer''': Yes, sir.
--> '''CIA Superior''': I'm fucked if I know what we did.
-->'''BurnAfterReading'''

->'''Caboose:''' ''It's not my fault. Somebody put a wall in my way.''
-->--'''RedVsBlue'''

"You missed! '''With a cannon!'''"
-{{Tremors}} 4

->"My god! That's like if you tried to make scrambled eggs and instead you caught syphilis!"