History Quotes / ChewbaccaDefense

[[foldercontrol]]

[[folder:fiction]]
->''Give 'em the old razzle dazzle, razzle dazzle 'em\\
Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it\\
And the reaction will be passionate\\
Give 'em the old hocus pocus, bead and feather 'em\\
How can they see with sequins in their eyes?''
-->-- '''Billy Flynn''', ''Theatre/{{Chicago}}''

->That's just a way to shut them up. It's not proving that you're right in any way.
-->-- '''Prinny Commentary''', ''Franchise/{{Disgaea}}''

->You are confused, so I am the winner. Ho ho ho!
-->-- '''Dad''', ''WesternAnimation/TheBrakShow!''

-->-- '''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPR9ORpwBEU Saul Goodman testimonial]]''', ''Series/BreakingBad''

->'''Octavia:''' ... that's so stupid, I don't know how to respond.\\
'''Vinyl:''' Hurray, that means I win by default!
-->--''Fanfic/TheVinylScratchTapes''
[[/folder]]

[[folder:real life]]

->I only saw him once up close, which happened to be when he got a question he didn't like. Was it true that his staff in the 1980 debates had stolen President Carter's briefing book? (They had.) The famously genial grin turned into a rictus of senile fury: I was looking at a cruel and stupid lizard. His reply was that maybe his staff had, and maybe they hadn't, but what about the leak of the Pentagon Papers? Thus, a secret theft of presidential documents was equated with [[{{Dissimile}} the public disclosure of needful information.]] This was a man never short of a cheap jibe or the sort of falsehood that would, however laughable, buy him some time.

->It’s like writing an article about ''Film/ApocalypseNow'' where you routinely reference the dance numbers, just to see [[TheGadfly who is dumb enough]] to keep nodding along.
-->--'''Amanda Marcotte''' [[http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/06/27/conservatives-bring-their-d-game-to-culture-war-whining-about-world-cup/ on]] Ann Coulter

->As well as wasting your time, assholes want those specific lists so they can move on to their second front: wasting more of your time. They'll try to disprove your points with all the obsession and specificity of someone proving [[CavemenVsAstronautsDebate Green Lantern could totally beat Superman]]. But [[InsultToRocks less connection to reality]]...They write like Vulcans cheating at Scrabble.
-->--'''[[http://www.cracked.com/blog/8-a242423oles-who-show-up-every-time-word-feminism-used/ Luke McKinney]]''' on Men's Rights Activists, ''{{Website/Cracked}}''

->Phylicia used a lot of words to say: "''This is [[Series/TheCosbyShow destroying my residuals.]] Let’s make it go away. The mortgage on my vacation house is due.''"
-->--'''[[http://dlisted.com/2015/01/07/phylicia-rashad-thinks-the-bill-cosby-allegations-are-part-of-an-orchestrated-takedown/#more-162011 Michael K.]]''', "Phylicia Rashad Thinks The Bill Cosby Allegations Are Part Of An Orchestrated Takedown"

->The book, a 200-page collection of implausible family secrets strung together incoherently, sounds as if it were dictated under hypnosis by one of those crooked therapists — you know, the ones who take in a patient with mild stress issues and end up convincing them their parents forced them into satanic rituals as a child.
-->--'''''{{Website/Wrestlecrap}}''''' on ''Under the Mat'', [[http://www.wrestlecrap.com/inductions/under-the-mat/ "The name on the cover says, 'Kirstie McLellan' but I could swear they paid Grampa Simpson to write her book."]]

->To sum it all up, the [[Creator/AynRand Rand]] belief system looks like this:
## Facts are facts: things can be absolutely right or absolutely wrong, as determined by reason.
## According to my reasoning, I am absolutely right.
## Charity is immoral.
## [[MissingStepsPlan Pay for your own fucking schools.]]
-->--'''Matt Taibbi''', ''Griftopia''

->'Yes, he knocked his fianceé out, but he's not the kind of guy I think of when I think of people who knock women out, so he really only half knocked her out.'\\\
Who cares what you think? Again, you're the PR guy. [[YesMan You're paid to like everyone.]] You're a Pete Hammond film review in human form. 'Ray Rice is a slambang action thriller! [[DeadBabyComedy Best time at the elevator]] you'll have all summer!'"
-->--'''[[http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-baltimore-ravens-1627040424 Drew Magary]]''' on Baltimore Ravens Vice-President of Public Relations, Kevin Byrne

->His 21-hour filibuster on the matter failed, but was interesting for its wanderings into... well, readings from Creator/DrSeuss don't often happen in Congress, while Darth Vader impersonations are not unheard of in the Senate. The first time he really made the news, however, was by just asking questions about whether or not the Secretary of Defence was taking money from UsefulNotes/NorthKorea.
-->--'''''Wiki/RationalWiki''''' on Sen. Ted Cruz (TX)
[[/folder]]

->As well as wasting your time, assholes want those specific lists so they can move on to their second front: wasting more of your time. They'll try to disprove your points with all the obsession and specificity of someone proving [[CavemanVsAstronautsDebate Green Lantern could totally beat Superman]]. But [[InsultToRocks less connection to reality]]...They write like Vulcans cheating at Scrabble.

->As well as wasting your time, assholes want those specific lists so they can move on to their second front: wasting more of your time. They'll try to disprove your points with all the obsession and specificity of someone proving Green Lantern could totally beat Superman. But less connection to reality. They'll apply more minute attention to detail than the search for the Higgs boson...They write like Vulcans cheating at Scrabble.

-->--'''[[http://www.cracked.com/blog/8-a242423oles-who-show-up-every-time-word-feminism-used/ Luke McKinney]]''', ''{{Website/Cracked}}''

->Though his credentials are fine, his psychiatric analyses of famous individuals or talk-show guests on the basis of [[BatDeduction thirty-second interviews or news headlines]] have not been recognized as methodologically sound by any psychiatrist with any integrity...According to Ablow’s professional opinion people have been suffering from the StockholmSyndrome after 9/11 and therefore elected someone ''“who has names very similar to two of our archenemies, Osama, well, [[UsefulNotes/BarackObama Obama. And Hussein.]]"''
-->--''The Encyclopedia of American Loons'' [[http://americanloons.blogspot.com/2015/02/1292-keith-ablow.html on]] Keith Ablow

->Of course, as I’ve mentioned before, the goal of a debater is not to find out what is accurate from a scientific standpoint (or any other standpoint, for that matter). It is to defend her position. It is to attack her opponent’s position. It is to win the debate based on rhetoric and carefully selected evidence (not to mention carefully constructed attacks on your opponents evidence). Winning a debate involves marshaling evidence to support a given position, not following the evidence where it leads. Actually, Hari’s love of high school debate and her competitive nature, when coupled with her scientific ignorance, provide a pretty darned good explanation why [[IgnorantOfTheirOwnIgnorance she is so impervious to correction]].
-->--'''[[http://scienceblogs.com/insolence/2015/02/12/the-food-babe-there-is-just-no-acceptable-level-of-any-chemical-to-ingest-ever/ Orac]]''' on The Food Babe

->Yes, a group of evil schemers have been hiding in the shadows and after they released the first accusations decades ago, they patiently waited to let it all out and completely destroy the memory of the TV show that went off the air over 20 years ago. That evil, shifty mastermind the Clabber Girl, who makes Royal Gelatin, was obviously behind it. [[CorruptCorporateExecutive She’d do anything to ruin the Godfather of Jell-O]]... Phylicia used a lot of words to say: "''This is [[Series/TheCosbyShow destroying my residuals.]] Let’s make it go away. The mortgage on my vacation house is due.''"

->A trendsetter in broadcasting, pioneering AM radio, the wonderful debate tactic of cutting off someone who disagrees, spinning the facts like they're in a dryer, and putting party-line politics over his own credibility, including contradictions, denial, and news items.
-->--'''''Website/UrbanDictionary''''' on Radio/RushLimbaugh

->The book, a 200-page collection of implausible family secrets strung together incoherently, sounds as if it were dictated under hypnosis by one of those crooked therapists — you know, the ones who take in a patient with mild stress issues and end up convincing them their parents forced them into satanic rituals as a child...The name on the cover says, 'Kirstie [=McLellan=],' but I could swear Diana paid [[WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons Grampa Simpson]] to write her book.
-->--'''''{{Website/Wrestlecrap}}''''', [[http://www.wrestlecrap.com/inductions/under-the-mat/ "Under The Mat – Even Clarence Mason couldn’t defend Diana’s book in court"]]

-->'''[[http://www.cracked.com/blog/8-a242423oles-who-show-up-every-time-word-feminism-used/ Luke McKinney]]''', ''{{Website/Cracked}}''

->Yes, a group of evil schemers have been hiding in the shadows and after they released the first accusations decades ago, they patiently waited to let it all out and completely destroy the memory of the TV show that went off the air over 20 years ago. That evil, shifty mastermind the Clabber Girl, who makes Royal Gelatin, was obviously behind it. [[CorruptCorporateExecutive She’d do anything to ruin the Godfather of Jell-O]]...
And Phylicia used a lot of words to say: "''This is [[Series/TheCosbyShow destroying my residuals.]] Let’s make it go away. The mortgage on my vacation house is due.''"

->As well as wasting your time, assholes want those specific lists so they can move on to their second front: wasting more of your time. They'll try to disprove your points with all the obsession and specificity of someone proving Green Lantern could totally beat Superman. But less connection to reality. They'll apply more minute attention to detail than the search for the Higgs boson, and act like their results have more massive effects on reality.\\\
These commenters are Kings of Polysyllabilogic (the art of proving a point with really long words they aren't actually using correctly). They write like Vulcans cheating at Scrabble. They try to sound like alien energy beings who've never even heard of these hu-man "testicles" but feel an altruistic compulsion to list impossible errors in anything threatening their scrotal sanctity. As if the desire for equal rights was a Star Trek computer malfunction that could be exploded if you convince it of one mistake.

->Dr. Keith Ablow is a psychiatrist, author, and media personality, who tends to appear on such intellectually enlightening shows as ''The Tyra Banks Show'' and Radio/GlennBeck as an expert on psychoanalysis. He even writes for FoxNews’ blog devoted to health matters, where he tends to make claims that go against all evidence when it serves a particular political point, and runs a self-empowerment community based around his book ''Living the Truth''. Though his credentials are fine, his psychiatric analyses of famous individuals or talk-show guests on the basis of [[BatDeduction thirty-second interviews or news headlines]] have not been recognized as methodologically sound by any psychiatrist with any integrity...According to Ablow’s professional opinion people have been suffering from the StockholmSyndrome after 9/11 and therefore elected someone ''“who has names very similar to two of our archenemies, Osama, well, [[UsefulNotes/BarackObama Obama. And Hussein.]]"''

->Another thing that drives Hari is an intense competitiveness, which she attributes to her talent as a high school debater. Of course, as I’ve mentioned before, the goal of a debater is not to find out what is accurate from a scientific standpoint (or any other standpoint, for that matter). It is to defend her position. It is to attack her opponent’s position. It is to win the debate based on rhetoric and carefully selected evidence (not to mention carefully constructed attacks on your opponents evidence). Winning a debate involves marshaling evidence to support a given position, not following the evidence where it leads. Actually, Hari’s love of high school debate and her competitive nature, when coupled with her scientific ignorance, provide a pretty darned good explanation why [[IgnorantOfTheirOwnIgnorance she is so impervious to correction]]...And like [[Series/TheView Jenny McCarthy]], Hari thrives on the opposition her crusade provokes. [[WoundedGazelleGambit She thrives on victimhood.]] It’s how she rallies her troops. It’s what she did a a couple of months ago in response to the NPR article mentioned above. She spent a lot more verbiage claiming that [[ConspiracyTheorist her critics were all in the pay of pharmaceutical companies and agribusiness]] than she did actually trying to refute anything.

->Yes, a group of evil schemers have been hiding in the shadows and after they released the first accusations decades ago, they patiently waited to let it all out and completely destroy the memory of the TV show that went off the air over 20 years ago. That evil, shifty mastermind the Clabber Girl, who makes Royal Gelatin, was obviously behind it. [[CorruptCorporateExecutive She’d do anything to ruin the Godfather of Jell-O.]] Detective La Toya just handed her golden magnifying glass over to Phylicia Rashad, because Phylicia Rashad is a true master sleuth. You must call her Detective Clair from now on.\\\

->Printed after her divorce from Wrestling/DaveyBoySmith but before The British Bulldog’s death, Diana Hart’s autobiography contains not so much her life story as a non-stop barrage of insane allegations and third-hand stories presented as fact...The book, a 200-page collection of implausible family secrets strung together incoherently, sounds as if it were dictated under hypnosis by one of those crooked therapists — you know, the ones who take in a patient with mild stress issues and end up convincing them their parents forced them into satanic rituals as a child...The name on the cover says, 'Kirstie [=McLellan=],' but I could swear Diana paid [[WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons Grampa Simpson]] to write her book.

->As a Senator, Cruz came to prominence during the party's efforts to obstruct Obamacare by near-singlehandedly attempting to blow up the world economy. His 21-hour filibuster on the matter failed, but was interesting for its wanderings into... well, readings from Creator/DrSeuss don't often happen in Congress, while Darth Vader impersonations are not unheard of in the Senate. The first time he really made the news, however, was by just asking questions about whether or not the Secretary of Defence was taking money from UsefulNotes/NorthKorea.

->Dr. Keith Ablow is a psychiatrist, author, and media personality, who tends to appear on such intellectually enlightening shows as ''The Tyra Banks Show'' and Radio/GlennBeck as an expert on psychoanalysis. He even writes for FoxNews’ blog devoted to health matters, where he tends to make claims that go against all evidence when it serves a particular political point, and runs a self-empowerment community based around his book ''Living the Truth''. Though his credentials are fine, his psychiatric analyses of famous individuals or talk-show guests on the basis of thirty-second interviews or news headlines have not been recognized as methodologically sound by any psychiatrist with any integrity...According to Ablow’s professional opinion people have been suffering from the StockholmSyndrome after 9/11 and therefore elected someone ''“who has names very similar to two of our archenemies, Osama, well, [[UsefulNotes/BarackObama Obama. And Hussein.]]"''

->Dr. Keith Ablow is a psychiatrist, author, and media personality, who tends to appear on such intellectually enlightening shows as ''The Tyra Banks Show'' and Radio/GlennBeck as an expert on psychoanalysis. He even writes for FoxNews’ blog devoted to health matters, where he tends to make claims that go against all evidence when it serves a particular political point, and runs a self-empowerment community based around his book ''Living the Truth''. Though his credentials are fine, his psychiatric analyses of famous individuals or talk-show guests on the basis of thirty-second interviews or news headlines have not been recognized as methodologically sound by any psychiatrist with any integrity.According to Ablow’s professional opinion people have been suffering from the StockholmSyndrome after 9/11 and therefore elected someone ''“who has names very similar to two of our archenemies, Osama, well, [[UsefulNotes/BarackObama Obama. And Hussein.]]"''

->He has blamed UsefulNotes/AlGore and environmentalists for the BP oil spill as well. The logic is unidentifiable. Since he rejects manmade global warming, he also attempted to cover his back by claiming that the July 2011 heatwave itself was a {{government conspiracy}} to justify global warming.
-->--'''''The Encyclopedia of American Loons''''' [[http://americanloons.blogspot.com/2011/08/238-rush-limbaugh.html on]] Radio/RushLimbaugh

-->--'''ChristopherHitchens''' on UsefulNotes/RonaldReagan

->Another thing that drives Hari is an intense competitiveness, which she attributes to her talent as a high school debater. Of course, as I’ve mentioned before, the goal of a debater is not to find out what is accurate from a scientific standpoint (or any other standpoint, for that matter). It is to defend her position. It is to attack her opponent’s position. It is to win the debate based on rhetoric and carefully selected evidence (not to mention carefully constructed attacks on your opponents evidence). Winning a debate involves marshaling evidence to support a given position, not following the evidence where it leads. Actually, Hari’s love of high school debate and her competitive nature, when coupled with her scientific ignorance, provide a pretty darned good explanation why [[IgnorantOfTheirOwnIgnorance she is so impervious to correction]]...And like Jenny McCarthy, Hari thrives on the opposition her crusade provokes. She thrives on victimhood. It’s how she rallies her troops. It’s what she did a a couple of months ago in response to the NPR article mentioned above. She spent a lot more verbiage claiming that [[ConspiracyTheorist her critics were all in the pay of pharmaceutical companies and agribusiness]] than she did actually trying to refute anything.

!!!RealLife

-->--'''''RationalWiki''''' on Sen. Ted Cruz (TX)

->This is an interesting take on the problem of evil. God punishing Haitians with an earthquake killing half a million people -- not a counterexample to God’s love; punishing Western countries’ progress with no concern for the environment -- inconsistent with God’s goodness. I think, however, that this belief excellently illustrates Limbaugh’s general [[MoralMyopia pathologically narcissistic way of thinking]]. (Concerning climate change, he also said that the “alleged” scientific consensus “is just a bunch of scientists organized around a political proposition. You can't have consensus in science”)... He has blamed Al Gore and environmentalists for the BP oil spill as well. The logic is unidentifiable.

->So according to [=CeeLo=], if I drugged him, waited until he passed out and then repeatedly dropped an anvil on his head until he died, it wouldn’t be murder, because his ghost wouldn’t remember it...[=CeeLo=] should’ve said that he was completely unconscious when he wrote those [[{{Twitter}} tweets]] therefore he didn’t really tweet them. His logic is sound.
-->--'''[[http://dlisted.com/2014/09/02/ceelo-green-doesnt-know-how-rape-works/ Michael K.]]''', "Music/CeeLoGreen Doesn’t Know How Rape Works"

->Seen above looking like a cast member in the all-Muppets version of a ''Stepford Wives'' remake, Teresa Giudice of ''[[Series/TheRealHousewives The Real Grifters of New Jersey]]'' owes a shit load in restitution and has to pay the $13 million she and her husband Juicy Joe swindled from creditors. Where oh where are they going to get that money from? Teresa can’t try to get a $14 million loan using fake W2s, because every bank has got their number now. A leaked sex tape is out of the question since [[FanDisservice bestiality porn is still illegal]]. But don’t worry, Teresa’s got a genius plan. She’s suing her lawyer!\\\
...Yes, everyone knows that Teresa is going to prison because of Teresa, but maybe she’s on to something. Suing her bankruptcy lawyer is a good start, but she really should go all out and blame everybody but herself. Teresa should sue the makers of the pen she used to sign those documents, because they obviously played a part in her downfall. She should also sue the makers of the paper those documents were printed on. She should sue the creator of currency and the founders of the banks she and Juicy Joe swindled, because she might not be going to jail if they didn’t exist. Finally, she should sue the government for making fraud illegal, [[BrainlessBeauty because that law is just stupid.]]
-->--'''[[http://dlisted.com/2014/12/03/teresa-giudice-is-suing-her-own-bankruptcy-lawyer-for-5-million/ Michael K.]]'''

->'Yes, he knocked his fianceé out, but he's not the kind of guy I think of when I think of people who knock women out, so he really only half knocked her out.'
->Who cares what you think? Again, you're the PR guy. [[YesMan You're paid to like everyone.]] You're a Pete Hammond film review in human form. 'Ray Rice is a slambang action thriller! [[DeadBabyComedy Best time at the elevator]] you'll have all summer!'"

->Seen above looking like a cast member in the all-Muppets version of a ''Stepford Wives'' remake, Teresa Giudice of ''[[Series/TheRealHousewives The Real Grifters of New Jersey]]'' owes a shit load in restitution and has to pay the $13 million she and her husband Juicy Joe swindled from creditors. Where oh where are they going to get that money from? Teresa can’t try to get a $14 million loan using fake W2s, because every bank has got their number now. A leaked sex tape is out of the question since [[FanDisservice bestiality porn is still illegal]]. But don’t worry, Teresa’s got a genius plan. She’s suing her lawyer!
->...Yes, everyone knows that Teresa is going to prison because of Teresa, but maybe she’s on to something. Suing her bankruptcy lawyer is a good start, but she really should go all out and blame everybody but herself. Teresa should sue the makers of the pen she used to sign those documents, because they obviously played a part in her downfall. She should also sue the makers of the paper those documents were printed on. She should sue the creator of currency and the founders of the banks she and Juicy Joe swindled, because she might not be going to jail if they didn’t exist. Finally, she should sue the government for making fraud illegal, [[BrainlessBeauty because that law is just stupid.]]

-> ''"If you can't convince them, try to confound them."''

->So one day, the meter reader comes by your house -- uninvited -- and gets himself a big surprise. 'Fluffy' or 'Princess' [[FluffyTheTerrible mauls the guy up pretty good]]. You're facing 3-to-5 in an orange jumpsuit.
->Oh '''no''' you aren't! Better Call Saul™!
->Remember this key phrase: ''That's not my tiger.'' Together we'll prove the ancient truth: that the best defense is a good offense. ''Where'd the tiger come from?'' The zoo! And you can bet we're gonna sue the bars off of them. ''What were you doing buying 80 lbs. of raw meat every week?'' Ever hear of the Atkin's Diet?

->'''Octavia:''' ... that's so stupid, I don't know how to respond.
->'''Vinyl:''' Hurray, that means I win by default!

->As a Senator, Cruz came to prominence during the party's efforts to obstruct Obamacare by near-singlehandedly attempting to blow up the world economy. His 21-hour filibuster on the matter failed, but was interesting for its wanderings into... well, readings from Creator/DrSeuss don't often happen in Congress, while Darth Vader impersonations are not unheard of in the Senate. The first time he really made the news, however, was by just asking questions about whether or not the Secretary of Defence was taking money from NorthKorea.
-->--''RationalWiki'' on Sen. Ted Cruz (TX)

->I think unhinged wingnuttery can sometimes be viewed almost like [[GiftedlyBad musical pieces]]…. certainly the type of music produced by a bunch of kids entering into their first Battle of the Bands without practicing because their '[[SmallNameBigEgo natural talent]]' is going to make them '[[TheyCalledMeMad megastars]]'.
->And given that lens, we can see the evolution of genres like the worst radio station on the planet.
->I mean, you’ve got the throat-scratching primal screams of hate, the ham-fisted metal-like noise of people who think simple loudness equates to technical proficiency and sweeping baroque like illustrations. And you’ve got the insufferable version of an emo self-pitying cry apeing the alienation of the genre to instead wax poetically on the immeasurable and seemingly invisible slings and arrows suffered by the overfed and powerful at the hands of such nebulous concepts as 'gubmint' and 'social justice warrriorrrs ([[Film/TheWarriors come out to play-ay]])'. And let us not forget the insufferably pompous attempts at deep intellectual and complex work farted out by the equivalent of a talentless boy band, hoping that overwrought swoops and nonsensical metaphors will somehow equate to having anything of worth to sing about.
-->--''[[http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/40036 Sadly, No]]''

->So one day, the meter reader comes by your house -- uninvited -- and gets himself a big surprise. 'Fluffy' or 'Princess' [[FluffyTheterrible mauls the guy up pretty good]]. You're facing 3-to-5 in an orange jumpsuit.

->''"”If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit."''
-->--'''W.C. Fields'''

-> ''"Give 'em the old razzle dazzle, razzle dazzle 'em\\

How can they see with sequins in their eyes?"''

-> ''"That's just a way to shut them up. It's not proving that you're right in any way."''

->'''Dad''': You are confused, so I am the winner. Ho ho ho!
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/TheBrakShow!''

-> ''"If you can't convince them, try to confound them."''
-->-- Spanish proverb

-> ''"Winning isn't about being the best. It's about being so incredibly bad that no one can ignore you!"''

-> ''"I don't want a competent lawyer. I want a lawyer who's going to get me off. I want a lawyer who will invent the Twinkie Defense... I would not consider the Twinkie Defense an invention of a competent lawyer... but I want a lawyer who's going to win for me."''
-->-- Antonin Scalia in United States v. Gonzalez-Lopez

->''"If the evidence is on your side, pound on the evidence. If the law is on your side, pound on the law. If neither one is on your side, pound on the table."''

->''"Seen above looking like a cast member in the all-Muppets version of a ''Stepford Wives'' remake, Teresa Giudice of ''[[Series/TheRealHousewives The Real Grifters of New Jersey]]'' owes a shit load in restitution and has to pay the $13 million she and her husband Juicy Joe swindled from creditors. Where oh where are they going to get that money from? Teresa can’t try to get a $14 million loan using fake W2s, because every bank has got their number now. A leaked sex tape is out of the question since [[FanDisservice bestiality porn is still illegal]]. But don’t worry, Teresa’s got a genius plan. She’s suing her lawyer!''
->''...Yes, everyone knows that Teresa is going to prison because of Teresa, but maybe she’s on to something. Suing her bankruptcy lawyer is a good start, but she really should go all out and blame everybody but herself. Teresa should sue the makers of the pen she used to sign those documents, because they obviously played a part in her downfall. She should also sue the makers of the paper those documents were printed on. She should sue the creator of currency and the founders of the banks she and Juicy Joe swindled, because she might not be going to jail if they didn’t exist. Finally, she should sue the government for making fraud illegal, [[BrainlessBeauty because that law is just stupid.]]"''

->''"Printed after her divorce from Wrestling/DaveyBoySmith but before The British Bulldog’s death, Diana Hart’s autobiography contains not so much her life story as a non-stop barrage of insane allegations and third-hand stories presented as fact...The book, a 200-page collection of implausible family secrets strung together incoherently, sounds as if it were dictated under hypnosis by one of those crooked therapists — you know, the ones who take in a patient with mild stress issues and end up convincing them their parents forced them into satanic rituals as a child...The name on the cover says, 'Kirstie [=McLellan=],' but I could swear Diana paid [[WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons Grampa Simpson]] to write her book."''

->''"[='=]Yes, he knocked his fianceé out, but he's not the kind of guy I think of when I think of people who knock women out, so he really only half knocked her out.[='=]''
->''Who cares what you think? Again, you're the PR guy. You're paid to like everyone. You're a Pete Hammond film review in human form. 'Ray Rice is a slambang action thriller! [[DeadBabyComedy Best time at the elevator]] you'll have all summer!'"''

->''"As a Senator, Cruz came to prominence during the party's efforts to obstruct Obamacare by near-singlehandedly attempting to blow up the world economy. His 21-hour filibuster on the matter failed, but was interesting for its wanderings into... well, readings from Creator/DrSeuss don't often happen in Congress, while Darth Vader impersonations are not unheard of in the Senate. The first time he really made the news, however, was by just asking questions about whether or not the Secretary of Defence was taking money from NorthKorea."''

->''"I think unhinged wingnuttery can sometimes be viewed almost like [[GiftedlyBad musical pieces]]…. certainly the type of music produced by a bunch of kids entering into their first Battle of the Bands without practicing because their '[[SmallNameBigEgo natural talent]]' is going to make them '[[TheyCalledMeMad megastars]]'.\\\
And given that lens, we can see the evolution of genres like the worst radio station on the planet.\\\
I mean, you’ve got the throat-scratching primal screams of hate, the ham-fisted metal-like noise of people who think simple loudness equates to technical proficiency and sweeping baroque like illustrations. And you’ve got the insufferable version of an emo self-pitying cry apeing the alienation of the genre to instead wax poetically on the immeasurable and seemingly invisible slings and arrows suffered by the overfed and powerful at the hands of such nebulous concepts as 'gubmint' and 'social justice warrriorrrs ([[Film/TheWarriors come out to play-ay]])'. And let us not forget the insufferably pompous attempts at deep intellectual and complex work farted out by the equivalent of a talentless boy band, hoping that overwrought swoops and nonsensical metaphors will somehow equate to having anything of worth to sing about."''

->'''Octavia:''' ... that's so stupid, I don't know how to respond.\\
'''Vinyl:''' Hurray, that means I win by default!
-->--''Fanfic/TheVinylScratchTapes''