History Quotes / AssShove

->''"[driving through an [[VideoGame/MarioKart8 Item Box]] while in second place] Give me something aggressive that I can kill him with. [recieves a Coin] That's a coin. What am I gonna do, shove it down his throat, put it in his butt? That's not gonna hurt him unless I do those things, and you can't do those in Mario Kart. Although, new update, [chuckles] Wave 8: you can shove coins up an opponent's...'' '''butt!''' [laughs] Like, 'wow, you added Birdo last time, this time you added that? Eehh, I guess that tracks.'[==]''"''

-->-- ''WesternAnimation/TheLegendOfVoxMachina'', "Recap/TheLegendOfVoxMachinas02E11BellyOfTheBeast Belly of the Beast"

->'''Scanlan:''' We need to get ''inside'' that dragon.\\
'''Vax:''' Wh- ''Inside?!'' Through a mouth full of acid?! No way!\\
'''Scanlan:''' There is a way. The ''other'' way.\\
'''Vax:''' ''(look of pure disgust)''
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/TheLegendOfVoxMachina'', "Recap/TheLegendOfVoxMachinas02E11BellyOfTheBeast Belly of the Beast"

->''"I have a question, mother.'' Why does this chair have no seat?! And ''what...'' IS IN HIS '' ''' ASS?! '' '''"''

->''PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER IF YOU WANT TO SCREAM\\
WHILE I FILL YOUR ASS WITH THIS METAL BEAM''

->''"You better start talking, because in five seconds I'm going to put MY FOOT UP YOUR ASS! Then we'll BOTH have to go to a SPECIAL HOSPITAL! Feet up the ass are like arrows, son, you can't just PULL 'em out! They'll have to push my whole body out through your mouth!"''
-->-- '''Saxton Hale''', ''VideoGame/TeamFortress2''

->'''John Mulaney:''' ''(As his doctor, about frequent urination)'' Then you may have something wrong with your prostate. So, what we need to do-\\

->''"Maybe if the game is like, you know, VideoGame/WarioWare--Shoveupyoownassgame, yeah, I don't know if there are any minigames where you have to, you know, shove it up your ass"''
-->-- '''Chad Wardenn'''

->''"Take [this/that] [noun]... SHIIIIIIIIINE it up reeeeeeal nice... turn that sumbitch sideways, and STICK IT STRAIGHT UP YOUR CANDY ASS!"''
-->-- '''[[Wrestling/DwayneJohnson The Rock]]'''

->'''George:''' You want us to clean out your nose with this?\\
'''Fred:''' Or anywhere really, we're not fussy about where we stick it.
-->-- ''Literature/HarryPotterAndTheOrderOfThePhoenix''

->'''Fink:''' Jeez Barry, I don't know what I'd do if someone shoved a ping pong paddle handle up my ass!\\
'''Barry:''' Wasn't the handle. I've been shitting pancakes ever since.
-->-- ''Film/{{Beerfest}}''

->'''Todd Chester:''' Hey Griswold, where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big?\\
'''Clark Griswold:''' Bend over and I'll show you.
-->-- ''Film/NationalLampoonsChristmasVacation''

'''Willie:''' Why you fucking hard-on! I'll fucking Carlton Fisk your fucking head with a Louisville, fucking slugger! What do you think of that, assfuck!?\\

-->-- ''[[Recap/AdamSandlerS1E13TollBoothWillie Toll Booth Willie]]''

->''"Just to make sure you don't call me, I'm gonna stick your phone where you'll have an awfully hard time dialing it!"''
-->-- '''Harry Sachz''', ''WesternAnimation/BeavisAndButthead''

->'''Stan:''' You alright?\\
'''Cartman:''' [[AskAStupidQuestion You know that feeling when that huge dump you just took shoots back up inside your ass?]] '''[[SuddenlyShouting NO I'M NOT ALRIGHT!!]]'''
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/SouthPark'' after the large alien satellite is retracted back into Cartmans' ass.

->"''You don't move and your head is going up '''his''' ass.''"
-->-- '''Film/{{Hancock}}''', who makes good on his threat.

->''"Film/{{Hancock}} defeats people by putting them up other people's asses! That better happen in the new [[Film/TheDarkKnight Dark Knight]] movie! ComicBook/TheJoker will be like "I am going to kill everyone!" and Franchise/{{Batman}} will be like "You are going inside an ass!" Bloo-bloo-bloo-bloo-splut! THE END!''
-->-- '''[[WebVideo/BumReviews Chester A. Bum]]'''

->"''I'm gonna shove these fucking games up your ass!''"
-->-- '''WebVideo/TheAngryVideoGameNerd''' to ComicBook/TheJoker, "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dvs6JDSBqoE Batman (Part 2)]]"

->'''Medical student:''' What's the weirdest thing you've taken out of someone's rectum?\\
'''Dr. Carter:''' Um... bowling trophy.
-->-- ''Series/{{ER}}''

->'''[[TheGunslinger Erron Black]]''': Girls with guns, always hot.\\
'''[[DrillSergeantNasty Sonya Blade]]''': I'll shove 'em up your ass and fire.\\
'''Erron Black''': …almost always hot.
-->-- ''VideoGame/MortalKombatX''

->''"Get out of my way or I'll break your sword in half and feed it to you at both ends."''
-->-- '''[[PlayerCharacter The Watcher]]''', ''VideoGame/PillarsOfEternity''

->''When I've knocked you out with all my bab''\\
''I'm going to take your head and ram it up my butt!''\\
''([[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe Your butt?]]) My butt! ([[OhCrap Your butt!?]]) That's right, my butt! ([[{{Squick}} Ugh!]]) My butt! ([[ThisIsGonnaSuck Ugh!]]) My BUUUUUUUUUUTT!''
-->-- '''The Great Mighty Poo''' (with participation from '''Conker'''), ''VideoGame/ConkersBadFurDay''

-->-- ''Series/DoctorWho'', ''Bad Wolf''

-> '''[[OnlySaneMan Bain]]:''' Uh, what sort of noise are we listening for?\\
'''[[WeirdnessMagnet Vlad]]:''' The kind of noise you'd expect from a goat with five pounds of coke buried in its shitpipe!

->'''WebVideo/{{Phelous}}:''' So, Critic, what do you want me to do with [[WebVideo/SuburbanKnights this movie?]]\\
'''WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic:''' Stick it up your ass.\\
'''Phelous:''' Alright.\\
'''Critic:''' [[ProductPlacement And for everyone else watching, be sure to visit theawesomestore.com, so that you can not only get that DVD, but other DVDs, to stick up your ass!]]\\
'''Phelous:''' Really? You're just gonna start doing commercials in the middle of reviews now?\\
'''Critic:''' Well, it was either that or another midroll.
-->-- '''''Phelous''' and '''NC's''' joint review of [[Film/ChildsPlay Child's Play 2]]''

->'''Henchman 24:''' You're not a Venture brother. Who the hell are you?\\
'''Dermott:''' I'm Hank's friend.\\
'''Henchman 24:''' Yeah, I doubt that.\\
'''Dermott:''' Would you believe I'm Brock Samson's long-lost son?\\
'''Henchman 24:''' If that were true, I don't think I would have caught you so easily.\\
'''Dermott:''' I couldn't run because I got a lighter up my ass.\\
'''Henchman 24:''' Okay, ''now'' I believe you're Hank's friend.
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/TheVentureBrothers'', "Tears of a Sea Cow"

->'''Sparks:''' ''(when asked about his punishment in hell)'' Ass full of red hot coals.\\
'''Murphy:''' Ass full of red hot coals. Your, eh, ''entire'' ass? Just packed full of red hot coals?\\
'''Sparks:''' Right to the rim, baby.\\
'''Murphy:''' ''(sighs)'' You lucky bastard.
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/Sealab2021'', "The Policy"

->'''ComicBook/BlackCanary:''' Gonna shove my fist up your…\\
'''ComicBook/{{Brainiac}}:''' [[LampshadeHanging Humans are]] ''[[LampshadeHanging obsessed]]'' [[LampshadeHanging with scatology!]]

->'''ComicBook/{{Aquaman}}:''' Should I summon the shark?\\
'''Comicbook/{{Hellboy}}:''' Shove it up your ass.
-->-- ''VideoGame/Injustice2''

->''"I'LL SHOVE THIS FUCKING MISSILE UP ITS ASS AND [[GroinAttack BLOW ITS FUCKING BALLS OFF]]!"''
-->-- '''Emet''', ''VideoGame/{{Evolve}}''

->"Have you ''got'' ten dollars?"
->"I do," he said quietly.
->A long time after, I discovered that he had better than five hundred. He had brought it in with him. When they check you in at [[HellholePrison this hotel]], one of [[WardensAreEvil the bellhops]] is obliged to [[CreepyPhysical bend you over and take a look up your works]] - but there are a lot of works and, not to put too fine a point on it, a man who is really determined can get a fairly large item quite a ways up them - far enough to be out of sight, unless the bellhop you happen to draw is in the mood to pull on a rubber glove and go prospecting.
-->-- ''[[Literature/DifferentSeasons Rita Hayworth And The Shawshank Redemption]]''

->''I have a question, mother.'' Why does this chair have no seat?! And ''what...'' IS IN HIS '' ''' ASS?! '' '''
-->-- '''Sterling Archer,''' ''WesternAnimation/{{Archer}},'' "[[Recap/ArcherS3E8LoScandalo Lo Scandolo]]"

->''"Will It Fit?" is a trick question. It ''always'' fits!''
-->-- '''Will It Fit? Host''', ''WebVideo/TheCinemaSnob'' review of ''Who Reamed Rosie Rabbit? Part Two''

->''The human rectum is almost nightmarishly elastic. I had four Rubik's Cubes jammed up there one day on a bet with Brian Dennehy when a heroin-crazed Rodney Allen Rippy burst into my trailer and punched me right in the solar plexus. I shat out all four cubes and damned if they didn't emerge solved.''
-->-- '''Creator/PattonOswalt''', doing an impression of Robert Evans

->A fantastic benefit of [[VoluntaryShapeshifting being able to change one's shape]] is the ability to repurpose one's orifices for weapon storage. My flesh is both mutable and elastic, and thus my colon contains all kinds of shit. [[CaptainObvious Actual shit, of course]], but also other things that I can pull out of there when needed.
-->-- ''[[Literature/IronDruidChronicles The Naughtiest Cherub]]'', by Kevin Hearne

->''When the ace airman first arrived at No. 47 Squadron, one rogue had the temerity to suggest that the dusky, fine-featured fellow was a [[SweetPollyOliver woman in disguise!]] But everyone agreed afterwards that no woman would beat a man senseless with a large cucumber, then shove his head up the rear end of a startled French cow.''
-->-- '''Giggles Bags the Borg'''

->''Sittin’ there useless as two shits\\
Hey, turn around, bend over, I’ll show you\\
Where my shoe fits''
-->-- '''Alexander Hamilton''', ''Theatre/{{Hamilton}}''

->'''Penny:''' ''"[[TranquilFury And what kind of doctor removes shoes from asses]]?"''
->'''Sheldon:''' ''"[[SarcasmBlind Depending on the depth that would be either a proctologist or a general surgeon]]."''
-->-- ''Series/TheBigBangTheory''

->'''Guitar Guy''': (having just been revived by the Nerd with the A-B-B-A code) I guess somebody needs a favor.\\
'''Nerd''': Yeah, I need your help...to beat a game.\\
'''GG''': Let me guess...a shitty game?\\
'''Nerd''': Yeah, a shitty game: ''Ikari Warriors''.\\
'''GG''': Yeah, I know that game.\\
'''Nerd''': Oh, yeah?\\
'''GG''': Yeah, I know what you could do with that game, too.\\
'''Nerd''': Uh huh?\\
'''GG''': Yeah, yeah. You take the game, and you take your ass cheeks as well, and you just open them up really wide, grease up the game and just take it and ''shove it up your ass!''

->"Putitinmyass"

->''Long I have waited to have my revenge\\
To bring that witch doctor to his bitter end\\
So I have gathered a ship and a crew\\
We're sailing to find him, we know what to do\\
On a dark, moonless night, when he least suspects\\
We'll creep up behind him, so hard to detect\\
We'll bring out our anchor by the light of the stars\\
AND SHOVE IT INSIDE OF HIS BIG FUCKIN' ARSE!''
-->-- '''Music/{{Alestorm}}''', "Fucked with an Anchor"

-> '''K. Rool''': It's finally mine! The power...of the Crystal Titty! I will now insert it into my [[TrillingRs rrrectum]], to absorb its natural energy...
-> '''Cranky Kong''': ...That isn't how you use its power!
-> '''K. Rool''': Oh! [stammering] Of course not! [[IMeantToDoThat I was...only testing you!]]
-> ''[later]''
-> '''K. Rool''': Now how do I ''use'' it?
-> '''Klumph''': Did you try sticking it in yo' butt?
-> '''K. Rool''': N-no!! [[BlatantLies I didn't put it in my butt!]] [sniffs]
-> '''Klumph''': [[NumberTwoForBrains Well, that's what I would have done.]]

-> ''"My foot will transform into a'' ''[[ShapedLikeItself foot, with your ass wrapped around it.]]"''
-->-- '''The Soldier''' when he has the Shoestring Budget equipped, ''VideoGame/TeamFortress2''

->''"You come wide at me again, boy, I'll stick that wrench right up yer arse!"''
-->-- '''The Demoman''' after dominating an Engineer, ''VideoGame/TeamFortress2''

->''"How'd you like me to put my boot up your ass... sideways?"''
-->-- '''Sheriff''', ''Film/TheLastHouseOnTheLeft''

->''"They had to take him to the hospital. The kid had Dr. Zaius stuck halfway up his butt and they couldn't get it out!"''
-->-- '''Stucky''', ''Film/HouseOf1000Corpses''

->''Would you put it in your mouth? No! Would you put it up your nose? No! Then don't stick it up your arse! A mucous membrane is a mucous membrane!''
-->-- ''WebOriginal/ProtectorsOfThePlotContinuum''

->'''[[WesternAnimation/TheLoudHouse Luna Loud]]''': "She brought a basketball with her to church? Where'd she even keep it? In her rectum?"
->'''Luan Loud''': "I guess then it'd be a ''butt''sketball!"
-->-- ''Fanfic/PeekingThroughTheFourthWall", "After Dark 3"

->''"I feel like someone's stuck a big club up my ass. And it hurts. I gotta figure out a way to get it outta there."''
-->-- '''Captain Rohmer''', ''Film/SamuraiCop''

->''"You get your ass out of my office or you'll have to go to surgery to get my foot out of it!"''
-->-- '''Captain Rohmer''', ''Film/SamuraiCop''

-->-- ''WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}}'', "The Deep South"

-->-- '''Dr. Zoidberg''', ''WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}}'', "Parasites Lost"

->''"Shit, Bubba Ho-tep comes out of that creek bed, he's going to come out hungry and pissed. When I try to stop him he's going to shove this paint can up my ass and he's going to shove me and that wheelchair up [[UsefulNotes/JohnFKennedy Jack]]'s ass."''
-->-- '''Music/ElvisPresley''', ''Film/BubbaHoTep''

->''"I'm going to mistrial my foot up your ass if you don't shut up!"''
-->-- '''Frito''', ''Film/{{Idiocracy}}''

->'''Victim 1:''' Oh dear God!\\
'''Victim 2:''' My eyes!! I can't see my eyes!\\
'''Victim 3:''' Aaagh!\\
'''Victim 4:''' Noooo!\\
'''Victim 5:''' Eeek!\\
'''Victim 6:''' Somebodeee! ''Pull this churrito out of my ass!''
-->-- ''ComicBook/JohnnyTheHomicidalManiac''

->'''Lieutenant Peters:''' You wanna play cop, join the department and get yourself a badge! Until then, stay out of my way!\\
'''ComicBook/{{Supergirl}}:''' You need a hint as to what you can do with your badge, Peters?
-->-- ''ComicBook/Supergirl1982'', issue #12

->'''Scott:''' Since we are making ourselves perfectly clear, Bruno, let me tell you how it is. You're going to be polite and respectful to everyone going on this trip. You're also going to leave Bobby and me alone.\\
'''Bruno:''' Or?\\
'''Scott:''' Or I'm going to wipe the ground with you, punk. I'm tired of your insult throwing, bad attitude, delinquent wannabe, whiney-ass, momma's boy, country-music-reject, self, already. If you don't behave, I'm going to take the nearest blunt object, something close to the size of Warren, Hank, and their tents and stuff it up your largest body crevice. I don't like bullies and I won't tolerate them. Bullies tend to bring out the worst in me. Did I make myself perfectly clear to you Bruno?
-->-- ''Fanfic/XMenTheEarlyYears''

->'''Kizo:''' You came from a copy of Krypton. We came from the original.\\
'''Jax-Ur:''' You can take both Kryptons, and you know where you can put them.
-->-- ''Fanfic/AForceOfFour''

->'''[[VideoGame/GrandTheftAuto5 GTA]] Map:''' there's guns, toothpaste and a medkit. i think you know what to do Gray...\\
'''Gray:''' I mean, I think I know what to do, too, but I'm not gonna sit here and say that ''toothpaste'' is the best lubricant that you could have come up with. At least it's a big tube.\\
''(test screen)''
-->-- '''WebVideo/GrayStillPlays''', [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIizZhnwJlM i broke every rule in squid game and this happened]]

->''Well, have you ever woken up one day and thought "Oh! I want to steal the neighbour's cat, shove its arsehole on the end of a gun, and shoot cowboys in the head THROUGH the cat's arsehole before heading off to do the laundry."?''
-->-- '''WebVideo/{{Caddicarus}}''' describing ''VideoGame/Postal2''

->''"[[SizeShifter HE]]'S TRYING TO GET IN MY ASS!!"''
-->-- '''Frenchie''', ''Series/TheBoys2019''

->'''Emet-Selch:''' Exploring virgin territories, subjugating primitive peoples. All for the glory of Garlemald!\\
'''Thancred:''' If you've brought your ivory standard, I'll be happy to tell you where to stick it.
-->-- ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyXIV: Shadowbringers''

->'''Joy''': That drug shoulda gone straight to 'is brain!
->'''Darryl''': Well if you wanted it go straight to 'is brain, y'shoulda stuffed the cake up 'is bum!
-->-- ''Series/BirdsOfAFeather'', "[[Recap/BirdsOfAFeatherS2E11LoveOnTheRun Love On the Run]]"

->PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER IF YOU WANT TO SCREAM
->WHILE I FILL YOUR ASS WITH THIS METAL BEAM
-->-- '''Donkey Kong''' (to the tune of the [[VideoGame/DonkeyKong64 DK Rap]]), ''[[WebAnimation/Supermarioglitchy4sSuperMario64Bloopers SMG4]]'': "[[Recap/SMG4sMarioBloopersTheMemeGames2022 The Meme Games 2022]]"

->''"Somebody's poisoned the water hole!"''
-->-- '''[[Franchise/ToyStory Woody]]''', ''[[WebAnimation/Supermarioglitchy4sSuperMario64Bloopers SMG4]]'', "[[Recap/SMG4WildWildMario Wild, Wild Mario]]"

->'''Archer''': Let's take our proper places, Miss Mallet.
->'''Miss Mallet''': ''Oh!'' ({{Beat}}) Please, let us keep our ''umbrellas'' in their proper places, too.
-->-- ''Film/DoctorAtSea''

->'''Wendover''': Well, I was bending down in the trenches like a private leading my men over the top, when suddenly - ''bang'' - awf goes there's a grenade, an' a lump of shrapnel hits me right up the-
->'''Sir Lancelot''': Rectum?
->'''Wendover''': Well, it didn't do 'em any good.
-->-- ''Film/DoctorInClover''

->'''Groping''': There your rifle, an' there's your bayonet. You know where to put it, don't ya?
->'''Lurk''': ''Yes'', I know where I'd ''like'' to put it...
-->-- ''Film/UpTheFront''

->'''Froggy:''' I mean... what were we doing yesterday?\\
'''Big the Cat:''' Fun!\\
'''Froggy:''' No, that was not "fun". You were shoving me up your ''arse''!\\
'''Big:''' Yeah!\\
'''Froggy:''' That wasn't enjoyable for ''either'' of us!\\
'''Big:''' Yes, it was.
-->-- ''WebAnimation/SonicShorts Volume 3''

->"Ay, ay, ay! You shut your ''face!'' If we wanna hear you talk, I will shove my arm up your ass and [[PeoplePuppets work your mouth like a puppet]]! You hear me?! You hear me?!"
-->-- '''Highsmith''', ''Film/TheOtherGuys''

-->--'''Saxton Hale''', ''VideoGame/TeamFortress2''

-->--''Creator/JohnMulaney: New In Town''

-->--''WesternAnimation/Sealab2021'', "The Policy"

-->--'''The Demoman''' after dominating an Engineer, ''VideoGame/TeamFortress2''

-->--'''Music/ElvisPresley''', ''Film/BubbaHoTep''

-->--'''Frito''', ''Film/{{Idiocracy}}''

-->--'''Donkey Kong''' (to the tune of the [[VideoGame/DonkeyKong64 DK Rap]]), ''[[WebAnimation/Supermarioglitchy4sSuperMario64Bloopers SMG4]]'': "[[Recap/SMG4sMarioBloopersTheMemeGames2022 The Meme Games 2022]]"

-->--''Wrestling/WWERaw'', April 11th, 2005

->'''Thancred:''' If you've brought your ivory standard, I'll be happy to tell you where to stick it.

-> ''My foot will transform into a'' ''[[ShapedLikeItself foot, with your ass wrapped around it.]]''

Barry Badrinath:
It wasn't the handle! I've been shitting pancakes ever since!

-->-- '''[[Franchise/ToyStory Woody]]''', ''[[WebAnimation/Supermarioglitchy4sSuperMario64Bloopers SMG4]]'', "[[Recap/Supermarioglitchy4sSuperMario64BloopersWildWildMario Wild, Wild Mario]]"

->'''Kyle:''' Cartman, are you okay?\\
'''Cartman:''' [[AskAStupidQuestion You know that feeling when a huge dump you just took shoots back up inside your ass?]] '''[[SuddenlyShouting NO I'M NOT ALRIGHT!!]]'''

-->--'''Donkey Kong''' (to the tune of the [[VideoGame/DonkeyKong64 DK Rap]]), ''[[Machinima/Supermarioglitchy4sSuperMario64Bloopers SMG4]]'': "[[Recap/SMG4sMarioBloopersTheMemeGames2022 The Meme Games 2022]]"

-->-- '''LetsPlay/GrayStillPlays''', [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIizZhnwJlM i broke every rule in squid game and this happened]]

-->--''Donkey Kong'' (to the tune of the [[VideoGame/DonkeyKong64 DK Rap]]), "[[Machinima/Supermarioglitchy4sSuperMario64Bloopers SMG4: The Meme Games 2022]]"