History Platform / FiveMinuteDotNet

'''Neria:''' Are you sure your name's Harry, son? Not... [[TheSixthSense Haley]]?\\

-->'''Tuvok:''' There seems to be a big glowing hole in the universe.\\\

'''McCoy:''' I'd give a report, but I'm a doctor, not a cube analyst.\\

* EarlyInstallmentWeirdness, multiple times in "[[http://fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=wherenomanhasgonebefore Where No Man Has Gone Before]]"
-->'''Kirk:''' This meeting will now come to order. We'll start by going around the table and introducing ourselves.\\

-->[=[later]=]
-->'''Mitchell:''' Thanks. Say, is that a phaser rifle?\\

-->'''McCoy:''' (over the comm) I found something suspicious, could you come down here?\\

'''McCoy:''' Doctor/cadaver confidentiality.

* EarlyInstallmentWeirdness, [[LampshadeHanging lampshaded]] multiple times in "[[http://fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=wherenomanhasgonebefore Where No Man Has Gone Before]]"

* MetaphorGotten, "[[http://fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=wherenomanhasgonebefore Where No Man Has Gone Before]]"

* EarlyInstallmentWeirdness, "[[http://fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=wherenomanhasgonebefore Where No Man Has Gone Before]]"

'''Piper:''' I'm Dr. Piper. Think of me as a beta version of McCoy.

* AlternateCharacterInterpretation: Janeway's caffeine addition and Data's ignorance of metaphors are ramped UpToEleven for humorous effect, just to name a few. [[invoked]]

Just as contributors to Wiki/TVTropes are known as tropers, creators of fivers are known as fivists. Both sites share a few members, including creator Tropers/{{Zeke}} and otaku Tropers/NateTheGreat.

* CompletelyMissingThePoint / {{Foreshadowing}}, "[[http://www.fiveminute.net/voyager/fiver.php?ep=caretaker Caretaker]]"

'''Janeway:''' So what? Bye now.
* CompletelyMissingThePoint / TemptingFate, "[[http://www.fiveminute.net/voyager/fiver.php?ep=phage Phage]]"

* NationalStereotypes (and a ShoutOut to Franchise/SuperMarioBrothers), "[[http://www.fiveminute.net/voyager/fiver.php?ep=nonsequitur Non Sequitur]]"

* TropesForDummies, "[[http://www.fiveminute.net/voyager/fiver.php?ep=faces Faces]]"
-->'''Sulan:''' Hey B'Elanna, I'm reading this "Klingon Romance for Dummies" book so I can score with you.\\
'''Klingon Torres:''' Let me out of here, you filthy p'taK!\\
'''Sulan:''' Let's see...(flip flip flip)...ah! You're flirting with me! Excellent.

Just as contributors to Wiki/TVTropes are known as tropers, creators of fivers are known as fivists. Both sites share a few members, including creator Tropers/{{Zeke}} and otaku NateTheGreat.

* Creator/WilliamShatner, "[[http://www.fiveminute.net/voyager/fiver.php?ep=expostfacto Ex Post Facto]]"

* NationalStereotypes (and a ShoutOut to SuperMarioBrothers), "[[http://www.fiveminute.net/voyager/fiver.php?ep=nonsequitur Non Sequitur]]"

* GenreSavvy: [[http://fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=theenemywithin "The Enemy Within"]]
-->'''Kirk:''' Whoa, this looks like a plot complication in progress. I had better get out of here while the getting's good.
** And from [[http://fiveminute.net/startrek/fiver.php?ep=miri "Miri"]]
-->'''Redshirt:''' Is there something wrong with this episode? I have this gut feeling I shouldn't be alive.

Just as contributors to TVTropes are known as tropers, creators of fivers are known as fivists. Both sites share a few members, including creator Tropers/{{Zeke}} and otaku NateTheGreat.

-->'''Paris:''' If you want to get it on with the Captain, you should try kidnapping her and mutating yourselves into lizards.
-->'''Chakotay:''' That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard...will it work?

-->'''Durst:''' We've just entered the nebula.
-->'''Janeway:''' Please don't state the obvious, it might cause me to send you on a dangerous away mission in a few episodes.
-->'''Durst:''' *gulp*

-->'''Tuvok:''' I wonder if there's any way I can get some character development out of this.
-->'''Tressa:''' Hi. We're three abandoned children in need of guidance and protection.
-->'''Tuvok:''' Excellent.

-->'''Kes:''' Captain, the crew behaves rudely towards the Doctor. They keep ignoring him and talking to me instead.
-->'''Janeway:''' That's hardly surprising. You're much cuter than he is.

-->'''Mark:''' You know, honey, they say a fool and her dog are soon parted.
-->'''Janeway:''' So what? Bye now.

-->'''Neelix:''' Oo! Oo! Can I come on the away mission?
-->'''Chakotay:''' Fine, as long as you don't foolishly run off and get attacked by mysterious aliens.

-->'''Janeway:''' Have some pie, you handsome devil, you.
-->'''Gath:''' If I didn't know better, I'd think you were tring to butter me up to get my device. Come to think of it, I don't know better.

-->'''Janeway:''' That's it. You two are so getting killed off.
-->'''Jonas:''' And I am so defecting. Oops -- did I say that out loud?

-->'''Tanis:''' My Ocampa are better than yours.
-->'''Kes:''' Why?
-->'''Tanis:''' Um...we can make plants bloom?
-->'''Kes:''' Ooh, pretty!

-->'''Chakotay:''' Torres, do your stuff.
-->'''Janeway:''' Oh no you don't! Carey, supervise her "stuff". And you can all stop snickering, that's not what I mean.

-->'''Kim From Inside Coffin:''' (knock knock)
-->'''Alien Guy:''' Hang on, that sounds like Morse code... (listening) She seems to be saying... "Where... the [[PardonMyKlingon frell]]... am I... get... me... out." It's a message from the next emanation!

-->'''Kim:''' Aaaah! Tuvok and Kes have been hurt by the alien!
-->'''Tuvok:''' That's what you think, Ensign-boy! MWAHAHAHAHA!

-->'''Janeway:''' Perhaps he left our messages in the custody of an attorney for later disclosure.
-->'''Tuvok:''' Romulans do not have attorneys, Captain.
-->'''Torres:''' And even if they did, would you trust a Romulan lawyer?

-->'''Kes:''' Doctor, stop being so evil! I'm going to really, really stamp my foot this time.
-->'''Doc:''' It's still season two -- I'm allowed to be evil. Plus I get to talk in this really deep voice that makes me sound cool and evily.

-->'''Tom:''' Hey, wanna be Voyager's version of Bashir and O'Brien?
-->'''Harry:''' Works for me.

-->'''Tuvok:''' I'm Tuvok, but you can call me Spock.
-->'''Neelix:''' Hi, I'm Neelix. You can call me [=McCoy=].

-->'''Carey:''' Not me. I'm scared of transporters.
-->'''Torres:''' Gee, that's original.
-->'''Carey:''' Well, excuuuuse me. I don't have a personality, so I'm stealing Barclay's.
-->'''Seska:''' Which he stole from Pulaski....
-->'''Torres:''' ....which she stole from [=McCoy=].
-->'''Carey:''' Quit rubbing it in.

-->'''Janeway 2:''' Keep looking for anything unusual.
-->'''Chakotay 2:''' You mean like the duplicate Kes that's in Sickbay?
-->'''Janeway 2:''' Um... yes, like that.

-->'''Torres:''' I'm sure something will come up.
-->'''Paris:''' (over the comm) The Dreadnought's power just went up. The Dreadnought's speed just went up. The Dreadnought's finger just went up.
-->'''Torres:''' See?
-->'''Janeway:''' I don't remember the Dreadnought ''having'' a finger.

-->'''Neelix:''' I'm bored. Will you sing for me, Doc?
-->'''Doc:''' Pfft. Me? Sing? That'll be the day.

-->'''Neelix:''' Can we come too?
-->'''Kes:''' Pretty please?
-->'''Janeway:''' Oh, all right. Just don't let me catch you cooking.

-->'''Janeway 2:''' I've got good news and bad news. We've been boarded by Vidiians.
-->'''Janeway:''' (over the comm) What's the good news?
-->'''Janeway 2:''' That was the good news -- now I've got a great excuse to blow up my ship! The bad news is I'm sending you Harry.

-->'''Kim:''' It's coming off those corpses over there.
-->'''Torres:''' Ooh! D'you think they'd mind if we went through their pockets?
-->'''Chakotay:''' Yes.

-->'''Ren:''' What's for dinner, woman?
-->'''Lidell:''' Leftovers.
-->'''Ren:''' Yay!

-->'''Janeway:''' Report.
-->'''Tuvok:''' Basically, Captain, there's coffee in that nebula.
-->'''Janeway:''' Hey, that's my line!

-->'''Kellan:''' Yeah, how many casualties did you have?
-->'''Janeway:''' I, um, broke a nail.
-->'''Kellan:''' I hate you. I hate you so much.

-->'''Janeway:''' Hey, a shockwave!
-->'''Tuvok:''' Yep. Came from that planet.
-->'''Janeway:''' It's still emitting harmful radiation, so let's go towards it.

-->'''Computer:''' The EMH is not home at the moment due to sabotagey technobabbly stuff done by Tuvok. Please leave a message after the tone. Beeeep!
-->'''Janeway:''' Drat. Looks like I'm gonna have to give you half of my command codes.
-->'''Tuvok:''' Oh goody! Um, I mean, yes, that seems logical...

-->'''Neelix:''' You've saved the ship, Mr. Jonas! What are you going to do now?
-->'''Jonas:''' I'm going to Kazon Land! No, wait....

-->'''Torres:''' I need advice on how to fix an inert, stone-faced automaton -- so I thought of asking you.
-->'''Doctor:''' How flattering.

-->'''Neelix:''' Hey, are you breaking the ship?
-->'''Jonas:''' No.
-->'''Neelix:''' You're the traitor, aren't you?
-->'''Jonas:''' No.
-->'''Neelix:''' I'll bet you're even the guy who wrote "Threshold."
-->'''Jonas:''' That's it, you're going down!

-->'''Janeway:''' No way I'm making an alliance with the Kazon.
-->'''Tuvok:''' The episode title is "Alliances."
-->'''Janeway:''' Oh. In that case, yes.

-->'''Janeway:''' Okay, let's split up so we can all get humorously lost.
-->'''Staff:''' Right.

-->'''Chakotay:''' Can I tell you a touching story about how my father is dead now but this is the time when I really want to get back in touch with him and tell him how much I love him?
-->'''Sky Spirit:''' Um...hey, look! A hawk!
-->'''Chakotay:''' What? Where?

-->'''Sky Spirit:''' (heavy breathing) Chakotay... I am your Native American ancestor.
-->'''Chakotay:''' Nooooo! I mean... oops.

-->'''Neelix:''' That man is a mass murderer. He killed everyone on the moon of Rinax, including my family.
-->'''Janeway:''' That's... really depressing and hard to make light of.

-->'''Torres:''' Turns out it was just another weird lifeform trying to communicate.
-->'''Janeway:''' Oh no! I'm on the wrong series!
-->'''Torres:''' Relax, it just sounds like TNG.
-->'''Janeway:''' Phew. All right then. Engage! And get me some Earl Grey tea.

-->'''Paris:''' Well, looks like I win the betting pool again.
-->'''Kim:''' That's the 46th time! If it happens once more, you've gotta be cheating.

-->'''Cosimo:''' Good-a morning, Harry! How's-a you doing?
-->'''Kim:''' I'm very confused. I could have sworn I was lost in the Delta Quadrant yesterday.
-->'''Cosimo:''' Ahhhhh, I know just how you feel. I could have-a sworn it was just yesterday I was an average plumber. A few turtles later, here I am with my own-a diner!

-->'''Neelix's Dream:''' I am allegorical.
-->'''Al Gore:''' And I am Al Gore.
-->'''Neelix:''' Aahh! What a nightmare!

-->'''Kim:''' Thanks, but something seems a bit odd about you....
-->'''Cosimo:''' Who, me, the completely innocuous Cosimo? I'm just -- shoot, I'm forgetting the accent! I'm-a just an-a Italian guy, see?

-->'''Torres:''' The aliens are doing some technobabble stuff to hypnotize the crew. Why haven't I gone yet when everyone else down here has?
-->'''Janeway:''' Duh, Torres, you're one of the senior staff.

-->'''Kim:''' Well, according to my math, with a total of about 200 000 bodies in those asteroids and a new one appearing every two hours, you've only been getting rid of bodies in this way for the last forty-six years. Which begs the question: What did you do with them before that? Huh? Plot hole, hello!
-->'''Neria:''' You can't know that there are 200 000 bodies because you're not on Voyager, and even if you were, they don't know that yet either! So HA! Plot hole right back atcha!

-->'''Sky Spirit:''' Who has entered our sacred cave?
-->'''Chakotay:''' Chamunze.
-->'''Sky Spiriy:''' I'm sorry, what?
-->'''Chakotay:''' Chamunze.
-->'''Sky Spirit:''' Say again?
-->'''Chakotay:''' Chamunze.
-->'''Sky Spirit:''' Is that all you can say?
-->'''Chakotay:''' Chamunze.

-->'''Tuvok:''' Captain, we've encountered yet another weird anomaly...anomaly...anomaly....
-->'''Janeway:''' It must be affecting the comm system.
-->'''Tuvok:''' Nah, I just thought that would be a more dramatic way to tell you.

-->'''Janeway:''' Rust?
-->'''Paris:''' No, I'm in no particular hurry.
-->'''Kim:''' Picking up traces of acethylene, benzene.... either it's gasoline, or Neelix just threw the leftovers out.
-->'''Janeway:''' Magnify. Oh, Ford a love of God!

-->'''Janeway:''' What about Lieutenant Durst?
-->'''Kim:''' You sent him on an away mission with two regular characters and you expect him to come back?

-->'''Janeway:''' Chakotay, take the helm.
-->'''Kim:''' Angels and ministers of grace defend us.
-->'''Tuvok:''' Hamlet -- Act one, Scene four.
-->'''Chakotay:''' I heard that.

-->'''Dr. Neria:''' Who are you?
-->'''Kim:''' I'm Harry, [[Literature/HarryPotter Harry Pot]]-- um, Kim.
-->'''Hatil:''' He said he saw dead people!
-->'''Neria:''' Are you sure your name's Harry, son? Not... [[TheSixthSense Haley]]?
-->'''Kim:''' No, I'm just... just Harry.

-->'''Janeway:''' Where's Paris?
-->'''Kim:''' They made me leave without him....
-->'''Doctor:''' "Made"?
-->'''Tuvok:''' You now owe me five replicator rations, Captain.
-->'''Janeway:''' Damn.

-->'''Janeway:''' Sex was fun, Tom. Here's a commendation.
-->'''Tuvok:''' It seems that mating with the Captain brings rewards.
-->'''Chakotay:''' Hmm...that's food for thought....

-->'''Paris:''' Ten minutes till we hit the planet.
-->'''Janeway:''' Mr Paris, take us into a nose dive straight for the planet.
-->'''Paris:''' What's that going to do?
-->'''Janeway:''' If we're going down, I'm taking a part of this planet with me.

-->'''Doctor:''' Well, I plan [[ShoutOut to perform]] [[Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer a complicated ritual involving the blood of a fawn, the urn of Osiris, and me throwing up a snake.]]
-->'''Janeway:''' Doctor, that would never work right.
-->'''Doctor:''' You're right. I'll use technobabble.

-->'''Paris:''' At Warp 10, I'll be everwhere in the universe at once! Even inside you, Captain!
-->'''Janeway:''' You? Inside me? That'll be the day.

-->'''Torres:''' We've constructed a schematic of the ship.
-->'''Paris:''' Wow, it seems to be altered...you might even say it's twisted.
-->'''Torres:''' Thanks, moron, nobody understood the title.

-->'''Tom:''' Can you help us find our friends, Mr. Old Geezer?
-->'''Caretaker:''' Not particularly. I need their bodily fluids to reproduce.
-->'''Tom:''' Whoa! More than I needed to know.

-->'''Neelix:''' I know these Sicarans, Captain. They're the most ridiculously generous race in the sector. They also have a dark, dark secret.
-->'''Janeway:''' We've found the perfect planet!

-->'''Sulan:''' Hey B'Elanna, I'm reading this "Klingon Romance for Dummies" book so I can score with you.
-->'''Klingon Torres:''' Let me out of here, you filthy p'taK!
-->'''Sulan:''' Let's see...(flip flip flip)...ah! You're flirting with me! Excellent.

-->'''Paris:''' Whoa! Two B'Elannas for the price of one! P/T/T...Now that's what I call a 'ship!
-->'''Human Torres:''' Dream on, you pervert.
-->'''Paris:''' Thanks, I will. And how!

-->'''Earhart:''' How fast can she go?
-->'''Paris:''' Warp 9.9. We'll need it to travel 70,000 lightyears.
-->'''Earhart:''' In that case, you'll need some three years to get back.
-->'''Paris:''' Says who?
-->'''Earhart:''' Says Jim Wright.

-->'''Ensign Wildman:''' Permission to bring aboard a recurring character, Captain.
-->'''Janeway:''' Granted, on the condition that she be born during a shipwide crisis. Let's see...we left [=DS9=] last season, so she should arrive...three months ago?
-->'''Wildman:''' Yeah, I know. Don't bother trying to figure it out.

-->'''Transporter Guy:''' Okay, time to deal with this box according to standard Starfleet procedures: stand in the corner, like so, with my back to it, totally engrossed in my datapad and completely ignoring the man climbing out of it and sneaking up behi-- (CLONK!)
-->'''Van Gelder:''' I love Starfleet.

-->''Captain's Log: Spock forgot to check the weather channel before our away mission, but I'm sure nothing will happen to strand any of us on this frozen wasteland.''
-->'''Fisher:''' Ow! My hand! And I'm covered in this weird dust!
-->''Apparently I have a poor sense of pattern recognition.''

-->'''Spock:''' If you don't control your temper, you will soon become its pawn.
-->'''Charlie:''' What would you have me do? Confess to a bishop?
-->'''Spock:''' I know I started the chess puns, but I think it's time to end them. Good knight.

-->'''Spock:''' (over the comm) Captain, Dr. van Gelder's ravings suggest that remaining on the planet would be extremely foolish.
-->'''Kirk:''' Is that a dare, Spock? A double dog dare?
-->'''Spock:''' Logically, one could make that argument from a certain perspective...
-->'''Kirk:''' Oh yeah? Nobody double dog dares me and gets away with it. I'm staying, and that's final. Kirk out.
-->'''Spock:''' I will never understand humans.

-->'''Sulu:''' I'm bored at work.
-->'''Riley:''' You could try writing a parody.
-->'''Sulu:''' Nah. What kind of losers would do that?

-->'''Spock:''' It seems to be the black box from a 200-year-old ship. Shall I tell the senior officers?
-->'''Kirk:''' Are you kidding? I'm gonna tell the whole ''crew''. Kirk to all hands....
-->'''Spock:''' What are you doing? We barely have any information! You'll just confuse those brain-dead saps.

-->'''Spock:''' What did you say was on the tombstone Gary made you?
-->'''Kirk:''' "James R. Kirk."
-->'''Spock:''' Right. What's with that? A god wouldn't make such a grave mistake.
-->'''Kirk:''' What mistake? It was a sentence: "James are Kirk." Which I are.
-->'''Spock:''' Hmm... becoming the brains of this outfit may be easier than I expected.

* Found in a scene from [[FiveMinuteVoyager Fiveminute.net]]. Excerpt on the works page.

* GenreSavvy: "[[http://www.fiveminute.net/voyager/fiver.php?ep=tattoo Tattoo]]"
-->'''Kim:''' We've found the planet, but there are no lifesigns.
-->'''Paris:''' Harry, it's always a cloaking device when you can't find lifesigns. You should know this already.

'''A Plea For Help'''

Given that examples from this site are best presented as excerpts from the fivers themselves, [[NateTheGreat This Troper]] is focusing on adding them to this page. I would appreciate it if other tropers could help by adding the following to the individual trope pages, WebOriginal category:

Note: Since the fourth wall barely exists, all methods of PlayingWithATrope exist in fivers. They will not be pointed out in the following examples. I also recommend that you read the fivers for yourself to find many more tropes, as there are so many that this page can only serve as a best-of collection.

* {{Alien Non-Interference Clause}}, "[[http://www.fiveminute.net/voyager/fiver.php?ep=innocence Innocence]]"
-->'''Elani:''' Should you be teaching us all this Vulcan stuff? What about the Prime Directive?
-->'''Tuvok:''' The what?

-->'''Mark:''' Hello, honey. Feeling guilty?
-->'''Janeway:''' Nuts, nuts, nuts, nuts, nuts...

-->'''Tuvok:''' The Kazon have beamed away and they took a transporter module.
-->'''Janeway:''' Lock on to the module and beam it back!
-->'''Tuvok:''' Kinda hard to beam something when we don't have a transporter module.

-->'''Neelix:''' I won't play lab rat to ease your conscience.
-->'''Jetrel:''' But you so look the part!

-->'''Paris:''' Darn... I mean good, Chakotay's not dead.
-->'''Torres:''' You're getting better at that.

-->'''Neelix:''' You know, Kes, I've changed my mind. It might be nice to have a kid. I wonder what our child would look like.
-->'''Kes:''' Yeah, I wonder.
-->[[{{Beat}} (Awkward pause)]]
-->'''Kes:''' On second thought, no.
-->'''Neelix:''' Huh?
-->'''Kes:''' I have to go meditate with Tuvok now to purge that mental image from my psyche.

-->'''Doc:''' I'm sorry, but Neelix will never be able to leave this restraint.
-->'''Kes:''' NOOOOOOOO!
-->'''Doc:''' And he'll have to spend the rest of his life in Sickbay with me.
-->'''Neelix:''' NOOOOOOOO!

-->'''Chakotay:''' Here's your animal guide.
-->'''Janeway:''' Ooh, a lizard! I think I'll call him...Tom.
-->'''Torres:''' Hey, Tom's mine!
-->'''Janeway:''' Not for another two seasons, he's not! J/P is such a marvelous thing....
-->'''Chakotay:''' Hey!
-->'''Janeway:''' J/C is too, of course.
-->'''Torres:''' Ahem.
-->'''Janeway:''' Fine, and P/T!

-->'''Paris:''' Oo! I've never flown a starship into an asteroid before. It'll be fun!
-->'''Janeway:''' It'll be even more fun if we send Chakotay in a shuttle. BWAHAHAHAHA!
-->'''Chakotay:''' I don't get it.
-->'''Tuvok:''' (aside to Janeway) We haven't started that yet.
-->'''Janeway:''' Nuts. Carry on, Mr. Paris.

** The "Porthos was turned into chili" running gag has even been seen outside of the [[StarTrekEnterprise Enterprise]] subsite.

* WilliamShatner, "[[http://www.fiveminute.net/voyager/fiver.php?ep=expostfacto Ex Post Facto]]"

* AlternateCharacterInterpretation: Janeway's caffeine addition and Data's ignorance of metaphors are ramped UpToEleven for humorous effect. [[invoked]]

[[http://www.fiveminute.net Fiveminute.net]] is a website devoted to the creation and enjoyment of fivers. It was originally known as Five-Minute Voyager, but has since branched off to cover all ''Franchise/StarTrek'' series, other scifi television shows, anime, video games, movies, and so forth.