History Main / YourVampiresSuck

* ''Series/TheXFiles'' episode "Bad Blood", already mentioned on the OurVampiresAreDifferent page, played with this trope as well. One deluded teenager in a town full of nonstandard vampires blows the whole deal for the rest of them with his media-inspired Franchise/UniversalHorror vampire playacting.

* ''Film/{{Bit}}'': Laurel refers disparages to those teen vampire flicks which seem like the fantasy of an eight year old as the introduces the film via voiceover. Then at the end she hopes for sequels, though reassuring she can't get pregnant for the fourth one (being a trans woman), obviously both referring to the ''Film/{{Twilight}}'' films.

* ''ComicBook/{{Deadpool}}'''s wife, Shiklah, is a [[HornyDevils succubus]] that has an ongoing war against Dracula style vampires. One day she picks up ''Twilight'' and is amazed that Dracula allows humans to mock his people so severely. She also can't stop reading it.

-->'''Darius:''' We do not fear [[HolyBurnsEvil the cross]]. Well, some of us fear it, but then superstition doesn't stop with human beings. You might not want to walk under a ladder, but you will if there's a cheeseburger on the other side. We're not repulsed by [[VampiresHateGarlic garlic]], either and we ''do'' [[MissingReflection show up in mirrors]]. I've no idea who thought that one up. Stake through the heart, beheading-- Ouch, obviously. And...what am I forgetting?\\

* The older members of [[ClassicalMovieVampire the Nobility]] from ''LightNovel/VampireHunterD'' are shown to be far, '''''far''''' above younger, "ordinary" vampires (who they hold in even more contempt than humans, spawning them for use as disposable pawns and cannon fodder), the strongest examples possibly being capable of giving Alucard a run for his money with a host of powerful and/or unconventional abilities and immunities. Likely due to them being [[TimeAbyss up to (and sometimes over) 12,000 years old]]. A good example is Meyerlink in the ''Bloodlust'' movie, as whereas most vampires in the setting are very strongly affected by crosses, [[CrossMeltingAura his mere passing in their vicinity twists them out of shape]].

** If you're a fan of ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' it might be best to stay away from the comics. The BigBad was named as such before the novels took off then the bashing on the work was dialed UpToEleven when they had with a TakeThat being used at any given opportunity even today.

** Later, in the Fifth Season opener, much fun is had at Dracula's expense, except that he actually ''is'' more powerful than most vampires, even if Spike dismisses his mind control, shapeshifting, and apparent unkillability as "a few Gypsy tricks". The trope is played straight in the same episode when Buffy mentions meeting more than a few pasty-faced, pimply vamps who called themselves "Lestat".
*** At one point, it takes to mocking both Anne Rice and itself when Angel is asked by a teenager who just learned about him being a Vampire:

--->'''Buffy''': A vampire with a soul? My God, how lame is that?

** The opening scene in the season 6 episode "[[Recap/SupernaturalS06E05LiveFreeOrTwiHard Live Free or Twi Hard]]", in a direct TakeThat to ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' has vampires [[ExploitedTrope using the popularity of the Vampire pop culture (specifically ''Twilight'') to seduce victims.]]

** Sunlight doesn't kill these vampires immediately either, and Bill later tells Sookie that garlic is only mildly irritating. However, silver is dangerous for them, burning their skin and suppressing their powers on contact. It is also confirmed that Vampires do have reflections and do appear in photographs, which Bill explains as a rumor that the Vampires started themselves, as then it was all the easier to create a false sense of security in their victims.
** In a nice twist on the usual expectations, sunlight kills older vampires ''faster''. [[spoiler:Bill survives, albeit badly burned, for a few minutes in the sun whereas the ancient vampire Godric is reduced to dust in a matter of seconds.]] Then again, the even older Russell Edgington survives for about 10 minutes in the sun with only minor burns. [[spoiler:Sookie's blood may have something to do with it.]]

** "[[Recap/BuffyTheVampireSlayerS2E7LieToMe Lie To Me]]", when the Scoobies encounter a group of would-be vampires who have bought into the idea of vampires as romantic and misunderstood. Angel grouses at moderate length about their misapprehensions, noting in particular "Do they really think we dress like that?" ...Only to have one of the groupies push past him wearing his exact outfit.

* [[ExaggeratedTrope Taken to extremes]] in the ''Literature/BasLagCycle'', where '''all''' vampires suck; they’re the pathetic losers of [[TheNecrocracy High Cromlech’s undead society]], seen as pitiable blood-addicts at best. They don’t have any particular special powers, all of the weaknesses apply, and it’s explicitly said that the stereotypical aristocrat vampire is a lie spread by vampires who immigrate to other lands to make themselves look better and make it easier to feed. In their homeland, they’re [[HarmlessVillain Harmless Villains]] who usually starve in the streets because the {{Revenant Zombie}}s who are the real rulers in Cromlech protect the human citizens from them.

* [[ExqggeratedTrope Taken to extremes]] in the ''Literature/BasLagCycle'', where '''all''' vampires suck; they’re the pathetic losers of [[TheNecrocracy High Cromlech’s undead society]], seen as pitiable blood-addicts at best. They don’t have any particular special powers, all of the weaknesses apply, and it’s explicitly said that the stereotypical aristocrat vampire is a lie spread by vampires who immigrate to other lands to make themselves look better and make it easier to feed. In their homeland, they’re [[HarmlessVillain Harmless Villains]] who usually starve in the streets because the {{Revenant Zombie}}s who are the real rulers in Cromlech protect the human citizens from them.

* Taken UpToEleven In the ''Literature/BasLagCycle'', where '''all''' vampires suck; they’re the pathetic losers of [[TheNecrocracy High Cromlech’s undead society]], seen as pitiable blood-addicts at best. They don’t have any particular special powers, all of the weaknesses apply, and it’s explicitly said that the stereotypical aristocrat vampire is a lie spread by vampires who immigrate to other lands to make themselves look better and make it easier to feed. In their homeland, they’re [[HarmlessVillain Harmless Villains]] who usually starve in the streets because the {{Revenant Zombie}}s who are the real rulers in Cromlech protect the human citizens from them.

* ''Literature/MonsterHunterInternational'' takes potshots at ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'', as well as ''Literature/TheVampireChronicles''. An Anne Rice fan gets eaten when she tries to reason with vampires, and Z blames people who want to reason with monsters on ''Twilight.''

* Creator/StephenieMeyer's ''Literature/{{Twilight}}''. When Bella asks vampire Edward if he does things like turning into a bat, sleep in coffins and specially when asked if he burned in the sunlight, he laughs and says it's a myth. He then shows her [[BishieSparkle what really happens when he goes into the sunlight]].

* ''Literature/AnUnattractiveVampire'': Yulric and the other Elder Vampyres scoff at the modern vampires, who are the cause of the VampiresAreSexGods trope. One vampire decided to "breed" (through careful selection of new vampires) a race of beautiful immortals. They in turn are dismissive of the ancient monsters such as Yulric, who are still vulnerable to the old weaknesses like crosses and holy water. However, what the younger vampires forget is that the reason they have fewer weaknesses is because they are farther removed from the original curse--meaning they have far fewer strengths, as well. The Elder Vampyres are the ''originals'', who gained immortality just by being "too evil to die." When it comes down to a fight, six Elders cut through sixty young vampires like wheat.

* {{Alucard}} from ''Manga/{{Hellsing}}'' delivers the page quote to [[EvilKnockoff Luke Valentine]]. The context: Luke, an artificial vampire, challenges Alucard to a one-on-one duel, boasting that he was engineered to be Alucard's superior. While Luke has a vampire's physical powers (SuperStrength, being resilient enough to shrug off bullets that don't incapacitate him, including one head shot, and uniquely [[FlashStep having super speed and reflexes]]), he lacks a true vampire's...''weirder'' powers. When Alucard thought he was in for [[BloodKnight the pleasure of an actual fight]], he showed off ''a fraction'' of his abilities, and Luke was sent running in terror. When Alucard realized Luke was nothing more than an overconfident rookie, he [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech dressed him down]] and killed Luke ''extra'' gruesomely for wasting his time.

* In an episode of the short-lived series ''Series/BloodTies'', [[FriendlyNeighborhoodVampire Henry Fitzroy]] shows that things like garlic, holy water, and crosses are useless against vampires. In fact, Henry himself is religious (you kinda have to be in a world where ghosts and demons are real) and carries a crucifix. In one episode, Henry and Vicki are watching ''Film/{{Nosferatu}}'', and Henry calls bullshit on Orlok being surprised by the sunrise. Apparently, every vampire instinctively feels the coming of dawn, so Orlok not fleeing before being incinerated is actually a HeroicSacrifice (if you can call Orlok a hero). Additionally, unlike other vampires, these ones are highly territorial to the point where it's usually one vampire per city (maybe more in very large cities). A vampire attempting to move into another's territory sparks a deadly turf war. A family of humans keeps track of which vampires live where, in case a vampire wants to switch locales but doesn't want to fight for it.

** Although subverted by the fact that you later [[spoiler:do encounter a vampire hunter who DOES hurt you with his crucifix -- but he is one of perhaps no more than a few dozen humans on the planet Earth that possesses True Faith, [[AllThereInTheManual which does hurt vampires]]. Amusingly, ''vampires'' can even possess True Faith in the Old World of Darkness]].

* ''Webcomic/TheOrderOfTheStick'', [[JustForFun/TropeOverdosed naturally]], has some of this after Durkon gets turned into a vampire and has to feed on the rest of the team to stay alive. In the in-universe dialogue, it's {{inverted|Trope}} ("Our vampires suck.") From [[http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0958.html strip #958]]:

'''Durkon:''' Uh, they dinnae. Na unless I drain ye all tha way.\\

'''Durkon:''' Na.\\

* ''An Unattractive Vampire'': Yulric and the other Elder Vampyres scoff at the modern vampires, who are the cause of the VampiresAreSexGods trope. One vampire decided to "breed" (through careful selection of new vampires) a race of beautiful immortals. They in turn are dismissive of the ancient monsters such as Yulric, who are still vulnerable to the old weaknesses like crosses and holy water. However, what the younger vampires forget is that the reason they have fewer weaknesses is because they are farther removed from the original curse--meaning they have far fewer strengths, as well. The Elder Vampyres are the ''originals'', who gained immortality just by being "too evil to die." When it comes down to a fight, six Elders cut through sixty young vampires like wheat.

* ''Series/{{Supernatural}}'':
** While it seems strange given the show's heavy use of folklore, the series did this heavily by throwing out virtually all traditional vampire traits, and starting from scratch. The most notable example of this was that the vampires were sensitive to sunlight to the point of getting a sunburn, not to the point of being disabled, let alone killed, which aligns well with Stoker, whose Dracula was merely ''less powerful'' in sunlight. See the oft-maligned [[Film/BramStokersDracula Coppola version]], in which the Count walks around with a parasol and dark glasses. However, many of the changes were actually to put it back in line with traditional folklore compared to other pop culture portrayals.
** The opening scene in the season 6 episode "[[Recap/SupernaturalS06E05LiveFreeOrTwiHard Live Free or Twi Hard]]", in a direct TakeThat to ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' has vampires [[ExploitedTrope using the popularity of the Vampire pop culture (specifically ''Twilight'') to seduce victims.]]

* In one episode of ''Series/{{Angel}}'', Angel becomes offended when asked by a demon if he should be sleeping in his coffin. Then again, the demon was playing ObfuscatingStupidity with Angel.
* ''Series/TheXFiles'' episode "Bad Blood", already mentioned on the OurVampiresAreDifferent page, played with this trope as well. One deluded teenager in a town full of nonstandard vampires blows the whole deal for the rest of them with his media-inspired Franchise/UniversalHorror vampire playacting.
* Subverted in ''Series/BigWolfOnCampus'', where a group of vampiric teenage malcontents ''are'' subject to all the classic weaknesses, and agonize over it. To their particular chagrin is [[MustBeInvited their inability to enter someone's house without an invitation]]. One protagonist's knowledge of this limitation comes from... ''Buffy'', season 2.
* The series ''Series/SpecialUnit2'', about a division of the police force which deals with supernatural crimes, begins with the chief telling a new recruit that [[AllMythsAreTrue every myth and legend is real in one way or another]]. Except vampires, [[ArbitrarySkepticism the whole idea of which he waves off as being ridiculous]].

* ''Series/{{Moonlight}}'''s vampires are immune to garlic (in the first episode, Mick mentions that "it tastes good on a pizza") and holy water, and wooden stakes only immobilize them. Sunlight basically poisons them over time.
** The sunlight is not so much poison as dehydration. Silver is poison. Fire turns them to ash on contact, except for a certain old vampire whose abilities are unexplained due to the series cancellation.
** The series also features a temporary cure for vampirism in the form of a compound that was created during the Reign of Terror period of the French Revolution (which was partly a vampire hunt, which is why the main methods of execution during this time were burning and beheading). There is precious little of the compound left, although [[spoiler:Coraline]] is shown trying to synthesize more using modern technology. The "cure", basically, suppresses vampiric traits to the point that the vampire becomes, for all intents and purposes, human. A "cured" vampire can be re-turned by another.

* Happens in ''Series/MyBabysittersAVampire'' with the in-universe book ''Dusk'', an obvious parody of ''Literature/{{Twilight}}''.
* In an episode of the short-lived series ''Series/BloodTies'', [[FriendlyNeighborhoodVampire Henry Fitzroy]] shows that things like garlic, holy water, and crosses are useless against vampires. In fact, Henry himself is religious (you kinda have to be in a world where ghosts and demons are real) and carries a crucifix. In one episode, Henry and Vicki are watching ''Film/{{Nosferatu}}'', and Henry calls bullshit on Orlok being surprised by the sunrise. Apparently, every vampire instinctively feels the coming of dawn, so Orlok not fleeing before being incinerated is actually a HeroicSacrifice (if you can call Orlok a hero). Additionally, unlike other vampires, these ones are highly territorial to the point where it's usually one vampire per city (maybe more in very large cities). A vampire attempting to move into another's territory sparks a deadly turf war. A family of humans keeps track of which vampires live where, in case a vampire wants to switch locales but doesn't want to fight for it.
* ''Series/TheTwilightZone1985'': In "Monsters!", the vampire Emile Francis Bendictson criticizes the depiction of vampires in the monster movies enjoyed by Toby Michaels because almost everything in them is inaccurate.

* ''TabletopGame/DungeonsAndDragons'':
** The ''TabletopGame/{{Ravenloft}}'' campaign setting, being Gothic Horror, comes with all the standard vampiric weaknesses... Plus a few more, and some that are downright bizarre. But it not only takes pains to explain that a given vampire may possess many or none of these... it also explains how vampires can get around them. A vampire might still be carried over running water in a carriage for instance, or use their CharmPerson ability to enter a house. More than anything it is stressed that vampires are smart. And patient.
*** The Ravenloft Monstrous Compendium also had rules for vampires of all the various playable races with powers and weaknesses appropriate to their origins. Elven vampires, for example, can only come out during the daytime and their presence [[WalkingWasteland kills plants]]; halfling vampires must be slain by driving a stake made from a log that burned in a home's fireplace through their heart, etc. It's implied that many vampire hunters get themselves killed because they dismiss the possibility of vampires that break "the rules" as much as these variants do.
*** Non-vampire example: In ''Van Richten's Guide to Werebeasts'', Ravenloft's greatest monster expert poo-poos the notion of lycanthropes transforming into creatures that aren't partially or wholly carnivorous. Ironically, he's not 100% correct in this, as there's a unique (curse-born) were''gorilla'' in the ''Children of the Night: Werebeasts'' supplement. (However, some later writings have {{retcon}}ned this were into having the animal form of a ''carnivorous'' ape.)
*** Truthfully, Van Richten has been mistaken about some things and just plain wrong about others more often than you'd think, at least compared to actual ''TabletopGame/DungeonsAndDragons'' (and even ''Ravenloft'') continuity. There are monster sourcebooks that are written by him in-universe but contain out-of-universe notes about where he's wrong.
** Vampires in 4th Edition seem to have done away with many of the weaknesses of "traditional" vampires, at least as far as building them into the mechanics. The lore entry even makes mention of it: "Contrary to popular folklore, vampires are not hampered by running water or repelled by garlic, and they don't need invitations to enter houses." Likewise, a (true) vampire in direct sunlight is merely unable to regenerate.
*** Vampire ''spawn'', however (the minion-level vampires created when a vampire "lord" kills a victim via blood drain) ''are'' in fact destroyed by sunlight. 4E vampires are also bound to some extent to their personal coffin or gravesite and weakened if they can't rest there... but can simply change which coffin or grave counts as their "personal" one by resting in a new one for three consecutive times.
* In the "X-Files meets GI Joe" setting of ''TabletopGame/{{GURPS}}: Black Ops'', vampires are actually victims of a mysterious vampire that turns them into monsters who have a craving for blood and raw organ tissue which makes heroin addiction mild in comparison. They don't care about holy water, crucifixes and running water, but as their skin is extremely sensitive to ultraviolet rays, even Indoor lighting can slowly damage them. They are also solitary by nature and shun human contact except when going out to kill, which they need to do about 3-4 times a week. They also retain all their human skills, and if they had them before, their psionic powers. The Book's fictional narrator in fact plays on the classic clichés.
-->'''Ivan Decker:''' Or maybe [your closest friend is] a vampire. No, if he were a vampire, you'd be dead. Vampires don't have friends. They even hate each other. All they want to do is feed. If you're normal, the only time you'd see one is right before it killed you, drank your blood and ate your internal organs, leaving you to steam like roadkill until you died... or worse, became one of them.

* In a weird case of '''[[InvertedTrope Our]]''' [[InvertedTrope Vampires Suck]], ''VideoGame/DungeonsOfDredmor'' claims that the [[Literature/{{Twilight}} 'Sparkly']] skill that [[MonsterAdventurers vampire heroes]] can obtain drains life from your enemies because of how stupid it is.
* In ''VideoGame/Borderlands2'', the final skill of Gaige's "Little Big Trouble" skill tree lets [[RobotBuddy Deathtrap]] adapt to the same element of the weapon she just shot him with, letting him attack with fire, shock, slag, or corrosive damage. The flavor text says:
-->Robots are like vampires. They both sparkle when hit with incendiary rounds.
* There are two ways of becoming a vampire in ''VideoGame/TheElderScrollsVSkyrim''. For the former, you simply need to contract the disease Sanguinare Vampiris from a vampire enemy and fail to cure yourself for multiple days. The other is to become a Vampire Lord (a more powerful form of vampire able to go OneWingedAngel) over the course of the ''Dawnguard'' main quest. It is possible to become the former before you get the option to do the latter. If so, you can tell Lord Harkon that you are already a vampire. He will scoff at the notion.
-->'''Harkon''': ''You contracted a disease, perhaps, but you are no true vampire. Accept my gift and I promise that you will learn the difference.''

* ''Webcomic/CharbyTheVampirate'' pulls this on itself as it has both regular vampires and the [[http://www.drunkduck.com/Charby_the_Vampirate/4786634/ Elites]], who have many more strengths and none of the weaknesses. Neither get along.
* In ''Webcomic/SluggyFreelance'', each clan of vampires has a different set of powers and weaknesses. In "Muffin the Vampire Baker", Sam -- a Lysinda circle vampire with Anne Rice of ''Vampire: The Masquerade'' abilities -- goes to an [[AdventureTowns Adventure Town]] that's an obvious parody of [[Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer Sunnydale]], and mocks the vampires there for turning to dust at a stake to the heart.
* ''Webcomic/PvP'': [[http://pvponline.com/comic/monster-fighters-part-2 Monster Fighters, Part 2.]]
* One story arc in ''Webcomic/SamAndFuzzy'' features a vampire named [[CaptainErsatz Edwin]] [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Colin]]. It turns out that all vampires are [[TakeThat creepy, obsessive stalkers utterly convinced of their own romanticism]].
** Later, over lunch on a sun-lit patio, Edwin explains that he subsists on canned blood, and finds the idea of biting someone disgusting ("Couldn't ''you'' just go out and ''butcher your own cow?''")... although this doesn't stop him from biting in self-defense when he gets into a fight. This backfires, since vampire bites actually turn people into ''werewolves''.
* In ''Webcomic/SequentialArt'', [[http://www.collectedcurios.com/sequentialart.php?s=657 Pip's response]] to finding Scarlet and her sisters have been watching ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' is to break out his copy of ''Film/BramStokersDracula''.
-->I will ''not'' have one of cinema's greatest monsters belittled by hair-product-obsessed pretty-boys. Not while ''my'' movie selection still stands! [[Creator/GaryOldman Oldman]], you are needed!

* ''Webcomic/{{Spinnerette}}'' takes a jab at the ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' concept of vampires by having them encounter a vampire who turns women into raving fangirls, and who gets all sparkly when he goes out into the sunlight and starts speaking with a lisp. He only has the lisp because Tiger knocked most of his teeth out with a single punch.
* ''Webcomic/{{Weregeek}}'', during ''TabletopGame/VampireTheMasquerade'' {{LARP}}:
--> '''[[http://www.weregeek.com/2009/02/20/ Unnamed vampire character]]''': The mortal chicks ''really'' dig this look!!
* ''Webcomic/AndShineHeavenNow'' joins in the ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' mocking bandwagon by saying that fangirls were what caused ''Twilight'' vampires to sparkle in the first place. That said, in Shineverse fangirls had RealityWarper powers.

* ''Webcomic/BiteMe'' riffs extensively on this theme.
** Of particular note is the fact that when the main characters finally rescue their coven, [[spoiler: each of the totally-out-to-lunch non-protagonist vampires turns out to be a parody of one Anne Rice character type or another]].
** Also, one of the bits of swag the author includes with print editions is a bumpersticker that says Real Vampires [[Literature/{{Twilight}} DON'T FRICKING SPARKLE]].
* ''Webcomic/ElfOnlyInn'' thoroughly parodies vampire weaknesses by showing a typical overpowered vampire role play character with [[http://www.elfonlyinn.net/d/20021230.html no weaknesses whatsoever.]] Despite his claims to immunity to whatever the others think up, he still gets his "'''real vampire''' butt shoved into his big, fat, loud mouth" by Woot, though.

* ''Webcomic/{{Freefall}}'' manages to get a ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' jab in by proxy. Florence and Winston are at a Day of the Dead celebration when they find a doll in the shape of a 20th century legendary monster. The doll is stylized, as the monster's reputation has been increasingly romanticized and less horrific over the centuries, and sparkles. [[spoiler: It's ''Adolf Hitler''.]]

* ''WebVideo/TransylvaniaTelevision'' was a bit more blunt in their TakeThat. They had an episode of ''Interviews with the Vampire'' wherein Count [=LeShoc=] openly insults Anne Rice and Creator/BramStoker, but doesn't want to lower himself by talking about Creator/StephenieMeyer.

* [[http://poopbear.deviantart.com/art/Down-for-the-Count-153668816 Down for the Count!]]
%%And Alucard [[RunningGag once again]] makes his feelings known [[http://browse.deviantart.com/?order=9&q=hellsing%2Ftwilight&offset=24#/d2vrrsn along the same lines]].
%%* "[[http://seemikedraw.com.au/this-cartoon-remembers-when-men-were-real-men-and-vampires-were-real-vampires This cartoon remembers when men were real men, and vampires were real vampires]]": the old Count doesn't like BishieSparkle.
* In ''WebVideo/CarmillaTheSeries'' Laura researches vampires by reading vampire novels. She makes a face and throws ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' aside. Carmilla also makes comments on how inaccurate vampire movies are, saying "pop culture has so much to answer for."

%% This image selected by discussion in the Image Pickin' forum.
%% Stop by there before making a change.

* ''Bloody Kiss''. As soon as our poor protagonist tries to drive the vamps from "her" home, one eats the garlic (while stating that he loves it), while the other literally ''does'' toss the cross over his shoulder.
* The movie ''Vampire Wars'' had vampires that survive sunlight, have sparkly hair, and [[spoiler: are really aliens]].
* ''Manga/JoJosBizarreAdventure'':
** One scene in Part 1, ''Manga/PhantomBlood'', shows a recently vampirized Dio Brando crushing a silver crucifix in his hand, as if to say "I'm not the type of vampire that's weak to silver and holy symbols!"
** The Pillar Men from Part 2, ''Manga/BattleTendency'', actually created vampires to serve as their food source and as {{Mooks}}, so naturally they look down upon them, despite being pseudo-vampires themselves. Or rather, vampires are pseudo-Pillar Men.

[[folder:Comics]]
* ComicBook/{{Blade}} already hates vampires, but in the Ultimate universe, he has a recurring dream where he stalks an Edward Cullen spoof, only to wake up before he can ever kill him. He was pretty mad.

* In ''ComicBook/ScareTactics'', resident vampire Screamqueen is mightily pissed when the band's manager/minder Arnie Burnsteel lines her coffin with grave dirt. She rails at the stupidity of a man who believes that the movie ''JFK'' was part of a massive disinformation campaign (Arnie is a ConspiracyTheorist) but accepts everything he sees in a Universal Horror film as gospel.
* Used in ''ComicStrip/{{Nodwick}}'' when Yeagar [[http://comic.nodwick.com/?comic=2001-07-03 refuses to acknowledge]] that [[TabletopGame/{{Ravenloft}} Count Strahd von Zarovich]] is a vampire [[Creator/AnneRice because he doesn't have a single piercing]] -- and their continued ignorance and mockery using this trope eventually [[DrivenToSuicide drives the Count to suicide]].
** In an earlier D&D-inspired comic, ''Yamara'', the vampire Persephone is a parody of the ''TabletopGame/{{Ravenloft}}''-inspired craze for unique variant vampires in D&D, as she was immune to traditional vampire-banes but vulnerable to ''laundry products''. The paladin she turned was able to transform into a giant flying squirrel instead of a bat.

* Inverted in a Munden's Bar episode in ''ComicBook/{{Grimjack}}''. A vampire patron tells Gordon (the barkeep) that as they discovered different dimensions, vampires discovered MORE things that were an anathema to them. He was destroyed by someone using his weakness to Tourbots.
* A major element of ''ComicBook/AmericanVampire'' is that there are actually a multitude of Vampire types throughout the world, with wildly different appearances, powers, and weaknesses. When psychotic [[TheWildWest Wild West]] outlaw Skinner Sweet becomes the first American Vampire, he discovers that he's hit the SuperpowerLottery as he clashes with the "Carpathian" variety (the traditional, Dracula type), and wastes no time in telling them how much they suck as he rips them to shreds.
* ComicBook/{{Deadpool}}'s wife, Shiklah, is a [[HornyDevils succubus]] that has an ongoing war against Dracula style vampires. One day she picks up ''Twilight'' and is amazed that Dracula allows humans to mock his people so severely. She also can't stop reading it.

* Music/TheBeatles FanFic archive Rooftop Sessions had a piece titled ''The Hunter'', narrated by a mostly FriendlyNeighborhoodVampire who briefly gets mixed up with Brian Epstein and Music/TheBeatles. This story is a sequel to another story where a vampire who acted vulnerable to the classic vampire weaknesses had selected George Harrison as a potential lunch, and so John recognizes our narrator as a vampire, calls him on it, and eventually tries to fight him off. Our narrator is resistant to most of those weaknesses, though (''sunlight'' doesn't harm him); when John tries to ward him off with a silver crucifix, our narrator takes it and ''kisses it!''
* In an interesting inversion of the norm, Dracula himself gets to ''give'' one of these speeches to the rest of the world's vampires in a ''Cat Tales'' spin-off called ''Capes and Bats''.

* A quote like this is given by a character who's not a vampire (he's more like [[OurWerewolvesAreDifferent (but not)]] a werewolf) in [[http://tales.namco.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=77815&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0 this roleplay.]]
-->'''[[VideoGame/TalesOfTheTempest Caius Qualls]]:''' Besides, vampires these days are complete wimps! Going around being all SPARKLY! Geez, [[Creator/StephenieMeyer whose]] idea was it to [[Literature/{{Twilight}} make vampires sparkle]]?!?

* ''Fanfic/ChildOfTheStorm'' jibes very directly at ''Twilight'', with [[Literature/TheDresdenFiles Harry Dresden]] explicitly stating that he believes that Meyer is a thrall of either the Red Court (bat-form vampires under a human 'flesh-mask' with narcotic saliva) or the White Court (pale, supernaturally pretty, emotion manipulating/feeding vampires), stating that it encourages people to serve themselves up as dinner (and/or accept abusive behaviour from a human partner) and that fatal vampire attacks have quadrupled as a result. This is actually more or less plausible InUniverse, as it's ''Dresden Files'' canon that a) the White Court created ''Dracula'' to give humanity the 101 on the Black Court's weaknesses, b) they control a large chunk of the erotica industry - and since the dominant house feeds off of lust...

* There's a ''House'' fanfic which has House as a Van Helsing type vampire hunter, which isn't a bad idea at all but it features Wilson as a very boring vampire who never even bites anybody! (He just steals blood from the hospital.)
* Secondary antagonist Norlock from ''Fanfic/TheNewAdventuresOfInvaderZim'' is, per WordOfGod, based on the Black Court from ''Literature/TheDresdenFiles'' (ergo, a walking, monstrous corpse). He also happens to have a huge BerserkButton for the modern portrayal of vampires -- at one point, he even sets out to attack a FanConvention for a ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' knockoff movie franchise. Also, in his introduction he dismisses Dracula as a "hack with a good publicist".
* ''Literature/KellyTheRomanWarrior'' and its sequel - both crossovers of multiple franchises - feature a running feud between Dracula ([[FriendlyNeighborhoodVampire a good guy]]) and a villainous [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Edward Cullen]]. [[RougeAnglesOfSatin Draculaka]] frequently complains that Edward doesn't do proper vampires things like turn into a bat, while Edward criticizes [[RunningGag Dracukla]] for not being sparkly.

* A fantastic example of this occurs in ''Film/InterviewWithTheVampire'' when Malloy starts asking Louis if he is affected by the usual vampire weaknesses, specifically mentioning crucifixes. Louis responds by saying he actually rather enjoys looking at crucifixes. He even describes such superstitions as the "ravings of a demented Irishman," a TakeThat at Creator/BramStoker. What makes this ironic is that one of the only bits of vampire lore that Creator/AnneRice's vampires abide by is death by sunlight, which is not only ''not'' part of real vampire lore, but entered into popular culture as a plot contrivance in ''Nosferatu'' -- itself an adaption of Stoker's ''Dracula''.
* The Countess in ''Film/OnceBitten'' comments that a cross only works in movies. Besides that, she's an atheist.
* ''Film/JohnCarpentersVampires'' made fun of anything but stakes and sunlight working against the undead.

* The Frog brothers in ''Film/TheLostBoys'' get most of their vampire-hunting lore out of comic books. When their information proves incorrect ("Garlic don't work, boys!"), it could well be taken as a TakeThat to comic-book vampirism as well as ''Dracula'', or even to comic-book reality in general. Holy water works well, too.
* Lampshaded slightly in ''Film/MyBestFriendIsAVampire'', when the professor is about to attempt to stake Ralph, the non-vampire, through the heart. Real vampire: "A stake through the heart would kill anything."

* ''[[Literature/TheSagaOfDarrenShan The Vampire's Assistant]]'': When asked if they can turn into bats, Crepsley overtly responds, "No, that's bullshit."

* The opening lines of ''Film/RazorBladeSmile'' sum the trope up nicely: "I bet you think you know all about vampires – believe me, you know fuck all!" The movie includes the vampire main character going to goth clubs and getting into arguments over what vampires are actually like, and a brief fantasy sequence of her imagining herself turning into a bat.

* An amusing non-vampire example: ''Film/AnAmericanWerewolfInLondon'' and ''Film/TheHowling'', [[DuelingWorks/{{Film}} both released in 1981]], seem to take direct shots at each other. In ''The Howling'' a character points out that the werewolves must be killed with silver, while saying the full moon thing is just Hollywood made up stuff. In ''An American Werewolf In London'', the titular character is told by his now undead friend to commit suicide before transforming during the full moon, but when the werewolf asks if he needs silver bullets, he's told to get real!
* In the original ''Film/FrightNight1985'': "You have to have ''faith'' for that to work, Mr. Vincent!"
* In a scene of ''Film/FrightNight2011'', one of the characters make fun of ''Twilight''.
* In ''Film/LifeBlood'', Dan attempts to throw a jar of garlic salt in Brooke's face. She sneers at him and asks if he learned that from a comic book.

There are many tropes associated with vampires, few authors use all of them, and they all have opinions about which ones to use. For example, in one author's work the idea that vampires can fly might be perfectly reasonable, but the idea that they fear moving water is just silly. In another author's work it might be reversed. These two authors feel it is necessary to point out why their choice was the right one and the other guy's the wrong one. This also leads to the other vampires being mocked for both ''having'' specific weaknesses, especially the traditional ones (eg. what kind of a vampire is it that can't even withstand sunlight?), and for ''lacking'' them (what kind of a vampire walks outside in broad daylight?) In some cases, vampiric weaknesses are mocked, changed or removed despite their inclusion 'as standard' actually being more logical (eg. some works insist crosses are all about Faith - of the wielder or the vampire - despite the symbol actually representing fire and being far, far older than any religious connection would suggest).

*** Truthfully, Van Richten has been mistaken about some things and just plain wrong about others more often than you'd think, at least compared to actual ''TabletopGame/DungeonsAndDragons'' (and even ''Ravenloft'') continuity.

* Taken UpToEleven In the ''Literature/BasLagCycle'', where '''all''' vampires suck; they’re the pathetic losers of [[TheNecrocracy High Cromlech’s undead society]], seen as pitiable blood-addicts at best. They don’t have any particular special powers, all of the weaknesses apply, and it’s explicitly said that the stereotypical aristocrat vampire is a lie spread by vampires who immigrate to other lands to make themselves look better and make it easier to feed. In their homeland, they’re [[HarmlessVillain Harmless Villains]] who usually starve in the streets because all the other undead in Cromlech protect the human citizens from them.

* ''Webcomic/TheOrderOfTheStick'', [[TropeOverdosed naturally]], has some of this after Durkon gets turned into a vampire and has to feed on the rest of the team to stay alive. In the in-universe dialogue, it's {{inverted|Trope}} ("Our vampires suck.") From [[http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0958.html strip #958]]:

* Inverted in a Munden's Bar episode in ''Grimjack''. A vampire patron tells Gordon (the barkeep) that as they discovered different dimensions, vampires discovered MORE things that were an anathema to them. He was destroyed by someone using his weakness to Tourbots.

* Evangeline A.K. [=McDowell=] from ''Manga/MahouSenseiNegima'' can go out in the sunlight easily enough. Garlic won't kill her, but she does hate it (along with leeks) which is how she was defeated in the past by Negi's father. She's also unbothered by the cross necklace that she occasionally wears. No word yet on stakes, though. While Eva explains her {{backstory}}, she notes that at first, she had all the traditional vampire weaknesses. Presumably, she eventually grew powerful enough to circumvent, or simply power past, most if not all of them.

** There's also a moment in book two when main characters dress up as pop-culture vampires (Miron as Dracula, Joshua as Lestat and Dora as [[Film/{{Underworld 2003}} Selene]]) for a vampire party and local vampiress mocks the suits as unclassy and overly cheesy.

* Remilia Scarlet of ''VideoGame/{{Touhou}}'' actually likes cross imagery (she uses them in her spellcards), and is absolutely baffled as to why people think she should be weakened by it. Her sister Flandre is even described as cheerfully playing around with crosses in the spinoff game ''Shoot the Bullet''. On the other hand, as she explains in one of ''Embodiment of Scarlet Devil's'' endings, direct exposure to sunlight ''does'' hurt her and she ''will'' burn to ashes if exposed to it for too long (what constitutes "too long" is not defined)--which is why she has to use a parasol during the day. Also, since the Japanese word for vampire has the kanji for {{oni}} in it, they share weaknesses with them like sardine heads, broken holly branches and roasted soybeans.

* In ''VideoGame/{{Borderlands 2}}'', the final skill of Gaige's "Little Big Trouble" skill tree lets [[RobotBuddy Deathtrap]] adapt to the same element of the weapon she just shot him with, letting him attack with fire, shock, slag, or corrosive damage. The flavor text says: