History Main / YourVampiresSuck

16th Sep '16 5:11:31 PM StarSword
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* ''Literature/TheIntrepidSaga: A Path in the Darkness'' has Tanis and Joe, stuck on a slower-than-light colony ship suffering from major sabotage in an uninhabitable star system in a fundamentally Mohs/SpeculativeScience setting, jokingly comment that it sure would be nice if they had [[Franchise/StarTrek tractor beams, warp drive, or transporters]].
16th Sep '16 3:22:29 PM Franzi1011
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* In ''Film/TheFearlessVampireKillers'', someone holds a cross up to a vampire, only to hear:

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* In ''Film/TheFearlessVampireKillers'', someone Magda holds a cross up to a vampire, newly vampirized Shagal, only to hear:
8th Sep '16 11:13:28 AM erforce
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** There's also a moment in book two when main characters dress up as pop-culture vampires (Miron as Dracula, Joshua as Lestat and Dora as [[Film/{{Underworld}} Selena]]) for a vampire party and local vampiress mocks the suits as unclassy and overly cheesy.

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** There's also a moment in book two when main characters dress up as pop-culture vampires (Miron as Dracula, Joshua as Lestat and Dora as [[Film/{{Underworld}} Selena]]) [[Film/{{Underworld 2003}} Selene]]) for a vampire party and local vampiress mocks the suits as unclassy and overly cheesy.
7th Sep '16 8:44:43 PM PaulA
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* In Creator/MegCabot's ''Insatiable'', this happens a lot. The main character Meena works as writer for a paranormal soap opera about vampires, the titular ''Insatiable'', and eventually meets real vampires.

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* %%* In Creator/MegCabot's ''Insatiable'', this happens a lot. The main character Meena works as writer for a paranormal soap opera about vampires, the titular ''Insatiable'', and eventually meets real vampires.
27th Aug '16 3:15:14 PM MightySchoop
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****This is double-funny in audiobook version, because it's read by James Marsters, aka Spike of BtVS fame.
8th Jul '16 7:50:41 PM merotoker
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* {{Alucard}} from ''Manga/{{Hellsing}}'' delivers the page quote to [[EvilKnockoff Luke Valentine]]. The context: Luke, an artificial vampire, challenges Alucard to a one-on-one duel, boasting that he was engineered to be Alucard's superior. While Luke has a vampire's physical powers (SuperStrength, being resilient enough to shrug off bullets that don't incapacitate him, including one head shot, and uniquely [[FlashStep having super speed and reflexes]]), he lacks a true vampire's...''weirder'' powers. When Alucard thought he was in for [[BloodKnight the pleasure of an actual fight]], he showed off ''a fraction'' of his abilities, and Luke was sent running in terror. When Alucard realized Luke was nothing more than an overconfident rookie, he [[ReasonYouSuckSpeech dressed him down]] and killed Luke ''extra'' gruesomely for wasting his time.

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* {{Alucard}} from ''Manga/{{Hellsing}}'' delivers the page quote to [[EvilKnockoff Luke Valentine]]. The context: Luke, an artificial vampire, challenges Alucard to a one-on-one duel, boasting that he was engineered to be Alucard's superior. While Luke has a vampire's physical powers (SuperStrength, being resilient enough to shrug off bullets that don't incapacitate him, including one head shot, and uniquely [[FlashStep having super speed and reflexes]]), he lacks a true vampire's...''weirder'' powers. When Alucard thought he was in for [[BloodKnight the pleasure of an actual fight]], he showed off ''a fraction'' of his abilities, and Luke was sent running in terror. When Alucard realized Luke was nothing more than an overconfident rookie, he [[ReasonYouSuckSpeech [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech dressed him down]] and killed Luke ''extra'' gruesomely for wasting his time.



* ''Manga/{{Karin}}'' gets a lot of mileage out of this. Especially in the anime where Winner's earliest episode contains a montage of Winner's various vampire traps based on traditional vampire slaying methods...with an explanation from Karin about how silly some of them are: vampires are atheist, so crosses are out. Garlic might overwhelm a vampire's delicate sense of smell, but it's not poisonous, and even Karin has no idea where the running water thing came from. Carrera also looks horrified when Kenta mentions the stakes to the heart -- because that would kill ''anyone''. Though apparently not ''everyone'' as a few vampires are shown living quite well post-staking...sunlight is about the only traditional method shown to work reliably. Shown...''[[NightmareFuel extensively]]'' at one point during a flashback of [[spoiler: the Sinclair Family executing a family of innocent vampires.]]

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* ''Manga/{{Karin}}'' gets a lot of mileage out of this. Especially in the anime where Winner's earliest episode contains a montage of Winner's various vampire traps based on traditional vampire slaying methods...with an explanation from Karin about how silly some of them are: vampires are atheist, so crosses are out. Garlic might overwhelm a vampire's delicate sense of smell, but it's not poisonous, and even Karin has no idea where the running water thing came from. Carrera also looks horrified when Kenta mentions the stakes to the heart -- because that would kill ''anyone''. Though apparently not ''everyone'' as a few vampires are shown living quite well post-staking...sunlight is about the only traditional method shown to work reliably. Shown...''[[NightmareFuel extensively]]'' at one point during a flashback of [[spoiler: the Sinclair Family executing a family of innocent vampires.]]vampires]].



* The Pillar Men from ''Manga/JojosBizarreAdventure'' actually created vampires to serve as their food source, so naturally they look down upon them, despite being pseudo-vampires themselves.

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* The Pillar Men from ''Manga/JojosBizarreAdventure'' ''Manga/JoJosBizarreAdventure'' actually created vampires to serve as their food source, so naturally they look down upon them, despite being pseudo-vampires themselves.



* The ''ComicBook/{{Preacher}}'' one-shot starring Cassidy makes tremendous mockery of Anne Rice and the Franchise/UniversalHorror versions by way of Eccarius, a self-indulgent vampire whose pretensions and assumptions about his origins and weaknesses Cassidy mercilessly removes. And then Cassidy kills him after Eccarius reverts to type and plays out a "conversion" scene with a female admirer with lethal consequences. Of course, Cassidy eventually proves to be no better in his own way...

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* The ''ComicBook/{{Preacher}}'' one-shot starring Cassidy makes tremendous mockery of Anne Rice Creator/AnneRice and the Franchise/UniversalHorror versions by way of Eccarius, a self-indulgent vampire whose pretensions and assumptions about his origins and weaknesses Cassidy mercilessly removes. And then Cassidy kills him after Eccarius reverts to type and plays out a "conversion" scene with a female admirer with lethal consequences. Of course, Cassidy eventually proves to be no better in his own way...



*** Blade's name comes from the fact that he [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blade_(comics)#Equipment used knives with wooden blades to stake vampires.]]

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*** Blade's name comes from the fact that he [[http://en.[[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blade_(comics)#Equipment used knives with wooden blades to stake vampires.]]



* Used in ''Webcomic/{{Nodwick}}'' when Yeagar [[http://comic.nodwick.com/?comic=2001-07-03 refuses to acknowledge]] that [[TabletopGame/{{Ravenloft}} Count Strahd von Zarovich]] is a vampire [[Creator/AnneRice because he doesn't have a single piercing]] -- and their continued ignorance and mockery using this trope eventually [[DrivenToSuicide drives the Count to suicide]].

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* Used in ''Webcomic/{{Nodwick}}'' ''ComicStrip/{{Nodwick}}'' when Yeagar [[http://comic.nodwick.com/?comic=2001-07-03 refuses to acknowledge]] that [[TabletopGame/{{Ravenloft}} Count Strahd von Zarovich]] is a vampire [[Creator/AnneRice because he doesn't have a single piercing]] -- and their continued ignorance and mockery using this trope eventually [[DrivenToSuicide drives the Count to suicide]].



* An amusing non-vampire example: ''Film/AnAmericanWerewolfInLondon'' and ''Film/TheHowling'', [[DuelingMovies both released in 1981]], seem to take direct shots at each other. In ''The Howling'' a character points out that the werewolves must be killed with silver, while saying the full moon thing is just Hollywood made up stuff. In ''An American Werewolf In London'', the titular character is told by his now undead friend to commit suicide before transforming during the full moon, but when the werewolf asks if he needs silver bullets, he's told to get real!

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* An amusing non-vampire example: ''Film/AnAmericanWerewolfInLondon'' and ''Film/TheHowling'', [[DuelingMovies [[DuelingWorks/{{Film}} both released in 1981]], seem to take direct shots at each other. In ''The Howling'' a character points out that the werewolves must be killed with silver, while saying the full moon thing is just Hollywood made up stuff. In ''An American Werewolf In London'', the titular character is told by his now undead friend to commit suicide before transforming during the full moon, but when the werewolf asks if he needs silver bullets, he's told to get real!



** ''Literature/GravePeril'' Harry Dresden makes fun of the notion of vampires giving interviews, and says that they'd almost certainly kill anyone who tried. Of course, as a pop-culture-obsessed DeadpanSnarker, he makes similar comments for most supernatural nasties he meets, mocking FairyTales when compared to TheFairFolk, or for [[OurZombiesAreDifferent zombies]], [[OurDemonsAreDifferent demons]], etc., and he's not always right.

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** ''Literature/GravePeril'' Harry Dresden makes fun of the notion of vampires giving interviews, and says that they'd almost certainly kill anyone who tried. Of course, as a pop-culture-obsessed DeadpanSnarker, he makes similar comments for most supernatural nasties he meets, mocking FairyTales {{Fairy Tale}}s when compared to TheFairFolk, or for [[OurZombiesAreDifferent zombies]], [[OurDemonsAreDifferent demons]], etc., and he's not always right.



* ''Discworld/CarpeJugulum''. Starts out as a send-up to the "traditional" vampire model, then turned around when [[spoiler:the New Age-ish vampires start to lose their cool and resistance to traditional vampire wards, and the villagers reveal that they ''prefer'' the LargeHam old vampires.]]

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* ''Discworld/CarpeJugulum''. Starts out as a send-up to the "traditional" vampire model, then turned around when [[spoiler:the New Age-ish vampires start to lose their cool and resistance to traditional vampire wards, and the villagers reveal that they ''prefer'' the LargeHam old vampires.]]vampires]].



* ''Literature/{{Somewhither}}'': Vampires in the setting are utterly irredeemable, completely evil creatures--in contrast to the FriendlyNeighborhoodVampires which frequently pop up in today's movies and TV shows. Foster comments wryly on how Hollywood cannot "make a proper vampire movie any more", while Penny suggests that all the filmmakers are on the real vampires' payroll.
* Vampires Don't Sparkle: This book is a blatant example of this trope starting from the name, which specifically calls out ''Twilight''. Vampires in the setting are the result of a virus that is activated by the alignment of the stars and they only rise to power every 13,000 years. It combines ancient Egyptian gods with Vampires.

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* ''Literature/{{Somewhither}}'': Vampires in the setting are utterly irredeemable, completely evil creatures--in contrast to the FriendlyNeighborhoodVampires {{Friendly Neighborhood Vampire}}s which frequently pop up in today's movies and TV shows. Foster comments wryly on how Hollywood cannot "make a proper vampire movie any more", while Penny suggests that all the filmmakers are on the real vampires' payroll.
* Vampires ''Vampires Don't Sparkle: Sparkle'': This book is a blatant example of this trope starting from the name, which specifically calls out ''Twilight''. Vampires in the setting are the result of a virus that is activated by the alignment of the stars and they only rise to power every 13,000 years. It combines ancient Egyptian gods with Vampires.



** The opening scene in the season 6 episode ''Live Free or Twi Hard'', in a direct TakeThat to Literature/{{Twilight}} has vampires [[ExploitedTrope using the popularity of the Vampire pop culture (specifically ''Twilight'') to seduce victims]].

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** The opening scene in the season 6 episode ''Live Free or Twi Hard'', in a direct TakeThat to Literature/{{Twilight}} ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' has vampires [[ExploitedTrope using the popularity of the Vampire pop culture (specifically ''Twilight'') to seduce victims]].victims.]]



** It should be noted that neither Tesla nor the trust fund teens are true vampires. Tesla became a sort-of vampire after receiving an injection of the Source Blood (the last remaining vampire blood), while the other members of the Five received vastly different powers ([[WeAreAsMayflies longevity]], [[TeleportersAndTransporters teleportation]], {{invisibility}}, and [[TheSmartGuy super-intelligence]]). Tesla also got electrical powers. The teens were turned in one of Tesla's experiments, making them even less of vamps than the originals.

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** It should be noted that neither Tesla nor the trust fund teens are true vampires. Tesla became a sort-of vampire after receiving an injection of the Source Blood (the last remaining vampire blood), while the other members of the Five received vastly different powers ([[WeAreAsMayflies longevity]], [[TeleportersAndTransporters teleportation]], {{teleportation}}, {{invisibility}}, and [[TheSmartGuy super-intelligence]]). Tesla also got electrical powers. The teens were turned in one of Tesla's experiments, making them even less of vamps than the originals.



** ''Requiem'' in particular has two outright {{Take That}}'s; the inevitable backlash against ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' in the form of a joke merit in the parody splat "Dudes of Legend", which grants immunity to sunlight at the cost of "sparkling, and making people think you're kind of gay", and one against stereotypical vampire movie fans in the form of "Players" bloodline from "Bloodlines: The Legendary". For added points, the Players are a bloodline of the Mekhet clan ("vampires as watching, lurking predators") who wish they were Daeva ("VampiresAreSexGods") and who've tried -- and failed -- to force themselves into fitting that model better, since they don't consider typical Mekhet to be "real" vampires.

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** ''Requiem'' in particular has two outright {{Take That}}'s; That}}s; the inevitable backlash against ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' in the form of a joke merit in the parody splat "Dudes of Legend", which grants immunity to sunlight at the cost of "sparkling, and making people think you're kind of gay", and one against stereotypical vampire movie fans in the form of "Players" bloodline from "Bloodlines: The Legendary". For added points, the Players are a bloodline of the Mekhet clan ("vampires as watching, lurking predators") who wish they were Daeva ("VampiresAreSexGods") and who've tried -- and failed -- to force themselves into fitting that model better, since they don't consider typical Mekhet to be "real" vampires.



** Although subverted by the fact that you later [[spoiler:do encounter a vampire hunter who DOES hurt you with his crucifix -- but he is one of perhaps no more than a few dozen humans on the planet Earth that possesses True Faith, [[AllThereInTheManual which does hurt vampires]]. Amusingly, ''vampires'' can even possess True Faith in the Old World of Darkness.]]
** It is further proven that an average human can't hurt you with a crucifix [[spoiler:when you have to get through The Mandarin's testing grounds. One of the tests involves a man in an environmental suit, who will point a crucifix towards you. You're free to kill him for being ignorant in whatever gruesome fashion you like.]]

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** Although subverted by the fact that you later [[spoiler:do encounter a vampire hunter who DOES hurt you with his crucifix -- but he is one of perhaps no more than a few dozen humans on the planet Earth that possesses True Faith, [[AllThereInTheManual which does hurt vampires]]. Amusingly, ''vampires'' can even possess True Faith in the Old World of Darkness.]]
Darkness]].
** It is further proven that an average human can't hurt you with a crucifix [[spoiler:when you have to get through The Mandarin's testing grounds. One of the tests involves a man in an environmental suit, who will point a crucifix towards you. You're free to kill him for being ignorant in whatever gruesome fashion you like.]]like]].



* A full chapter, ''Bloodsuckers are not sexy'' of ''Webcomic/FafnirTheDragon'' was half this towards, and half [[{{Gorn}} grisly deathscenes]] of Literature/{{Twilight}}'s vampires at the hands of [[http://fafnirthedragon.com/?p=1252 Vlad the Impaler,]] aka Literature/{{Dracula}}.

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* A full chapter, ''Bloodsuckers are not sexy'' of ''Webcomic/FafnirTheDragon'' was half this towards, and half [[{{Gorn}} grisly deathscenes]] of Literature/{{Twilight}}'s ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'''s vampires at the hands of [[http://fafnirthedragon.com/?p=1252 Vlad the Impaler,]] aka Literature/{{Dracula}}.



** Of particular note is the fact that when the main characters finally rescue their coven, [[spoiler: each of the totally-out-to-lunch non-protagonist vampires turns out to be a parody of one Anne Rice character type or another.]]

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** Of particular note is the fact that when the main characters finally rescue their coven, [[spoiler: each of the totally-out-to-lunch non-protagonist vampires turns out to be a parody of one Anne Rice character type or another.]]another]].
30th Jun '16 11:28:07 AM DarkHunter
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** Sequel series ''Manga/UQHolder'' delves into this a little bit when her adopted son and sire Touta meets a time displaced version of her and notes that she needs to drink blood when he never had to (he's also perfectly fine with sunlight from the moment he's turned but crosses still hurt him).
30th Jun '16 7:05:23 AM aurora369
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Alucard is a special vamp on MULTIPLE levels, though. He makes every vampire -- in his own series and in every other, with the possible exception of [[TabletopGame/VampireTheMasquerade Caine]] -- look absolutely pathetic by comparison. [[spoiler: Especially given he's reached a point where he's less vampire, and more EldritchAbomination.]]

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Alucard is a special vamp on MULTIPLE levels, though. He makes every vampire -- in his own series and in every other, with the possible exception of [[TabletopGame/VampireTheMasquerade Caine]] Caine and the Antediluvians]] -- look absolutely pathetic by comparison. [[spoiler: Especially given he's reached a point where he's less vampire, and more EldritchAbomination.]]
27th Jun '16 2:22:21 PM sorako
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* The Pillar Men from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure actually created vampires to serve as their food source, so naturally they look down upon them, despite being pseudo-vampires themselves.

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* The Pillar Men from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure ''Manga/JojosBizarreAdventure'' actually created vampires to serve as their food source, so naturally they look down upon them, despite being pseudo-vampires themselves.
27th Jun '16 12:29:11 PM sorako
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** Sequel series ''Manga/UQHolder'' delves into this a little bit when her adopted son and sire Touta meets a time displaced version of her and notes that she needs to drink blood when he never had to (he's also perfectly fine with sunlight from the moment he's turned but crosses still hurt him).
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