History Main / SexlessMarriage

->''How are we to think about those situations when the marital bed might as well have a '''[-NO ENTRY-]''' sign on the headboard? I don’t mean a general decline in frequency to once a week or even once a month. Some degree of waning desire is natural over the course of a relationship, and differences in libido are to be expected and managed. I’m talking about partners who have steadfastly been unresponsive to the sexual advances of their mates for years or even decades, even while they remain affectionate and close. Nobody wants to return to [[MaritalRapeLicense domestic rape]] or [[LieBackAndThinkOfEngland duty sex]], but we also need to acknowledge that when one partner unilaterally decides there will be no (or very little) sex, that is not monogamy--it’s enforced celibacy.''

* In ''Fanfic/{{Dauntless}}'' Lelouch is forced into a political marriage by the Emperor but refuses to consummate the relationship. [[spoiler:He's eventually coaxed into having sex as the price of getting her political support]].

->''How are we to think about those situations when the marital bed might as well have a '''NO ENTRY''' sign on the headboard? I don’t mean a general decline in frequency to once a week or even once a month. Some degree of waning desire is natural over the course of a relationship, and differences in libido are to be expected and managed. I’m talking about partners who have steadfastly been unresponsive to the sexual advances of their mates for years or even decades, even while they remain affectionate and close. Nobody wants to return to [[MaritalRapeLicense domestic rape]] or [[LieBackAndThinkOfEngland duty sex]], but we also need to acknowledge that when one partner unilaterally decides there will be no (or very little) sex, that is not monogamy--it’s enforced celibacy.''

->''How are we to think about those situations when the marital bed might as well have a [[AC:no entry]] sign on the headboard? I don’t mean a general decline in frequency to once a week or even once a month. Some degree of waning desire is natural over the course of a relationship, and differences in libido are to be expected and managed. I’m talking about partners who have steadfastly been unresponsive to the sexual advances of their mates for years or even decades, even while they remain affectionate and close. Nobody wants to return to [[MaritalRapeLicense domestic rape]] or [[LieBackAndThinkOfEngland duty sex]], but we also need to acknowledge that when one partner unilaterally decides there will be no (or very little) sex, that is not monogamy--it’s enforced celibacy.''

* In ''Series/TheGoodWife'', Alicia and Peter's marriage went through a number of rough patches, especially after it was publicly revealed that he had sexual relations with several women on his staff. After he is released from prison, they reconcile, but then Alicia finds out that one of those women was [[spoiler:her new best friend Kalinda]]. She immediately buys him an apartment and forces him to move out. She even has a brief sexual relationship with [[spoiler:her boss Will]]. They then get back together until [[spoiler:Will is shot and killed by a client]], causing Alicia to suddenly lash out at Peter that she has never forgiven him about his earlier indiscretions. They resolve to stay married for their careers and show up for each other's official functions, but that's it. Their son even calls them Bill and Hillary.[[note]]Ironically, in real life it is quite obvious that Bill Clinton is still absolutely besotted with his wife, his inability to keep it in his pants notwithstanding -- not that this stops the tabloids from speculating otherwise.[[/note]]

* In ''Series/TheGoodWife'', Alicia and Peter's marriage went through a number of rough patches, especially after it was publicly revealed that he had sexual relations with several women on his staff. After he is released from prison, they reconcile, but then Alicia finds out that one of those women was [[spoiler:her new best friend Kalinda]]. She immediately buys him an apartment and forces him to move out. She even has a brief sexual relationship with [[spoiler:her boss Will]]. They then get back together until [[spoiler:Will is shot and killed by a client]], causing Alicia to suddenly lash out at Peter that she has never forgiven him about his earlier indiscretions. They resolve to stay married for their careers and show up for each other's official functions, but that's it. Their son even calls them Bill and Hillary.
* In the ''Series/MissFishersMurderMysteries'', Inspector Robinson reveals half-way through the first season to be in one such marriage. [[spoiler: They eventually divorce.]]

* In ''Series/GameOfThrones'', Cersei reveals to Sansa that she and Robert never had penis-in-vagina intercourse once in their entire marriage. In the extremely rare instance that he would drunkenly burst into [[SleepingSingle her bedchamber]] demanding sex, she used other means to get him off, and he'd wake up the next morning with no memory of what happened. This is exactly why he never realized his three children weren't biologically his.

* John [=McClane=] is separated from his wife, and thus not sleeping with her, in ''Film/DieHard'' and ''Film/DieHardWithAVengeance''.
* David and Audrey in ''Film/{{Unbreakable}}'', even sleeping in separate beds. Wonder if Bruce Willis is trying to tell us something?

[[folder:Theater]]
* In ''Theatre/ALittleNightMusic'', Fredrik and Anne's marriage lasts for eleven months without being consummated, though they both consider attempting it.
* In ''Theatre/TheLittleFoxes'', Regina has not let her husband sleep with her since ten years before the events of the play. She claimed that there was something medically wrong with her, and hated him for believing her lie.
[[/folder]]

* Some really interesting cases of this trope can be found in Catholic Hagiology:
** Edward the Confessor had a sexless marriage based on mutual religious devotion with his queen Edith. She apparently had no problem with it but it led to a succession crisis that resulted in the Norman Conquest.

* Female!Hawke could have something like this in ''VideoGame/DragonAgeII'' if she romances Sebastian, who took a vow of chastity before meeting her.
** After Carver mocks this aspect of his sister's marriage, Hawke jokingly replies;

[[folder:Visual Novels]]
* In ''VisualNovel/UminekoWhenTheyCry'', Krauss and Natsuhi apparently do not share a bed and sleep in separate bedrooms.
[[/folder]]

->''"In trouble with the old lady" is the only way Creator/BruceWillis knows to be married. In fact, it has been argued, most notably by us right now, that Bruce Willis is the only person who could have played the child psychiatrist in ''Film/TheSixthSense''. In the first scene, the character's happily married and getting ready to bone his wife when he's shot. If it had been anyone else, we would have immediately wondered why his wife was refusing to look at him or even answer his questions in every scene after that. With Bruce Willis, we just clucked our tongues and thought, "Just like [[Film/DieHard Holly]]. I wonder what he did this time."''
-->-- '''Website/{{Cracked}}'''

->''"In trouble with the old lady" is the only way Creator/BruceWillis knows to be married. In fact it has been argued, most notably by us right now, that Bruce Willis is the only person who could have played the child psychiatrist in ''Film/TheSixthSense''. In the first scene, the character's happily married and getting ready to bone his wife when he's shot. If it had been anyone else, we would have immediately wondered why his wife was refusing to look at him or even answer his questions in every scene after that. With Bruce Willis, we just clucked our tongues and thought, "Just like [[Film/DieHard Holly]]. I wonder what he did this time."''

There are a few times where this trope can be in play for other reasons. Sometimes there are uncomfortable sleep issues involved (snoring, etc.) and one side will be [[ExiledToTheCouch banished from the bed]]. The trope will also occur with either a CitizenshipMarriage or someone who has SettledForGay, although in those cases this may be the default state of the marriage. In neither case does this trope suggest the romantic problems that it will under the more stereotypical circumstances. In one case because the romance is fine--it's just the sleeping patterns that are bad, and in the other because there wasn't supposed to be any romance to begin with. Another possibility is that one or both of the couple are having medical or other problems that interfere with having a sex life.

* As of 2002 in ''LightNovel/{{Baccano}}'', [[EternalLove Firo and Ennis]] take TwiceShy beyond humanly possible levels: they have lived under the same roof for seventy two years, have been married for about twenty of those, and still haven't gotten as far as second base.

* In ''LightNovel/FateZero'', the marriage Saber (aka [[KingArthur Arturia Pendragon]]) had with Guinevere was devoid of sex due to the fact that [[SweetPollyOliver Saber had to conceal her gender in order to be King]]. It was because of this that Guinevere [[YourCheatingHeart started looking for love in other places]]--Lancelot, for example. Saber was actually alright with Guinevere's affair [[IWantMyBelovedToBeHappy because she wanted her to be happy]], but was forced to act when it became public to preserve her image and authority. In the end, all three suffered as a result.

* The plot of ''Manga/MyWifeIsAHighSchoolGirl'' involves Asami Onohara, a seventeen-year old high-school student who is married to Kyosuke Ichimaru, her physics teacher in the same high school she attends. However, even though they are officially a married couple, Asami's father forbids them to have any sexual contact until after Asami has graduated.

* In the French comic ''ComicBook/{{Blacksad}}'', the second arc features the chief of police who's part of a white(-furred) supremacist group, about whom rumors of pedophilia abound, because of further rumors that he and his wife have never slept together. [[spoiler: The former are false, but the latter are most definitely true: It's because ''she'' knows, but ''he'' doesn't, that he's actually her father; their marriage was part of an elaborate plan by the daughter to get revenge on him for the way he treated her black mother after he started buying into white supremacist rhetoric. In this case the romantic implications ''are'' brought up, but that was kind of the idea to begin with.]]

* Bruce and Grace's marriage in ''The Dark Knight'' fanfic ''Question of Honor'' starts out like this. Which makes sense because [[CitizenshipMarriage Bruce married her to get her out of her war torn homeland]] and they plan on getting an annulment in a few years so Grace can stay in the States.

* In the movie ''Film/{{Pleasantville}}'', it was revealed before the main characters arrived in town, sex was a concept no one could understand. When the mother was told teenagers were having sex, she had to be given a talk from her teenage daughter about what it was. This is because Pleasantville is a amalgamation of [[TrappedInTVLand old TV show concepts and tropes]] from a time when sex was a taboo subject, and so a mother having a child without ever having sex isn't the only thing very off about this place.

** There is also [[Literature/ChildrenOfDune marriage between Leto II and his twin sister Ghanima]]. Said union is purely symbolic and since Leto II becomes sterile after his transformation, Ghanima has to take another man as her real mate to ensure the continuation of the Atreides line. Later in ''Literature/GodEmperorOfDune'', Leto prepares to marry Hwi Noree out of mutual love, but it's obviously going to be sexless because in addition to being sterile, Leto is now also a giant sandworm with a human face. [[spoiler:They end up dying together on their planned wedding day anyway.]]

* In the ''Literature/CodexAlera'' novel series, First Lord Gaius Sextus has one of these with his much younger wife. She doesn't even know what a passionate kiss from him is like, since clearly their marriage was for political reasons. Later in the series, [[spoiler:Maximus of all people makes Gaius subvert this]].

* In ''Literature/TheHunchbackOfNotreDame'', Esmeralda marries Pierre Gringoire only to save his life, and doesn't let him touch her. He accepts that pretty easily.

* In ''Literature/TheMercyRoom'', the protagonist is in a completely sexless unromantic marriage. It's not that they don't like their spouse, it's just the protagonist simply never felt anything for them. Eventually the spouse commits suicide and the protagonist goes on rather unaffected.
* Karl Oskar and Kristina in ''[[Literature/TheEmigrants The Last Letter Home]]'' after it becomes clear that Kristina won't survive another pregnancy. It doesn't last for long however.

* In A.S. Byatt's ''Literature/{{Possession}}'', the wife of Randolph Ash is terrified of sex and can't bring herself to sleep with her husband. Later when she agrees to try he's careful, but she has vaginismus (a painful cramping of interior muscles, often stress-related). He's actually pretty accepting of it, and though he later has an affair with the poetess Christabel LaMotte (which makes up the crux of the book) he never considers leaving his wife, and ultimately tells her that they had a sucessful marriage since never once in all those years did they have an argument.

* One of the leading couples in Creator/LarryNiven's novel ''The Legacy of Heorot'' becomes this after the husband is rendered paraplegic in a fight with an alien monster. He ends up giving her permission to seek "outside assistance" when it came to her physical needs, as long as she didn't sleep with the book's main character. She keeps the promise until the climax of the book: a massive battle against thousands of the monsters during which the paralyzed character dies in a HeroicSacrifice. In the sequel, ''Beowulf's Children'', which takes place nearly twenty years later, its revealed that she went ahead and married the hero in between books.

[[folder:Live Action TV]]

** Lindsay's nephew George Michael has a crush on their daughter Maeby, and is tantalized by the possibility that she may be adopted. He and Maeby [[AccidentalMarriage accidentally got married]], but never became an {{official couple}}.
* Heavily implied between Salvatore Romano and his wife in ''Series/MadMen''. In fact it appears that the two of them barely even speak.

* Referenced in the pilot of ''Series/NedAndStacey'', when Ned explains his MarriageOfConvenience offer. "I mean, it doesn't have to be a real marriage, just a marriage minus the love, sex and intimacy, which, now that I think about it, is more real than the "real" kind."

* Catholic belief is also that Mary and Joseph had a marriage like this, declaring that she was a perpetual virgin. Jesus' brothers mentioned in some verses are explained as being born to a prior wife of Joseph (thus his ''half''-brothers). Some later Catholics who decided to follow this idea thus have what's called "Josephite marriages" (i.e. they get married but vow to not have sex). In this case though, the marriage would have to be consummated at least once for validity under Catholic canon law (or else it could be annulled). So most such couples agree at some point to stop having sex, rather than simply never doing it to begin with. In fact mutual agreement is required to have a Josephite marriage, since under Catholic doctrine neither spouse can just require it of the other.

* Dexter's parents in ''WesternAnimation/DextersLaboratory'' are heavily implied to have this kind of romance. One episode has Dee Dee disguised as her mom and when her dad gets romantic with her she gets understandbly grossed out. Her dad simply shuffles away and grumbles "What else is new?". Another episode has Dad mistaking Mandark for his wife and asking her to go to bed, but when Mandark declines he says she "always says the same things". It's unknown if it's related to Mom's mysophobia but they're a fairly affectionate couple. That explains the [[YourCheatingHeart cheatings]] joke and [[ADateWithRosiePalms "special bathroom privacy time"]] line.

* In ''Literature/TheBible'': Implied to be the case with Abraham and Sarah after a long time of being unable to conceive children, when God's angels visit the couple in [[Literature/BookOfGenesis Genesis chapter 18]] and tell them that Sarah was going to have Abraham's child, and Sarah laughs, saying, “After I have grown old, shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?”

* David and Audrey in ''Film/{{Unbreakable}}'', even sleeping in separate beds.
** Wonder if Bruce Willis is trying to tell us something?

* ''Series/PhilipKDicksElectricDreams'': In "[[Recap/PhilipKDicksElectricDreamsS1E6HumanIs Human Is]]" Vera and Silas's marriage is implied to be one before his return. After this, he starts showing sexual interest in her, which greatly surprises Vera. After they have sex, she says he never before touched her that way.

-->-- '''''{{Website/Cracked}}'''''