History Main / IndestructibleEdible

If it's a military ration, it's likely to also be NondescriptNastyNutritious. Compare InexplicablyPreservedDungeonMeat, ItCameFromTheFridge, and WayPastTheExpirationDate. Usually [[EvenTheRatsWontTouchIt even rats]] won't eat food like this. Indestructible Edibles are the perfect edibles to use for [[EdibleBludgeon weapons]] and [[EdibleAmmunition ammo]].

* [[https://www.reddit.com/r/shittyfoodporn/comments/matw44/cupcake_left_locked_in_my_managers_office_for_a/ This Reddit user]] took a photo of a cupcake left in their manager's office for a year due to the COVID-19 lockdown. It had completely solidified and become rock-hard.

* Salt, being an inorganic mineral substance, can potentially last ''indefinitely'' so long as it's not dissolved. The oldest known salt deposits on Earth, found within Australia's Bitter Springs Formation, are ~1.17 ''billion'' years old.

* In ''Fanfic/TheChangelingOfTheGuard'', the titular changeling Idol Hooves earns fame amongst his fellow guardsponies by not only eating ''six'' [=MREs=] in a row, but also enjoying them. Much like their real world counterparts, Equestrian [=MREs=] are widely considered to have sacrificed everything that makes them edible in order to be sufficiently long-lasting for military purposes.

* ''Film/DownPeriscope'' plays this as a joke. When the cook opens a can that expired in 1966, he eats some and can't see what the problem is as it still tastes like creamed corn... except, [[{{Squick}} it's deviled ham]].

Twinkies[[note]]Which, contrary to popular belief, last about a month before they go bad. That isn't to say they become inedible, as they'll never grow mold, but after a few months, you're looking less at a Twinkie and more at a stale sponge cake with slowly-evaporating cream filling. Still significantly better than many other pastries and baked goods, mind you, but hardly the centuries-long shelf life that urban legends claim.[[/note]] and other preservative-laden snack foods are the ones that most commonly get this treatment, but it's sometimes applied to canned foods as well.

* In ''Series/KitchenNightmares'' at the Dovecote Bistro for the "Great British Nightmare" special, Gordon Ramsay is shocked when the owner's daughter informs him that the lamb shank he has just been served has a lifespan of ONE YEAR, and doesn't even need to be refrigerated due to being vacuum sealed. Gordon is so revolted he outright refuses to taste the dish(something he had never done before up to that point in either KN series). He then looks over the ingredients of the lamb shank and is shocked by how many chemicals are in it, upon which he remarks "thank fuck I didn't taste it!"

Compare InexplicablyPreservedDungeonMeat, ItCameFromTheFridge, and WayPastTheExpirationDate. Usually [[EvenTheRatsWontTouchIt even rats]] won't eat food like this. Indestructible Edibles are the perfect edibles to use for [[EdibleBludgeon weapons]] and [[EdibleAmmunition ammo]].

* In Series/KitchenNightmares'' at the Dovecote Bistro for the "Great British Nightmare" special, Gordon Ramsay is shocked when the owner's daughter informs him that the lamb shank he has just been served has a lifespan of ONE YEAR, and doesn't even need to be refrigerated due to being vacuum sealed. Gordon is so revolted he outright refuses to taste the dish(something he had never done before up to that point in either KN series). He then looks over the ingredients of the lamb shank and is shocked by how many chemicals are in it, upon which he remarks "thank fuck I didn't taste it!"

** A common way to eat hardtack was to pound the thing ''back'' into flour with a mortar and pestle and re-cook the resulting paste into gruel.

* [[http://www.bionicburger.com/ The Cheeseburger Museum]] has burgers from [=McDonald's=] that are two decades old and look exactly the same as the day they were bought. It's presumably not safe to eat them due to bacterial growth, but the burger patties and other components are so thin that they dry out before visible decay or mold can set in.

* An extra feature in the DVD for ''Film/SuperSizeMe'' has Morgan Spurlock keep various UsefulNotes/McDonalds burgers and fries in jars to see how long it takes for them to go bad, with a local independent burger joint providing a control. The indie burger and fries went bad within the first week. The [=McBurgers=] lasted a few weeks longer. The [=McFries=] went for ''ten weeks'' without looking any different, at which point the intern accidentally threw the fries away. One could infer that the fries could last even longer. This was intended to imply how artificial they are, [[ArtisticLicenseBiology but anyone who knows basic biology will know that mold requires moisture to grow]], and the [=McDonalds=] burger and fries were much too thin to hold water for long, which combined with their high sodium content meant that they were an environment that was simply too dry for any mold or bacteria to grow.

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThL4m7EU4hU This video]] showcases someone casting a fresh [=McDonald=]'s cheeseburger and some fries in epoxy resin, creating two paperweights with food in them, then leaving them for 60 days to see what happened. After 60 days, both were in pretty great condition, though as the bread dried out, it left a noticeable dent in the plastic in the case of the cheeseburger. After cutting the two paperweights in half, to which the person reported it still smelled as fresh as the day he bought them, he proceeded to paint one of the halves with another layer of resin, while leaving the others untouched, then waited another 60 days; the unprotected cheeseburger dried out further and showed signs of some growing mold on areas that hadn't been infiltrated by the plastic, while the re-sealed half showed no further signs of degradation. It goes without saying that you probably wouldn't want to eat either though.

In the Ernest franchise film Ernest in the Army, Ernest joins the Army and is deployed overseas. While cooking breakfast for the troops in the middle of the movie, he accidentally adds "Powdered Tank Patch" to a batch of pancakes, making them (much to the chagrin of his diners) an Indestructible Edible. Unfortunately, they're so indestructible that they can't even be eaten. Cut to the end of the movie, and he [[spoiler: defeats the film's arch-villain, a deranged Middle-Eastern dictator, by chucking one of the impossibly hard pancakes at him.]]

** The Twinkie stereotype is taken a step further when an enraged customer crushes one under his foot before storming out of the Kwik-E-Mart. It quickly pops back into shape after Apu picks it up.
--->'''Apu:''' Silly customer! You cannot hurt a Twinkie.

Twinkies[[note]]Which, contrary to popular belief, last about a month before they go bad. They never grow mold, but the outside turns stale and the cream filling evaporates. While this is still significantly longer than that of many other pastries and baked goods, it's hardly the centuries-long shelf life that urban legends claim.[[/note]] and other preservative-laden snack foods are the ones that most commonly get this treatment, but it's sometimes applied to canned foods as well.

Also commonly associated with [[EveryoneHatesFruitcakes fruitcake]]. Expect lots of jokes about using the offending foodstuff as a doorstop, paperweight, etc., or it being passed along between different relatives and friends (or from generation to generation) every [[ChristmasEpisode Christmas]] for the past century.

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThL4m7EU4hU This video]] showcases someone casting a fresh McDonald's cheeseburger and some fries in epoxy resin, creating two paperweights with food in them, then leaving them for 60 days to see what happened. After 60 days, both were in pretty great condition, though as the bread dried out, it left a noticeable dent in the plastic in the case of the cheeseburger. After cutting the two paperweights in half, to which the person reported it still smelled as fresh as the day he bought them, he proceeded to paint one of the halves with another layer of resin, while leaving the others untouched, then waited another 60 days; the unprotected cheeseburger dried out further and showed signs of some growing mold on areas that hadn't been infiltrated by the plastic, while the re-sealed half showed no further signs of degradation. It goes without saying that you probably wouldn't want to eat either though.

** "...and [[TonkaTough all of Nintendo's products]]."

** ''VideoGame/Pikmin3'' has you collecting pretty much every known type of fruit on the planet, all of which look perfectly ripe and not spoiled in any way.

* In ''VideoGame/{{Cataclysm}}'', you can loot military rations from military surplus stores. As any jarhead or private will tell you, they're not very good - eating them temporarily lowers your morale.
* Many of the treasures in ''VideoGame/{{Pikmin}} 2'' are food. And while it's heavily implied that the planet where you find them is future Earth, none of it is the least bit rotten.
** Similarly, ''VideoGame/Pikmin3'' has you collecting pretty much every known type of fruit on the planet, all of which look perfectly ripe and not spoiled in any way.

** ''A Tourist Guide to Lancre'' contains a brief mention of "Lancre Mint Cake", which is described as "mint-flavoured dwarf bread" and parodies [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kendal_Mint_Cake a real product]].

* ''Videogame/FallenLondon:'' Incorruptible Biscuits. The description tells they never go off, though one could argue they were never ''on''. Just a few bites will get you through a long day, but they're gonna be difficult bites; the {{street urchin}}s call them Dentist Biscuits for a reason. Their taste is not remarked on, though Londoner palates can probably use something more normal than their usual shroomy, ratty and even [[AlienLunch rubbery]] meals.

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