History Main / CutHisHeartOutWithASpoon

-->'''Shrek''': Ogres will make a suit from your freshly peeled skin, shave your liver, squeeze the jelly from your eyes... actually, it's quite good on toast.

** Also, listen to "One More Minute" by the Al... this time it's subverted in that it isn't threats to anyone else, but what he would rather do instead of being with his ex. Actions preferred: ripping out his intestines with a fork, putting an icepick under a few of his toenails, diving into a swimming pool with double edged razor blades, and the clincher: "I'd rather rip my heart right out of my ribcage with my bare hands and then throw it on the floor and stomp on it 'til I die."

** Also, when Caboose gets in touch with his "angry side" in order to fight off the {{noob}}s, he shouts threats and insults like "I will eat your unhappiness!" and "Your toast has been burned, and no amount of scraping will remove the black parts!"

* ''WesternAnimation/{{Madagascar}}'': Alex the lion threatens Marty the Zebra with "I'm going to strangle you, and bury you, and then dig you up and clone you, then I'm gonna kill all your clones, [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking then I'm never talking to you again!]]"

-->'''Hämsterviel:''' Wait for my phone call. I will then tell you the ransom exchange location, and call you many nasty names!

--->'''Chi Fu:''' Who are you?\\
'''Mushu:''' ''[disguised as an official]'' Excuse me? I think the question is, who are ''you''? We're in a war, man! There's no time for stupid questions! I should have your hat for this, snatch it right off your head! But I'm feeling gracious today, so carry on before I report you.

-->'''Yzma:''' I'll turn him into a flea, a harmless little flea. Then, I'll put that flea in a box, and then I'll put that box inside another box, and then I'll mail that box to myself. And when it arrives (EvilLaugh), [[LargeHam I'LL SA-MASH IT WITH A HAMMAH!]]

-->'''Robin:''' If you don't tell me where your little brother is, I'm gonna beat the ''BLACK'' off you, and you're gonna look lighter than Michael Jackson!

[[folder:Western Animation]]
* The ''WesternAnimation/ActionMan2000'' episode "Grey Areas" had Fidget make a comical threat, only to quickly realize that the act of violence is not possible.
-->'''Fidget''': If he comes back, I'll rip his head off and shove it up his nose... Wait, your nose is on your head, THAT WON'T WORK!
* ''WesternAnimation/TheAdventuresOfSuperMarioBros3'' episode "The Beauty of Kootie": When Kootie Pie finds out Casanova Koopa is really Luigi in disguise, she threatens to tie his lips behind his head so he wouldn't kiss again.
* Taken quite literally in ''WesternAnimation/TheAmazingWorldOfGumball'', to a point in which the episode is actually called "The Spoon". In the episode, a robber named Sal Left Thumb robs the clerk at a local convenient store and threatens the clerk with a spoon.
* In the episode "Red October Sky" of the show ''WesternAnimation/AmericanDad'', Sergei, a retired communist spy who swore revenge against Stan, makes an odd threat against him at the end of the episode.
-->'''Sergei:''' I will plant the seeds of revenge and let them grow, then I'll harvest the vegetables of revenge and from those vegetables, I will plant more seeds!\\
'''Stan:''' And then you'll get your revenge.\\
'''Sergei:''' No, Smith. From the third or perhaps fourth harvest of revenge plants, I will make stew and season it perfectly, with revenge!
* ''WesternAnimation/AquaTeenHungerForce'': Shake attempts to mow Carl's lawn... with fire. When Carl calls him about it later, he threatens to shove Shake's face into a pastrami slicer.
* ''WesternAnimation/{{Archer}}'':
** Archer does this to Woodhouse all the time:
--->'''Archer:''' When I get back here, if I find a single dog hair I'll rub sand in your dead little eyes. Also, I need you to go buy sand. I don't know if they grade it, but... coarse.\\
'''Archer:''' I'm gonna pain you dearly, Woodhouse, when I peel off all your skin with a flensing knife! [[EscalatingPunchline And then sew it into Woodhouse pajamas! And then set those pajamas on fire]]!\\
'''Archer:''' And now I have to spend the first weekend I've had off in forever coming up with some kind of [[LampshadeHanging bizarre punishment]] for this. So don't be surprised if you end up... eating a big bowl of spiderwebs[[labelnote:*]]This one is actually carried out[[/labelnote]].
** There are a few that don't involve Woodhouse. Sterling remarks that, if a pharmacist doesn't tell him where some fake chemotherapy drugs are being warehoused, he will take a knife and slowly insert it into the man's urethra.
** Malory can be downright terrifying when she's angry:
*** In "On the Carpet," she threatens to ''[[RunningGag literally]]'' emasculate Kriger.
---->'''Malory:''' Woodhouse, dear, I need some more ice.\\
'''Woodhouse:''' Straightaway, mum.\\
'''Malory:''' [[TranquilFury Oh, and a small bowl, a mirror, a needle and thread, and straight razor.]]\\
'''Lana:''' You are ''not'' emasculating Krieger!\\
'''Krieger:''' ''[genuinely scared]'' What the hell was the mirror for?\\
'''Malory:''' So you can ''watch!''
*** In "The Man from Jupiter:"
---->'''Malory:''' So help me God, if you throw that computer on the floor again, you'll wake up in a mental ward with total amnesia under someone else's name!
*** After Archer steals her credit card in "The Honeymooners:"
---->'''Malory:''' I am going ''literally'' kill him.\\
'''Ray:''' Well, [[RunningGag figurativ]]--\\
'''Malory:''' ''LITERALLY!'' I'll lure him to my condo in Miami, drug his Steak au Poivre, drive him out to the Everglades, slather him with rancid chicken fat, and toss him to the gators!\\
'''Ray:''' ''[{{beat}}]'' That's pretty specific for a hypothetical.
*** After Krieger kidnaps her infant granddaughter to use for market research:
---->'''Malory:''' [[MamaBear And, Krieger? I swear to God, if I catch you near this child again...]]\\
'''Krieger:''' But-- ''[immediately shuts up as the laser sight of Malory's gun drifts downward to his crotch]''\\
'''Malory:''' And the implied threat here is that I will shoot you in the genitals and then sit here sipping ''Amontillado Sherry'' while you bleed to death.
** Lana gets in a few as well.
--->'''Lana:''' I will break both of your collarbones, rip them out of your body, and use them to play -- in its entirety and ''on your head'' -- "[[Music/LedZeppelin Moby Dick]]".\\
'''Lana:''' If you wake this baby, I will climb inside you with my shoes on.
* ''WesternAnimation/BeastWars'':
** Megatron has a good one in "Possession" when he discovers that [[GrandTheftMe Starscream]] is being, well, TheStarscream.
--->'''Megatron:''' Ugh! Starscream and Blackarachnia! I'll have both their treacherous hides! [[VerbalTic Yeeessss]]... I'll-I'll melt them down and use them for aluminum siding! Oh, yes, indeed!
** A bit earlier, in "Dark Voyage", Dinobot is a little ticked a trap set up for him and several other Maximals has left them blind and contaminated with energon:
--->'''Dinobot:''' I'll tear Scorponok's processor out for this! And Waspinator's, too!
* In the ''WesternAnimation/BikerMiceFromMars'' episode "Steal of the Century", the Pulverizer threatens to tear out the Biker Mice's whiskers and use them to floss his teeth.
* ''WesternAnimation/CourageTheCowardlyDog'':
** "Watch the Birdies" had a mother vulture make Muriel babysit her three hatchlings: "If I come back here and find just one feather out of place on their little heads... '''''[[SuddenlyShouting I'm gonna eat ya with this cereal spoon!]]'''''"
** In "Courage Under the Volcano", Chief Wiki Wiki threatens to tattoo Courage's face if they survive the volcano's eruption.
* One episode of ''WesternAnimation/DaveTheBarbarian'' has Dave obtaining a set of gargle pipes (a bagpipes-like instrument) that he uses to spite Candy with its obnoxious sound. She threatens to do something violent to him, but what it is exactly is mostly drowned out and all we can hear is that [[NoodleImplements it involves a fondue fork]].
** In another episode Lula tells Dave "remind me later and I'll do horrible things to you with a cheese grater!"
* ''WesternAnimation/{{Dilbert}}'' has some sort of security guard crash course instructor who claims he can kill a man with his thumb. [[SchmuckBait He then asks for a volunteer]], and [[TooDumbToLive actually gets one]], who changes his mind when Dilbert [[CaptainObvious points out the obvious]]. Moments later, the instructor [[MadeOfPlasticine accidentally thumbs himself in the neck and dies instantly.]]
* ''WesternAnimation/DrawnTogether'': "Then Ling-Ling kill you slow and use skull for sex, then as decorative birdhouse!"
** Then there was Captain Hero's rather... bizarre threats in "Captain Hero's Marriage Pact".
--->'''Wooldoor:''' I'm not comfortable doing that.\\
'''Captain Hero:''' Would you be more comfortable if I broke your arm in three places and wrapped it in 100 dollar bills?\\
'''Wooldoor:''' Are you threatening me? Or... bribing me?\\
'''Captain Hero:''' What an insulting accusation! Take that back before I pull out your spleen and then drive you to the hospital... (pulls out keys) in your BRAND NEW CAR!
* ''WesternAnimation/EdEddNEddy'':
** In "My Fair Ed", when Edd shows Eddy his hat as having been tied into a pretzel shape, he says that Kevin threatened to do the same to his legs.
** In "The Good Ol' Ed", Ed tries this while [[HiccupHijinks trying to scare the hiccups out of Double D]].
--->'''Ed:''' I AM A ZOMBIE AND I WILL MALICE YOU WITH A SHOEHORN!\\
'''Edd:''' *hic* ''[half scared, half confused]'' Malice me with a shoehorn?!
* ''WesternAnimation/TheFairlyOddParents'': In the episode where Mark made his debut, an episode of [[ShowWithinAShow Crash Nebula]] that Timmy, AJ and Chester were watching had enemy aliens holding a bunch of astronauts hostage and threatening them that they'd suck out their brains with a straw. Later, Mark used the exact same threat against AJ and Chester when he kept them captive before Timmy came to the rescue.
* ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'': When Chris asked Stewie if he wanted ice cream, this was his reply:
-->'''Stewie:''' Fine, but no sprinkles! For every sprinkle I find, ''I shall kill you''.
* In the third episode of ''WesternAnimation/FinalSpace'', Gary and Avocato are trapped in a hellish labyrinth and get attacked by sentient, murderous cookies. One of them says that he'll eat their eyes, while another adds that they'll pee in their sockets.
* In the ''WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}}'' episode "Xmas Story", when they try to avoid getting killed by Santa-bot by promising to put out milk and cookies for him.
-->'''Santa-bot:''' You '''''dare''''' bribe Santa?! I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds!!
** And on "Mother's Day":
--->'''Mom:''' If I ever see that man [Prof. Farnsworth] again... I swear I'll jam a squirrel in him!
** And in "The Deep South":
--->'''Hermes:''' [discussing Nibbler] I'd like to put the little bastard in a sack and toss the sack in a river and [[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill hurl the river into space.]]
** From "[[GoAmongMadPeople Insane in the Mainframe]]", [[AxCrazy Roberto's]] description of what will happen to Fry if he testifies against him:
--->'''Roberto'''... And the other hamburger will also be made of your lungs.
* In the ''WesternAnimation/GravedaleHigh'' episode "He Ain't Scary, He's My Brother", a punk named Roadkill gets angry at Frankentyke and threatens to tear his head off and spit down his neck.
* ''WesternAnimation/TheGrimAdventuresOfBillyAndMandy'':
-->'''Mandy:''' You're gonna do it, or so help me, I will pull your stupid cloak through your eyes and use it as reins to ride your bony butt back to the darkest pits of the Underworld FROM WHENCE YOU CAME!
** Later in ''[[TheMovie Big Boogey Adventure]]''
--->'''Grim (while he's in the "anger" stage of grief):''' I'm gonna rip Boogey's nose off and put it in a jar!
** In "Guess What's Coming to Dinner?", when a traumatized Principal Goodvibes says that he won't be admitting Billy to Rollington Academy, Hoss threatens to send him back to his mama with a jelly jar shoved up his nose.
* ''WesternAnimation/HeyArnold'': When Lila is chosen to be Juliet for the school play with Arnold, Helga does everything to talk her out of it, but eventually Lila manages to get Helga to confess the truth about ''why'' she wants to be Juliet so badly. Upon revealing this Helga threatens that if Lila ever told anyone she would pull out her tongue and wrap it around her neck.
* ''WesternAnimation/Invincible2021:'' When crime lord Machine Head gets betrayed by his [[DishingOutDirt stone-encased minion Titan]] and needs to bring hired help to fend him and others off, he threatens in his {{Auto Tune}}d voice:
-->'''Machine Head:''' I'm gonna grind you up and use you to ''pave my driveway!''
* In the FreakyFridayFlip episode of ''WesternAnimation/JohnnyTest'', Hugh gives a [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech "Reason You Suck" Speech]] to Bumper while in his son's body, which results in UnstoppableRage and a chase all the way back to the Test household. When Bumper catches up, he has this to say.
-->'''Bumper:''' TEST!!! I'M GONNA MAKE YOUR FEET '''YOUR''' '''''EARS!!!'''''
* ''WesternAnimation/{{Kaeloo}}'': In Episode 105, Mr. Cat meets one of his own negative thoughts, which has been extracted from his head and given the form of a miniature version of himself. When he gets into a fight with it, it starts out with yelling dangerous-sounding threats such as disemboweling him, but soon runs out and switches to more comical ones such as "double boilering" him.
* ''WesternAnimation/KingOfTheHill'' has this bit of dialogue in one episode:
-->'''Peggy:''' Oh, I'm so glad you forgave him. I'm not sure how you were going to "Drive your truck through his ass", but you sounded serious.
* A GiantMook made the mistake of making a long and nonsensical one to Korgoth in ''WesternAnimation/KorgothOfBarbaria'' after Korgoth had just wiped the floor with the rest of the {{mooks}}. When Korgoth loses patience with the speech, he interrupts by killing the GiantMook [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPXHI2h-K-M&t=0m32s in one of the most absurd/painful ways possible]].
* In the ''WesternAnimation/LEGOStarWarsTheFreemakerAdventures'' episode "The Lost Treasure of Cloud City", when Kordi learns that Zander took Rowan to a pit fighting ring, she threatens him that if he does it again she'll launch him into hyperspace with her boots.
* ''WesternAnimation/TheLifeAndTimesOfJuniperLee'':
** In the first episode, when Ray-Ray asks June if he can look after an imprisoned djinn, she coldly threatens to instead give him a wedgie so fierce he'll stop growing.
** After beating up the demonic warlord Maret, June gave him a good one:
--->'''June:''' Now if you ''ever'' go near my family again, they're gonna need a 6th Level locator spell just to find what's left of you. Jerk.
* In ''WesternAnimation/TheLoudHouse'' episode "[[Recap/TheLoudHouseS1E1LeftInTheDarkGetTheMessage Get the Message]]", when Lincoln gets distracted playing a virtual reality game and wanders into Lori and Leni's room, Lori threatens to [[VerbalTic literally]] turn him into a human pretzel if he does it again.
* A webisode of ''WebAnimation/MightyMagiswords'' had Vambre threatened her own brain that she would ''hollow her out with a grapefruit spoon'' if she attempts to bring back an annoying EarWorm.
* In the ''[[WesternAnimation/HouseOfMouse Mickey MouseWorks]]'' short "Pit Crew", Pete threatens to pinch the heads off his pit crew (Mickey, Donald and Goofy) if they don't come over to fix his racecar immediately.
* The ''WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic'' episode "[[Recap/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagicS2E15TheSuperSpeedyCiderSqueezy6000 The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000]]" has Rainbow Dash upset after she and her friends fail to beat the Flim Flam brothers in the cider making contest. She threatens to press the brothers into jerk cider before Applejack restrains her.
* The grand battle scene against Dr. D's robot army in ''WesternAnimation/PhineasAndFerb: [[WesternAnimation/PhineasAndFerbTheMovieAcrossThe2ndDimension Across the 2nd Dimension]]'' is set to an original song titled "Robot Riot", which packs [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27AJ8QqAg0Y some choice threats in its lyrics]]. Granted, they are threats against [[WhatMeasureIsANonHuman robotkind]], but they're still really colorful. E.G.:
-->"I'm gonna rip you up and put you back together in a new configuration just to mow my lawn."
* In ''WesternAnimation/{{Pinocchio}}'', Jiminy snarls to Lampwick "I'll take you apart and put you back together again".
* ''WesternAnimation/TheRenAndStimpyShow'', "Sven Hoek":
-->'''Ren:''' Oh, what I'm gonna do to you... ''I'm so angry!'' First, I'm gonna tear your lips out! Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do! And then? I'm gonna gouge your eyes out! Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do... Next, I'm gonna-- TEAR YOUR ARMS OUT OF THE SOCKETS! And you wanna know what else? I'm gonna hit ya-- and you're gonna faaaaaall. And I'm gonna look down-- and I'm gonna laaaaaaaugh.
* On ''WesternAnimation/RockosModernLife'', Rocko loses his patience with a supermarket cashier after he misses a big sale by a matter of seconds due to the cashier:
-->'''Filbert:''' ''[as the register reads $1.50]'' And your total is... ''[the clock strikes noon, and the total promptly jumps to $150]'' one hundred and fifty dollars. Gee... Looks like you just missed our big sale... Have a nice day...\\
''[Rocko looks on in horror, and after a few seconds, promptly flips the hell out]''\\
'''Rocko:''' You ''cheap'' little rotter! I've been run over by a car, made to drag around a gimp shopping cart, threatened by your gestapo security guards, had me head set on fire, I was attacked by wild lobsters, beaten by a very ''large'' woman, had me dog wrapped in plastic, nearly starved to death, and I ''still'' beat the twelve o'clock deadline! So if you don't change the total back to a dollar fifty, '''I WILL DO SOMETHING ''NOT NICE!!!!'''''\\
''[the cashier promptly turns it back to $1.50]''
* In ''WesternAnimation/SamuraiJack'', Jack's first opponent in the Dome of Doom, Gordo the Gruesome, is a master of smack talk, and most of his threats follow this pattern. Behold:
-->"I will hang you out like laundry! I will beat you like a drum! I will make your mother cry! I will make your Aunt Edna from Gorfield, south of Barnaby, cry!"
* In ''WesternAnimation/Sealab2021'', con man Master Loo is being challenged to a fight by one of the main characters when he begins ''[[PowerFloats levitating ]][[PowerGlows and glowing green]]''. He deadpans the following:
-->'''Master Loo:''' See the way my body's glowing? Yeah. A lot of people can't do that. Okay, you want some? You want some of the glowing? Look, man, your soul? I'm gonna totally chew on it, and floss with your spirit. I read that somewhere. But I'll do it.
* ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'' example: Some of Moe's reactions to Bart's prank calls qualify for this, e.g. "Why, when I find out who you are, I'm going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt!"
** "If I find out who this is, I'll nail a flag to your butt and mail you to Iran!"
** "Listen to me, you! When I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes and shove 'em down your pants so you can watch me kick the crap out of you! And then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!"
** When Bart makes a prank call to a Swedish bar, the bartender, in a grim Creator/IngmarBergman parody, merely intones "If I ever find you, I will ''thank you'' for showing me the futility of human endeavor."
** Subverted on another occasion, where Homer enters the family's new horse in a race and declares "If he doesn't win, we're taking a trip to the glue factory... and ''[[ComicallyMissingThePoint he won't get to come]]''."
** When Homer gets a job as a tow truck driver, another driver says that if Homer treads on his turf, he'll "Rip off your head, vomit down your neck, pull out your heart, show it to your head, and then stuff them both down your neck-hole, to which I previously alluded."
** Apu fails faking indignation badly: "I'm so angry I could just ... fall asleep!".
** When Lisa finds out Bart has been using his Mr. Microphone to make the entire town think he was Timmy O'toole-in-the-well, she warns him that, once the townspeople find out, they're "going to want to cut you up with rusty razors."
* On ''WesternAnimation/SouthPark'', Wendy challenges Cartman to a fight and threatens to shove his head up his own ass and make him eat his own underwear. Cartman, desperate to back out of the fight, offers to eat his underwear so she won't have to. And then he ''does''.
-->'''Cartman:''' I'll make you eat your parents.\\
'''Stan:''' [[NotHyperbole He'll do it, dude]].
* ''WesternAnimation/SpongeBobSquarePants'': In "Wet Painters", Mr. Krabs gives [=SpongeBob=] and Patrick a job in painting the inside of his house, and if they get paint on anything but the wall...
-->'''Mr. Krabs:''' I'll have yer rear ends '''cut off''' and mounted '''''OVER ME FIREPLACE'''''! [[MoodWhiplash So have fun with the job!]]
* TheDevil's descriptions of hell on ''WesternAnimation/{{Squidbillies}}'', especially in the [[VillainSong song]] "Hoofprints":
--> As I ram your carcass through an impossibly small hole into a sea of flaming hot human feces, and you can't draw a breath yet your lungs are filled [[RunningGag with that same flaming hot human feces!]]
* Don Karnage does this in ''WesternAnimation/TaleSpin''.
-->'''Don Karnage:''' When I catch that bothersome Baloo, I tear him into itsy-bitsy pieces of ugly bear! Then I will sew him back together with dull needles!
* ''WesternAnimation/{{Tigtone}}'': The demon in the Caves of Peganone--who claims that the magic boots are his--delivers a series of descriptions of what he's going to do to Tigtone that falls flat at the end:
--> '''Demon:''' I shall slice open your pelvis, and use the two big holes as a mask!\\
''[Tigtone imagines Demon using his pelvis as a mask; "Dun dun DAH!" {{Sting}} plays.]''\\
'''Demon:''' I will use your skull as a bowl, and scoop your brains out until you die!\\
''[Tigtone imagines Demon scooping his brains out; "Dun dun DAH!" {{Sting}} plays again.]''\\
'''Demon:''' I hope you have valued your life, puny human, for soon I shall wear it around my neck!\\
''[Tigtone merely looks confused; [[LettingTheAirOutOfTheBand music fizzles out]]]''
* In the ''WesternAnimation/VeggieTales'' episode "The Star of Christmas", Moyer catches Milward and Cavis trying to steal what they believe to be the titular Star of Christmas, and begins chasing after them, exclaiming a variety of names and threats, such as "You're gonna be singin' out the other side of your nose when I'm through with you!" and "I'm gonna yo-yo you 'till ya cry for mercy and beg the Queen to lock ya in the Tower of London!"
* On the [[ScoobyDooHoax Ghosts of Sargasso]] episode of ''WesternAnimation/TheVentureBrothers'', [[TheBigGuy Brock Sampson]] acquires a [[FamilyFriendlyFirearms walkie-talkie]] and uses it to threaten the [[GhostPirate "G.P."]] Captain with...
-->"Hey Captain, [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything I've got your key. I hope you're hungry.]] 'Cause I'm gonna feed it to you."
* On the ''WesternAnimation/WhatACartoonShow'', a Yuckie Duck cartoon had Yuckie as a paramedic, and one of his patients was an angry lion with a carpet tack stuck in his butt, who warns Yuckie "Pull it out slow, 'cause if I feel one little pain, ''I'll tie you up in granny knots!''" When Yuckie accidentally pulls one of the guy's teeth, the lion [[NotHyperbole makes good on his threat]].
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Webcomics]]
* Averted [[http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson516.html in this page]] of ''Webcomic/SurvivingTheWorld''.
* In Joff's ''Webcomic/LifeAndDeath'' on Website/TheDuck, Death tells an almost-victim that if he ever tells anyone about meeting Death, he'll kill him. The man replies, "Weren't you going to kill me some day anyway?" and Steve says, "Yes, but I'll kill you AFTER I remove your organs ''with a damp sponge''."
* A ''Webcomic/CyanideAndHappiness'' comic had the delightful; "Touch me again, and I will kill you so hard you will ''die'' to death".
* ''Webcomic/TheOrderOfTheStick'':
** The quote formerly atop the page came from Belkar Bitterleaf. In it, he was threatening a horse that had tackled him when the party was attacked. "I owe you a world of hurt, horse, and I always pay my debts. One day, when you least expect it, you're going to wake up as glue. And not the good stuff either, the cheap white paste that the weird kids eat!"
** Another example of this, this time from [[EveryoneCallsHimBarkeep the Monster in the Darkness]]: "Order of the Stick! Your broken corpses will taste delicious lightly seasoned with nutmeg!"
** "I will bathe in your blood with lavender bath gel and a good loofah!"
** "Who will be the moron when Gortok's white-hot anger crushes your little body into a mangled pulp while Gortok sings a jaunty tune to accompany your unanswered cries for mercy?"
** "''Tell us what we need to know, OR -- I'll cry. You heard me. I'll start bawling like a toddler who dropped their ice cream on the sidewalk. In front of your friends, your teachers, any girls you like. And I'll tell them it's because YOU won't be my friend.''"
** "''If I ever see you with more eyes than assholes, I'm going to shove one into the other and give your cloak to that hobgoblin.''"
** "But you can look for yourself when I shove that barrel ([[ItMakesSenseInContext of pickles)]] up your uterus.
** Belkar to a vampire ([[spoiler:Durkula]]): "I am going to shove the sunshine so far [[AssShove up where the sun don't shine]] that you will vomit ''nothing but warm sunny days!''"
** The flesh golem that used to be Crystal to Haley: [[http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0974.html "I'm going to tear off your head and hit you in the face with it!"]]
** [[https://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0666.html #666]] has O-Chul threatening Belkar to gut him with ''his bare hands''. Yes, Cut His Heart Out With A Spoon without the spoon.
* ''Webcomic/EightBitTheater'':
** "Astos? Mo like yo ass is toast!": so bad it actually ''[[AntiClimax killed the guy]]''.
** [[http://www.nuklearpower.com/2006/04/25/episode-687-graphic-detail/ "You know what? Sarda ca-"]] Clevinger is somewhat fond of this this. "...FU...and THEN...-stupid...until the handle breaks off and I shove it up his a...I'd go... the hardcore stuff....make him regret being born a man."
** [[http://www.nuklearpower.com/2009/10/20/episode-1186-more-or-less-timeless/ And even better:]] "If I have to listen to one more of your word salads in the guise of a plan, I will kill myself '''so hard''' it will kill you instead."
* [[http://www.diggercomic.com/?p=4 Page 2 of]] ''Webcomic/{{Digger}}''. Not only do they plan to kill and skin Digger, but they want to "Write the left hand names of God" on her skin. In purple ink.
** Of course, this isn't a threat to them. This is what they do and they don't understand people not being thrilled by the idea.
** Also, when Digger gets angry she says " [[http://www.diggercomic.com/?p=211 "I'll kill it! I'll break its face and feed it gravel through a straw! I'll- I'll- <I will construct its dwelling with inferior materials!>"]]
*** Possibly justified, as wombats are a [[PlanetOfHats race of engineers and architects]] and have a lot of sayings and insults like this. WordOfGod is that they flow better in the original Wombat language.
* ''Webcomic/GirlGenius'''s Krosp I seems to let his TalkingAnimal instincts [[http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20080516 take over]], as he warns, "I'm serious. Mess with me and your ''shoes'' are ''mine''."
** Agatha with her [[http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20081112 appreciation]] of Tarvek's proposal to "sort out" Gil.
** Dr. Sun actually [[http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20070718#.WRAFQlXyuM8 manages to cow]] [[BloodKnight Bangaldesh]] [[AxCrazy Dupree]] by warning her, "Please refrain from damaging any more of my staff, or else ''I'' will ''personally'' rip off your arms and ''feed'' them to you."
* In a ''Webcomic/PennyArcade'' strip appropriately named "[[http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2006/04/10/ I Hope You Like Text]]", Tycho makes an extremely long and convoluted threat to Gabe for [[OlderThanTheyThink insisting Warhammer is a ripoff of Warcraft]], the gist of which is [[HellHasNewManagement "I will kill myself, take over Hell, drill my way back to Earth, incinerate you, and destroy the world."]]
** The fans loved it so much, the Penny Arcade website now has a hoodie you can buy with the entire threat printed on the back. [[http://store.penny-arcade.com/products/pah070071 And it is awesome.]]
* Used straight and then dragged out in [[http://www.squidi.net/comic/amd/view.php?ep=1&id=70 this strip]] of ''Webcomic/AModestDestiny''.
* From ''Webcomic/{{Narbonic}}'':
-->'''Helen:''' Talk, or I'll drop you into an oil drum full of shaved gerbils and Jell-O.\\
'''Dave:''' I'm already '''in''' an oil drum full of shaved gerbils and Jell-O.
** [[http://skin-horse.com/2011/todays-comic-764/ And from]] ''Webcomic/SkinHorse'':
-->'''UNITY:''' So who's the old bat?
-->'''[[ItMakesSenseInContext Notary Public]]:''' Speak with respect! This is the High Abbess. Try anything and she'll hand you your butt. She will then certify in triplicate that you legally took possession of your own butt. Your demise shall have a ''scrupulous'' paper trail!
* From ''Webcomic/{{Picatrix}}'': [[http://www.picatrix.net/index.php/2008/04/25/page-188/ "And the third one, ooooooh, I still daydream about that one. About how much I would love to disembowel him with a rusty spoon."]] The dreamy sparkle in Winnie's eyes as she says this (about her horrible luck with boyfriends) is [[NightmareFuelStationAttendant truly disturbing]].
* ''Webcomic/SomethingPositive'' has many examples:
** "DO NOT FUCK WITH ME, LITTLE MAN! My patience has long since been taxed and I will not hesitate to pull the oily rag you call a soul from your body, set it aflame, and jam it back down your gullet!"
** "Yes, Jhim, very mad. In fact, I think if you'd done that, I'd have had to do something to show you how displeased I was, like finding where you sleep tonight, stake you through the heart with my penis and ejaculate steaming white hate into your blood."
** "I'm not going to bully you, Cab. I'm going to sit back and watch as hordes of angry flannel-wearing women sodomize you with your own cock without severing it."
** "I swear, if he upsets her one more time I'm gonna beat him so hard it'll send ripples back in time and prevent his granddaddy from plantin' baby seeds."
** "If one spore's missing from my science project, I'll punch open your chest and fuck your still-beating heart." "Uh, Miss? You don't have a dick." "So you DID destroy my science project!"
* ''Webcomic/SuicideForHire'' features Hunter threatening a stalker [[http://suicideforhire.comicgenesis.com/d/20061029.html thus]].
* In ''Webcomic/CwensQuest'' a young Cwen in a moment of full on freak out threatens to [[http://www.drunkduck.com/Cwens_Quest/index.php?p=413930 "eat" a raccoon to death]].
* In [[http://sluggy.com/daily.php?date=970901 this]] ''Webcomic/SluggyFreelance'' strip, the [[KillerRabbit cute talking bunny]] of the strip threatens to neuter his owner with a spoon. Ouch.
** And in [[http://sluggy.com/daily.php?date=030105 another strip]]:
--->'''Torg:''' My New Years resolution is to avoid having Gwynn stick a fork in my head.\\
'''Gwynn:''' Maybe I'll use a spoon. It'll hurt more.
* ''Webcomic/CheckerboardNightmare'' [[http://www.checkerboardnightmare.com/retro/20041022.shtml makes itself relevant again.]] The Secret Lawyers Society is so disappointed with Lyle that they're going to slowly decrease the temperature of the room until he has to put his hands in his pants pockets.
* ''Webcomic/QuestionableContent'' gave us the gem: "I will re-enact General Sherman's march to the sea, using your face as Georgia."
** Marten's mother chipped in the delightfully open-to-interpretation: "If you hurt my boy I will introduce you to a whole new realm of suffering. We're talkin' stuff that would make Hieronymous Bosch shit his britches, capisce?"
** Faye was introduced with the phrase, [[http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=4 "If I sense any lusting, I will stab you and then poop in the wound."]]
* In ''ComicBook/{{Buck Godot|Zap Gun for Hire}}'', the trope name is, due to the peculiarities of Hoffmanite culture, a [[https://web.archive.org/web/20150428210106/http://www.airshipentertainment.com/buckcomic.php?date=20080228 perfectly viable threat]].
** While Hoffmanites may be able to make good on the spoon threat thanks to their great strength, there's probably only one race in the galaxy that considers [[https://web.archive.org/web/20150428210003/http://www.airshipentertainment.com/buckcomic.php?date=20080717 "I'll floss his teeth!"]] to be a viable threat.
* The ''Franchise/TouhouProject'' fancomic ''Webcomic/TouhouNekokayou'' has [[http://dizzy.pestermom.com/?p=thcomic79 Tenshi threaten Marisa]] with [[HitYouSoHardYourXWillFeelIt "I'm gonna hit you so hard, your descendants will feel it!"]] (They ''do''.)
** [[http://dizzy.pestermom.com/?p=thcomic88 "I'LL KILL YOU UNTIL YOU DIE *AGAIN* !!"]] (directed at a ghost)
** [[http://dizzy.pestermom.com/?p=thcomic25 "Mind your own business if you want to remain not on fire!"]]
* ''Webcomic/QueenOfWands'', [[http://www.queenofwands.net/d/20060115.html here]]:
-->'''Kestrel:''' Angela's one of my best friends, and [[IfYouEverDoAnythingToHurtHer if you do anything, and I mean ANYTHING to hurt her?]] I will rip your heart out. [[GroinAttack Via your urethra]].\\
'''Seamus:''' Ha! Yeah, I know, I... You aren't joking, are you?\\
'''Kestrel:''' As serious as a hemophiliac in a razor factory.
* ''Webcomic/TheAdventuresOfDrMcNinja'''s Dan [=McNinja=] does this in the last frame of [[http://drmcninja.com/archives/comic/17p12 this page]] to [[spoiler:a crew of pirates who have just informed him that they have kidnapped his son]]:
-->'''Dan:''' Oh you sons of sea cows will wish you'd never been born with '''limbs''' on your bodies! Because I'm going to come on that ship and '''show''' you how many delicious '''stocks''' and '''braises''' I can '''make with them!'''
* Tim Buckley in ''Webcomic/CtrlAltDel'' hates the cheapness that is Crimson Viper in ''VideoGame/StreetFighterIV''. In his news post, he wishes he could punch her in the face with a cinderblock boxing glove. In the related comic, he swears he will [[RefugeInAudacity "face fuck her with a dump truck."]]
* ''Webcomic/DominicDeegan'' features the appropriately-named Professor Runcible Spoon yelling "I'LL KILL YOU TIL YOU DIE FROM IT!"
* In ''Webcomic/BobAndGeorge'', Bob once told Treble to stop chasing the mini-author or he'd "neuter him with a dull spoon."
* ''Webcomic/ExterminatusNow'' gives us this delightful quote with Lothar as the gang ruin his birthday.
-->'''Lothar:''' That's it, I'll just kill them... with a spork!"
* In ''Webcomic/VinciAndArty'', Arty does not take kindly to unsafe drivers: "PUT YOUR GODDAMN CELL PHONE AWAY WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING BEFORE I SHOVE IT SO FAR UP YOUR COLON YOU'LL BE FARTING FREE MINUTES FOR A WEEK!"
* From ''[[http://sodiumeyes.com/2010/06/07/traumatic-reading/ Sodium Eyes]]'', a strip full of odd analogies:
--> ...so you better get one thing straight in those whimpering skunk fetuses you twice-inbred Sasquatches dare call brains. If even one of you hemorrhaging shit-apes so much as blinks wrong, I'll see to it personally that you're lapping rat bile off an AIDS-infested twat rag by the end of the week. Got it?!
* ''Webcomic/{{Bug|Martini}}'' shows us some [[http://www.bugcomic.com/comic/execute/ discontinued methods of execution]], which were discontinued for good reason.
* From ''Webcomic/HarkAVagrant'': [[http://www.harkavagrant.com/index.php?id=180 "And if I catch you back here by God I'll make you sit in the corner MYSELF."]] And ''this'' after the threat of a StronglyWordedLetter.
--> '''Superintendent:''' He'll think twice about '''that'''.
--> '''Officer:''' Sir!
* In ''Webcomic/{{Bobwhite}}'', Ivy ''successfully'' [[http://www.bobwhitecomics.com/?webcomic_post=20110121 scares an art classroom into submission]] this way:
-->'''Ivy:''' Well, you'd better do your work and make me look good or so help me I'll... I'll... I'll be ''completely honest'' when I critique your art!
* From ''Webcomic/{{Buttersafe}}'''s comic "[[http://buttersafe.com/2008/10/02/the-threat/ The Threat]]": "If you say one more thing about my bike, I will punch you in every genital you own."
* ''Webcomic/SchlockMercenary'':
** A tank versus [[TheresNoKillLikeOverkill infantry]].
--->'''Tank Pilot:''' If you say anything more I will amputate your mouth at the hip.
** Tagon hasn't had a good time (including taking a fork [[EyeScream in the eye]] that he kept as a trophy), and things get worse with Shodan imitating his employer's extremely annoying manner of speaking.
--->'''Shodan:''' Ah-hey! An overflowing challenge! With ironic timeliness!\\
'''Tagon:''' Keep that accent up and I'll overflow you with my trophy fork.
** One consciousness simulated as a computer program in a virtual world to another:
--->'''Thurl:''' And yet you ''have'' been-
--->'''Murtaugh:''' Thurl. If you say "[[DoubleEntendre getting busy]]" I will punch you so hard you'll have to spawn child processes just to feel all the pain.
** In the midst of a tense moment, as a F'sherl-ganni professor is scouring through screens and deeming what he sees "inefficient".
--->'''Liz:''' So help me, professor, if you're complaining about [[ItMakesSenseInContext not having map pins]], I will climb right up your neck and [[DeathGlare scowl at you so hard]] your degrees flake off.
--->'''Professor:''' Why do I believe that's a thing you can actually do?
* Pictured above is this [[http://www.multiplexcomic.com/strip/825 this gem]] from ''Webcomic/{{Multiplex}}''.
-->'''Kurt:''' Well, if the shoe fits...\\
'''Jason:''' I'm gonna shove that shoe so far up your ass, you'll be able to floss with the laces.
* Ellen's response to Max perving on her dad in ''Webcomic/LeftoverSoup'' is to threaten to "reach down your throat, out your asshole, grab your toes, and pull your feet up through your mouth" if she keeps talking.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Video Games]]
* In ''VideoGame/NightInTheWoods'', while stealing the animatronics from the abandoned Food Donkey during the first hang-out with Gregg, Mae finally gets fed up with Steve Scriggins being a {{Jerkass}}, telling him "Scriggins! Bite my entire ass! Go legally brain dead from lack of oxygen due to choking on my entire ass!"
* In ''VideoGame/TheHalloweenHack'', [[spoiler:Dr. Andonuts]] exclaims one of these immediately before unleashing his most powerful attack, [[InherentlyFunnyWords PSI Bitchkill]]. He unleashes this all while [[ClusterFBomb swearing like a sailor]], something seriously out of character for him.
-->'''[[spoiler:Andonuts]]:''' I HAVE FUCKING HAD IT WITH YOUR SHIT. You little fuckers are going to have your bodies ripped in half. '''I'll shove your asses so far down your throats that when you crap you'll sing fucking Beethoven'''. tl;dr: eat shit, faggots.
* In ''VideoGame/BaldursGate'', you can make these quite often, but the most notable example is when you are confronted by an old guy offering cryptic advice, and can give the following response:
-->"If you've got a straight answer ANYWHERE in that bent little head of yours, I want to hear it pretty damn quick or I'm going to take a large blunt object roughly the size of Elminster AND his hat, and stuff it lengthwise into a crevice of your being so seldom seen that even the denizens of the nine hells themselves wouldn't touch it with a twenty-foot rusty halberd! Have I MADE myself perfectly CLEAR?!"
** The king of this trope, however, is Edwin. Especially after his unfortunate transformation in the second game:
--->'''Edwina:''' (I will kill ALL of them. Slowly. With... with HOT... pokey things and... and coals and... and prods. Yessssss, prods. Many, many prods.)
* Varric's storytelling about your exploits in ''VideoGame/DragonAgeII'' reaches the point at which a barmaid in the Hanged Man asks you whether you really killed a dragon with a rusty spoon.
** Varric himself gets one in ''VideoGame/DragonAgeInquisition''; he's a published author, and someone has plagiarized him and written ShoddyKnockOff unauthorized sequels to his best-selling book. His idea of revenge: "I'm gonna find the duster who wrote that garbage and introduce him to my editor." It sounds innocuous... until he explains that his editor is a high-ranking ''mob boss'' who "once killed a man over a semicolon." The world of ''Dragon Age'' being what it is, he is almost certainly not kidding.
* Murray from ''VideoGame/TheCurseOfMonkeyIsland'':
-->"Mortal fool! Release me from this wretched tomb! I must be set free, or I will haunt you forever! I will hide your keys beneath the cushions of your upholstered furniture, and NEVERMORE will you be able to find socks that match!"
** And then, of course, there's:
--->'''Murray:''' You may call me Murray! I am a powerful demonic force! I am the harbinger of your doom! And the forces of darkness will applaud me as I STRIDE through the gates of hell ''carrying your head on a pike!''\\
'''Guybrush:''' "Stride?"\\
'''Murray:''' All right then, "ROLL! ROLL through the gates of hell." Must you take the fun out of ''everything''?
* In ''VideoGame/TalesOfMonkeyIsland'', almost every pirate that has been infected by the [[HatePlague Pox of [=LeChuck=]]] will make pointless death threats whenever Guybrush sufficiently ticks them off. There are a few times whenever Guybrush himself gets ticked off, like in Chapter 2, for example, when [=LeChuck=] is too busy looking at one SummoningArtifact he has gotten:
-->'''Guybrush:''' Now listen here, ya fleshy sack of chum, you'd better be handin' over that golden sea turtle or I'll be handin' ya yer liver on the pointy end of me hook!
** Another example is in Chapter 3, when Morgan refuses to help Guybrush prove to De Cava that he's married:
--->'''Winslow:''' ''[under the influence of the Pox]'' Listen here, you poor excuse for a prissy privateer! Any more lip out of you, and the Captain'll be sending yer carcass on a tour of the small intestine!
** And in Chapter 4, any threats that Judge Grindstump utters whenever Guybrush gets him angry come out like this, for example:
--->'''Grindstump:''' The defendant will cease his inane histrionics, or the court will be forced to ''[growls a bit before he becomes Pox-enraged]'' [[SuddenlyShouting YANK OUT HIS TONGUE WITH A RUSTY SHRIMP FORK! ARRR!]]
* Somewhat demonstrated by Sheogerath in ''VideoGame/TheElderScrollsIVOblivion''.
-->"I'm so happy, I could just... tear out your intestines and strangle you with them!"
* ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyI'': "I! Garland! Will KNOCK YOU ALL DOWN!"
** It was turned back around on him most entertainingly in ''VideoGame/DissidiaFinalFantasy'' when [[spoiler: Zidane knocks ''him'' down to keep him from attacking Squall.]]
** While the SNES translation of ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyVI'' had to {{bowdlerise}} some elements, it was able to get away with Locke threatening people [[InsistentTerminology who call him a thief instead of a treasure hunter]] by having him threaten to rip the person's lungs out (while in the GBA translation his threat is to simply beat the crap out of you).
* In ''VideoGame/DukeNukem3D'', Duke homages ''Film/FullMetalJacket'' as he tells the second boss "I'll rip your head off and shit down your neck!" After you win the fight, Duke does exactly that. While reading the newspaper. [[DiegeticSoundtrackUsage And whistling the game's theme.]]
* None of the characters in-game react to it like this, but Shepard's furious "Give me a name or I will cut your balls off and sell them to a Krogan!" is definitely one of the funniest lines of ''VideoGame/MassEffect2''.
** At the climax of the ''VideoGame/MassEffect3'' "Citadel" DLC, Renegade Shepard gets more than a little... upset... at the villains of the week. Specifically, through the use of Renegade interrupts, s/he threatens to rip one's head off, mount it in the CIC, rip the other's head off, mount it next to the first one, and then tear them both down, [[ThrownOutTheAirlock stuff them in the airlock, and shoot them into space]]. [[NoSell They're not impressed]].
* In ''VideoGame/Persona3'' the CorruptCorporateExecutive that makes up the [[TarotMotifs Devil Arcana]] delivers a few of these in order to frighten you into not telling people that you're talking to him, ranging from uploading your personal information to a dating site for prison convicts to threatening you with Ding Dong Ditch.
* In ''Stupid Invaders'', one of the aliens encounters the bounty hunter Bolok, who informs him "You are going to die, and you are going to scream while you die, and then you will be dead."
* Before a fight in ''[[VideoGame/DefJamSeries Def Jam: Fight For New York]]'', the fighters would taunt each other like this.
-->'''Redman:''' I'mma rip your tongue out ... ''and lick my ass with it!''
** His second taunt: "I'mma rip out your eyes, put 'em on your knees, and call ya KNEESY!"
* Used in ''VideoGame/KingdomOfLoathing'' with Fernswarthy's letter, which starts with Fernswarthy making a threat to anyone who digs up his grave, then degenerates into several tangents, ending with Fernswarthy's shopping list.
* Satori Komeiji, the stage 4 boss of ''VideoGame/TouhouChireidenSubterraneanAnimism'', is something of a DittoFighter, basing all but the first of her Spell Cards on the attacks of whichever MissionControl the player selected at the beginning of the game. Right before using the first of these attacks, she says, "Now, this is where it really begins! Go and sleep with a trauma so frightful it will wake you up!"
* In the localisation of ''VideoGame/SuperRobotWars [[VideoGame/SuperRobotWarsOriginalGeneration Original Generation]]'' (this editor doesn't know if it's in the Japanese version), when [[TheStoic Kyosuke]] tells Masaki's [[TalkingAnimal cats]] to go find the latter, the former then threatens to "turn them into banjoes" if they don't.
* ''VideoGame/TeamFortress2'':
** Everyone has a crapload of them, but [[DrillSergeantNasty The Soldier]] has the most ridiculous and demented of them all.
--->'''The Soldier:''' I am going to claw my way down your throat and tear out your very soul!\\
'''The Soldier:''' I am going to strangle you with your own frilly training bra!\\
'''The Soldier:''' Son, you are writing checks your butt will find uncashable! Are you hearing me? Your backside will be escorted from the bank! You will find this humiliating!\\
'''The Soldier:''' ''[to a robot army]'' I will open up your chests and use you all as a ''latrine''!
** The Soldier's robot costume in the second Halloween patch brings us this gem:
--->'''The Soldier:''' ''[in robotic monotone]'' My foot will transform into a foot with your ass wrapped around it.
** More examples, from the supplementary comics:
--->'''The Soldier:''' Then I guess you'd better take me out to that gravel pit and '''''shoot''''' me, lady. 'Cause if you ever ask me to kill my best friend again, I will put my '''''boot so far up your ass''''' it will be on the '''''news!'''''\\
'''The Soldier:''' I am going to invite that staff straight up your ass and push you around like a ''broom''!
** Even more Soldier examples, directed to his wizardly roommate:
--->'''The Soldier:''' Merasmus! I am going to pull a rabbit out of your ass!\\
'''The Soldier:''' Merasmus! I will slap the magic out of your mouth!\\
'''The Soldier:''' I will rip off your ghost head and ''crap'' in your stupid hat!\\
'''The Soldier:''' I am going to haunt your ass with my foot!\\
'''The Soldier:''' Tonight your ass will be visited by three ghosts: my foot, my other foot, and a ghost!
** The Demoman isn't bad either.
--->'''The Demoman:''' I'm going to stick my thumbs in your eyes and hang on until you're '''dead'''!\\
'''The Demoman:''' Ooh, I'm going to hit you so hard you'll have a ''twitch''!\\
'''The Demoman:''' They're going to bury what's left of you in a soup can!\\
'''The Demoman:''' Ooh, they're gonna find ya all dead in an alley, with cats lickin' at ya!\\
'''The Demoman:''' I'm going to blast ye into ''thin gruel''!\\
'''The Demoman:''' ''[to Soldier's wizard roommate]'' Eye for an eye, wizard-man! I'll chew the eyeballs right outta yer skull!
** Curiously, the Sniper also has a few [[NotSoAboveItAll once he gets going]]:
--->'''The Sniper:''' I'm gonna blow the insides of your head, all over four counties!\\
'''The Sniper:''' I'm gonna turn you into colored rain!
** And of course, Saxton Hale has by far the best one:
--->'''Saxton Hale:''' You better start talking because in five seconds I'm going to put my foot up your ass! Then we'll both have to go to a special hospital! Feet up the ass are like arrows, son, you can't just pull 'em out! They'll have to push my whole body out through your mouth! Trust me, speak up! Neither of us wants this!
** There's also Saxton's warning to the '''reader''' of one of the ''[=TF2=]'' comics, whose very livelihood could be threatened in the most horrific ways by the sheer level of badass they're about to witness.
--->'''Saxton Hale:''' Reader, if the first two pages of my comic contained too much bare-knuckle excitement, then get ready to have your eyes break from widening from surprise and your comic-holding hands fall off your very arms when you get a look of this action packed-ish, starring me... SAXTON HALE!
* ''VideoGame/Persona4'':
** "I'm gonna tear this place apart so fast you won't have time to file for insurance! Oh, uh, well... I'm gonna tear it apart and rebuild it twice as good! I-I'm gonna RENOVATE your ass!"
** It's even funnier because it follows the character's decision to be nicer to people: it was their attempt to make their reflexive insult into something less threatening. It didn't work.
* ''VideoGame/FalloutNewVegas'' gives the player the option to do a few of these, especially with the Terrifying Presence perk in play.
-->"[[NemeanSkinning I'm going to wear your head like you wear that dog's]]."\\
"You've got five seconds to get out of my sight before I shove that rifle where the sun don't shine."\\
"I'm going to carve myself a key from your bones."\\
"I will cast down your Codex and bask in the dying agony of those who hold it dear."
* ''VideoGame/Fallout4'': The Super Mutants often do this.
-->'''Super Mutant:''' I'll wear your guts around my neck!\\
'''Super Mutant:''' I'm going to eat your legs when you're dead, human!\\
'''Super Mutant:''' I'm going to eat you alive after I kill you!
* ''VideoGame/{{Fallout Tactics|BrotherhoodOfSteel}}'': An NPC threatens to "rip out your lungs and smack your mother with them!" Nice visual.
* ''VideoGame/OdinSphere'': Odette tends to clunk out some rather nasty insults. Of course, she ''is'' the Queen of the Netherworld.
-->'''Odette:''' ''[speaking to Oswald]'' I will scrape out your bowels until you ''beg me'' for mercy.
* ''VideoGame/ArmyOfTwo'':
** Phillip Clyde loves these:
--->'''Phillip Clyde:''' I'm gonna kill you both, drain all your blood, take out your bones, put your body in a big chair with some elves and reindeer, sit on your lap, and tell you all the cool shit I want for Christmas!
** It gets so bad that late in the game the protagonists start noting [[LampshadeHanging just how batshit insane Clyde is.]] [[RuleOfFunny And calling him out on it.]]
* Dr. Nefarious in ''VideoGame/RatchetAndClankFutureACrackInTime'':
-->'''Nefarious:''' When I've finished killing you, I think I'll rewind time..so I can do it again. And ''again''. And ''AGAIN!'' Hahahahaha!
* King Tascan the First invokes this trope by name in ''VideoGame/HypeTheTimeQuest'', frustratedly telling his incompetent soldiers, "One more mistake and I'll execute you myself... With a spoon, so that it takes longer..."
* ''VideoGame/Rayman3HoodlumHavoc'': André the Hoodlum was fond of this trope. Actually, being stuck inside Globox made them sound a bit less ridiculous. Just a bit.
-->'''André:''' '''''I'LL SLURP UP YOUR INTESTINES LIKE A PIECE OF SPAGHETTI'''''\\
'''André:''' '''''GET ME OUT OF HERE OR I'LL START CHEWING'''''\\
'''André:''' '''''I'LL NIBBLE YOUR ARTERIES'''''
** The threats dished out against Rayman by the Knaaren vary from genuinely terrifying to... downright odd.
--->''"SPIT IN HIS EYE! "STICK BAMBOO UNDER HIS NAILS!" "MAKE HIM WRITE BAD CHECKS!"''
* ''VideoGame/Portal2'': Cave Johnson and his [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuMv86Ov7-8 combustible lemons]].
* A disturbing, if no less comical example lies in ''VideoGame/ConkersBadFurDay'', where a boss threatens to finish Conker off by [[AssShove shoving the squirrel up his butt]]. The boss just happens to be a giant, singing mountain of feces.
* In ''VideoGame/TheLegendOfZeldaOcarinaOfTime'' abridged series (yes, it exists), Navi does this to Link when he gets over-excited with finding certain items (Da-Da-Da-DAAAA!):
-->'''Navi:''' "If you do that one more time, I'm gonna kick you in the kidneys until you pee blood, then I'm gonna stick your face in it and make you drink it!"
* In ''VideoGame/BrainDead13'', during a WingdingEyes segment revolving around how badly Fritz is going to kill Lance, a high heel shoe appears.
* In ''VideoGame/Borderlands2'', bandit leader Flanksteak threatens to, among other things, "make the Firehawk choke to death on his own feces."
** Within the first hour of play, when you accept the quest where you escort Claptrap towards his ship, Captain Flynt messages you saying he's going to have his minions Boom Bewm kill you, get paid by Handsome Jack, and play hopscotch on your chest cavity.
** Goliaths are also prone to this. They are about as well-spoken as a three-year-old when they are wearing their helmets, but once it's shot off, they gain a much greater capacity for speech. They will usually use this newfound eloquence to state exactly how creatively they're going to kill you.
** When Handsome Jack tells you the story of the time he destroyed New Haven, he mentions that a man tried to attack him with a spoon. So he took the spoon from the man and [[EyeScream scooped his eyes out with it]]. While his kids watched.
* The Bosun of the ''Drakensburg'' in ''VideoGame/BorderlandsThePreSequel'' invents more and more colorful methods of killing the Vault Hunters as they fight their way through the crashed ship.
** One from Jack when Tassiter calls him after the [[spoiler:Eye of Helios]] is destroyed:
--->'''Jack:''' SHUT THE HELL UP, TASSITER! [[PunctuatedForEmphasis SHUT. THE HELL. UP!]] [[spoiler:My ex-girlfriend and her two [=BFFs=] just tried to kill me]], and the LAST thing I need right now is your senile ass WHINING IN MY EAR! If I get ONE more message from you that isn't, "Attaboy Jack", or, "I'm sending you a big bag of money", I'm gonna reach through my ECHO and GOUGE YOUR EYES OUT WITH MY PINKIES! ARE WE CLEAR?!
* In ''VideoGame/{{Psychonauts}}'', Raz can pester Nils's ex-girlfriend Elka with a stray button he found, claiming he found it near Nils's cabin, and it might have gotten pulled off a girl's dress. Elka will eventually snap "''Raz, put that thing away or else I'll shove it in your eye socket and sew it to your brain!!''"
** Using your powers irresponsibly on Agent Cruller while he's in the cafeteria results in him threatening to "rip out your intestines, fry them into hash browns, and sew them back into your body before you ever get a chance to try that again."
* One mission on Nal Hutta in ''VideoGame/StarWarsTheOldRepublic'' (potentially) ends with a spy threatening a smuggler: "Back off, Getzo, or I'll make you eat your eyeballs." The player [[DialogueTree gets the option]] to either play along, be freaked out, or fall into a Good Cop/Crazy Cop routine and point out to the alarmed Getzo that they're the only thing holding the spy back.
* In ''VideoGame/UltimateCustomNight'', one of Rockstar Bonnie's quotes when he kills you states that he'll make slippers out of you.
* Near the end of the "Camp Belica" stage in ''VideoGame/WolfensteinTheNewOrder'', Frau Engel gets in B.J.'s face (after [[FacialHorror having hers horribly maimed]] by [[spoiler: a hijacked MiniMecha]]) and threatens him while he's still tied up:
-->'''Engel:''' For your crime, you will die like ''vermin''. I will hunt you down. At the end of the earth, I will find you. Your skin charred and your fats rendered! Your kind ''exterminated''! In the end, I will feed your flesh to the furnace!
* ''VideoGame/VampireTheMasqueradeBloodlines'': Damsel gets in on the action in an epic way after being informed of how the main plot played out.
--> THAT BITCH! AUGH!!! I AM GOING TO TIE HER EYELASHES TO HER ASS HAIRS AND BOWL HER ASS INTO A TRASH COMPACTOR!!!
* One of the hit contracts in ''VideoGame/TheGodfather'' gives the main character this should the player choose to converse with him.
--> I'll pop your eyes out and piss in the sockets!
* In ''VideoGame/TheWitcher3'' the dwarf Zoltan throws out some squatters from an inn. Note that this is the first time you see him in this game, so for some this is a first impression.
--> Next time I'll rip your fuckin' legs off and shove them up your arse til have toes for teeth!
* One random and optional mini-boss in ''VideoGame/DigitalDevilSaga'':
-->'''Queen Titania:''' I'm going to shove this [[MacGuffin Sugar Key]] so far up your ass it's going to watch me kick the crap out of you!
* In ''VideoGame/AssassinsCreedII'', Caterina Sforza threatens the man attacking her castle saying that she's going to kick him so hard his balls will come out of his nostrils. Better yet, ''it's taken directly from her real life speech''.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Visual Novels]]
* In ''VisualNovel/AtomGrrrl'', Big E has a ''ridiculously'' over-the-top one:
-->"If you're a fag, I'll cut off that disgusting prick of yours growing between your legs and shove it up your ass so you have to shit from your belly button! Or maybe you're a slut, and you'd prefer me to bury your own head in your stadium-sized cunt!"
* In the eighth and final episode of ''VisualNovel/UminekoWhenTheyCry'', one PsychoLesbian RealityWarper Bernkastel and her fellow PsychoLesbian RealityWarper Lambdadelta are trading these threats around like BossBanter. The first example sums it up, really:
-->'''Bernkastel (to her cat familiars):''' This is my dearly beloved and only friend in the world. Her arms from the elbow down. Her legs from the knees down. You can chew those up however you please. But not a scratch anywhere else on her.\\
'''Lambdadelta:''' Ah, simply wonderful. I'm about to be overwhelmed by Bern's love, aren't I!?\\
'''Bernkastel:''' ......I do love you, Lambda. Once your limbs are gone, I'll skewer you through your butt and hang you by my bed. Every morning, I'll give you a good morning kiss, and every evening, I'll kiss you goodnight.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Fan Works]]
* ''Fanfic/AdviceAndTrust'': [[http://forums.sufficientvelocity.com/threads/advice-and-trust-nge.8768/page-12#post-2203895 In chapter 4]] Asuka is trying to prevent a classmate from finding out that Shinji and she got together, so that she denies that he has had sex with her. When their classmate tries to placate her by saying "Of course! He'd never do anything indecent with you!" Asuka gets pissed off and retorts that he would anything he could with her all night long. After a pregnant pause she swears that if someone tells anything she will scoop out that person's brains and make a pie.
-->'''Asuka:''' That didn't just happen and none of you remember anything. Or I will scoop out your brains and make a pie, understood?
* In the ''WesternAnimation/JackieChanAdventures'' fanfic ''Fanfic/QueenOfAllOni'', when [[spoiler: Ozeki, the Sumo-khan general]] attacks Section 13, when he hears about Viper using onions on Jade, he threatens to rip her arms off and gouge out her eyes with her own thumbs.
* In [[http://www.tthfanfic.org/Story-7871-5/Kei+Gee+Thanks+for+all+the+Love.htm this]] ''Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer''/''Literature/HarryPotter'' fanfic, Willow informs Severus Snape that if he ever hurts Xander again, Buffy will remove Snape's spine with an icepick.
* One Music/{{Gorillaz}} fic features Russel informing Murdoc that if he doesn't apologize to 2D, Russel will strangle him (Murdoc) with his own tongue. Murdoc doesn't, so Russel ''does'' -- [[OverlyLongTongue this being Murdoc, it is within the realm of physical possibility]].
* ''Fanfic/BagEnders'': "If you don't tell me what's going on, I'll make you watch the entirety of ''Series/{{Flipper}}''. Twice."
* In the ''WesternAnimation/GoofTroop'' fanfic [[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6434038/1/Teaching_Respect Teaching Respect,]] PJ tells his father Pete what will happen if he starts abusing Peg and Pistol:
-->'''PJ:''' And if you even ''try'' swapping me for them, I'll punch you so fucking hard you'll be shitting your own teeth!
* In ''Fanfic/OhGodNotAgain'', when Harry and Lockhart reach an agreement of sorts regarding the whole ''Obliviate'' thing, Harry adds that if he tries to steal one of his accomplishments, he'll beat him to death with a paper napkin.
-->'''Lockhart:''' CAN you beat someone to death with a paper napkin?\\
'''Harry:''' ''[shrugs]'' I'll have fun trying.
* The ''Manga/{{Naruto}}''/''VideoGame/TheLegendOfZeldaOcarinaOfTime'' cross-over parody fic Ocarina of Konoha [[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2958594/1/Ocarina_of_Konoha (found here,)]] Kyuubi's weapon of choice is a spoon. Until it is later upgraded after the timeskip to a spork.
* The ''Manga/{{Naruto}}'' fanfic ''[[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3721427/1/Being_Found Being Found]]'' has at least one of these in each of the last three chapters.
** In chapter 13, after Naruto nearly kills himself while using a dozen exploding clones to utterly disintegrate the revived first and second Hokages:
--->'''Tsunade:''' And if you ever, ever, try something like what you pulled on the roof again, I'll rip out your spleen through your armpit, and shove it back in through your nose.
** In chapter 14, a female Haku (who was involved with Naruto) threatens Temari:
--->'''Haku:''' And while I do not enjoy hurting people, if you ever do anything adverse to Naruto-kun, know that I will freeze the blood in your veins, and shatter your bones.
** And in chapter 15, Naruto and Shikamaru have this exchange:
--->'''Naruto:''' It's not your fault, Shika, so stop blaming yourself before I punch you in the face so hard you crap out your eyeballs.\\
'''Shikamaru:''' That's not physically possible.\\
'''Naruto:''' Won't stop me from trying to prove you wrong.
* Another ''Manga/{{Naruto}}'' fanfic, ''[[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5288868/1/Uprooted Uprooted]]'', has this little gem from Tsunade (directed at the Third Hokage):
-->'''Tsunade:''' But, as the Head Iryo-nin of Konoha Hospital, I can override you in medical matters. I will declare you unfit for duty, make you eat hospital food until Naruto-kun comes back, make you attend therapy where you will have to keep daily diary of your innermost feelings and play with a pink, squishy ball and wear green paper gown the whole time, carry out painful rectal examinations on you, let my interns use you as a practice dummy when they first learn acupuncture, confiscate all contraband literature and the new, experimental medication just might have the unfortunate side effect of erectile dysfunction.
* ''Webcomic/HetaliaAxisPowers'' darkfic ''Fanfic/{{Mistakes}}'' has a ShoutOut to the far darker {{Gorn}} fic ''Debt''. when China tells America to leave him alone or "[[IWillTearYourArmsOff I will rip your arms off with my bare hands]] and beat you to death with the wet ends". (In ''Debt'', China actually did cut America's arms off ForTheEvulz, though not with his bare hands.)
* In this ''VideoGame/SuperSmashBros'' [[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5970614/5/Circo_de_la_Luna fic,]] Sheik does this towards Ike.
-->'''Sheik:''' I hate you, you hear me? I hate every-fucking-thing about you! You make my life hell! You should be wiped away from existence! Completely! I swear some day I'll cut you into pieces and feed those little, bloody pieces to the twins piece by piece! One at a time!\\
'''Ike:''' ''[in his head]'' But in another hand, those clouds looked pretty heavy. There could be a chance of rain in the afternoon. Too bad, you couldn't see bruises in the rain...\\
'''Sheik:''' Then I'll shoot the twins, cram them into a meat grinder, take the minced meat and feed that to the sharks in Alaska! Then I'll pour the water out of the sharks' aquarium and let them die just like that! Then I'll burn them! Burn them so completely there will be only ashes left! And those ashes will be thrown to a bottomless pit! Let's see if you're smirking then!
* In the ''Manga/DeathNote'' [[AlternateUniverseFic AU]] ''Fanfic/PointOfSuccession'' during one of their sessions together Beyond attempts to kill Light with a [[CombatStiletto stiletto heel.]] The attempt fails but [[EveryScarHasAStory leaves Light with a nasty scar]] [[MyGreatestFailure and Light feels he's been]] [[ScarsAreForever forever]] [[MarkOfShame marked by him.]]
* ''[[Fanfic/StarWarsParanormalitiesTrilogy Star Wars: Paranormalities]]'': Early in Episode II, when Zolph Vaelor leaves [[HeroicComedicSociopath R9-C4]] in control of his fighter during the Battle of Taris, he says this to Colonel G'jan about the droid when the Colonel [[ThisIsGonnaSuck expresses his concern]].
-->'''Zolph:''' Don't worry, Colonel. I'll turn that little psycho into a coolant barrel and put his brain in a Gonk if he so much as blows up a single X-Wing.
%%* The [[TabletopGame/Warhammer40000 Angry Marines]]. Please add context before un-commenting.
* In Chapter 13 of the ''WesternAnimation/{{Superjail}}'' fanfic ''Fanfic/ExtendedStay'', the Mistress, who is currently in preterm labor and going through a ScreamingBirth, threatens to kill both her new husband, the Warden, and the DeliveryGuy and turn their skins into her own personal pajamas. And the scariest part about this is? It's said later that she is actually capable of doing this as she pleases.
* In ''[[https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6973663/1/Malon-s-Epic-Cow-Delivery Malon's Epic Cow Delivery]]'', Navi threatens [[IdiotHero Link]] with these constantly, and often follows through.
** From Chapter 1:
--->'''Navi:''' ''[bitch-slaps Link and grabs him by the collar]'' What have I told you about BreakingTheFourthWall?\\
'''Link:''' Ummm, something about [[HalfTheManHeUsedToBe tearing me in half]] and [[AssShove shoving my face up my ass]] if I ever did it again. Yeah. I'm pretty sure it was something like that. Please don't kill me.
** From Chapter 4, after Link sacrifices Navi to negate Volvagia's attack, making her swear to kill him if she ever comes back alive, and revives her using [[Franchise/YuGiOh Monster Reborn]].
--->Unfortunately, I can't write what happened next since the story's only rated T. However, I can tell you that it involved [[NoodleImplements a chainsaw, Link's organs, Tabasco sauce, and a llama.]]
** From Chapter 8, when Sheik has to replay the Serenade of Water ninety-seven times to teach [[TooDumbToLive Link]] how to play it, and he forgets how immediately after she leaves.
--->'''Link:''' WHAT THE...? WHERE'D YOU GET A PACK OF RABID BADGERS FROM! NO! DON'T EAT MY SPLEEN!
* In the ''Manga/SoulEater'' fic ''[[https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10178032/1/Cabin-Fever Cabin Fever]]'':
** There's this exchange when Liz gets fed up with Kid's SuperOCD.
--->'''Kid:''' We were arranged so perfectly around the window. Could you please move to the right and stand up straight?\\
'''Liz:''' Fuck you. Talk to me about symmetry one more time and I'll [[GroinAttack chop off your dick]] and sew it onto your arm and ruin your symmetry forever!\\
'''Black Star:''' [[LampshadeHanging Liz, wow, I gotta take lessons from you in how to threaten enemies.]]
** She gives him another one when he annoys her about quitting smoking right after she runs out of cigarettes.
--->'''Liz:''' ''[waving her lighter]'' I'm going to singe off one of your eyebrows! One!\\
'''Kid:''' Oh -- oh, you -- you wouldn't do that to me --\\
'''Liz:''' I absolutely would and I would enjoy every single second of it, you delightfully flammable idiot.
* ''Fanfic/{{Bait and Switch|STO}}'':
** In ''Fanfic/TheWrongReflection'' a mirror universe Cardassian soldier makes the mistake of calling Lieutenant Kate [=McMillan=] "scum" in the hearing of her Klingon boyfriend.
--->'''Lieutenant K'lak:''' And if you call my ''parmaqqay''[[labelnote:*]]Klingonese for "girlfriend"[[/labelnote]] "scum" again, I will have your ''moQDu’''[[labelnote:*]]literally "spheres", {{fanon}} for "testicles"[[/labelnote]] as a trophy for my quarters.\\
'''Captain Kanril Eleya:''' ''[[[FirstPersonSmartass narrating]]]'' Ew.
** ''Fanfic/{{Frostbite}}'': Made on behalf of Eleya:
--->'''Ruul:''' Talk, or I'll kill [Senior Chief Athezra].\\
'''Athezra:''' Don't tell him anything, sir.\\
'''Tess:''' Yes, thank you, Senior Chief, I know how this works. ''[to Ruul]'' No, you won't kill him, because A, it still won't make me talk, and B, if you do, our captain will hunt you to the ends of the galaxy, and there won't be a thing you can say or do that will stop her from personally strangling you with your own intestines.
* Resident NiceGuy Gourry considers doing this in ''Fanfic/FlamGush'' to whomever [[spoiler: Lina had her first time with]]. Eventually he decides to downgrade it to simply shredding the man's clothes and dignity into inch-long strips because [[spoiler: he believes that it was consensual for Lina]]. When he finds out he was wrong, he goes back to his original plan, only worse.
* In the MLP fanfic ''Fanfic/WhenAPonyCalls'', after switching bodies with Lyra, the protagonist threatens to eat a steak if she cuts off his goatee.
* In ''[[https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3885699/1/Lives-of-Quiet-Desperation Lives of Quiet Desperation]]'' Pansy Parkinson has a number of bizarre threats for when her older daughter misbehaves, which the kid ''genuinely enjoys'' receiving.
-->'''Pansy:''' Celandine Parkinson, for ''that'' I am going to stew you for dinner and keep your bones in a corner for your sister to look at when she grows up, so she knows not to be a naughty girl.
* ''[[https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9051968/5/Harry-Potter-Unexpected-Animagus Harry Potter, Unexpected Animagus]]'' has a rather peculiar warning on a certain passage in Gringotts.
-->"Bank employees only. All others shall be disemboweled with a blunt spoon while being forced to listen to Yoko Ono songs."
* ''Fanfic/TheNewAdventuresOfInvaderZim'':
** An angry Norlock at one point threatens to make Skoodge eat his own face.
** During a rant, Gaz says she's going to pound Viera's head in so hard it'll come out of her ass.
** When angrily talking with a superior over the phone, Miss Bitters threatens to rip their spleen out through their nose.
** Zim threatens to make Mortos eat his own legs. Norlock says [[NoodleIncident he's actually done that to people]].
** Zim also threatens at one point to sew a live ferret into Norlock's stomach when he feels the vampire is being insolent.
* In ''[[http://archiveofourown.org/works/5409173/chapters/12864571 Harry Potter and the Gaining of Faith]]'', Faith does this to Kreacher.
-->He was furious when he learned that the painting of Lady Black was removed from the main hall. He screamed and shouted at Faith for her part in its removal... until Faith grabbed him by his throat, slammed him against the wall and held her knife within a hair's breadth of his face, saying that she'd skin him slowly and painfully he if he ever came near her or Harry again. And if she caught him going behind and taking the things they were throwing out, she'd cut his fingers, ears, and nose off, grind it into sandwich spread and make him eat it.
* In ''Fanfic/BrideOfDiscord'', Discord threatens to turn Zecora into an acorn and feed her to the squirrels if she tells anypony he came to her for advice on his and Fluttershy's relationship.
* ''Fanfic/ProdigalSon'': In [[https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10699391/21/Prodigal-Son Chapter 21]].
--> '''Astrid:''' Fancy meeting you here, Fishlegs.\\
'''Fishlegs:''' Listen, I know you might be upset...\\
'''Astrid:''' Upset? No. I'm just curious. Do you think a grown man can drown in just a few inches of water?
* ''WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries'':
** It mixes this, the ClusterFBomb and SoundEffectBleep, for:
--->"I'M GOING TO TEAR OFF YOUR [Beep] AND SHOVE THEM RIGHT UP YOUR [Beep][Beepbeep][Beeep], AND THEN [Beeepbeepbeepbeeep][Beep] ON YOUR [Beepbeepbeep][Beeep] WITH [Beeep beep][Beeep] IN THE [Beep][Beeepbeeep] AND [Beepbeepbeepbeepbeep] YOU'LL [Beeepbeepbeep] SO THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO [Beep] SIDEWAYS!! [Beep]"
** Don't forget:
--->'''Kaiba:''' Time for a trip to the recycle bin, Phantom. And then once you're in the recycle bin, I'm going to right click on it and select "empty recycle bin". Because otherwise, you'll just be taking up unnecessary space. In other words, I'm going to kill you.
** And:
--->'''Kaiba:''' Oh, there'll be food, all right. So much food that you'll be STUFFED.\\
'''Joey:''' Was that supposed to be a threat?\\
'''Kaiba:''' I can't even remember anymore.
** Also:
--->'''Kaiba:''' Look, I don't know what the [beep] is going on here, but you're on notice. I don't take kindly to kidnapping and attempted murder. But since you have a God card, I suppose I can allow you to be in my tournament finals. However, try anything funny and I'll probably issue you a stern warning and wag my finger at you. ''Then'' you'll be sorry.
* ''WebVideo/DragonBallZAbridged'':
** Gohan snaps after Piccolo dies:
--->'''Gohan:''' I'M GOING TO EVISCERATE YOU AND USE YOUR GASTROINTESTINAL TRACT AS A CONDOM, WHILE I FORNICATE WITH YOUR SKULL!!!\\
'''Nappa:''' What?\\
'''Gohan:''' I'M GONNA SKULL [bleep] YOU!
** He comes by it honestly enough, given [[EducationMama his mother's]] reaction to [[MamaBear his "hypothetical" kidnapping]] and Goku's death. (That night, Krillin [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere leaves]] when he hears Chi-Chi sharpening a knife.)
--->'''Chi-Chi:''' [[GroinAttack I'd castrate]] [[ShootTheMessenger the messenger]] in his sleep with a rusty carving knife.
** Toward the end of the Cell saga, Chi-Chi threatens to castrate Goku with a butterknife for throwing Gohan out against Cell during the Cell Games.
%%* An example similar to the ''Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged'' one above occurs in the ''WebVideo/PotterPuppetPals'' video "Wizard Swears".
* From [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tt1TpqwzDJw episode 13]] of [=TheSEATeam=]'s ''Soul Eater Abridged'', when Black Star refuses to step aside and let Maka fight Crona, she has this to say:
-->'''Maka:''' Black Star. I will end you. [[FreudianThreat I will rip your balls off, grind them up, and choke you to death with them.]] I will rip off your legs and crush your torso with them. I will tear off your head and sh*t down your neck. I will shove [[EquippableAlly Soul, as a scythe,]] [[AssShove up your ass]] and have him switch from human form to weapon form over and over and over, if you ''[[PunctuatedForEmphasis DO - NOT - MOVE!]]''\\
''[{{beat}}]''\\
'''Black Star:''' ''[hauling ass out of there]'' Have-fun-with-the-Demon-Sword!
* ''Fanfic/AdoptedDisplaced'':
** During game 1, Wily threatens [[VideoGame/MegaManClassic Mega Man]] like this if he wakes Vinyl from her nap. It works.
--->'''Dr. Wily:''' Vinyl's down for her nap, and if you wake her, I will personally tear you limb from limb, hook your head, CPU, and personality core up to a potato battery to keep all three running, and make you watch a remix of Teletubbies, Batman & Robin, and My Little Pony Newborn Cuties endlessly!
** Air Man does his own version later.
--->'''Air Man:''' The Items belong to Vinyl. Make sure you return them to her. If you don't, I will feed you your own limbs with marinara sauce and oil.
* ''Fanfic/HellsisterTrilogy'' has [[EvilTwin Satan Girl]] swear to tear [[ComicBook/{{Supergirl}} her genetic template]]'s eyes out and eat them.
* In ''Fanfic/EigengrauZweiDieWeltIstGrauGeworden'', Grenadine is threatened with being boiled in his own semen. When it actually comes down to it, though, Dim just sets him ablaze.
* In ''Fanfic/KaraOfRokyn'', Jara threatens Black Flame like this if she insults her tribe again.
-->'''Jara:''' You've just about got it up for me to give you a preview of the match right here. There aren't enough of the Clan left hardly to count anymore, and you want to down them. I ought to pull your tongue out through your nostrils.
* ''Fanfic/APrizeForThreeEmpires'' has Deathbird, whose threats usually include promises of ripping off eyes, tongue or face.
-->Deathbird showed [[ComicBook/CarolDanvers Carol]] her teeth, and held both hands full of claws before her face. "For such impudence, I would strip another’s flesh from her face. Then I would let them bleed to death in their bonds."
* One episode of ''Webcomic/ScarletLady'' has Marinette threaten to impale Nino with a clipboard if he doesn't dial back on the prima donna director behaviour. Precisely how she plans to accomplish this is uncertain, but fun to imagine.
* ''WebAnimation/{{Underverse}}'': After Cross manages to steal Underfell's Snowdin, Underfell Papyrus calls Underfell Sans, blames the entire situation on him, and then delivers ''this'' threat:
-->'''Papyrus:''' I'LL GIVE YOU TEN MINUTES TO HIDE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE... BECAUSE WHEN I FIND YOU... I'LL USE YOUR SKULL TO SERVE MY SPAGHETTI!!!
[[/folder]]

->''"Because it's '''dull''', you twit! It'll '''hurt more!"'''''

[[folder:Live-Action TV]]
* ''Series/BabylonFive'':
** When Ivanova is telling off some civilian scientists who disobeyed her orders while on a mission and almost got themselves killed, she incorporates this into one of her numerous funny moments:
---> "On your way back, I'd like you to practice the Babylon 5 Mantra: Ivanova is always right. I will listen to Ivanova. I will not ignore Ivanova's recommendations. [[BlasphemousBoast Ivanova is God]]. And if this ever happens again, Ivanova will ''personally rip your lungs out!'' Babylon Control out. [''to herself''] Civilians. [''[[AsideGlance glances upward]]''] Just kidding about the God thing. No offense?"
** Garibaldi to Alfred Bester when they're working together on a drug case:
--->'''Bester:''' If I had my talent working, I could have warned you when he was coming.\\
'''Michael Garibaldi:''' And if I had a baseball bat, we could hang you from the ceiling and play piñata. I still think we should've gone straight to G'kar.\\
'''Bester:''' ''(talks about the case, then)'' A piñata, huh? [[InsultBackfire So, you think of me as something bright and cheerful, full of toys and candy for young children? Thank you! That makes me feel much better about our relationship.]] ''([[ActuallyPrettyFunny Garibaldi visibly struggles not to laugh]])''
** There is also Sheridan's way of dealing with Alfred Bester, who is trying to apprehend a harmless rogue telepath on Babylon 5 at a time when Babylon 5 is openly in rebellion against the government that employs Bester.
---> "You could do that. And I could nail your head to the table, set you on fire and feed your charred remains to the Pak'ma'ra. But we live in an imperfect world."
* Moriarty, in [[Recap/SherlockS02E01AScandalInBelgravia the first episode of the second season]] of ''Series/{{Sherlock}}'', says, "I will turn you into shoes!"
** Well, first he'll find you and skin you, then he'll make you into shoes.
* ''Series/{{Firefly}}''. When Mal is late returning from a job, Jayne make his point to the rest of the crew about why he himself should be in charge:
--->You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I go get and beat you with 'til ya understand who's in ruttin' command here.
** On a more serious note, there's the fate of the crew if the psychotic Reavers have their way.
--->'''Zoe:''' If they take the ship they will rape us to death, eat our flesh, and sew our skins in to their clothing, and if we're very, very lucky, they'll do it in that order.
* ''Franchise/{{Buffyverse}}'':
** Buffy once threatened to wear someone's ribcage as a hat. This being Buffy, the recepient of this threat promptly [[LampshadeHanging lampshaded]] it with "Hello to the imagery."
** In "[[Recap/BuffyTheVampireSlayerS4E7TheInitiative The Initiative]]", Willow told Riley, "[[IfYouEverDoAnythingToHurtHer If you hurt her]], I will beat you to death with a shovel. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend."
** Dawn also had one in "[[Recap/BuffyTheVampireSlayerS7E2BeneathYou Beneath You]]":
--->'''Dawn:''' I can't take you in a fight or anything, even with a chip in your head. But you do sleep. If you hurt my sister at all... touch her... you will wake up on fire.
** Kakistos in "[[Recap/BuffyTheVampireSlayerS3E3FaithHopeAndTrick Faith, Hope and Trick]]": "I'm going to rip her spine from her body, and I'm going to eat her heart, and suck the marrow from her bones."
** Lilah Morgan had imagination too. From "[[Recap/AngelS02E04Untouched Untouched]]":
--->'''Lilah:''' One more excuse from you and I am gonna bury you alive next to my house so I can hear you screaming.
*** Lilah also once threatened to rip off a guy's skin and staple it back on inside-out.
** The MonsterOfTheWeek would often get in on the act: in "[[Recap/AngelS05E14SmileTime Smile Time]]", lead villain Polo hollers at Angel, "I'm gonna tear you a new puppet-hole, [[ThisIsForEmphasisBitch bitch]]!"
** Illyria broke out these occasionally.
--> '''Illyria:''' I will shred my adversaries! Pull their eyes out just enough to turn them towards their mewling, mutilated faces!
* Among lesser examples in ''Series/{{Sharpe}}'', in "[[Recap/SharpeS2E1SharpesCompany Sharpe's Company]]", Sgt. Patrick Harper and Sgt. Obadiah Hakeswill, who has tried to set a soldier up for undeserved punishment and is carrying a spontoon (a type of lance), have this hushed exchange:
-->'''Harper:''' You do that to one of my boys again, Obadiah, and I'll shove that pointy thing you're carrying up your arse until it picks your nose.
-->'''Hakeswill:''' Be quick, Paddy, for you is next.
* In the Disney crossover special [[Series/WizardsOfWaverlyPlace Wizards]] on [[Series/TheSuiteLifeOnDeck Deck]] with Series/HannahMontana, Alex threatens Max that if he tells Justin that it was her that put dye in the hot tub, she would pound on him so hard, he'd be sneezing out of his belly button. Max then comments that that would be very awkward around allergy season.
* A survivor in the future episode of ''Series/{{Dollhouse}}'', explains to a potential threat "I will shoot you very hard!"
* ''Series/{{Blackadder}}'':
** There was a bizarre one in "[[Recap/BlackadderS2E6Chains Chains]]" that was conducted in mime, that involved being dunked upside down in a vat of warm marmalade and having your goolies cut off with a scythe.
** Also, in "[[Recap/BlackadderS3E2InkAndIncapability Ink and Incapability]]", Mr. E. Blackadder issued this: "Baldrick, believe me; eternity in the company of Beelzebub -- and all his hellish instruments of torment -- will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me [[NoodleImplements and this pencil]]."
*** "If you do not start making sense, the pointed bony thing with five toes inside my boot will soon connect quite sharply with the soft, dangly collection of objects in your trousers."
** From "[[Recap/BlackadderS3E6DuelAndDuality Duel and Duality]]": "Baldrick, does it ''have'' to be this way? Our [[BlatantLies valued friendship]] ending with me cutting you into long strips and telling the Prince that you walked over a very sharp cattle grid while wearing an extremely heavy hat?"
** Also in the first series, death by snails.
** In the first series:
---> '''Edmund''': Percy, have you ever wondered what your insides look like?
---> '''Percy''': Sometimes, yes.
---> '''Edmund''': (holds up a dagger) Well, I'd be perfectly willing to satisfy your curiosity!
** In ''Blackadder II'''s "[[Recap/BlackadderS2E3Potato Potato]]", Edmund tells Baldrick to leave before "I cut off your head, scoop out the insides and give it to your mother as a vase."
* A rare serious example (well, [[LargeHam sort of]]) from ''Series/DoctorWho'':
-->'''Baines:''' We'll blast them into dust, then fuse the dust into glass, then shatter them all over again!
** The villainous Irongron from the Third Doctor story "[[Recap/DoctorWhoS11E1TheTimeWarrior The Time Warrior]]" gave us this absolute gem:
-->'''Irongron:''' I'll chop him up so fine, not even a sparrow will fill its beak!
** And a not-so-serious example from [[Recap/DoctorWhoS17E2CityOfDeath City of Death]]":
-->'''Doctor:''' If you do that one more time, Duggan, I'm going to take very, very severe measures.
-->'''Duggan:''' Yeah, like what?
-->'''Doctor:''' I'm going to ask you not to.
** And this from "[[Recap/DoctorWhoS14E4TheFaceOfEvil The Face of Evil]]":
-->'''Doctor:''' Drop your weapons, or I'll kill him, ''with this jelly baby''. Though the implied threat here is due to it being a reference to an earlier season: rather than that a jelly baby could actually be used to inflict harm. Also the person being threatened doesn't know precisely what a jelly baby is: only that the last time the Doctor showed up with one, bad things happened.
** Also - the Eleventh Doctor's "Colonel Runaway" speech in [[Recap/DoctorWhoS32E7AGoodManGoesToWar "A Good Man Goes to War"]] is extremely similar in spirit to Dread Pirate Westley's "To the Pain" in ''The Princess Bride''.
* In ''Series/NeverMindTheBuzzcocks'', host Simon Amstell described Noel Fielding's style of comedy as "just throwing out weird words":
-->'''Noel Fielding:''' Don't make me cut the stuffing out of your pillow...
-->'''Simon Amstell:''' With a pair of scissors made of glitter?
-->'''Noel Fielding:''' No, with a motorbike made of jealousy.
* In ''Series/MyNameIsEarl'', Earl is stuck in confinement with another prisoner who wants to kill him. His threats become increasingly more pathetic (but also more imaginative) after a while.
-->'''Glen:''' I'm gonna wear you like a puppet, on my fist, and then get into a punch-fight '''WITH A MAN MADE OF RAZOR BLADES!'''
* ''Series/{{Scrubs}}'' has this one, said in a remarkably kind voice:
-->'''Dr. Cox:''' Listen, Super Girl: I'm gonna break you down into so many little pieces that my grandmother, who can do a thousand-piece puzzle of clear-blue sky in less than an hour, will never be able to finish putting you back together again. Even if she does go back in time to when her vision was perfect.
* Used twice in during the ''Series/{{Seinfeld}}'' episode "The Good Samaritan", once by George's girlfriend's husband when he finds out about their affair and once by Jerry's girlfriend when he threatens to tell someone about her hit and run.
-->'''Michael:''' He's finished! I'm going to sew his ass to his face! I'm going to twist his neck so hard his lips will be his eyebrows! I'm going to break his joints, and reattach them!
-->'''Angela:''' Now you listen to me, suck face! You tell anybody, anything, and I will carve my initials in your brain tissue!
-->'''Jerry:''' Let me rephra-
-->'''Angela:''' I'll bash your skull into a vegematic like a bad cabbage, and I'll have a party on your head! (Elaine walks in)
-->'''Jerry:''' Hi Elaine, this is Angela.
-->'''Angela:''' I'll pluck all your body hairs out with my teeth!
-->'''Jerry:''' Well I think I get the gist of it.
** Used naturally by Newman in another episode:
--->'''Newman:''' All right, but hear me and hear me well. The day will come -- oh, yes, mark my words, Seinfeld -- your day of reckoning will come, when an evil wind will blow through your little play world and wipe that smug smile off your face! And I will be there, in all my glory. Watching, watching as it all comes crumbling down!
** This could be considered Newman's finest moment in the entire series.
*** Not only that, he follows through on it, [[PassThePopcorn bringing popcorn]] to [[ItWasHisSled the trial]] in [[DownerEnding the final episode]].
** Also, "All right, you go ahead and keep it secret, but you remember this: when you control the mail, you control... information!"
** Then there's the time George tries to return a book that's been flagged in the database after he takes it into the bathroom. "You get your toilet book out of here, and I won't leap over this counter and punch you in the brain."
* ''Series/TheHoneymooners'': Four simple words: '''[[MemeticMutation TO THE MOON, ALICE!]]'''
* On ''Series/HogansHeroes'', Major Hochstetter and General Burkhalter would often threaten to have Colonel Klink "court-martialed, shot, and sent to the Russian front". The absurdity was pointed out in this exchange:
-->'''Burkhalter:''' Klink, you will be court-martialed, shot, and sent to the Russian front.
-->'''Klink:''' But General Burkhalter, you can't do all of those to me!
-->'''Burkhalter:''' Try me.
** So long as the firing squad doesn't shoot to kill, it's doable.
* This is the primary RunningGag of Coach Hines, a recurring character from ''Series/MadTV''.
* ''Series/{{MASH}}'' had a few.
** In one episode, Charles Emerson Winchester III had a good one:
-->I want him drawn and quartered, and then I want the pieces arrested!
** Hawkeye is responsible for this gem:
-->I'll break his leg, set it and break it again.
** Thanks to the heavy-on-dialogue humor of the show, this happens fairly often:
-->Get out of here, Radar, or I'll sever every nerve in your butt!
-->You touch one dirty sock, you remove one layer of crud, you kill one cockroach, Frank, and I will personally grind you into a fine powder and sprinkle you on [=MacArthur=]'s oatmeal.
** In the third episode of Season 6, "Last Laugh", when Margaret is angry and desperate to speak to her husband:
-->'''Radar''': Oh, sorry ma'am. Colonel's orders, no personal calls until after 1700 hours.
-->'''Margaret''': How would you like to be up to your knees in floor?
* Earl Sinclair's [[MeaningfulName B.P.]] Richfield in ''Series/{{Dinosaurs}}'' seemed to be rather fond of this trope.
--> "If you tell anyone, I'll rip out your spinal cord to play '''jump rope with'''!"
* ''Series/MontyPythonsFlyingCircus'' has the Spanish Inquisition punish with a "Comfy Chair".
** In another episode, highwayman Dennis Moore would start with a genuine threat, then get lost in qualifying it to be perfectly accurate.
--->"You move at your peril, for I have two pistols here. I know one of them isn't loaded any more, but the other one is, so that's one of you dead for sure...or just about for sure anyway. It certainly wouldn't be worth your while risking it because I'm a very good shot. I practice every day... well, not absolutely every day, but most days in the week. I expect I must practice, oh, at least four or five times a week... or more, really, but some weekends, like last weekend, there really wasn't the time, so that brings the average down a bit. I should say it's a solid four days' practice a week..."
** In the "Piranha Brothers" sketch, several characters report about how Dinsdale Piranha would do horrible things. One man recounts how Dinsdale chained him to the back of a tank, dragged him to his hideout, slit his nostrils open, sawed his leg off, pulled his liver out and then nailed his head to the floor. After that, the man would go back to apologize to Dinsdale every week, and then Dinsdale would nail his head to the floor again. Dinsdale's brother Doug, on the other hand, [[CoolAndUnusualPunishment was much worse]]. He used ''sarcasm''.
* Averted in the horror series ''Series/AmericanGothic1995''. Sheriff Buck's girlfriend falls victim to a mysterious illness and is being treated by the local doctor, one of the few people not intimidated by him.
-->'''Buck:''' You better cure her or I'll...
-->'''Doctor:''' Or you'll what?
-->'''Buck:''' (threateningly) I'll think of something.
* Malcolm Tucker and Jamie of ''Series/TheThickOfIt'' are the masters of this. Hell, as the series' page says, this trope is pretty much Jamie's ''job''. One of his finest moments: "I will remove your iPod from its tiny nano-sheath and push it up your cock. Then I'll plug some some speakers up your arse and put it on to shuffle with my fucking fist. Then, every time I hear something that I don't like -- which will be every time that something comes on -- I will skip to the next track by crushing your balls." This, by the way, is in response to somebody [[BerserkButton making fun of Al Jolson]].
** Something that the comparatively balanced Scot does say, to a minister with a nervous blink, is: "Stop fucking blinking! Or I will take your optic nerve and strangle you with it."
** "You breathe a word of this to anyone, you mincing fucking [[CountryMatters CUNT]] and I will tear your fuckin' skin off, I will wear it to your mother's birthday party and I will rub your nuts up and down her leg whilst whistling ''Bohemian'' fucking ''Rhapsody'', right? Now [[DeathGlare get out of my fucking sight...]]"
** Malcolm and Jamie continue to excel at this in the film ''Film/InTheLoop''; "Shut it, ''Film/LoveActually''! Do you want me to hole-punch your face!?"
** "You stay detached, or else that's what I'll do to your retinas."
** The US remake ''Series/{{Veep}}'' obviously gets into it as well.
-->'''Ben:''' You listen to me, you little fucking turd's assistant, you don't threaten the administration, because we will fucking destroy you! We'll skin you like a squirrel, clean you out like a dirty fucking chimney, and wear you like a glove puppet with my fingers sticking out of your DEAD FUCKING EYEBALLS!
* ''Series/RedDwarf'' does this a lot.
** Especially Lister in "[[Recap/RedDwarfSeasonIIIPolymorph Polymorph]]":
--->'''Lister:''' I'm gonna rip out his wind-pipe and beat him to death with the tonsil end!\\
'''Lister:''' I'm gonna shove my fist so far down his gob, I'll be able to pull the label off his underpants!
** This, from "[[Recap/RedDwarfSeasonVIGunmenOfTheApocalypse Gunmen of the Apocalypse]]":
--->'''Death:''' We're gonna cut you up so fine the worms won't even have to chew.
** The line "If you get yourself killed I'll never speak to you again!" is used by Kristine Kochanski on Lister, who's about to go blow himself up to save his friends from the Epideme virus. Naturally Lister just grins and walks out the door.
* On ''Series/TheMentalist'', Patrick Jane states, while still smiling and in a bantering tone of voice that when he finds "Red John", he will "cut him open and watch him die slowly".
* ''Series/BlackBooks'':
** There's a great example when Bernard Black shouts down the phone "I'll pull out your eyeballs and stuff them in my ears so I can't hear your screams as I headbutt you down to a fine paste!"
** This is actually from the bonus feature "Bernard's Letter" in which Bernard writes an angry response to a publisher who has rejected him "I do hope you will not be disheartened by your sudden violent death."
** A PokeThePoodle comes when Manny asks what Bernard's going to do about the builders next door: "I will... ''drink heavily and shout at you!''"
** "I'll tear you open like a bag of crisps!"
* ''Series/TheDailyShow'' dedicated an entire segment a few months after 9/11 to coming up with really creative ways to kill UsefulNotes/OsamaBinLaden. Creator/StephenColbert suggested that he should be wanted, not dead or alive, but dead ''and'' alive, via being cloned repeatedly so they could kill the clones.
** And then there was [[NoodleIncident something involving oatmeal]].
** [[Series/TheRachelMaddowShow Rachel Maddow]] feels she is [[http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/tue-april-13-2010/rachel-maddow fully capable]] of killing Osama bin Laden with a spoon.
* In ''Series/{{Entourage}}'', Ari Gold threatened to "choke [somebody] out with a strap-on." And given what we know about his character, he TOTALLY would.
* ''Series/{{Cheers}}'': Lilith tells Carla she will "snap off your extremities like dead branches and feed them to you at gunpoint." Another time, Carla when takes a job as a waitress and is forced to sing to a patron in front of the guys, she makes what seems like a very non-idle threat when she informs that that if they tell anyone she will rip their still beating hearts out of their chests and take a bite out of them.
* In ''Series/{{Friends}}'', Joey went with Monica to confront a food critic who gave her a bad review. When the critic refuses to try another sample of her sauce Joey deadpans, "Either ''eat'' it, or be ''in'' it."
* [[BadassIsraeli Ziva]] of ''Series/{{NCIS}}'' is prone to these with [[ChivalrousPervert Tony]] -- on one occasion she says she is seriously considering killing him with a spoon, and on another she threatens to kill him in eighteen different ways with a paperclip. One can only imagine...
** The was another one where [[{{Nerd}} Mc]][[TheWoobie Gee]] wanted his car repaired in a hurry and on the phone the mechanic said (infered) why should I rush? [=McGee=] replies [[BadassBoast because I put away killers for a living]].
* In ''Series/TheWestWing'', White House counsel Lionel Tribbey enters Leo's office shouting "I will kill people today, Leo! I will kill people with this cricket bat, which was given to me by Her Royal Majesty Elizabeth Windsor, and then I will kill them again with my own hands!"
** More from ''Series/TheWestWing'':
--->'''Bruno:''' We will work hard. We will work well. We will work together. Or so help me, mother of God, I will stick a pitchfork so far up your asses, you will, quite simply, be dead.
** C.J. catches Josh posting as himself on an online forum, and threatens him with:
--->'''C.J.:''' I'm assigning an intern from the press office to that web site. They're going to check it every night before they go home. If they discover you've been there, I'm going to shove a motherboard so far up your ass... What?\\
'''Josh:''' Well... technically, I outrank you.\\
'''C.J.:''' ''So far up your ass''!
** There's also this threat by a Republican Senator.
--->'''Republican Senator:''' You told him: they take on finance campaign reform, I roll out a legislative agenda that will make his boss sit down and cry? [...] I'm gonna reach down [Josh's] throat and take out his lungs with an ice-cream scoop.
::: Turns out Josh is rather unimpressed, leading to one of his many CMOF.
** Leo gets in on the action when CJ arranges for a presidential photo op with a goat:
--->'''Leo:''' If the President's wearing a hat, or that thing's wearing a Bartlet button, [[ReptilesAreAbhorrent I'm hiding snakes in your car]].\\
'''C.J.:''' Come on, don't say that! Not even as a joke!\\
'''Leo:''' You're never gonna know where they are or if you got them all out. Gonna lay their eggs right in the glove compartment.
** In a first season episode, Mandy threatens to kill someone with her shoes.
* ''Series/TheFreshPrinceOfBelAir'' had a memorable moment with Uncle Phil [[LockedInARoom Trapped In An Elevator]], trying to borrow a {{jerkass}}'s cellphone to reach Aunt Viv (who is in labour at the moment):
-->'''Philip:''' ''[to Will]'' Will, calm down. Now I've trained as a lawyer for many years. I was trained in the art of negotiation. Okay? Observe.\\
''[Philip walks up to the man]''\\
'''Philip:''' Sir?\\
''[grabs the man by the lapels]''\\
'''Philip:''' Gimme that ''damn phone'' or I'm gonna rip your liver out and eat it '''raw'''.
* From ''Series/ItsAlwaysSunnyInPhiladelphia'': "I...am going to smack everyone... into tiny, little pieces."
* Russian arms dealer Igor got this gem in the Danish Christmas show ''Jul på Vesterbro'':
-->'''Igor:''' I am going to kill you in a very inventive way! I am going to pee in a paper cone, freeze it, remove the paper and STAB you with my own ice-cold URINE!
* ''Series/{{Glee}}'':
-->'''Sue:''' I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark cold night, I'll steal away into your home and punch you in the face.
* [[RunningGag Over the course of one episode]] of ''Series/JeevesAndWooster'', Roderick Spode threatens to break Bertie's "rotten spine in [three, four, five, '''SIX'''] places!"
* From the ''Series/FawltyTowers'' episode "[[Recap/FawltyTowersS2E1CommunicationProblems Communication Problems]]":
-->'''Sybil:''' If I find out the money on that horse was yours, you know what I'll do, Basil.
-->'''Basil:''' You'll have to sew them back on first!
** Manuel 'helps' Basil get out of a predicament, only getting him in deeper. Basil snarls "I'm going to sell you to a ''vivisectionist!''" - Manuel grins and gives him the 'thumbs-up'.
* Red Forman from ''Series/That70sShow'' similar to Team Fortress's Soldier below, makes a variety of different threats of shoving his foot up someone's ass and occasionally making them wear their ass as a hat.
* On ''Series/HowIMetYourMother'':
-->'''Lily:''' Claudia is getting married tomorrow and so help me God, if I catch you even so much as breathing the same air as her, I will take those peanuts you're trying to pass off as testicles and I will squeeze them so hard that your eyes pop out and then I'll feed them to you like grapes.\\
'''Barney:''' Wait, my eyes or my testicles?\\
'''Lily:''' One of each!
* ''Series/FatherTed'': Bishop Brennan, on the phone to Father Ted:
-->'''Bishop Brennan:''' If you ever try to bullshit me like that again, I will rip off your arms.
* A ''Series/SaturdayNightLive'' sketch has Norfolk (played by Phil Hartman) explaining to Anne Boleyn that her method of execution depends on whether or not she agrees to divorce Henry VIII:
-->'''Anne Boleyn:''' What if I were to agree to the divorce, but invoke the blessing of the pope?\\
'''Norfolk:''' In that case, you shall be drawn and quartered by four strong horses. Then their quarters shall be drawn and quartered by four smaller horses. Then those quarters shall be drawn and quartered by four frogs. Then the quartering would stop, and the mincing would begin.
* ''Series/GreenWing'':
-->'''Angela:''' I have a hypothetical question.\\
'''Sue White:''' I have a hole punch. Let's not get bigheaded.
* In the pilot episode of ''Series/{{Leverage}}'', Eliot threatens to "beat Dubinich so hard that even the people who ''look'' like him are gonna bleed." He settles for taking down his company instead.
* In an episode of ''Series/WillAndGrace'', after Jack says something stupid, Will threatens to rip his heart out... through his foot.
* In ''Series/{{Suburgatory}}'' Dalia makes a bizarre revenge threat that gets wildly speculative and specific.
-->'''Dalia:''' You know what’s going to be painful? When my mother remarries your father and I'm your new sister and Dad likes me best. And then we send you away to an all-girls boarding school where you find true love. And on visiting day I come up and steal your new girlfriend. ''(sips her drink)''The following spring we marry in a civil ceremony which you are forced to cater. And everyone hates your catering. And you get a bad review on Yelp, which pretty much sinks your organic lesbian catering venture.
* ''Series/DowntonAbbey'' has Lord Grantham giving a pretty good one to [[spoiler:Branson when giving him and Sybil his blessing]]:
--> [[IfYouEverDoAnythingToHurtHer If you hurt her]], I will personally have you torn apart by wild dogs.
* ''Series/{{Parks and Recreation}}''
-->'''Leslie:''' The only thing I will be waving is your decapitated head on a stick in front of your weeping mother!
-->'''Ben:''' Good Lord.
* In ''Series/LostGirl'', when Bo and Lauren are starting to get together, Kenzi makes it plain she hasn't forgotten how hurt Bo was after learning their last time turned out to be Lauren manipulating her:
-->'''Kenzi:''' She really likes you. So, if you hurt my friend again, one day in the future, anthropologists will find your skeleton in an unmarked grave with a massive, massive life-ending blow to your head by a totally awesome chick that rhymes with "frenzy". Okay?
* ''Series/Kingdom2007'': Lyle and Peter having pints in the pub. Lyle, being flippant, calls Peter "P.K."
-->'''Peter:''' Although everything you just said makes no sense whatsoever, I do find myself inclined to agree with it. Though call me "P.K." again and I'll [[AddedAlliterativeAppeal pull your pancreas out with a pair of pliers]].
* ''Series/GameOfThrones'':
** When Catelyn Stark hears the news of her husband's death, she goes to an imprisoned Jaime Lannister and threatens to cut off his head, pack it in a box and send it to his sister.
** Sandor "The Hound" Clegane had a couple in "Blackwater":
*** "If any of these flaming fucking arrows come near me, I'll strangle you with your own guts."
*** "Any man dies with a clean sword, I'll rape his fucking corpse!"
** Many threats are of the Freudian variety:
*** When she suspects he might be a FakeDefector, [[FieryRedhead Ygritte]] tells Jon Snow, "Don't ever betray me...because I'll cut your pretty cock right off and wear it round me neck."
*** "I'm going to open your lord from balls to brains and see what Starks are made of."
*** Shagga son of Dolf is so fond of threatening to cut off Tyrion's manhood and feed it to the goats that it's subverted before we even hear it.
** Tormund declares that if Jon has lied he will pull Jon's guts out through his throat.
* From ''Series/UnbreakableKimmySchmidt'':
-->'''Gretchen:''' I'd like to cut off his butt and make him eat it and then ask him how he plans to poop it!
* In one episode of ''Series/{{Castle}}'', a character is a murder suspect after leaving a lengthy, elaborate and rather creative answering machine message enumerating all the things he'd like to do to the victim, including: "strangle him with his own intestines", "force feed him his toes", "paralyze him with a clawhammer and cover him with ants", "nail him to the ceiling by his feet and pinata the hell out of him", and yes, "stab him with a rusty spoon".
* ''Series/BlakesSeven''. In "[[Recap/BlakesSevenS2E11Gambit Gambit]]", [[BigBad Supreme Commander Servalan]] of the Terran Federation negotiates with Krantor, the criminal overlord of [[ViceCity Freedom City]]. Once free of each other's presence, both parties make their true feelings known.
** Servalan re Krantor: "When the Federation finally cleans out this cesspit, I shall have that vulpine degenerate eviscerated with a small and very blunt knife."
** Krantor re Servalan: "One of these days, Toise, I am going to have Supreme Commander high-and-mighty Servalan ravaged until she does not know what month she's in!"
* ''Series/JessicaJones2015'':
-->'''Jessica:''' You're talking to me, or I'm pulling your spine out through your ear. [[SuperStrength You know I can.]]
* In ''Series/{{Letterkenny}}'', Squirrely Dan is a little upset about interruptions at the Adult Spelling Bee:
--> "As sure as Grandma's got gout, if I hear one fuckin' heckle, I will staple your tongue to your taint so you can watch me kick your ass!"
** Shoresy goes into excruciating detail over how hard he fucked Jonesy and Reilly's moms and how much they liked it.
---> "Fuck you, Jonesy, your mom shot cum straight across the room and killed my Siamese fighting fish. Threw off the [=pH=] levels in my aquarium, you piece of shit."
* ''Series/TheThinBlueLine'': "If you hurt him, I'll shove that gun so far down your throat you'll be blowing bullets out of your backside!"
* In the ''Series/BroadCity'' episode "St. Marks," Abbi shouts after a man who stole her bag, "When I catch you, I swear I'm going to rip out your disgusting little ball sack until you fucking throw up your own dick!"
* On ''Series/TopGear'', Jeremy Clarkson could get creative when talking about something that annoyed him.
--> "Now, I don't know who the Minister of Transport is, but I want him to find the man who came up with that idea [a 20-mile set of roadworks and speed cameras on the M1 in Leicestershire], go round to his office on Monday morning and punch him really hard in the upside of his testes. Just--" ''(mimes punching someone)'' "'Coz if he doesn't, I'm going to find the man, and I'm going to attach him to a milling machine, and I'm gonna see if it's possible to turn a man's head into a perfect cube."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Literature]]
* Creator/CharlesDickens uses this trope in ''Literature/AChristmasCarol'', when Fred comes to wish his uncle Ebenezer a merry Christmas (the line, or some variation thereof, would go on to appear in almost every adaptation):
-->'''Ebenezer Scrooge:''' If I could work my way, every idiot who goes about with "Merry Christmas" on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart.
* ''Literature/{{Discworld}}'':
** When Susan Sto Helit has a stint as a [[MagicalNanny nanny]] in ''Literature/{{Hogfather}}'', she threatens her charges with things like "If I catch you being twee again, I'll knot your arms together behind your head." She finds that these actually worked better than believable threats.
** Also, when the Great God Om found himself BroughtDownToNormal in ''Literature/SmallGods'', he took a while to abandon the over-the-top threats that had always worked before: "Your intestines to be wound around a tree until you are sorry!" and "May your genitals sprout wings and fly away!"
** Another fine example, from Sergeant Jackrum in ''Literature/MonstrousRegiment'': "...there's no rule to stop me beating seven kinds of crap out of you... And that may take me some time, sir, because until now I've only ever discovered five types of crap." ([[https://www.continence.org.au/pages/bristol-stool-chart.html There are seven kinds of crap.]])
** A two-parter from Sam Vimes/John Keel in ''Literature/{{Night Watch|Discworld}}'': "...you try it on one more time and you'll need to use both hands to pick up a spoon and you'll need to pick up a spoon, Ned, 'cos of living off soup by reason of having no damn ''teeth''!"
** One of the dire threats of the Elucidated Brethren of the Ebon Night in ''Literature/GuardsGuards'' involves toasting the offender's figgin on a spike. The power of this threat mostly hinges on not finding out that a figgin is a (fictional) type of pastry containing raisins. The Watch, who ''do'' know what a figgin is, are very confused when their prisoner runs away screaming after an innocent offer of a snack. According to the history books, Mad Lord Snapcase was "hung up by his figgin" when he was overthrown some time before the current timeline. "This meant that either the language had changed a little over the years, or there really was some horrifying aspect to suspending a man alongside a teacake."
** In ''Literature/LordsAndLadies'' Granny Weatherwax tells Nanny Ogg's bratty grandson Pewsey "If you don't shut up, I will personally rip your head off and fill it with snakes." The little boy is merely amused by this threat.
*** In "The Sea and Little Fishes" later on in the time line, Nanny Ogg tells Pewsey that if he doesn't stop crying, she'll never give him candy again. The shock shuts him right up.
** In ''Literature/TheLastContinent'' one of the "ladies" whose float Rincewind hides on at the Galah screams at a troublemaker: "I'll stick my hand down yer throat and pull yer trousers up!"
** In ''Literature/MenAtArms'', Carrot threatens Dr. Whiteface, head of the Fools Guild. He threatens to follow Sergeant Colon's orders to the letter, the orders Carrot got just before going to the guild. When Whiteface threatens to call his guards, Carrot calmly informs him that that will only make it easier for him to obey those orders. He then adds that, if it helps, he'll feel slightly ashamed to do so. Whiteface backed down. The orders? "If there's any trouble, we're leaving right away." Colon had seen people bluff with bad hands, he'd never seen someone bluff with no cards.
** In ''Literature/InterestingTimes'', the Red Army are not very good with making effective threats, to the point where Rincewind summarizes their threats as "Slightly bad things please happen to our enemies!"
** In ''Literature/GoingPostal'', Vetinari recalls one of his predecessors' fondness for having prisoners torn apart by raving tortoises. In his words, "It was not a quick death."
* In ''Literature/ASongOfIceAndFire'', Shagga son of Dolf's repeated threats to anyone and everyone that he will "chop off your manhood and feed it to the goats." In spite of the rather obvious lack of goats in the vicinity. Used so often it becomes a RunningGag.
** He actually gets to do it on Grandmaester Pycelle in the second book. [[spoiler:As it turns out, 'manhood' referred to someone's ''beard''.]]
* A variant from ''Literature/SwordOfTruth'', where after a speech from Richard about how he intends to teach his damaged [[TheBaroness hot dominatrices]] a bit of humanity by letting them take care of his as-yet-unconceived son, one of them says emotionally, "If you get yourself killed trying to rule the world, I will break every bone in your body."
* In Nick Cave's novel ''Literature/AndTheAssSawTheAngel'', a man threatens to rip off Euchrid's head and shit down his neck, in what is probably a ''Full Metal Jacket'' allusion.
* In ''Literature/TheHorseAndHisBoy'', Lasaraleen orders everyone within range to silence thus:
-->'''Lasaraleen:''' No one is to be let out of the house today. And anyone I catch talking about this young lady will be first beaten to death and then burned alive and after that be kept on bread and water for six weeks. There.
* ''Literature/TheDresdenFiles'':
** In ''Literature/StormFront'' [[spoiler:Victor Sells actually attempts to cut Harry's heart out with a ritual involving a rabbit and a sharpened spoon.]]
** ''Literature/DeadBeat'' has Harry threaten the vampire Mavra with "If you try that again, I will kill you so thoroughly that your last ten victims will make miraculous recoveries."
** In ''Literature/TurnCoat'', Listens-to-Wind informs [[spoiler:the skinwalker]] that "I'm just going to kick your ass up between your ears." Then he does.
*** And one from Ebenezer [=McCoy=] to Lara Raith, which is taken [[NotHyperbole entirely seriously by the threatened party]]:
--> Touch the boy again and your family will have to bury [[NotEnoughToBury a pair of five-hundred dollar shoes]].
* The penalty for damaging a palm frond in ''Literature/TheMarvelousLandOfOz'' is to be put to death ten times, then imprisoned for life. Since nobody in Oz ever ages or dies, that's torture plus prison for a ''really'' long time.
* Tucker Case, from Creator/ChristopherMoore's ''Literature/IslandOfTheSequinedLoveNun'', tells a Polynesian village that has him strung up in a tree that:
-->Soon as I'm on my feet, your asses are mine. You all might as well just go practice falling down for a while so you'll be used to it. Just order the body bags now 'cause when I'm done, you're going to look like piles of chocolate pudding. They'll be cleaning you up with shovels.
** When he passes out, the islanders all agree that it was an excellent threat.
* Notable examples from the war novels by Creator/SvenHassel include "I'll pull your arsehole up over your ears!", "I'll have you shaved with the big razor!" (sentenced to decapitation), or the crowning one:
-->"He's going round telling the world you're nothing but a cleaned-out rabbit's head, stuffed with sauerkraut, and if you're lucky enough to get back from the front he's going to see to it you get deported to a cowshit-stinking hole in South Bavaria where the entire population consists of village idiots."
** That same person, after surviving a murder attempt, demands the man responsible be brought to him in 25 separate pieces, which he'll then feed through a mincer and sell as dog food, [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking off the ration]].
* In the Literature/{{Redwall}} prequel ''Martin the Warrior'', Captain Clogg throws a fit of rage when Badrang sets fire to his ship, and screams "I'll cut yer 'ead off an' throw it in yer face!" (Technically possible if one assumes he doesn't mean that head, but since this is a children's book it's unlikely that was the intended meaning. )
** Mellus attempting to revive Hon Rosie in ''Mariel of Redwall'': [[HowDareYouDieOnMe "No! Don't die! If you die, I'll kill you! Oh, I'm sorry, dear."]] Similarly, in ''Marlfox'', Dippler informs an unconscious Dannflor that if he dies, Dippler will never speak to him again. Dann promptly wakes up and bursts out laughing at the uselessness of the threat.
** In ''Pearls of Lutra'' a pirate captain tells an incompetent follower that "When we get out of this I'm gonna hang you upside down over the side of the boat and let the fishes nibble your 'ead off, though they'll be out o' luck if they expects to find any brains in there!"
** It's also quite common for various characters to threaten to remove someone's body parts and feed said parts to the victim.
* ''Literature/{{Dortmunder}}'': Tiny Bulcher has dialogue to this effect at times, such as threatening to shove Dortmunder through a pencil sharpener when he thinks Dortmunder is about to get them caught by the police in one of their earlier adventures together.
* In one of Melanie Rawn's ''[[Literature/DragonPrince Dragon]]'' [[Literature/DragonStar trilogies]], someone threatens, "I will send him back to you in a large number of small boxes."
* Near the end of Creator/MaryStewart's ''This Rough Magic'', a teenage girl is raging about the escape of the villain, who'd almost succeeded in murdering her brother. She shouts that she wishes she could eat the man's heart in the marketplace, and someone comments that although the girl may never have read Shakespeare, her threat is nearly word for word from one of the plays. Then the young fellow who plans to marry her reveals [[spoiler:that he arranged for the villain's escape vehicle to blow up, and he tells her, "You wanted to eat his heart.... I have cooked it for you."]]
* Angela of ''[[Literature/InheritanceCycle Eragon]]'' wishes the following fate on Durza the Shade: "I'd like to cut his heart out with a dull hairpin and feed it to a pig!"
* In ''Literature/TheHitchhikersGuideToTheGalaxy'', after Arthur's house is bulldozed while he's having a drink, he tells the builders responsible that he will sue the council and then have the builders hung, drawn, quartered, whipped and boiled until they've had enough, then he will do it again, and he will then jump on the little bits until he gets blisters or can think of anything more nasty to do, only for the rant to be 'interrupted' by the arrival of the Vogon construction fleet.
* ''Literature/GoodOmens'':
-->"Your fate will be whispered by mothers in dark places to frighten their young," said Hastur, and then felt that the language of Hell wasn't up to the job. "You're going to get taken to the bloody ''cleaners'', pal," he added.
* In the ''Literature/WindOnFire'' trilogy [[ShelteredAristocrat Princess Sirharasi]] has a few good ones, mostly involving eye-gouging of some form or other, but also this gem: "If you tell anything you've heard here, I'll have your tongues pulled out, and rabbits' heads pushed into your mouths, and your lips sewn up...[[EyeScream and your eyes will be burned out by red-hot skewers]]."
* From Creator/StevenBrust's ''Agyar'': "I will draw forth thy bones one by one ere I send thee to the Devil, that for all time thy shapeless body shall serve as a carpet for the minions of hell."
* In ''Literature/TheWarlordChronicles'', at one point the main character finds himself [[TactfulTranslation translating between]] the leaders of the Britons following Myth/KingArthur and the Saxon [[WarriorPrince Warrior King]][=/=]BoisterousBruiser Aelle. When called upon to surrender, Aelle responds by leveling these sorts of threats at every prominent leader there, and some that are absent. What follows is only ''one'' of those. The [[Quotes/TactfulTranslation quotes page for Tactful Translation]] has more of the threats, although that's still considerably shorter than the entire passage.
-->Tell that mustached fool that by nightfall this place shall be known as the Grave of the Britons. Tell him that I shall snip off his whiskers and make them a plaything for my daughter's cats. Tell him that I shall carve a drinking cup from his skull and feed his belly to my dogs.
* In ''Literature/The13Clocks'', the [[CardCarryingVillain Duke]] threatens to "slit you [[UnusualEuphemism from your guggle to your zatch]] and feed you to my geese." He's quite serious.
* In ''Literature/EchoPark'', Harry Bosch has one of these moments when the detective on an apparently related case to one of his own is acting like a condescending {{Jerkass}}.
-->'''Harry:''' Olivas, let's get something clear before we go anywhere. You call me 'Hotshot' again and I'm going to [[AssShove shove the file up your ass without taking it out of my briefcase]].
* In ''Literature/WingsOfFire'', Winter is constantly threatening some variant of freezing dragons' faces off, leading Qibli to comment about how he always only threatens people's face. Later on, when Winter uses a different death threat, he's relieved that it's finally not the face again.
* ''Literature/TheElenium'': After finding out that Annias had his queen poisoned, Sparhawk declares, "I think I'll go back to Cimmura and disembowel Annias. With a dull knife." The doctor he says it to suggests that he instead "make a lateral incision below the navel, then kick him over backwards. Everything ought to fall out at that point."
** At another point in the story, Sparhawk also declares his intention to kill a character by saying that he will "reach down his throat and pull his heart out through his mouth." When one of his friends wonders if that's actually possible, Sparhawk replies that yes it is, if your arm is long enough and you know what you're doing. [[NoodleIncident He never mentions how he acquired this knowledge.]]
* In ''Literature/WolfHall'', the Duke of Norfolk is prone to making very colorful and highly specific threats. First he tells Cromwell to get Wolsey out or Norfolk will tear Wolsey's bollocks off with his teeth. (Cromwell sardonically asks if he can substitute "bite" for "tear", and uses that modified version when threatening Harry Percy with Norfolk's retribution later.) Later Norfolk says that were he the recalcitrant Mary Tudor's father, he'd beat her head against the floor "until her head was as soft as a baked apple."
* ''Literature/TheCodeOfTheWoosters'': Roderick Spode, a very large and intimidating man, has a habit of issuing extraordinarily vivid, over-the-top threats.
--> "If the thing disappears, however cunningly you and your female accomplice may have covered your traces, I shall know where it has gone, and I shall immediately beat you to a jelly. To a jelly," he repeated, rolling the words round his tongue as if they were vintage port.
[[/folder]]

!!Examples:

[[folder:Films -- Live-Action]]
* The TropeNamer and page quote provider from ''Film/RobinHoodPrinceOfThieves'': "I'm gonna cut his heart out with a spoon!" Exclaimed by the Sheriff of Nottingham. The Sheriff's [[TheDragon Dragon]], Guy of Gisbourne, [[LampshadeHanging lampshades]] the trope, asking why he doesn't use a more suitable implement. [[DontExplainTheJoke The Sheriff]] [[DiscussedTrope snaps]], "Because it's ''dull'', you twit! It'll ''hurt'' more!"
** When he does kill Guy with a sword, the last words he says to him: "Well at least I didn't use a spoon."
* Referenced in ''Film/ThePostman'' where the title character jokingly says "Don't make me use this" while pointing a spoon towards one of his allies. Both films share [[Creator/KevinCostner a star]].
* In ''Film/AvengersEndgame'', Thor watches two of his buddies from Asgard play ''VideoGame/{{Fortnite}}'', consistently losing to a guy named "noobmaster69." Thor gets on the voice chat and threatents him thus:
-->'''Thor:''' If you don't log off this game immediately, I'm gonna fly over to your house, find that basement you're hiding in, rip off your arms, and ''shove them up your butt!''
* ''Film/PiratesOfTheCaribbeanAtWorldsEnd'':
-->'''Pirate Lord:''' Shoot him [Barbossa]!\\
'''Another Pirate Lord:''' Cut out his tongue!\\
'''Jack Sparrow:''' [[BreadEggsBreadedEggs Shoot him]] ''[[BreadEggsBreadedEggs and]]'' [[BreadEggsBreadedEggs cut out his tongue!]] [[CrossesTheLineTwice Then shoot the tongue!]]... [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking and trim that scraggly beard]]
* Wat in ''Film/AKnightsTale'' does this rather passionately if not very eloquently:
-->'''Wat:''' Uh, betray us, and I will fong you, until your insides are out, your outsides are in, your entrails will become your extrails I will w-rip... all the p... ung. Pain, lots of pain.
* ''Film/{{Airheads}}'': "I'll stab off your neck... With my dick!"
* In ''Film/TheChroniclesOfRiddick'': "I'm going to kill you with my teacup." He does, too, [[spoiler:by striking it against a surface so the lip of the cup becomes serrated, and then embedding it opening-first into the man's chest]]. Riddick then turns to the remaining {{mooks}} and wordlessly holds up a can opener key, placing it in the same spot that his cup was sitting before. The mooks panic and flee.
* In ''Film/TheCookTheThiefHisWifeAndHerLover'', Albert (the titular Thief) he warns that he will "kill and eat" Michael (the titular Lover). This comes back to bite him when [[spoiler: after he kills Michael, he is forced to eat his corpse.]]
* DrillSergeantNasty Sergeant Hartman says some winners in ''Film/FullMetalJacket'', such as ''"You had best unfuck yourself or I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck!'' and, ''"I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull fuck you!"''
** Parodied in ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'' by an angry tow-truck driver; "If I catch you on my turf, I'll rip off your head, vomit down your neck, rip out your heart, show your heart to your head, and shove 'em both down your neck-hole,[[SophisticatedAsHell to which I previously alluded]]."
*** Double Parodied in ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'' BY the aforementioned DrillSergeantNasty Sergeant Hartman actor R. Lee Ermey playing a "Colonel Hapablap" threatening to "tear you up like a Kleenex at a snot party", and then "corpse you up and mail you to mama."
** Also parodied in the Meg Ryan/Matthew Broderick vehicle ''Film/AddictedToLove'', when the aforementioned actors' characters play "[=MST3K=]" while observing their former loves via an optical-projection.
* ''Film/GrossePointeBlank'':
-->'''Grocer:''' I'm gonna put a bullet hole in your fuckin' forehead, and I'm gonna ''fuck the brain hole!''
* ''Film/MajorPayne'':
-->'''Payne:''' I will put my foot so far up your ass the water on my knee will quench your thirst!
* Toyed with in Hulk Hogan's movie ''Film/SuburbanCommando'', when Shep Ramsey (Hogan) almost damages a mean guy's car:
-->'''Troublemaker:''' Do you got any idea what we're gonna do to you if we find one itty bitty scratch on them? Any idea?\\
'''Shep:''' Let me guess, you're gonna pound my face, break every bone in my body, then you're gonna drag my body down a gravel road, and feed my remains to a wart hog. Is that about right?
-->'''Troublemaker:''' What are you, nuts? This is the 90's, we're gonna sue you.
* In ''Film/StateAndMain'', the movie producer Marty ends a phone call with "I'm gonna rip out your heart and piss on your lungs through the hole in your chest. And my best to Marion."
* ''Film/{{Hancock}}'' features a few:
** "If you don't move, your head is going up his ass." (And then [[AssShove he proceeds to]] [[NotHyperbole do just that]].)
** "I'm gonna shove ''your'' head up ''his'' ass, I'm-a shove ''your'' head up ''his'' ass, and you...you drew the short straw; I'm-a shove your head up ''my'' ass."
** "I will break my foot off in your ass, woman!"
* In ''Film/ThePresidio'', Lt. Col Caldwell states quietly that he's going to beat up a drunk blowhard in a pool hall with his thumb -- this RIGHT thumb... because the left is too powerful for him. Of course, since Our Intrepid Hero is an army man, the ensuing smack down is ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin. In the same movie, Sgt. Major [=MacLure=] tells someone to shut up, on pain of "I'll shove your head so far up your ass, you'll be talking out of your armpit."
* ''Film/TenaciousDInThePickOfDestiny'' offers Tim Robbins delivering: "I'm going to cut out your eyes and your balls, and put your eyeballs in your ballsacks and your balls in your eye sockets!"
* In Creator/MelBrooks' remake of ''Film/ToBeOrNotToBe'', Frederick Bronski, after learning that his wife and a dashing Polish flier were having an affair before the war started, and about to go and potentially give his life by pretending to be a Nazi spy he'd killed, forgives the pair -- in the event that he doesn't return from Gestapo headquarters. "However if I ''do'' come back, you're in a lotta trouble!"
* ''Film/JohnnyDangerously'' has this from Roman Maronie...
-->--"''I gonna taika you doo-ork, I gonna nail it to dawall! I gonna crusha you boils inna meat grinda! I gonna chopoffa you ahms... I gonna shuvemupa you icehole!''"
* In ''Film/BarbWire'', Colonel Pryzer is good at these. He makes two threats.
-->"Let me make this perfectly clear. If Cora D escapes, I will ''personally'' rip your heart out of your ass, and shove it back down your throat."
-->"Goddammit Willis, I'm gonna rip you in half!"
* According to [[http://rinkworks.com RinkWorks.com]], there is a movie which was dubbed into English from another language which featured the immortal line "I will kill you until you are dead from it!"
** Well, you know what they say: "[[VisualNovel/FateStayNight People die]] [[MemeticMutation if they are killed.]]"
* ''Film/HotShotsPartDeux'' has Saddam Hussein say to President Benson right before delivering his planned ''coup de grace'': "Now I will kill you until you die from it!"
* ''[[Film/TheAdventuresofPriscillaQueenOfTheDesert Priscilla, Queen of the Desert]]'' might be an odd source of threatening quotes, but one of Bernadette's many awesome moments is when she says of Adam / Felicia, "One more push, I'm gonna smack his face so hard he'll have to stick his toothbrush up his arse to clean his teeth!"
* In the American Dub of ''Film/BlackMask'', DeadpanSnarker tough cop Detective Rock arguably gets one when challenging a [[TheSyndicate Syndicate]] {{mook}} with a shaved head.
-->'''Mook:''' You broke my nose!\\
'''Rock:''' That's right. Now get out of here before I take that Mr. Clean head and shove it straight up your ass!
* Darwin Mayflower in ''Film/HudsonHawk'' enjoys these. At one point he says, "I'll torture you so slowly you'll think it's a career!" At another:
-->'''Darwin:''' I'll kill your friends, your family, and the bitch you took to the prom!\\
'''Eddie:''' Betty Jo Bialowski? I can get you an address on that, if you want.
* Westley's ToThePain speech from ''Film/ThePrincessBride'' seems to fit better here than within [[ToThePain the trope]] [[TropeNamer it named]]:
-->'''Prince Humperdinck:''' First things first, to the death.\\
'''Westley:''' No. To the pain.\\
'''Prince Humperdinck:''' I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase.\\
'''Westley:''' I'll explain, and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon.\\
'''Prince Humperdinck:''' That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.\\
'''Westley:''' It won't be the last. 'To the pain' means the first thing you will lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose.\\
'''Prince Humperdinck:''' And then my tongue, I suppose. I killed you too quickly the last time. A mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight.\\
'''Westley:''' I wasn't finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right.\\
'''Prince Humperdinck:''' And then my ears, I understand, let's get on with it.\\
'''Westley:''' ''Wrong''. Your ears you keep, and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God! What is that ''[[ItIsDehumanizing thing]]''?" will echo in your perfect ears. That is what 'to the pain' means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.\\
'''Prince Humperdinck:''' I think you're bluffing.\\
'''Westley:''' It's possible, Pig, I might be bluffing. It's conceivable, you miserable, vomitous mass, that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. But, then again... perhaps I have the strength after all.\\
[slowly rises and points sword directly at the prince]\\
'''Westley:''' ''[[PunctuatedForEmphasis Drop. Your. Sword]].''\\
'''Prince Humperdinck:''' [mouth hanging open, drops sword to floor]
* ''Film/{{Yellowbeard}}''. El Nebuloso comes up with a plan to have his minions pretend to be killed.
-->'''Nebuloso:''' But it must look realistic. Anyone caught overacting I will personally scare to death!
* Agent Sands delivers one of these to a reluctant informant in ''Film/OnceUponATimeInMexico'': "You know that withholding vital information from a federal officer is a serious offense. Especially when that federal officer has paid handsomely for it and wouldn't think twice about ripping that patch off your eyehole and skullfucking you to death."
* And then there's Marsellus Wallace from ''Film/PulpFiction'', preparing to deal with a rapist:
-->'''Marsellus:''' What now? Let me tell you what now. I'ma call a coupla hard, pipe-hittin' niggers, who'll go to work on the homes here with a pair of pliers and a blow torch. You hear me talkin', hillbilly boy? I ain't through with you by a damn sight. I'ma get medieval on your ass.
** [[DiscussedTrope Discussed]] briefly in ''Literature/TheTruth'', when the Wallace-esque Mr. Tulip threatens to get medieval on someone. When questioned, he concludes that this might involve "...the invention of the horse collar."
* ''Film/ChittyChittyBangBang'': Caractacus Potts takes his hair-cutting invention to a funfair which goes haywire on his only customer. At one point during the ensuing chase, the customer yells, "I'll smash your teeth down your throat!"
* In ''Film/WinADateWithTadHamilton'': "Good. Because if you do I swear to God I will tear you to pieces with my bare hands. Or vicious rhetoric."
* From ''Film/TheBigLebowski'':
-->'''Jesus Quintana:''' Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes "click."\\
'''The Dude:''' ...Jesus.\\
'''Jesus Quintana:''' [[AnswersToTheNameOfGod You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.]]
* Creator/ClintEastwood seems to be quite fond of this, as part of the tough guy machos he usually portrays, as shown by following example from the fifth installment of ''Film/DirtyHarry'': "Don't fuck with me, buddy, or I'll kick your ass so hard you'll have to unbutton your collar to shit."
* And from ''Film/HeartbreakRidge'':
-->'''Stitch:''' This babe is whack. She doesn't know what's twelve inches long and white. Nothing! Hey man, no offense, I'm just working on my routine.\\
'''Gunny:''' I'll tell you what's black and bleeding if it don't shut its face.
* ''Film/JayAndSilentBobStrikeBack'' shows Jay angrily dictating the following message which Bob posts to a website discussing the ''Bluntman and Chronic'' movie:
-->"All you motherfuckers are gonna pay. You are the ones who are the ball-lickers. We're gonna fuck your mothers while you watch and cry like little whiny bitches. Once we get to Hollywood and find those Miramax fucks who are making that movie, we're gonna make 'em eat our shit, then shit out our shit, then eat their shit which is made up of our shit that we made 'em eat. Then all you motherfucks are next. [[MoodWhiplash Love, Jay and Silent Bob]]."
** One film earlier in ''Film/{{Dogma}}'', Rufus the 13th Apostle gave Jay one of his own.
-->'''Rufus:''' Hey! What I just did gave me a fucking migraine! So if you don't pipe down, I'm going to [[GroinAttack yank your sack off]] like a paper towel!
* In ''Film/TheWarriors'': "I'll shove that bat up your ass and turn you into a Popsicle!"
* In ''Series/{{Reno 911}}'' TheMovie, a Homeland Security agent threatens Jones & Garcia with "...I'm gonna fill a tube sock with oranges, then I'm gonna beat you with it until I juice them! Then I'm gonna drink the juice in front of you! And you're gonna ask me "Why?", but I'm not gonna answer you!"
* In ''Film/BestInShow'', the Larry Miller's character attempts to talk his son down from the roof by stating, "I will gouge your eye out with my thumb! I shit you not, my friend!" In the previous scene, Miller revealed that his job is trying to talk jumpers down, but "they all jump."
* From ''[[Film/TwentyOne 21]]'': Cole Williams: "If I see you in here again, I will break your cheekbone with a small hammer. And then I will kill you."
* ''Film/PineappleExpress'':
** All OVER the movie.
--->'''Robert:''' You assholes do exactly as I say, or I will take you outside and fuck you in the street!\\
'''Dale:''' No! Don't fuck us anywhere!
** Or:
--->'''Ken:''' War is upon you! Prepare to suck the cock of karma!
** As well as...
--->'''Matheson:''' You know you gonna die, right?\\
'''Saul:''' Yeah.\\
'''Matheson:''' I'm gonna kill the fuck out of you!
* In ''Film/DeuceBigalow: Male Gigolo'', the titular character has a misunderstanding with a bartender which results in the following masterpiece deadpan one-liner from Norm Macdonald:
-->'''Bartender:''' Ahh, perhaps you don't understand. Ahh... if you don't pay me now, I'm going to uhh... take this swizzle-stick, and uhh... I'll be shoving that right up your pee-hole.
* In TheSeventies spoof ''Film/JMenForever'', one of the J-Men indignantly turns down a bribe.
-->"I'm going to have you wrapped in the U.S flag and burned personally by the President, in high-octane American gasoline!"
* This is actually hinted at in ''Film/TheDarkKnight''. I ''really'' don't want to know what the Joker uses that potato peeler for...
* ''Film/TheWholeNineYards'': when displeased with his lunch order, Jimmy "The Tulip" Tudeski hits the waiter with this gem, apparently inspired by something Creator/BruceWillis actually said on Matthew Perry's answering machine:
-->"I'm gonna keep the Coke and the fries but I'm gonna send this burger back. And if you put any mayonnaise on it, I'm gonna come over to your house, I'll chop your legs off, set fire to your house, and watch as you drag your bloody stumps out the door."
* In ''Film/TropicThunder'', Les Grosman threatens the film's director this way if he screws up again.
--> '''Grosman:''' My fist is going to be so far up your ass that every time you have a fart it's gonna have to tiptoe past my wedding ring.
* In ''Series/DansUneGalaxiePresDeChezVous'', the movie based on the Quebecois space adventure comedy, the exasperated captain (usually a BenevolentBoss) has finally lost his patience with the ChronicBackstabbingDisorder case that is the ship's scientist. The blender MakesSenseInContext. The quote, however...
-->'''Capitaine Charles Patenaude:''' ''[waving around a discarded blender]'' Brad, pull something like that again, and I will cut you to pieces, I will put you in this blender, I will press "Smoothie" and [[PunctuatedForEmphasis I. WILL. DRINK. YOU.]]
* In ''Film/CasinoRoyale1967'', Creator/WoodyAllen sputters not-very-intimidating woodyallenisms at a BananaRepublic firing squad:
-->'''Jimmy Bond:''' You do know of course that this means an angry letter to the ''Times''?
* ''Film/{{Sleeper}}'', another Woody Allen movie:
-->'''Miles:''' You sit here. I'll go find us something, and don't try anything funny while I'm gone, 'cause you know what you'll get.\\
'''Luna:''' What?\\
'''Miles:''' What? W-w-what will you get? Uh, a... large and ''painful'' hickey!
* The infamous "French Taunting" from ''Film/MontyPythonAndTheHolyGrail'' sometimes dips into this trope.
* In ''Film/TowerHeist'', Slide has this one: "I'm going to blow your face clean off your face!"
* A great example from ''Film/InTheLoop'' delivered by Malcolm Tucker:
-->I'm gonna fuckin' take your leg off, and I'll... fuckin'... the shin bone! I'm gonna take the shin bone, I'm gonna break it in two and I'm going to fucking stab you to fucking death with it...
* ''Film/TankGirl''. The title character tells the BigBad Kesslee (in a Muhammad Ali voice) "I'm gonna hit you so hard, your children will be born bruised!"
* ''Film/GetSmart''. After [[TheSmartGuy Bruce and Lloyd]] all but call him an idiot, Larabee lets out this gem:
-->'''Larabee:''' I'm a trained killer, you know. I can kill you with anything in this office. You wanna die by Post-Its? 'Cause I can make that happen.\\
'''Agent 91:''' And that's a slow death.
** Then Agent 23 ruins the threat by stapling a report to Larabee's head.
* When describing his training in ''Film/RememberTheTitans'', Coach Boone uses this as a motivational tool
--> '''Coach Boone:''' We will be perfect in every aspect of the game. You drop a pass, you run a mile. You miss a blocking assignment, you run a mile. You fumble the football, and I will break my foot off in your John Brown hind parts... and then you will run a mile. Perfection. Let's go to work.
* In ''Film/AnalyzeThis'', as Vitti is trying to have a civilized conversation with a rival mobster on the phone:
-->Then I can unblock that angered wish and then hopefully, hopefully [[RageBreakingPoint you make one more move on me you motherfucker]] I'll fucking cut your fucking balls off I'll shove them up your fucking ass, I'll fucking bury you, I'll put ice picks in your eyes, I'll chop your fucking eyeballs, I'll send them to your fucking family so they can eat them for dessert. You understand me?
* In ''Film/QuigleyDownUnder'', Creator/AlanRickman as the BigBad Marston, repeats almost word-for-word his Sheriff of Nottingham speech from the ''Robin Hood'' movie as a vow: "Quigley! When I get my hands on you I'm going to carve your heart out with a spoon!"
* In ''Film/DoctorDetroit'', Clifford Skridlow makes this threat to "Mom" when he impersonates the Doctor:
--> "Mom, I'm going to rip off your head and shit down your neck."
* In ''Film/AFewGoodMen'', Col. Nathan R. Jessup makes this threat to Kaffee as part of his VillainousBreakdown:
--> "I'm gonna rip the eyes out of your head, and piss at your dead skull! You've fucked with the wrong Marine!"
* In ''Film/AnimalHouse'', Dean Wormer has several memorable threats/expressions/vulgarities, all about Delta House.
--> "Grab the bull by the balls and kick those punks off campus."
--> "The time has come for someone to put his foot down... And that foot is me."
--> "You'll be out of here like shit through a goose."
* In ''Film/TradingPlaces'', Clarence Beeks utters this line on the train:
--> "I'll rip out your eyes and piss on your brain!"
* In ''Film/{{Swindle}}'', when Amanda's status as a ClosetGeek is revealed:
--> "If any of you say a word about this to anyone, I will kill you in ways that haven't even been invented yet!"
* In ''Film/StandByMe'': Teddy threatens Pressman this way.
--> "I'm gonna rip your head off and shit down your neck!"
* ''Film/ZigZag2002'': When [[MeanBoss Mr. Walters]] reports the robbery to the police, he says, "I find the prick who did this, I'm gonna scoop out his eyeballs and stick 'em right up his ass."
[[/folder]]

* The TropeNamer from ''Film/RobinHoodPrinceOfThieves'': "I'm gonna cut his heart out with a spoon!" Exclaimed by the Sheriff of Nottingham. The Sheriff's [[TheDragon Dragon]], Guy of Gisbourne, [[LampshadeHanging lampshades]] the trope, asking why he doesn't use a more suitable implement. [[DontExplainTheJoke The Sheriff]] [[DiscussedTrope snaps]], "Because it's ''dull'', you twit! It'll ''hurt'' more!"

** Parodied in ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'' by an angry tow-truck driver; "If I catch you on my turf, I'll rip off your head, vomit down your neck, rip out your heart, show your heart to your head, and shove 'em both down your neck-hole, to which I previously alluded."

* The ''WesternAnimation/ActionMan2000'' cartoon did contain one gem of a line: "If he comes back, I'll rip his head off and shove it up his nose... Wait, his nose is on his head, THAT WON'T WORK!"

* ''WesternAnimation/{{Shrek}}'' gives a string of threats of this kind to the villagers who hunt him.
--> '''Shrek''': Ogres will make a suit from your freshly peeled skin, shave your liver, squeeze the jelly from your eyes... actually, it's quite good on toast.

-->''"SPIT IN HIS EYE! "STICK BAMBOO UNDER HIS NAILS!" "MAKE HIM WRITE BAD CHECKS!"''
* ''VideoGame/Portal2'': Cave Johnson and his [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuMv86Ov7-8&feature=related combustible lemons]].

* ''Series/{{Kingdom}}'': Lyle and Peter having pints in the pub. Lyle, being flippant, calls Peter "P.K."

* Satori Komeiji, the stage 4 boss of ''[[VideoGame/{{Touhou}} Subterranean Animism]]'', is something of a DittoFighter, basing all but the first of her Spell Cards on the attacks of whichever MissionControl the player selected at the beginning of the game. Right before using the first of these attacks, she says, "Now, this is where it really begins! Go and sleep with a trauma so frightful it will wake you up!"

-->'''Bernkastel (to her cat familiars):''' "This is my dearly beloved and only friend in the world. Her arms from the elbow down. Her legs from the knees down. You can chew those up however you please. But not a scratch anywhere else on her."\\
'''Lambdadelta:''' "Ah, simply wonderful. I'm about to be overwhelmed by Bern's love, aren't I!?"\\
'''Bernkastel:''' "......I do love you, Lambda. Once your limbs are gone, I'll skewer you through your butt and hang you by my bed. Every morning, I'll give you a good morning kiss, and every evening, I'll kiss you goodnight."

* ''Machinima/RedVsBlue''.

* "[[Webcomic/EightBitTheater Astos? Mo like yo ass is toast!]]": so bad it actually ''[[AntiClimax killed the guy]]''.

* The ''VideoGame/{{Touhou}}'' fancomic ''Webcomic/TouhouNekokayou'' has [[http://dizzy.pestermom.com/?p=thcomic79 Tenshi threaten Marisa]] with [[HitYouSoHardYourXWillFeelIt "I'm gonna hit you so hard, your descendants will feel it!"]] (They ''do''.)

* ''Webcomic/SchlockMercenary''

** Also, in "[[Recap/BlackadderS3E2InkAndIncapacity Ink and Incapacity]]", Mr. E. Blackadder issued this: "Baldrick, believe me; eternity in the company of Beelzebub -- and all his hellish instruments of torment -- will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me [[NoodleImplements and this pencil]]."

** Buffy once threatened to wear someone's ribcage as a hat. This being Buffy, the threaten-ee promptly [[LampshadeHanging lampshaded]] it with "Hello to the imagery."

* This is the primary RunningGag of Coach Hines, a recurring character on ''Series/MADTV''.

* ''Series/DowntonAbbey'' has Lord Grantham giving a pretty good one to [[spoiler: Branson when giving him and Sybil his blessing]]:

->''"Locksley! I'm going to cut your heart out with a '''spoon'''!"''
-->-- '''The Sheriff of Nottingham''', ''Film/RobinHoodPrinceOfThieves''

* In {{Series/MASH}}, Season 6, episode 3, "Last Laugh", when Margaret is angry and desperate to speak to her husband:
--> Radar: "Oh, sorry ma'am. Colonel's orders, no personal calls until after 1700 hours.
--> Margaret: "How would you like to be up to your knees in floor?"

* ''Webcomic/{{Multiplex}}'' has [[http://www.multiplexcomic.com/strip/825 this]] gem.

[[folder:Films -- Animation]]

[[folder:Pro Wrestling]]

[[folder:Web Comics]]
* Averted [[http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson516.html in this]] ''Webcomic/SurvivingTheWorld''.

-->'''Thor:''' If you don't log off this game immediately, I'm gonna fly over to your house, find that basement you're hiding in, rip off your arms, and **shove them up your butt!**