History Main / ButNotTooGay

* Music/DorianElectra [[ParodiedTrope satirizes this idea]] with their song "Ram It Down", [[VillainSong exploring a bigoted mindset]] with the old adage "it's fine to be gay as long as you don't ram it down my throat", and how it and similar phrases carry... [[ThatCameOutWrong unintended]] [[HomoeroticSubtext subtext]]. What's more is that in the context of ''My Agenda'' (the ConceptAlbum the song comes from), this is revealed to be [[ArmouredClosetGay outward repression]] of [[InternalizedCategorism the protagonist's own internalized homophobia]].

See also GetBackInTheCloset for media ''with'' gay love content, but it is just rated higher than media with heterosexual love scenes and the like. There is some overlap with HideYourLesbians. ButNotTooBi is a related but distinct trope most commonly manifested as a character who ''says'' they're bisexual but they never pursue a relationship with the a person of the same gender. See HaveIMentionedIAmGay when a show with supposedly gay characters doesn't ever reach even ''this'' level of physical affection between them.

* ''Series/DoctorWho'': Jenny and Madame Vastra, despite having appeared in quite a few episodes and being married, did not kiss on screen until season 8's "Deep Breath" and even that was an "Oxygen Transfer" rather than a romantic kiss. This may have something to do with Madame Vastra's green lizard makeup, but that's part of [[DiscountLesbians another trope]].

* ''Film/BrokebackMountain'' is a lot better in this aspect, but it still received a lot of accusations of using this trope.

* ''Series/DoctorWho'': Jenny and Madame Vastra, despite having appeared in quite a few episodes and being married, haven't been seen kissing yet. That may have something to do with Madame Vastra's green lizard makeup, but that's part of [[DiscountLesbians another trope]]. In series 8, they do lip-lock, but to transfer oxygen.

* Thomas of ''Series/DowntonAbbey'' has a kiss in the first episode, and is rebuffed by a guest in the third. In the second season, he has a crush on a wounded soldier that never really goes anywhere [[spoiler: as the soldier dies, leaving Thomas devastated]]. Apart from that, his sexuality is rarely mentioned. There is some [[JustifiedTrope justification]] for this due to [[DeliberateValuesDissonance homosexuality being illegal]] at the time, which gets explored in in Season 3 where Thomas falls in love with fellow servant James, but it ends badly when James rebuffs him and alerts the authorities. Some viewers pointed out that England did have an underground queer culture in the 1910s even with the anti-gay laws, which, while never brought up in the series, was eventually explored in ''Film/DowntonAbbey'' TheMovie where Thomas visits such an establishment and even gets to kiss his new LoveInterest.

* Thomas of ''Series/DowntonAbbey'' has a kiss in the first episode, and is rebuffed by a guest in the third. In the second season, he has a crush on a wounded soldier that never really goes anywhere [[spoiler: as the soldier dies, leaving Thomas devastated]]. Apart from that, his sexuality is rarely mentioned. Some [[JustifiedTrope excuse this]] with [[DeliberateValuesDissonance homosexuality being illegal]] at the time, but considering it's outright stated he had a full-blown affair with the Duke of Crowborough before the events of the series. (Some also mention that England had an underground queer culture in the 1910s even with the anti-gay laws, although since it was largely confined to wealthy people in cities it's hard to know how much Thomas knew of and had access to it.)
** In Season 3, he falls in love with a fellow servant named James, but it ends badly, with James rebuffing Thomas' advances and being so outraged and disgusted he alerts the authorities. Thomas only very narrowly avoided losing his job and getting arrested through the intervention of Lord Grantham. While this storyline didn't result in Thomas getting any action it ''did'' at least show the kind of prejudice and danger he faces, explaining why he can't be open about his sexuality and has to be cautious about embarking on relationships.

* In the film version of ''Film/MammaMia'', all of the adults of the older generations ended up in a romance that got development (or at least a musical number) Except for [[spoiler: Harry]]. He comes to the island seemingly single, and then shows up with a boyfriend in the last two scenes without ever explaining it further. And the pair's screen time can be comfortably counted in seconds.
** Even more prominent in the sequel, ''Film/MammaMiaHereWeGoAgain''. Harry's homosexuality does not come up at all, he is not seen with any male love interest and his backstory focuses on his romance with Donna without giving any hint that the reason it was doomed to fail was because he was gay. Instead it looks as though he was just edged out by Donna's romances with Sam and Bill.

** The one lesbian couple that only stayed for a couple episodes had two on-screen kisses -- which was basically the same as what you'd get for a straight couple. Bob and Lee, however, have never kissed once and usually don't touch although they've been on the show for at least two seasons.
** ''Desperate Housewives'' did have a few boy kisses between Andrew and his boyfriend in the first couple seasons, when Andrew was evil and trying to drive his homophobic mother insane, but none since he turned good.
** In Season 5, when he and his fiance moved into their own home on Wisteria Lane, they lean in for a kiss... and the front door closes before their lips actually meet.
** As of the latest season, Bob and Lee ''finally'' got a kiss when Gabby got them back together.

* A recurring problem on ''Series/TrueBlood''. Straight characters either explicitly have sex or we see them lying in bed after having clearly done the deed. Meanwhile, the gay relationships are uncharacteristically chaste. It becomes disturbing when you think of how there have been three explicit rape scenes, and ''that'' is somehow more okay than a same-gender couple having consensual sex. The show defied this this trope in the final season. When it was decided that Jessica's boyfriend James would leave her for Lafayette, James' actor Luke Grimes refused to act out a same-gender romance. The character was [[TheOtherDarrin promptly recast]] with Nathan Parsons and the storyline went along as planned. Not only that, but we ''finally'' (albeit briefly) got to see Lafayette have sex onscreen like his costars.

* A recurring problem on ''Series/TrueBlood''. Straight characters either explicitly have sex or we see them lying in bed after having clearly done the deed. Meanwhile, the gay relationships are uncharacteristically chaste. It becomes disturbing when you think of how there have been three explicit rape scenes, and ''that'' is somehow more okay than a same-gender couple having consensual sex. It took until the final season for Lafayette to be shown having sex.

Homosexuality is still a taboo in much of the world, and while some audiences may tolerate a gay character, they may be completely {{squick}}ed out by shows of affection and sex scenes with gay and lesbian characters, no matter how tame they may be. So television shows and other media don't push the envelope too much on gay affection. There may be a hug, or a meaningful handhold, but never a kiss [[SweepsWeekLesbianKiss unless it's heavily promoted and advertised]] (and even then, [[NeverTrustATrailer don't get your hopes up that it will happen as advertised]]). So basically, you can have gay people and gay couples but they can't be shown actually behaving like a couple.

This is sometimes a case of TruthInTelevision, as many gay couples in real life avoid being affectionate in public for fear of unwanted attention (as was the retroactive justification for the page picture). But if we see them at home and they act more like roommates than lovers, it comes right back to being this trope. In Anglo-American media, fans and critics have noticed a pattern of female couples being more likely to be shown engaging in sexual activity on screen than male ones. This is thought to be due to a combination of MaleGaze and assumed GirlOnGirlIsHot among male audiences, which has led to lesbianism being turned into a [[SweepsWeekLesbianKiss promotional strategy]] that is expected to ''attract'' viewers rather than repel them, combined with an assumption that the same male target audiences will react negatively to homoerotic scenes between men.

Of course, this is a common source of UnfortunateImplications. ValuesDissonance plays heavily into this trope regarding acceptance of homosexuality, though, and it varies from country to country, from decade to decade, even within countries and communities. It is all too easy to look at the prevalence of this trope and come to the conclusion that homosexual couples are fine if they're on TV... as long as they don't show any sexuality. As the tolerance toward homosexuality grows, this trope is fading little by little, though old habits can die hard. This Trope may also occur due to heterosexual actors feeling uncomfortable going too far with someone of their own gender. In historical shows set in time periods where it would have been unsafe for gay and bi characters to be out, this trope is probably due to DeliberateValuesDissonance and is arguably [[JustifiedTrope justified]].

Before you add an example, please think about [[Administrivia/SquarePegRoundTrope if it even fits the trope.]] If you aren't able to really describe an example, it's best not to put it here. Try comparing examples to whether or not the straight characters show their love more, or describing particularly jarring occurrences.

See also GetBackInTheCloset for media ''with'' gay love content, but it is just rated higher than media with heterosexual love scenes and the like. There is some overlap with HideYourLesbians. For bisexual characters, see ButNotTooBi. See HaveIMentionedIAmGay when a show with supposedly gay characters doesn't ever reach even ''this'' level of physical affection between gay characters.

* ''Series/BlackSails'': Flint has on-screen sex with Miranda and kisses her in full-view to the camera, he is never shown engaging in sex with Thomas (even though their love is supposedly the driving force of the series) and their kiss is shadowed by the darkness. The entire series runs on this, with lesbian and straight sex scenes being common, but gay male sex scenes completely non-existent.

* ''{{Film/Cabaret}}'' has Brian tell Sally that he's gay. But he's never seen in any relationships (not that he'd be entirely open about it in 1930s Germany anyway) and then he discovers he's [[BiTheWay bisexual by sleeping with Sally]]. Even when it's revealed that they both slept with Maximilian, Brian's is not shown.

* ''WesternAnimation/KungFuPandaThePawsOfDestiny'': Outside of some hand holding, and a scant few sweet words, Wing and Wong never show any real signs of being a couple. They only hug one time out of a time that isn't fear (like Shaggy and Scooby-Doo), and that one hug almost feels like it's Lampshading this trope, because they explicitly only hug just to show everyone how "madly in love" to announce they're a couple, and then they never hug out of affection again. In the first episode they appear, [[HideYourLesbians they don't even do that much]] and show zero signs of being a couple. Their relationship and sexuality is so poorly developed that a lot of viewers ended the series thinking either that they weren't gay due to a pregnancy joke that goes nowhere, that they weren't a really couple due to Rooster indirectly implying that he made up that they're a couple, or both.

* ''WesternAnimation/KungFuPandaThePawsOfDestiny'': Outside of some hand holding, and a scant few sweet words, Wing and Wong never show any real signs of being a couple. They only hug one time out of a time that isn't fear (like Shaggy and Scooby-Doo), and that one hug almost feels like it's Lampshading this trope, because they explicitly only hug just to show everyone how "madly in love" to announce they're a couple, and then they never hug out of affection again. In the first episode they appear, [[HideYourLesbians they don't even do that much]] and show zero signs of being a couple. Their relationship and sexuality is poorly developed enough that a lot of viewers ended the series thinking that they weren't gay due to pregnancy joke that goes nowhere, that they weren't a couple due to Rooster somewhat implying that he made up that they're a couple, or both.

* ''WesternAnimation/KungFuPandaThePawsOfDestiny'': Outside of some hand holding, and a scant few sweet words, Wing and Wong never show any real signs of being a couple. They only hug one time out of a time that isn't fear (like Shaggy and Scooby-Doo), and that one hug almost feels like it's Lampshading this trope, because they explicitly only hug just to show everyone how "madly in love" to announce they're a couple, and then they never hug out of affection again. In the first episode they appear, [[HideYourLesbians they don't even do that much]] and show zero signs of being a couple. Not only that, but them being a GAY couple is a bit [[AmbiguouslyGay ambiguous]] due to a line where Wong says he's (she's?) with child, leading viewers to believe Wong is actually a woman, and there are others who believe they aren't really even a couple at all, due to Rooster (the person who outed them in the first place) later saying he made up that they were getting married for sympathy points, causing viewers to think Wing and Wong were just going along with the lie (even though they didn't know he was lying).

This is sometimes a case of TruthInTelevision, as many gay couples in real life avoid being affectionate in public for fear of unwanted attention (as was the retroactive justification for the page picture). But if we see them behind closed doors and they continue to act like roommates, it comes right back to being this trope. In Anglo-American media, fans and critics have noticed a pattern of female couples being more likely to be shown engaging in sexual activity on screen than male ones. This is thought to be due to a combination of MaleGaze and assumed GirlOnGirlIsHot among male audiences, which has led to lesbianism being turned into a [[SweepsWeekLesbianKiss promotional strategy]] that is expected to ''attract'' viewers rather than repel them, combined with an assumption that the same male target audiences will react negatively to homoerotic scenes between men.

* This is both averted and played straight on ''Series/BrothersAndSisters'': Kevin and Scotty make out as much as any married couple on the show, and before the marriage Kevin made out with plenty of hot guest stars. Saul, however, rarely has an onscreen kiss, which could be tied to NobodyOver50IsGay.

* In season 7 of ''WesternAnimation/VoltronLegendaryDefender'' [[spoiler:Shiro]] and his ex-boyfriend Adam only share a single flashback scene together where they don't have physical contacts or even look at each others before [[spoiler:Adam unceremoniously dies later in the season to which Shiro only briefly grieves]]. The nature of their relationship is never really made explicit. If it wasn't for Adam asking his boyfriend "How important am I to you?", you'd think they were just friends.

* ''Film/ITChapterTwo'' caught some criticism for this between [[spoiler:Richie and Eddie]]. Despite making it very clear that there was (at least one-sided) romantic feeling between them - something that was arguably present as subtext in the original novel, but really easy to miss - their last scene together is somehow ''less'' gay than in the book. [[spoiler:Specifically, after Eddie dies, Richie kisses him before leaving him in the novel, but not in the movie.]]

* ''Film/ITChapterTwo'' caught some criticism for this between [[spoiler:Richie and Eddie]]. Despite making it very clear that there was (at least one-sided) romantic feeling between them - something that was arguably present as subtext in the original novel, but really easy to miss - their last scene together is actually ''less'' gay than in the book. [[spoiler:Specifically, after Eddie dies, Richie kisses him before leaving him in the novel, but not in the movie.]]