History Main / BiggerIsBetterInBed

[-[[caption-width-right:240:[[DefensiveWhat What]]? [[ExactWords You did say you wanted]] [[VisualPun an image of a Big Cock]].]]-]

Unsurprisingly, most writers don't really think through the RealLife implications of a twelve-inch penis:
# Regardless of personal preferences, someone's nethers can only stretch and fit so much; if a guy's penis is too big for his partner's orifices then intercourse will be awkward, physically painful, [[CantHaveSexEver or even outright impossible.]]
#It assumes that intercourse is all there is to sex, thereby demonstrating certain failures of knowledge and imagination. Some women are unable to climax solely from vaginal stimulation and excessive length may prevent them from receiving the additional vulval and clitoral stimulation they need.
#[[BlessedWithSuck Truly extraordinary size can make it difficult or even impossible to sustain an erection due to blood-flow complications]] making [[TheLoinsSleepTonight any degree of performance]] [[ExaggeratedTrope impossible]].
#While size can matter to women, girth benefits them more than length, and both take a back seat to technique because female genitals can accept a reasonable range of "inputs." One size does indeed fit all, so long as the "all" knows what they are doing.

SuperTrope to BlackIsBiggerInBed, which is the erroneous assumption that black men are "gifted" with bigger penises than men of other ethnicities. When a large penis has comedic value instead of (or in addition to) sexual value, see GagPenis. Contrast with TeenyWeenie, which is a penis which is smaller than the average, and often leads to mockery of the guy who has it because of this trope. The female equivalent to this trope is BuxomIsBetter. Often related to IKEAErotica and RagingStiffie. When taken to extremes can become a case of AnatomicallyImpossibleSex, or alternately of WritersCannotDoMath.

* In the ''WesternAnimation/SouthPark'' episode "T.M.I.", the Colorado Surgeon General and Randy Marsh both propose equations for "adjusted penis length", with bigger being better. The trope is twisted a bit, since in both normal measurements and the "adjusted" ones, supposedly wimpy (a fan would say 'sensitive') characters like Butters get top results, suggesting that they're really good in bed.

* When Brian's ex-girlfriend returns with her new fiancee Derek in an episode of ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'', he quickly proves himself to be Brians superior in every single way, smarter, more handsome, kinder and richer. At one point, Brian resorts to following him into the bathroom to see if he has any "shortcomings". Judging by his response, he does ''not''.

** In one Christmas episode, Peter tells the story of the First Christmas and the Birth of Jesus, with him as Joseph and Lois as Mary. Upon finding out that Mary is pregnant with the Son of God, Joseph is honored, but has one important question... was God bigger than him? Mary tells him she felt nothing. Joseph is immediately mollified.

** After Peter is temporarily turned CampGay as a result of volunteering for a medical experiment, he helps Chris with his math homework by using a very inappropriate story about glory hole rotations in a gay club as an example. Part of the equation is a guy named Trent who's apparently so well-endowed he can't fit in the holes.

* Averted in ''Series/{{Lucifer}}''. Despite being ThePornomancer, Lucifer states that he's of average size in terms of equipment.

* Inverted in ''Film/FullMetalJacket'', where a Vietnamese hooker doesn't want to have sex with a black Marine, because she thinks that his penis is too big. He demonstrates that it isn't.

* [[https://youtu.be/sZsJyCyGBSI A series of Japanese commercials]] [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything alludes to this trope]], with added {{Sexophone}} for good measure, as the woman is ''much'' more interested in the "Long Long Man"('s Sakeru Gummy) than her boyfriend's.

** In ''Film/YoungFrankenstein'', prudish Elizabeth finds her true love when The Monster rapes her... after it's revealed that he also has a monster ''schweinstucker''.

* ''Literature/TheGoldenAss'' has two notable examples: first [[InvokedTrope invoked case]] is the period when Lucius, [[BalefulPolimorph transformed into a donkey by witchcraft]], is serving a gang of [[CampGay extremely effeminate acolytes]] of the Goddess Syria/Cybele: one evening they invite to dinner a handsome boy who's described as being well endowed, and as soon as they're done with the appetizers they have pushed the boy in the middle of the room and dogpiled him for oral sex, much to Lucius' disgust (plenty of ValuesDissonance on how Romans had little respect for passive homosexual adults and how in the classic world a large penis was considered gross). Much later in the story a noblewoman becomes [[BestialityIsDepraved enamored with Lucius]] and pays a hefty sum to spend the night with him as if he was a human paramour. Lucius himself fears that his huge phallus could hurt her and is surprised to see that she shows no discomfort.

* Woody Johnson and the convict Meathammer from ''WesternAnimation/{{Brickleberry}}''. Meathammer is only stated but presumably true since the entire prison population agrees with him, while Woody is seen naked on several occasions, with his censor bar reaching his knees. Denzel as well, playing into [[BlackIsBiggerInBed a common humorous stereotype about African Americans.]]

* A RunningGag of the NSFW {{Manhwa}} ''Webcomic/{{Sexercise}}'' is everyone's reactions to the abnormally huge dick of protagonist Bae Woong and how oblivious he appears to be to his own size. Notably, all of Woong's partners have been left ''very'' satisfied after "working out. After Woong's first day at the gym, Soohyun recalls the reactions of his partners while wondering to herself if size really does make a difference... and the scene immediately cuts to Hani firmly telling Miso that of ''course'' size makes a difference.

* A RunningGag of the NSFW {{Manwha}} ''Webcomic/{{Sexercise}}'' is the abnormally huge dick of protagonist Bae Woong and how oblivious he appears to be to his own size. Notably, all of Woong's partners have been left ''very'' satisfied after "working out. After Woong's first day at the gym, Soohyun recalls the reactions of his partners while wondering to herself if size really does make a difference... and the scene immediately cuts to Hani firmly telling Miso that of ''course'' size makes a difference.

Unsurprisingly, most writers don't really think through the RealLife implications of a twelve-inch penis. First, regardless of personal preferences, someone's nethers can only stretch and fit so much; if a guy's penis is too big for his partner's orifices then intercourse will be awkward, physically painful, [[CantHaveSexEver or even outright impossible.]] Second, it assumes that intercourse is all there is to sex, thereby demonstrating certain failures of knowledge and imagination. Some women are unable to climax solely from vaginal stimulation and excessive length may prevent them from receiving the additional vulval and clitoral stimulation they need. Third, [[BlessedWithSuck truly extraordinary size can make it difficult or even impossible to sustain erection due to blood-flow complications]] making [[TheLoinsSleepTonight any degree of performance]] [[ExaggeratedTrope impossible]]. Fourth, while size can matter to women, girth benefits them more than length, and both take a back seat to technique because female genitals can accept a reasonable range of "inputs." One size does indeed fit all, so long as the "all" knows what they are doing.

* Several characters in the Italian porn series ''Ramba''. Deconstructed; it is shown as being painful to the women involved, and is sometimes used to deliberately torture them.

* ''Fanfic/ACrownOfStars'': Played straight. According Asuka, Shinji's penis is nearly twice larger than BigBad's and former BigBad's. Moreover, the latter two abused her sexually, were pretty lousy in bed and made her feeling dirty, whereas Shinji made her feeling good, happy and special.

* Shows up again in another Kalash93 story called "[[http://www.fimfiction.net/story/106068/relax Relax]]." It's implied that not only does the protagonist not have a prodigious endowment, but that the sex is actually better for it. This is an example of TruthInTelevision. Average and somewhat smaller are actually the most ideal penis sizes because they can be easily and comfortably accommodated by women of varying sizes and equipment.

* ''Fanfic/PokemonResetBloodlines'', despite being a harem fic, averts this. The author specifically has made no comments on character penis sizes, and specifically points out in authors notes and the omake of chapter 36 the madness this trope gets (by pointing out that a 12 inch penis is basically having a Pichu in your shorts). He also notes the problems that come when combining this trope with [[TeenyWeenie having all the characters not in the author's favor have the opposite problem]], referring to it as 'Penis Bashing'.

* Aversion: In the film ''Kinsey'' Alfred Kinsey and his wife have come to a doctor because they're having trouble consummating their marriage. The doctor explains that sometimes, if a woman with a thicker-than-usual hymen is matched with a well-endowed man, it can make sex tough. He holds out a (short, roughly 6") ruler and asks Kinsey's wife to point to the ruler, indicating how big the... member in question is. She hesitates, then points to a spot in the air TWO INCHES past the end of the ruler. The doctor just raises his eyebrows a bit and says, "I'm surprised you didn't pass out."

* ''Burglar'' (1987). Creator/WhoopiGoldberg's character has to hide in the closet while burglarizing an apartment, because TheCasanova who owns it has come home unexpectedly with a woman [[TheImmodestOrgasm whom he makes enthusiastic love to]]. Afterwards he opens the closet while stark-naked. He doesn't see Whoopi who, judging by her JawDrop, is impressed by what she sees.

'''Caretaker''': Lets get outta here before that thing bites someone!

* Mocked in one of the ''Literature/{{Deathlands}}'' novels; Doc Tanner's sometime [[NoSocialSkills girlfriend]] Lori runs off and has an affair with a local [[AllGirlsWantBadBoys bad boy]]. She then returns to the group, complaining that his big dick came with a small brain. Ryan dryly remarks that he "hears that's often the way".
* In the ''Literature/RedDwarf'' novel ''Better Than Life'', in the [[LotusEaterMachine Better Than Life simulation]], Rimmer tries to invoke this trope by acquiring artificial bodies with bigger and bigger penises, to the point where they approach GagPenis levels. Unfortunately, instead of improving his sex life, it simply reveal Rimmer's huge insecurities, a point he is forced to confront himself over when he sees Lister's humble but happy life.
* There is a Russian poem (traditionally attributed to [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ivan_Barkov Ivan Barkov]], although the only thing experts agree upon is that it's not the case) called "Luka Mudischev". It is a story about a widow who looked for a really big dick, and found a 35 cm one attached to the eponymous guy (his last name meaning something akin to "Big Balls")... Let's just say that the end is TRULY ghastly.

* The subject of Creator/RobertBurns' "Nine Inch Will Please A Lady." [[spoiler: Ultimately the poem is a Subversion of the trope, as the Lady who is speak ultimately tells the man "It's no' the length that gars me loup/But it's the double drivin'" - basically, it's not the meat but the motion.]]

* Discussed in Creator/DavidGemmell's ''Literature/HeroInTheShadows''. In a scene that would be utterly hilarious if it didn't end with [[KickTheDog her death]], a female supporting character -- [[InVinoVeritas drunk]] and [[AloneWithThePsycho unaware of the Big Bad's secret identity]] -- treats him to a [[BrainBleach brain-burningly candid]] discussion of the relative endowments of two of the heroes, eventually concluding that length, girth and technique are all similarly important. It would be nice to think that the trauma this conversation caused him contributed, in some small way, to his eventual defeat.

* ''Literature/TheGoldenAss'' has two notable examples: first [[InvokedTrope invoked case]] is the period when Lucius, [[BalefulPolimorph transformed into a donkey by witchcraft]], is serving a gang of [[CampGay extremely effeminate acolytes]] of the Goddess Syria/Cybele: one evening they invite to dinner a handsome boy who's described as being well endowed, and as soon as they're done with the appetizers they have pushed the boy in the middle of the room and dogpiled him for oral sex, much to Lucius' disgust (plenty of ValuesDissonance on how Romans had little respect for passive homosexual adults and how in classic world a large penis was considered gross). Much later in the story a noblewoman becomes [[BestialityIsDepraved enamored with Lucius]] and pays a hefty sum to spend the night with him as if he was a human paramour. Lucius himself fears that his huge phallus could hurt her and is surprised to see that she shows no discomfort.

* On ''Series/{{Friends}}'', Rachel finds Chandler naked and handcuffed in her boss' office, although the audience sees him in tighty-whitey briefs. In any event, she needs him to stay there so her boss won't know she broke in. She bribes him by promising to be complementary in her description, making him a legend and "this generation's Milton Berle." The legend lasts all of two hours.

* In a sketch of the ''Series/SaturdayNightLive'' episode hosted by Susan Dey, she plays a judge in a courtroom scene where the defendant is supposedly well-endowed. Since this fact was important to the case, he is required to expose himself to the judge and jury. With the camera trained on Dey, the lawyers and the jury box, there is the sound of the defendant's fly being unzipped followed by the sound of his member hitting the table with a loud thump.

* On ''Series/{{Bones}}'', in the Season 2 episode "Man in the Mansion," Brennan sleeps with Sully for the first time, and comes to work the next day looking VERY happy. It turns out that [[IronicNickname Sully's nickname 'Peanut' is in the grand tradition of nicknames like calling the big man Tiny...]] to the point where Sully doesn't even SHOWER with the other guys, presumably not to embarrass them.

** As a whole, the series plays this trope very realistically: Ted, Barney and Marshall are the ones worried about size more than any other aspect, having an inhumanly large dick is often among Barney's lies; although Marshall is mentioned to be above average, Ted and Barney are implied to be average. Lily and Robin, though, are far more interested in other aspects such as strength, technique, traction, speed, duration and so on, to the point that Robin does not care about size, having even dated a guy with an admittedly small dick, and they only broke up because he was not up to do something weird she liked -- which even Barney and Ted admitted feeling uncomfortable with. On Lily's side, Marshall's big size is not enough for her, as she states he is lacking in other aspects, such as not being very adventurous and having no traction. RealityEnsues: women do tend to think about other aspects; a big dick alone does not mean a guy is good in bed or is able to satisfy her, if he does not know which spots to hit or does not have a good technique.

* Similar to the above example, Neil from ''Series/MenAtWork'' is revealed to be well endowed when a woman he hooks up with after his long-term girlfriend dumps him refuses to have sex with him. At first the other guys think it's because he's too small, until [[GagPenis Neil mentions that he can't find condoms that fit]]. Turns out said girl was too intimidated and didn't think she'd be able to take it all in, and that his previous girlfriend took some time to get used to his size. The other guys immediately designate him the new alpha male of the group.

** Tyrion Lannister boasts of this trope to a prostitute in his EstablishingCharacterMoment as a DepravedDwarf. "The Gods gave me one blessing." This becomes a BrickJoke when it saves his life several season later, after a slaver decides to kill Tryion and sell his cock to a merchant because a dwarf penis is rumored to have magical powers. Tyrion quickly points out that the merchant will have no way of knowing the penis came from a dwarf if it wasn't still attached to him.

* In [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCekRQrDLJ8 this scene]] from the "Go Fish" episode of ''Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer'', Buffy, Willow and Cordelia are shown staring at Xander's bulge when [[FemaleGaze they see him coming out to the pool]] in a [[WalkingSwimsuitScene speedo]] and [[ReactionShot they're clearly impressed]] by his bulge.

* Then, there's Rodney Carrington's song, "12 inch dick, a dozen roses and a pickup truck." The song is a man singing about the three things he has that are going to make his woman happy tonight.

I love the way you wear those worn out blue jeans\\

** Played straight with [[HornedHumanoid The Iron Bull]], as there are multiple references to people, possibly including the Inquisitor [[spoiler:or Dorian]], walking funny after spending the night with him. [[CovertPervert Josephine]] is also impressed when she accidentally sees him naked during his romance arc.

* Averted in two ''WebComic/SaturdayMorningBreakfastCereal'' where it's pointed out that it's really more of a male ego thing. One strip has a man use a genie to wish that the human penis is a muscle that can be increased with working out instead of just being a genetic lottery. The result? Birth rates plummet as men become obsessed with increasing their size and sexual intercourse becomes physically impossible. The second has a breakthrough in genetic engineering lead to men requesting that their sons be given increasingly large penises. This leads to a kind of genital arms race, as women demand that their daughters get bigger vaginas, to keep themselves from getting torn open. Eventually, mankind hits a genital Singularity where all humans are literally just walking genitals. However, due to lacking the means to operate the genetic engineering equipment, that generations children revert back to normal humans.

* Deconstructed and played straight by Creator/{{Humon}}. In one of her stories there is a character who complains that his penis is so big that no one wants to be penetrated by him. The Lady tells him that he just needs to get with an expert. Then she calls her butler and asks for his opinion. The butler falls head over heels for the well-endowed man, mostly because of his ... size. (No worries, they are all a big, happy poly-relationship.)

** Of course, first time said girlfriend saw his wolf-form equipment, after she had changed back from her much larger wolf form, was "You put ''that'' in me?"
* Jason from ''Webcomic/SomethingPositive'' may be both a use and subversion of this trope. One one hand, he was extremely popular with the ladies prior to his marriage, but, on the other hand, the only woman we've actually seen reacting to it onscreen responded with an expression of terror and the words "Uh, Jason? Could you please put that big...thing back in your pants? It hurts my pelvis to look at it." [[TakeOurWordForIt We don't see the appendage in question, so you have to use your imagination.]]

** One story, by Nequ, {{deconstructed}} this trope, where a guy takes a pill that was supposed to give him a horse's stamina, but instead gives him a horse's endowment. Not only does this nearly kill him due to not being physiologically prepared for the transformation, leading to him blacking out, but it kills the woman he was having sex with. He's clearly traumatized by the incident.

* A running gag in ''WesternAnimation/{{Archer}}'' is that Cyril's is bigger than the titular super-spy's and leads to his "sex addiction". At one point, Cheryl and Pam hack into ISIS's health care records and find that Cyril was covered for a penis "ensmallment". After that, Pam hints there are 'a whole twelve reasons' why Lana is dating Cyril.

** Jerome, a recurring black character, playing with another trope, BlackIsBiggerInBed. It's notable since Cleveland, the show's main black character, does not fit either trope, and is implied to be average.

* Inverted in ''Film/AChineseTortureChamberStory'', where it's also a plot point: Gott has such an impossibly large penis that no woman will have sex with him. He's also a very nice guy, so he refuses to force his arranged wife to take it. Eventually, the size of his genitals and what happens to them are the single most important plot point. This movie is weird.

** Priapus, a minor god of fertility and protection, had a gigantic cock. Actually a [[SubvertedTrope subversion]] - he was impotent and rather ugly.

** The Greek god Pan seems to have a similar reputation.

* Implied in an episode of ''Series/MyWifeAndKids''. Jaye paints a picture of her husband Michael in the style of Michelangelo's ''David''; when it's unveiled at the art gallery, a woman gasps "Lordy, how do you find time to ''paint''?!"

** In one Christmas episode, Peter tells the story of the First Christmas and the Birth of Jesus, with him as Joseph and Lois as Mary. Upon finding out that Mary is pregnant with the Son of God, Joseph is honored, but has one important question... was God bigger than him? Mary tells him she felt nothing. Joseph is immediatly mollified.

* ''Film/Bedazzled2000'': Alliot and Elliot clearly both think so. When he's a basketball star in one wish and she's a reporter clearly lusting after him, she has tons of insinuations on this, then quite openly stares waiting for Elliot to open his towel. They are both [[TeenyWeenie sorely disappointed]]. He then insists that in his next wish he be well-endowed. This is granted, though he then has [[StraightGay other problems]].

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69mermWNac8#t=1m15s "The Penis Song"]] from ''[[Film/TheSweetestThing The Sweetest Thing Soundtrack]]''.

* Mentioned in the ''Discworld/MenAtArms'', about dwarves. It's never confirmed whether it's true or not and the only (nonhuman) dwarf that asks about it keeps mistaking it for being well endowed with money.